Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me
by ericastwilight
Summary: Edward Cullen is an alcoholic who hits rock bottom. One day, his sister Alice is handed a card – Only Call If Desperate & ALL Else Has Failed. She makes the call that will change her brother's life. His savior? Bella Swan.
1. The Call

**********I NEED TO STRESS THAT THIS IS A **_**MATURE**_** FIC THAT DEALS WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT******

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******I have decided since its been over two years since the last update and a need to edit, that I'll re-post starting from the first chapter. Along with these edits, I'll add new scenes so it will feel like a new story. If you reviewed the first time around you will have trouble doing so now, you can review via PM, as a guest, Facebook under Erica Writes Fiction or on Twitter ericastwilight. **

******I hope you all understand and that you'll come back to read it. ********On my profile are epub, mobi and pdf files of the old version that I've now removed.********If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I'd like to thank kyla713, she'll be betaing this story. **

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**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter One – The Call**

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The house came into view, beautiful with a landscaped front yard and brick façade. The brakes whined in Alice's car, causing her to curse under her breath. She drove up the driveway of her parents' house, feeling a bit tired from a full day of shopping.

_Almost._

It was, after all, one of her favorite pastimes. Her mother always used to joke that she would make a great personal shopper. The five-foot nothing fashion and design college graduate was almost at that goal after two successful interviews.

That's a good thing, she thought. She couldn't handle living with her parents anymore. Nearly twenty-five years old, and still living at home, seriously cut into her social life.

At least she paid rent, unlike her _older_ brother, Edward. Not that he could hold down a job to pay their parents back anything he owed them. Free access to his trust fund since that he reached twenty-five years earlier, hardly helped matters, at almost thirty, he still lived at home. Alice sighed, suddenly worried that he hadn't come home the night before. She would have to track him down once she found her phone and put her stuff inside.

"I'll probably find him at the motel again," she hissed under her breath, shuddering at those memories of the vile day. There were some things a sister should not see, and that included her brother in bed with the local gold-digging whore. That redheaded bitch saw more action than McDonald's claim of over "One Billion Served." Alice snorted at the thought, sobered when she had to remind her brother to get health check up again. Who knew what kind of diseases that woman had up inside her?

She hit the garage door opener on her visor and watched the door open, surprised to see smoke billowing out. What the hell? Sitting in the garage was Edward's BMW,_ on,_ with him in it.

_Oh, God no! _

Alice panicked, putting her car in park and throwing her whole body against the door. The only thought in her mind was to get to him, because nothing else mattered.

"Edward!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran inside the garage, pulling the front of her soft pink sweater over her mouth and nose, trying not to breathe in the fumes from the exhaust. The air was pungent with it, forcing a cough from her lips.

Edward was slumped over the steering wheel, his bronze hair matted with blood, a startling contrast against his pale white forehead.

"Edward!" she screamed again, trying for the door, only to find it was locked. She banged on the glass, but it was obvious that he was unconscious. She screamed until her throat was raw, but to no avail. He couldn't hear her. He couldn't wake up. Refusing to dwell on what that could mean, she looked around the garage and found her father's toolbox. Inside, she found a large red monkey wrench and swung it, hitting the top edge of the glass as she was taught by her father, and watched the window shatter.

Glass rained down, looking as if it poured out the window. _Plink, plink, plink, _each tiny sound resonated through the garage. Alice felt dizzy from the fumes but pushed through it, all that mattered was getting her brother out.

"Edward," Alice cried, feeling hot tears run down her face, saturating through the sweater that still covered her nose and mouth. She hadn't even realized she'd started crying.

Tossing the wrench to the side, she ignored as it clattered on the cement. She heard him moan softly as his head fell back against the headrest for a second before it fell down to his chest. She unlocked the door from the inside, cutting her wrist in the process. Again, she pushed past the pain and swung the door open.

Luckily, Edward was wearing his seat belt. Whatever caused the blood on his head could've been worse if he hadn't worn it. She turned off the car quickly and slipped his belt off him. A bout of achy coughs plagued her for several seconds, making her more aware that he still hadn't awakened completely.

_What if I'm too late? My parents will never survive losing another. _"Edward," she choked out, pulling at his body. "Oof…damn, you're heavy." Alice continued to complain to an unconscious Edward. She told herself that if she talked to him, maybe he'd answer back. Somehow, she managed to slip his body onto the garage floor, but hit his head in the process. "Shit." More brain damage would not help him in the least, she realized, she'd check for bumps once she got him into the open air.

She struggled but managed to drag his six-three frame outside of the garage. Her fingers quickly sought out his neck under the clothes he wore, checking for his pulse.

Alive.

He was alive.

At that realization, she sobbed on his chest, knowing what this meant. He had fallen off the wagon again.

_How can I help someone that won't help himself?_

Determined to do something, she knew she had to get him some help. With her mouth and nose still covered she ran back into the garage and grabbed his cell phone from the passenger seat, where he usually kept it while drive. She looked up through the front windshield. What she saw on the glass made all the breath in her lungs expel in a horrified gasp. There was blood, but there was nothing on Edward to indicate he'd been hurt seriously enough to cause there to be so much.

Ignoring her bloodshot blue eyes in the rearview mirror, she held her breath. Silently praying that she wouldn't find something; she walked to the front of his car. Her body trembled as she stepped cautiously toward the hood. On his fender, along the right side, there was a slight dent, but there was a blood splatter. It went across the hood of his car all the way to the front window on the driver's side.

Alice exhaled sharply. Her brother had hit something – or someone. Heart weary and horrified, she ran out of the garage and vomited in some bushes nearby. She heaved until there was nothing left, gagging only at the frightening images in her mind of what could've happened. She fell to her knees, tears streaking down her cheeks, and crawled toward Edward's body.

She clutched the front of his shirt and screamed, "Wake up, Edward! Come back, please come back!"

_Why won't he wake up?_

Suddenly, the driveway seemed a lot closer than it had been. She felt weak and noticed that the world was spinning around her. Looking down at her hands that seemed to sting, she realized why. She was quickly losing blood from her wrist.

She remembered something her brother said one time, when he was drunk. "If you want to do it right, you have cut up the arm, not across the wrist."

It had scared her so much to hear those words from him, that she made him promise not to talk to her about things like that and to speak to their father. That was the first time he was sent to a rehabilitation center.

Her skin was torn, jagged, and angry red from her wrist to just a few inches below her elbow. She couldn't tell how deep. Eyes suddenly too heavy to keep open, she felt a darkness begin to press all around her. She was so tired and cold, but she had to dial. Holding up Edward's cell phone up, she tried to find the numbers that she needed to call 9-1-1.

There was a sudden flash of light coming down the driveway, headlights. The darkness pressed harder as she collapsed on her brother's chest. Alice heard a voice, and knew everything would be okay. Thundering footsteps across the pavement, echoed further away as she continued to slip further into the dark.

"Alice! Alice!" she heard her father cry out and felt hands grabbing hold of her.

"Christ, Carlisle!" her uncle Garrett hissed as she turned to see him checking on Edward. Thank God, she thought, he was a doctor like her father, and knew he'd help her brother. "He needs oxygen!"

"Get him in the house, grab dad's tank from his bedroom," her dad said. "I need to get Ali to the hospital."

"They need a damn ambulance!" Edward's care was always a heated topic of discussion between all family members, especially her uncle and father.

"No." The word said so fiercely, she even flinched away from him. She knew her father would never allow his son to endure prison or some medical ward because of another incident. She wanted to yell at him, scream that he wasn't helping Edward.

Until she saw his worried face, she realized that it wasn't the time. In what felt like a year later, she succumbed to the dark.

~oOo~

Alice heard an annoying beeping sound nearby, wondering when she had changed her alarm tone on her phone. She groaned and wanted desperately to turn it off. However, when she reached for it, a hand stopped her from her goal.

"Who?" Her eyes fluttered open to a blinding white light. _Mom changed the bulbs again. _

"Well, hello there, sweetheart." A smooth southern accent graced her hearing. Alice turned her head to the side and looked at the face of an angel. He was tall, lean, and graced with long sandy blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was beautiful.

"I would say you're an angel, but the blue scrubs tell me you're not," she whispered, finding that her voice was hoarse and dry. She found it hard to swallow the lump in her throat.

The room and bed she was in were unfamiliar and the constant 'beep, beep' of the machine beside her, told her exactly where she was, but why?

She looked at her wrist that hurt like hell and realized why she was at the hospital. The incident at home all came back in a rush of memories that scared her, eliciting a shiver a fear to move through her.

To finding her brother's car in the garage, surrounded by fatal fumes, her poor attempt of saving him, and the blood she had found. She had lost too much blood. She still had yet to talk to her father about what he'd said and done to cover up what really happened. What had they told the hospital staff, the police? She couldn't remember, but she did know it had been at least a day since she saved her brother.

A gentle laugh held her interest, shaking her from her memories, as she felt him take her hand again. "Well, no, I'm not an angel, but I am a messenger. I'm here to give you this." He slipped a piece of paper – a business card – in her hand. She blinked a few times and read it.

**Only Call if Desperate & All Else Has Failed**

**206-555-0966**

"Who are you?" Alice asked as he took a step back. Someone in the hallway seemed to capture his attention, noticing how his hands clenched into fists at the heated words.

She could hear her father and her uncle argue, as they had been since her admission into the hospital. She remembered that they assured her that Edward was fine, recovering at home instead of in the hospital, as he should be. Even her mother Esme had taken her father's side. Why couldn't they see the damage they were causing by being his enablers?

"_This has gone on long enough," _Garrett hissed. _"You've been enabling him for too long, covering up his indiscretions, funding his abuse of alcohol. No more, Carlisle. I've taken the measures needed to help him."_

"_I will not allow him to rot in prison," _Carlisle argued.

"_Yet, you let him rot within the prison walls of his own making."_

That seemed to shut up her father. The blue-eyed God returned his attention to Alice, smiling sadly at her. The voices seemed to move further down the hallway, and they were no longer able to listen.

"Are you one of the measures?" she asked him, knowing the truth already in her heart.

He smiled and gave her a small nod, pointing at her card. "Jasper is the name. Call the number if you want to help your brother. I must warn you, it's not like other places he's been to before. He will be gone for three to six months, and you will not see or talk to him during that time, not unless my boss says it's okay. It will also cost you a pretty penny, too."

Money mattered little if it meant that her brother would get better. She knew her parents would feel the same way. All the other rehab facilities he'd been to before cost more than his car had.

She quirked an eyebrow because they both knew that her family was wealthy, causing his smile to widen slightly. If he knew about Edward, then he had to know that money wasn't a problem. He wouldn't be in her hospital room if he didn't know her family had the means to provide payment.

She stared at the card, her fingertip feeling the raised surface of the lettering. "Why are you doing this?"

The angel's smile turned sad, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Because if I don't, the next time I see you, your brother will be in a casket or spending life in prison." He bowed slightly before smirking. "I hope I'll see you again, sweetheart."

Then he was gone.

Alice sighed and wondered if the last few minutes were merely a dream or the illusion of the medication in her system. Somehow, she knew Edward was okay. She'd feel otherwise if he wasn't. Jasper was right; she had to do something.

During a visit with her remorseful, heartbroken father and uncle, she made the call less than an hour later. She only wished her mother was on board; it hurt to know she did not agree with what they were attempting to do, and that was to save Edward.

~oOo~

_I am always the last resort, not by choice, but because I am the person you meet when you reach rock bottom. I am the wake up call. I am the intervention. I am the reason you will wake and see tomorrow. I will see you through your darkest hours, and in the end, you will see that I have saved you._

Bella Swan muttered her mantra under her breath as she waited for the phone to ring. She knew it was coming. It was more a question of when than if. Alice Cullen had the card for less than an hour, and with the families she assisted, the call always came within the first six to eight hours.

It wasn't always easy to find the clients she often worked with, since she was unlisted and off any records. It had to be that way for all those involved for a multitude of reasons. With almost ninety percent of her former clients, _she_ found them.

She had eyes and ears on every rehabilitation center on the west coast. It was the repeat guests that she looked for and had either Jasper or Emmett paying a visit to the addict's family.

Bella was anxious. She wasn't physically nervous, just genuinely on edge. She hadn't worked a case in almost four months. Although it was her job and she was dedicated to saving the addicts, each time felt like the very first. Each target was different; alcohol, drugs, you name it, she'd seen it.

For the tenth time, she checked the clock on the far wall, and drummed her nails on the desk. It was fifty-five minutes past the hour. The sun was setting, bringing the end to another day.

From there on out, for the addict, the days would cease to exist. It would be one mind-numbing hour after the other, each worse than the last.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, wondering if her ghostly white skin would color under the baking sun this time around. Her dark brown hair was in a loose ponytail, struggling against the rubber band's hold. One thing she knew would darken were her freckles, as they do every summer at the center in the middle of a desert.

"Thanks, Mom," she said aloud, ignoring the twinge in her heart at the thought of her mother.

Bella jolted as the high, shrill ring of the phone shocked her out of her thoughts. She smoothed her hair back, mentally preparing to give up the next three to six months of her life.

Not that it mattered, because this—helping addicts cope with their addictions—was what she wanted to do. It was her calling.

When she answered the call, there was only silence on the other end. It was something she anticipated, most families were nervous since all they had was a card with her number.

"Alice Cullen, sister of Edward Cullen. The only way to save your brother is to answer me when I question you. Are we clear?"

There was shuddering breath on the other end before she answered, "Yes."

"Do you want your brother to live?"

"Of course," she gasped.

"Do you want him to be clean, sober, and live a long and happy life?" Bella asked, adding the icy tone to her voice. She had to be hard on them, be firm so that they wouldn't change their minds.

"More than anything," her voice broke slightly as she answered.

"My boys will be arriving at your brother's home soon. We ask that you do not inform Edward of our arrival, as the element of surprise tends to work in our favor. In fact, it is best that _no one_ is there when my guys arrive. I hope you've made your peace with him now. It'll be some time before you and the rest of your family see him again. When he returns, with hope, he'll be the man he was meant to be."

The truth was that Bella's boys had already reached the Cullen residence. She was also well aware that the rest of the family was at the hospital and the estate staff was excused for some reason for a few days. Though the target's father said that he and his brother checked on him every hour, Carlisle would make sure no one would be home when her men arrived.

"He is worthy of redemption. He's just so lost. Thank you," Alice whispered, and Bella could hear the tears in her voice.

"Don't thank me yet. Thank me when he comes back to you able to cope with his addiction."

Bella placed the handset back on the receiver after going over some of the details and discussing payment with Alice and her father. She was happy that Alice decided to get the rest of the family involved so that they wouldn't have to worry about the authorities.

It was before they ended the call that Alice inquired about someone else and made a request. Normally, Bella wouldn't have even bothered but the poor woman was distraught enough over her brother.

A few minutes after that call, Bella pressed the speaker button on the phone base, selecting speed dial one. The phone rang three short rings before her right hand man greeted her.

"Swan," a calm male voice answered.

"Whitlock," she greeted.

"Hey sweet-cheeks, to what do I owe this immense pleasure?" he drawled. She felt her right eyebrow twitch. _Ass._ The man loved to push all her buttons.

"Not much G.I. Joe, or should I say, G. I. Jane," she teased, knowing that shit would just roll off his back.

"Did she call?" he asked.

Bella could hear the excitement in his voice and was positive it had little to do with the target and more about Alice. She hoped that the ass would do what she paid him to do and not think with his little head.

"Of course, the money is being transferred as we speak. I'm heading to the location right now," she said slowly.

She heard the harsh breath, as he turned serious again. "Who's at home? Do we know?"

"The family was still with Alice at the hospital." She started to gather up some paperwork, adding it to the file she started up for Edward. "According to the father, he's alone, still recovering."

"Bella, I think you should know what I overheard. Dear ol' Dad, patched him up instead of taking him to the hospital, and from what I understand, it's not the first time. I did some checking and it's pretty bad."

She sighed. "Tell me." With every word he said, the angrier she became. What Edward's family had done only served to enable him, to continue down the destructive and dark path. "I'll talk to his parents."

She'd more than talk to them, she'd tell them the fuck off. However, it would have to wait. She needed more information on Edward and his family, and that would take time to collect.

She walked over the fax machine and grabbed some of Edward's medical records that her nurse, Rosalie, had faxed to her. Her brightly colored notes nearly jump off the pages of plain text. She wondered how many times his father didn't take him to get proper medical attention. As a doctor, he should know better.

"I've seen the guy, Bella. He's pretty big. Are you sure you can handle him?" As a former target, Jasper got special leniency. However, it didn't mean he could get away with that kind of shit.

Bella had to be the tough as nails bitch to get the job done. "I handled you, asshole, and Emmett. So don't worry about me."

"Bella," he said. She could hear the worry in his voice, and she was thankful for it, but also slightly pissed. They had a job to do.

"Jasper! Quit fucking worrying and bring the damn target to me. I expect to see you in twenty-four hours." She smiled when she heard the apology he barely managed to grumble through the line.

"Wait, did Alice ask about me?" he asked but Bella had already hung up, laughing. Jasper already knew the game; she was the boss, and he had to get used to it. The back and forth between them, the constant arguing kept them both on their toes, and their heads on the goal.

Get clean, stay clean.

She flipped through the brief notes and found herself smiling, despite the anger that still simmered in her blood on Jasper's discovery.

Alice had asked about Jasper all right, leaving Bella every possible way to reach her. Though she'd probably live to regret it, she sent the information in a text to Jasper, including the alarm code for the Cullen house.

The case was going to be particularly hard, as his demons were reminiscent of her father's battle with alcoholism. After her mother had died, her father had descended the slippery path of grief with a bottle in each hand.

She'd watched it destroy Charlie and had vowed never to let it happen again. She was hell bent on helping people after she pulled Charlie out of the funk he'd been in after her mother's death. She set to work on opening her own treatment facility. It was strictly on a need-to-know basis, because she found that her methods, although harsh, to be effective.

_I would not fail, not again._

Twenty-four hours and counting…


	2. The Target

******AN: The first chapter was replaced with the NEW one, but no alerts could be sent out. Make sure you read that before you start this chapter. Thank you and enjoy.**

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**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Two—The Target**

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Emmett and Jasper were sitting in an unmarked white van outside of the Cullen residence on the outskirts of Seattle. Jasper couldn't help but smile; he knew that sweet woman at the hospital would call his boss. She loved her brother, despite everything he had done, everyone he had hurt.

It was time for a change, and Bellawas the only answer.

It angered him to think of how close it could've been. Alice Cullen had lost a considerable amount of blood in her attempt to save her brother, and if her father and uncle hadn't arrived in time, she would've died. That was going to be one hell of a wakeup call for the rich boy Edward Cullen.

Jasper's cell phone vibrated, causing the corners of his lips to twitch into another smile. He looked over at Emmett, his partner for all their fishing expeditions. His body builder strength helped considerably for what they were about to do.

Jasper answered the phone in the drone drawl he knew his boss would appreciate. Emmett sent him a grin, his hands rubbed together. He liked when he could get a little action, and going after the target was a bit fun. It was, to Jasper, the easiest part of all.

Jasper and Bella exchanged the usually greeting and she went into details of what to expect with the asshole inside the house. Though Jasper was worried about her working mostly alone with the target, he knew she could handle it. If not, the rest of the team would be there to back her up.

During the call, his boss hung up before she answered Jasper's question about Alice. Ten seconds later, he received a text with the Alice's contact information. _Score! _

Along with the information was the code for the alarm to get inside the house. It would technically made the job easier, but had taken some of the fun away. Emmett loved disarming an alarm.

Jasper turned to Emmett, who was eyeing him suspiciously. Where Emmett was built like a tree trunk, Jasper was lanky, but similar in height at just over six feet each. With a cock of his head toward the house, Emmett grabbed a duffel bag from the back of the van.

It was time.

They put on their disguises – as electricians – and parked in front of the house. With a practiced hand, Jasper picked the lock quickly before any of the neighbors noticed them taking too long at the side entrance.

They entered the home undetected, and as Jasper put in the alarm code on a small panel near the door, Emmett entered behind him. Jasper signaled to remain silent in case the target had awakened already. They moved through the foyer and looked around, and Emmett had to fight back the need to whistle.

The house was one of the swankiest places they'd ever been to, leaving them both questioning Edward's issues. What a drove a man with money and a family that obviously loved him, to destroy himself slowly with alcohol.

Emmett and Jasper shared a look, both wondering if Bella had thought something similar before she saved them from their addictions years earlier. They ascended to the top floor. On the landing, Jasper saw a door ajar, and he presumed it was the target's room. He double-checked the notes in his pockets and nodded toward Emmett, who took the lead. Pulling ski masks over their heads and faces, they walked into the dark bedroom.

As Jasper's eyes tried to adjust to the darkness, he pulled out the moist cloth from his pocket, hoping they wouldn't have to use it in the target's condition. If he still any alcohol in his system, it could prove dangerous to use this method of sedation. It had been more than twenty-four hours, so he hoped for the best.

The room was rather large, and LP's and CD's lined the west wall– Jasper figured over a few hundred. The target was better equipped than most music stores in the area. The heavy dark curtains, hanging over the bank of windows, kept the sunlight out.

_Christ, this fucker is loaded, and he still chooses to waste it away and hurt his family._

Exchanging a look at the sound of a groan, Emmett and Jasper quickly circled the king-size wrought iron bed in the center of the room. The gold plush rug muffled their footsteps as they crept up to the sleeping figure tangled in black and gold sheets. The occupant stirred slightly with a slurred word when Emmett cursed aloud after he stepped onto some broken glass.

A tuft of bronze hair appeared suddenly from underneath a large pillow. Wide green eyes went wide. "What the fuck?" His voice garbled.

He seemed disoriented, perhaps still under whatever his father gave him. His father did indicate he was recovering. Before the target could even attempt to say anything further, Emmett literally body slammed him on the bed.

Pillows flew right and left, a few failing limbs accompanied the target's screams of protests. Once he was upright, Jasper stuffed a rag in his mouth. His green eyes bugged out in complete shock, confusion, and fear.

_Yeah, bet this wakes you right up, asshole._

"Edward Cullen, you have been targeted," Jasper stated firmly. He drew a dark cloth bag over Edward's head, plunging him into darkness. "Next time you see the light, you will meet your savior." It was dramatic, but with targets like Edward, the shock and fear were a needed wake up call.

Edward continued to struggle furiously against Emmett's constricting arms, but he was no match for his brute strength. Emmett managed to get Edward off the bed easily.

"Damn, he's fucking naked!" Emmett growled as Edward kept kicking. Jasper laughed as Emmett tried to close his eyes, so he wouldn't have to get another eyeful.

"Keep still, friend, or I'll put you to sleep," Jasper said loud enough for his target to hear over his shrill screams. Edward's movements stopped suddenly, his bare chest heaving. "Good." Jasper pulled open a drawer in a nearby dresser, extracting a pair of boxers, socks, and a muscle shirt. He found a pair of jeans and Chucks in the closet.

"Hurry the fuck up, man!" Emmett complained, his arms constricting the target against his chest. "The fucker still has his morning wood."

"At least it's not pointing at you" Jasper snickered. Emmett laughed, and the target growled at them. "I don't think it's for us, either. B has her work cut out for her." Their teasing had the target renewing his attempts of escape. "Edward, sorry, but it looks like we're going to have to put you to sleep after all, since we've got to dress you."

There was no way Jasper would trust Edward to dress himself. He was sure he would attempt to escape them, and as much as the idiot deserved for someone to kick his ass, Jasper knew his boss would not be happy if he were hurt.

Edward's muffled screams died down once Jasper's pressed the white cloth over his nose and mouth. As his eyes rolled back, Jasper groaned at the thought of dressing the fucker. "Here, Emmett," he stated, handing over a pair boxers to him. "You put these on."

"I'm not going to put them on."

"Someone has to do it."

"Just put his jeans on and forget them."

"Does that mean you're willing to zip up the asshole sans underwear?"

Emmett saw Jasper's point but managed to avoid doing the job himself. Who else was going hold the asshole up?

**Twenty-four hours later**

"He's still sleeping. We had to put him under three times on the way up here. Sorry."

The same fucking southern accent Edward had been hearing for the past day was talking to someone new, by the sound of it. He knew that he was still in the dark bag, and he wanted to keep as still as he could. He wanted to hear what the fuck was going on and hoped it helped determine where he was. It was obviously a kidnapping and he was sure that the assholes would soon be asking for ransom.

His parents would get him out of this one.

They always bailed him out of trouble. This shouldn't be any different. Then his father would have everyone involved in his kidnappers arrested. With the help of his father's lawyer friend, Edward would slap a civil suit on their asses afterward.

"God damn it, J. Fuck. Do you have any idea how sick he's going to be once he wakes up?"

That was a female voice, but her words seemed to have a measure of control Edward hadn't expected. His immediate thought was that she was the brains of this whole fucking operation since her men sure were in short supply of them.

_How the fuck does this kind of shit happen to me? Don't they know who I am?_

"You've got to be kidding me," the woman said in a hiss. "He pissed himself."

What the fuck did she expect since the fucking assholes wouldn't let him take a damn leak after the first time? Edward wanted to shout and growl at the idiots. They'd pay for the humiliation.

"Well, we tried to get him to take a leak once on the way here, but he tried to piss on us." The other Neanderthal said.

"So we told him he'd have to lay in his own filth from now on," the other said. The same voice did most of the talking during the long drive. To add insult to his inane topics during the conversations Edward overheard, the asshole had a southern accent and a love of country music.

At first, Edward thought it was a form of torture and had asked for more of whatever sedative they'd given him to knock him out of his misery. They did not take his smart-ass comment well, the return of the gag and the tightness of his binds were a testament to that.

"What the hell else did he do?"

Edward snickered under his breath at the hazy memory of finally taking a leak that one time they allowed him to and he _accidently_ aimed toward his right. He had no idea that he'd actually hit something. The man with the southern drawl had screamed like a fucking little girl.

After that, there didn't seem much to remember, since everything went black. The other stupid motherfucker probably knocked him out. It would explain the throbbing headache Edward had, and combined with whatever drug they used, and probably alcohol; he was suffering a major hangover.

The day before his kidnapping was a blur, only remembering that his uncle Garrett was fucking pissed as fuck at him, and probably his father, too. Edward would make it up to him later. Maybe buy him a motorcycle when his quarterly stipend from his trust fund came in, or maybe a nice Rolex.

Edward's throat and lungs felt fucking raw, as if he'd been breathing toxic air. He had no idea what caused that.

"Did he drink anything?" The female's voice was sweeter and much softer than those who kidnapped him. She sounded as if she was worried about him. Of course she was, the stupid bitch, he thought. He wasn't worth shit if he was dead.

"We managed to get him to drink some water a few times, but he always would start screaming and spitting at us. So we had to cut it short each time."

Edward nearly growled at the man's description. He did not scream. It was more like a fucking roar.

The female sighed, and asked, "Any trouble at the border?"

Edward's ears perked at that tidbit of information. Did she say border? he asked himself, trying to focus. That meant he was no longer in Washington or maybe even the Untied States. Considering how long they'd been on the road, and the fact that it was nearly dark when he awoke the first time, he didn't think he was in Canada.

He listened closely because he didn't remember shit about a border during the drive. It could have happened while he was asleep or under the sedative.

"Nah, Mike was working like you expected, and he got us through without any problems," a much deeper voice answered. "Your target was asleep when we crossed." That explained why Edward had no memory of it.

"Fine, get him in the bathroom and then leave," the female instructed. "Make sure you hose down the back of the van before you go. It fucking stinks."

Seconds after the woman issued the instructions, Edward felt two pairs of arms grasp both of his, hauling him up and dragging him out of the vehicle.

Wherever Edward was, he noticed that it was somewhere bright since some light filtered through the dark bag. The air felt dry and dusty, the latter sticking to his skin. Possibly a desert, he realized. It was then that he knew he was in fucking trouble; the kind that maybe money couldn't help with, and allow Edward to escape with his life and a virgin ass.

He'd like to keep that way, thank you very much.

"I know you're awake, Mr. Cullen," the voice stated from in front of him. It was the woman again. He flinched like a little bitch, he realized a little too late. He couldn't be help it, considering his current situation. _How the fuck did she know?_

"Your head should be drooping, not held up slightly," she said, answering his unspoken question. They entered a much cooler area; a building, since he no longer felt the heat of the sun baking his skin.

Edward offered no assistance as they carried his heavy ass somewhere. It wasn't as if he'd help make it easier. He refused to dwell on the fact that he was as weak a puppy. The fact the woman knew he was bluffing, galled him. It also provided something that sent a fissure of fear through his mind.

This—kidnapping someone— was routine for her, and he had no clue what that could mean.

"Okay, remove one of the cuffs and attach him to the bar," she instructed someone.

Edward was aware that she was damn close, because he could smell a softly scented perfume. It barely overpowered his stench. Fucking hell, that shit was embarrassing, feeling bile rise in his throat at the smell. How could she stand it? He hadn't eaten anything in a damn day; so thankfully, he didn't get sick at their feet when he gagged.

Then again, that might have just made his fucking day. The bitch would deserve for him to get sick all over her. She huffed and barked out an order for some water as she removed the rag in his mouth from beneath the dark bag. Seconds after, she offered him a drink, lifting the bag from his mouth only. It should have pissed him off to have her feed him, but he was grateful nonetheless. His mouth tasted like ass and his throat felt as if it was on fire, the water was cold and eased his discomfort.

"Throw some over my head and shoulders," he stated. He wanted some relief from some of the stickiness that the heat of the day coated his skin with sweat. It was damn hot to him. Without a word, she complied; at least, he assumed it was the woman. He swore her scent became more potent as the cool water poured over him, which meant she was close.

He could try to overpower her, and considering his six-three height, it shouldn't take much. However, every one of his limbs felt like lead and he didn't think he'd be able to lift them high enough to do much, much less form a fist.

Someone pulled his hands, jerking him forward and forcing him to walk several feet. Twice, they turned once right, another left, until finally they stopped. It was a room where their voices carried and echoed throughout the space. Soon after, someone removed one of the handcuffs around his wrists. Before his lethargic mind could react, he felt it attach to something else. Still blind, he felt around with his free hand.

Tile. Cold, hard tile was under his palm and fingertips.

Instinctively, Edward pulled at the restraint and met resistance, checking to find it attached to some kind of metal bar. Suddenly, he felt someone tugging at the bag over his head. The relief of not having to smell his own bad breath was palpable by the deep breaths he took of the fresh, clean air.

His eyes didn't open at first, because from behind his lids, he could tell the room was bright. He blinked several times before his eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust to the light. He'd been in the darkness for over a day, and it was disorienting.

"Over here, Mr. Cullen," her voice said somewhere to his left. Edward automatically turned to the voice.

"Where the fuck am I?" His voice was raw and hoarse, probably from screaming whenever he could during the entire ordeal. The bile was starting to rise again. It wasn't the time to get sick, he told himself. It wouldn't be good to look like a pussy to his kidnappers.

"Rehab."

He snorted, "I don't think so."

After a minute, Edward was finally able to make out a shape, as he continued to stare at the woman. Her face and body became sharper and clearer as he became accustomed to the light. Laughter filtered through like muffled sounds until he opened his jaw several times, popping the stuffiness in his ears.

"This is not your typical facility, Mr. Cullen."

Edward took in his surroundings. It was a large white restroom, and he was standing in a shower enclosure. "Why?" he asked, completely confused by what she had said.

"Your sister called me," she answered firmly.

That perfume wafted toward him nose, causing the nausea to hit him again. "Fucking hell," he groaned. "I should've eaten something when I drank the other night."

At the time, he hadn't even thought about food. Only about his next round of drinks and getting his dick sucked.

It was then that her words sunk in and he looked back at her in disbelief. She had a smug smile on her heart-shaped face. She was beautiful, in the girl-next-door kind of way, and definitely fuckable. He realized he lost his original train of thought, again.

Edward smirked, hoping to come across as good-looking to her as he was to most of the female population back home. Maybe a little side trip to her bed would not only satisfy his lack-luster sex life as of late, but also get her to let him go. If not, he could overpower the little witch the second she let her guard down.

Something in his face must have clued her into what he was thinking, because she nearly growled at him. She had to be attracted to him. He was a fucking prize, as women often said to him. Then he remembered he smelled like a truck stop men's restroom.

Maybe he could charm her with words instead of his looks. It was certainly worth a try. However, his head throbbed, reminding him that the bitch had him kidnapped and was responsible for the damn pain.

His eyes roamed over her again. She had a sinful as fuck smile on her plump lips. He took the time to eye-fuck the rest of her. She wore a snug, dark green tank top and tiny black shorts that contrasted nicely with her porcelain skin. It was hot wherever they were staying, but he believed that she dressed especially nice for him. After all, he was worth a fortune.

_She's definitely fuckable_, he thought. With a chest he could stick his cock between, and a tiny waist and long legs that he would lick if given the chance. She was small and probably didn't weigh much. An against the wall fuck wouldn't be a problem for him to handle.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? She kidnapped me. _

After another tense minute, Edward realized that was she was waiting for him to respond. It took a moment longer to remember what they were discussing. "Why would my sister call you?"

"Well, Edward, she called me from her room at the hospital." She punctuated each word as if he was a child or an idiot.

_Did she say hospital?_

Suddenly, he started to panic as all his breath left his lungs in a rush of words. "Ali? My baby sister's in the hospital!" He tried to wrap his sluggish mind around the words she was saying, but none of it made any sense.

"Relax, Edward. She's fine. She saved you."

"What the hell happened?" he gasped, looking into her brown eyes.

"She returned from shopping and had found you passed out in the garage." She sighed for a moment. "The garage door was closed, and your car was on. You could've died if your sister, father, and uncle hadn't gotten to you."

Edward could've cared less about himself, but his sister was another story. "That doesn't explain what my sister is doing in the fucking hospital!" he spat angrily. If he could wrap his hands around her shoulders, he'd shake the truth out of her.

She only quirked an eyebrow until he quieted down; the bitch left him hanging. After another few moments, she answered. "Your sister had to break the window of your car and cut her wrist and arm trying to open the door to drag your body out. She lost a lot of blood, but luckily, your father arrived just in time."

"Fuck!" He pounded his free fist into the tile, the clink of his shackled hand rattling against the metal bar. He fucked up again, and this time, he brought his sister down with him.

_Not again._

"No more questions until you get cleaned up," she said, cocking an eyebrow before continuing, "Because frankly, you reek."

Edward tugged on his handcuff several times. The metal against metal clanking almost made his ears bleed. "I hardly can remove my clothing and shower when I'm chained up."

"I know," she said with a shrug.

What the fuck was her name? Had she told him? His mind was having serious issues catching up. Whatever was in that white cloth that Texas asshole had used did a damn number on him, and depending on the dose, could have had adverse effects on his body and mind. That combined with alcohol; yeah, not fucking good at all.

The woman climbed over the tub's short edge and she was suddenly behind him. "Don't make any sudden movements. I don't have the key on me right now. It's in another room, so it will do you no good to hurt me right now. And if I scream, my guys will come in and kick your ass."

Edward laughed, wanting to rattle her. "Scared?"

"You should be," she stated in the same authoritative tone she used with her men.

He felt her small hands brush along his arms and then to the hem of the muscle shirt he wore. She pulled it over his left shoulder and head. He tried to hide his smirk, because he realized she couldn't get it off unless she released him. Then he heard the snip of scissors. His head snapped around to see, regretting it instantly, the movement causing him to gag again. As the fabric of his shirt fell away, he tried to get it under control. She slowly bent down to pick it up, her eyes locked on his.

She had dark brown eyes that were easy to read, but it was obvious it was a two-way street inside them, able to read your deepest thoughts. Not many people had that capability, to read others so easily, but she was one of them. He looked away first; unable to hold his gaze any longer.

She threw the tattered remains out onto the floor of the bathroom, a pair of scissors hidden among the pile. "God, you smell. Hot or cold?" she asked.

Edward felt her breath glide down his spine, she was so fucking close, a part of him wanted to lick her, the other wanted to knock her out and run.

"Hot." He nearly grinned when he realized something. She would have to get a lot closer to get to the handles of the shower. He was about to put his free hand on her shoulder when suddenly, his left arm was brought up his back, and his face was pressed against the cold tile.

"Get off me, bitch!" he growled. He tried to pry himself from her grasp, but she pushed his arm up higher, causing a shooting pain in his shoulder. "Fuck!" The little thing was strong enough to dislocate his shoulder and that would be painful as shit. He highly doubted they'd give him some good painkillers there, either.

"I may be small, Edward, but I can handle myself," she hissed in his ear, her hot breath sending a shiver down his spine again. Jesus, he had issues if he seriously had a case of Stockholm syndrome going on with this bitch.

"Now, I'm turning on the water. Can you handle taking your pants off?" He growled but nodded, he'd do anything to stop the pain. "Don't move until I step out of the shower."

Edward obeyed and stayed against the tile until she released his arm, but then he swung back quickly, connecting to her chin. She staggered backward, cursing.

"Fucking asshole!" she screamed before he could turn around. Suddenly, he felt her fist connect with his back in between two ribs. She knew what the fuck she was doing, enough to disable someone and bring them to their knees.

_Fuck._

Two more hits to his back and then another to his right calf. That made him fall on his knees, grunting from the pain. Her fingernails scratched through his hair and pulled hard to bring his head back to look up at her. Her lip was bleeding as her tongue licked her wound.

_Shit, I hit a woman. What the fuck am I doing?_

"You don't seem to understand, Edward," she bit out, inches from his face. Despite her anger, Edward still wanted to taste her. He grinned at the thought, making her growl at him. "I'm here to save you. I'm here to help you. That doesn't mean I have to make it easy for you. Your family called me because I was the last desperate attempt at saving you."

"My family wouldn't do this shit to me," he snarled. His neck was already straining and hurting, his knees painfully ached. It didn't helped matters that'd he'd been bowing to the porcelain throne a few times in the past couple of days.

Her dark eyes narrowed, she was so pissed she was nearly spitting at him. "You put your sister in the hospital. She found you minutes from certain death. You have been to rehab five times in three years, and each time, you fell off the fucking wagon. You have two DUI convictions, three assault charges, and assaulting a police officer, all because you keep drowning your fucking troubles away."

"What the fuck do you know?" Edward glared at her, surprised that he didn't scare her one bit. She looked like some Xena-Buffy wannabe, huffing at him, ready for the fight and kill. She knew things about him, but he didn't know shit about her, not even her name.

"I know that your car had a dent in it, and human blood was found on the hood," she whispered gravely, her eyes widening as his own did the same. He could tell that she hadn't meant to disclose that to him yet.

His head spun at the thought of blood on his car. "No." He shook his head, ignoring his protesting head and stomach. "No, I hadn't hit someone."

"So far, no bodies or injuries have been reported. Yet." She sighed, releasing his hair. "There was a lot of blood, from what your father told me. I have people looking into it."

Edward's breathing was coming in gasps, and all he could see was dark spots in front of his eyes. He might have killed someone. It was too much as the walls soon started to spin around him.

"Breathe, Edward," she whispered. Her voice sounded far off, and then he felt warm water hit him from above. "Get up."

He followed her instructions as if he was on autopilot. Her hands fumbled with the button of his jeans as he stared at the cold tile ahead of him. Numbed by the information she'd given him, he didn't even react to her pulling off his jeans and boxers. He had no clue where his shoes were, but vaguely remember throwing them at one of the dickheads from earlier.

"Edward, I need to explain things. Nod if you understand." He nodded, automatically stepping out of remainder of his clothing and heard them fall on the bathroom floor a second later.

"I am here to help you through the first month of withdrawal. Do you understand?" He nodded, aware of her hands running a bar of soap across his chest, but only barely.

"We're in the middle of desert. There is nothing for almost sixty miles all around us. There are no vehicles accessible here to you. There is no means of escape but on foot. For your safety, I would not try that approach. Yes, you can take water from here, but since it's the middle of the summer and over a hundred plus degrees in the day, and sometimes the temperature drops to thirty degrees at night, I do _not _recommend it. And we're in Mexico. You have no papers. For someone like you, in this country, it wouldn't be safe. Do you understand so far?"

Edward nodded again, watching as her small hand caressed his shoulders, suds slipping down his body. His eyes drifted, her lips were damn kissable, even with the tiny spot of blood on them. It was good to know that his libido was still intact since she decimated his pride with how fast she brought him down. The fact that it was a woman didn't help matters. If anyone he knew found out, he'd never live that shit down.

"Most containers here are less than half a gallon, and each one has a hole on the bottom so that it leaks, so you're stuck here. We have more than enough food to last us thirty days. Once the first thirty days is up, we do a supply run."

"I'm going to be here longer than thirty days?" he asked, finally finding his voice again.

"Yes. Rehab in the traditional sense has not worked for you in the past. Once your body is cleansed of the toxins and the alcohol that is plaguing your body, I will set to work on the rest of you."

His eyes narrowed, it sounded like she planned to get into his head. No one had ever been successful in doing it. She would be no different. "But you're holding me against my will."

"Yes, but it's for your own good."

Maybe, he thought. He nodded in agreement at her words for the moment, still too numb to argue with her.

"You might find me attractive, considering how you're reacting to my touch," she said, her skin blushing around her cheeks. "But soon, you will hate me."

Her hands and the soap glided across his body. He couldn't help his reaction anymore, but did she have to rub it his face? She was fucking gorgeous, and she was cleaning him up, her hands were on his body. What did she expect? He wasn't a fucking monk.

Edward rested his free hand against the tiled wall, wanting to get closer for reasons he had yet to understand, much less control. She looked up at him since she was a tiny little thing, and he towered over her. Her eyes met his, watching him closely.

"Why would I hate you?"

She shrugged, rolling her eyes. "Because tomorrow, I'll have to tell all of this to you again."

"You won't," he stated, still looking into her too perceptive eyes. There was something else within them. It was something he recognized and had seen in his own reflection, when he could stand to.

"I always do," she said with confidence.

"Can you really help me?" he asked, because he was suddenly desperate. His drinking had led to someone he loved getting hurt; that shit was unacceptable.

"I can. But once you return to the States, I don't know what will happen."

"What do you mean?"

"If there is a body or a hit-and-run, you will have to be turned in to the authorities."

Her words hit him fully for the first time since he laid eyes on her.

"What have I done?" Edward fell to his knees again. The crazy woman followed him, kneeling, too, her body glistening from the beads of water from overhead.

"You've hit rock bottom from the height of thirty thousand feet," she said with her hands cupping his face, her eyes almost tender.

"Is my sister really okay?" he asked, looking into her eyes again, finding tiny flecks of green and gold within them.

"Yes, she was lucky. So were you. If you had been that garage for a few more minutes, you would be dead." Her warm soft hands caressed his stubble-covered jaw.

"I should be dead after causing her pain," he admitted gruffly. "After I may have, oh God, I may have killed someone." He groaned, trying to catch his breath and to move past another wave of nausea.

"Edward, look at me."

It took a moment for him to gather the strength to obey. He opened his eyes and looked into her expressive gaze again.

"Focus on your recovery first. I will keep me posted if there is anything to find."

She was so fucking close. Though he should hate her, he couldn't help but wonder about her. "What's your name?" he asked though he also wanted to know why, too.

"Bella."

He wanted to taste her name on his tongue. "Why are you doing this, Bella?"

Edward was sure she wouldn't answer, but she surprised him.

"I've seen addiction firsthand," she said softly. "My mother hit rock bottom, only she didn't get back up." Her wet hair was dark, and her eyes glazed with tears. If they fell, he couldn't tell. They mingled with the water that trickled down from above them.

Her hands brushed his hair from his face, washing it was gentle fingers. There was a unique push and pull war inside him because of the woman before him. He wanted to run from her because she was everything that scared him. He also wanted to gravitate toward her for the same reason.

With his mind in such chaos, there would be no victor – for now.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

* * *

**AN: Betaed by kyla713. Updating every Tuesday and once I'm done writing, more often. I'll be posting pictures and quotes as teasers via Pinterest under my pen name if you're interested. **


	3. The Reintroduction

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Three— The Reintroduction**

* * *

As Bella continued to wash Edward's chest, the sting of her jaw reiterated why she couldn't do stints like this for free. It was a topic of angry discussion with her father once, since a former resident, who she saved only three years before, primarily funded them since. However, things had taken a dangerous edge lately and that effected cost.

She sprang into Hard Bella Mode when Edward had succeeded in landing a blow. He needed tough love, fast. Her size betrayed her actual strength. She had taken him down with skills taught by her father. Edward learned his lesson the hard way, but she'd teach him again if he forgot.

The tears in his eyes were hauntingly familiar of the others before Edward.

Stage one – denial.

The fact that even thinking about hurting his sister was killing Edward was a start to the road of redemption. It showed that he would eventually cooperate. His family was a weakness. It was harsh to use them against him, but effective. Traditional rehabilitation didn't work for him, and he would fail each time until it concluded with either imprisonment or death.

The key was to make Edward see that he had a problem, and until then, she would deal with him accordingly.

"How bad was her injury?" he asked softly, but his jaw clenched tightly as if it hurt to ask.

Bella wouldn't sugar coat it for him. "It seems that she didn't pay attention or something." She sighed. "From what I read in the medical report, her left wrist was cut across slightly, but the most damage was a cut that went up her arm to just below the crook of her elbow."

He moaned, his breaths ragged, but his eyes remained on hers. She could tell that he was usually good at reading people. He wanted to find that she was lying, but she wasn't, and he could see that reflected in her eyes.

"D-did they say anything about n-nerve damage?"

Bella winced, hearing the catch of his voice and the stuttering. It was too much for him, so for the moment, she'd tone it down. The last thing she wanted was to send him into a panic attack or some sort of shock.

"There was nothing on the report from earlier," she whispered. "But I'll have someone check in again."

He nodded. "And you said there's nothing yet about me hitting someone with my car, right?"

"Nothing yet," she replied. "But we'll talk about that later."

Edward needed to know exactly what he had done, so she would get updates from his father daily, if needed. They didn't house criminals, and if need be, Bella would release him into the care of the nearest jail rather than have him relapse. Prison would ensure his lack of alcohol. However, she had seen others return to society, only to drink until they reach the bottom again, likely returning to jail within a few years. _If _it came to that, she'd be there when he was free and try to help him fight his addiction.

The first rule, and the one Bella always stuck to, was never lie to the target. Whatever she did for them was for their own good. She wasn't there for them to lean on; she was there to get them clean.

It was best for Edward to realize that early on, but she could see that he couldn't handle much more. His body started to shake despite the warm water that pelted from above them. It was time to get him out and in bed. He needed his rest, especially after the emotional rollercoaster he'd been through since he woke up the previous morning.

Bella helped him up, his soaking wet body only slightly distracting her for a few seconds. How he drank as much as he did, and still kept in such good shape, she had no idea. With a little more work, she'd have his body toned to perfection. Often, the others before him would use exercise to focus on something else besides their next fix or drink.

She pulled a towel around him, aware that he was in a near zombie-like mode. After she turned off the water, she helped him out of the bathroom, entering a long hallway, away from the large indoor gym. She keyed in the security code and led him into the place he would call home for the next three to six months.

The smell of the bedroom was as fresh as ever, and she watched Edward fall forward onto the bed, groaning. Always careful of her surroundings, especially with a new target, she closed the door behind her.

Edward crawled to the top of the bed, having missed it when he aimed for it earlier. After being stuck on hard metal, though carpeted, flooring of the van for a full day or so, he welcomed the soft cushion of the mattress. The only things ruining his pleasure were the white glaring lights overhead and the pounding in his head. He wanted the sweet oblivion that darkness brought on, and pulled the covers up over himself.

A chill settled over his skin, feeling it bone deep. His body began to shiver underneath the warmth of the towel and covers. He pulled the comforter tighter around himself, desperately seeking more heat. Hands helped him pull a plain grey t-shirt over his head and set to work clothing him from the waist down.

He allowed it because he barely could lift an arm; he was that tired. Watching her, his eyes settled on her beautiful, pink mouth, feeling guilty about the cut that now marred the bottom curve. He ruined that perfect pout.

"I'm sorry about your lip," he mumbled, and she frowned at him. She probably didn't believe him; it was one of the problems when everyone around you knew you were a fucking loser and a drunk.

Her eyebrows furrowed, causing a tiny crease to appear between them. The desire he had for her still hadn't diminished, which he thought was rather stupid of him.

"You only get one shot, Edward," she stated in that firm, authoritative tone of hers. "And you used it back there. If it happens again, I'll kick your ass."

From the look in her dark eyes, he knew she would deliver on that threat.

"Stand up for a second," she demanded, fumbling with something in her hands. His eyes, or mind for that matter, couldn't focus long enough to see what it was. "This is not working, you weigh a fucking ton."

Bella watched as Edward shakily rose to his feet. He stepped into matching sweatpants and had him sit again when it looked as if he was ready to collapse again. With an internal groan, she helped him swing his legs onto the bed, and she pulled thick woolen socks over his large feet.

"Up a bit," she requested as she sat on the bed's edge. He complied with little protest, his eyes appearing glazed over. She mussed up his hair with a towel, wishing he had some strength to blow dry it.

"Better?" she asked. He nodded and settled under the covers. Pressing a button nearby, she turned on the electric blanket. It would help with the shakes he was experiencing.

Once cocooned, his soft sigh signaled that he was comfortable. Bella smoothed down his hair, finding it much too long and a desperate need of a cut. She watched his eyes twitch beneath his eyelids and wondered if he was already dreaming.

Jasper relieved her long enough to grab a quick change out of her wet clothes. After thirty minutes, she turned off the blanket and settled in a recliner near his bedside for several hours of Edward Watch. Every few minutes, he'd fidget or groan in his sleep. She was a light enough sleeper that she decided to rest her eyes, too.

A signal from the overhead loudspeakers alerted her every hour, so that she could check on Edward. She knew how to take vitals, and each time she did, Edward slept through it. Since he might still have alcohol in his system, and experienced chloroform induced sleep, she knew it was best to be cautious. The facility's nurse was heading in the following morning, and was a call away should something happen.

As she checked the time hours later, it was the middle of the night and she stretched before she tried to settle again.

Edward groaned, tossing the blankets off, "Ali!"

She sighed, knowing with all that Edward had endured in the past thirty-six hours that he'd have nightmares. It was obvious that his sister meant something special to him.

"It's going to get harder before it's easier, Edward," she murmured, using a soft and smooth voice. A tone that seemed to soothe him, as she continued, "I'll be there every step of the way."

Sunlight filtered through the only barred window, illuminating the large white room. Bella uncurled her legs out from underneath her bottom, pushing some hair from her face. With a yawn, she looked over at Edward, still in the bed and sighed.

Soon, he would be going through withdrawal, and the odds were that she'd suffer another fat lip. She touched the small wound and grimaced. It had been a while before someone managed to land a punch. The bridge on the right side of her mouth was the result of the last one, so it could've been a lot worse. It never failed to amaze her how the body could do more, no matter how exhausted and poisoned it was, to fight to survive.

Too bad for most addicts, their soul and mind didn't seem to have that instinct.

It wouldn't be long before Edward's system fought against the need for alcohol. In the next few days, he would start to feel the effect of going without it. The first two weeks were always the worst. They always asked the same questions or said the same phrases repeatedly while in a state of delirium.

_"Who are you?"_

_"Why are you doing this to me?"_

"_Why am I here?"_

"_Am I dying?"_

"_Please get me out of here!"_

"_I just want to go home!"_

"_Please, please, please."_

The mind struggled to grasp its situation, it craved the alcohol or drug, and it worked itself into overdrive, obscuring their thoughts, causing the addict to lose their short-term memory. In many cases, it also caused hallucinations.

Bella mentally prepared herself for the onslaught of questions that Edward would ask her again. She was more than certain that he wasn't going to remember meeting her the day before, never mind that he had struck her with his elbow.

She hoped that he wouldn't wake for a while, which gave her enough time for a shower. Leaving him sleeping somewhat peacefully, she locked his room and started down the hallway. She walked through the facility that led to her personal apartment, and keyed in a security code. It was important that the code never fall into the hands of those that stayed with her there. She had to take all precautions against angry and hostile addicts, so it changed monthly. A target had never identified the code, and Bella was making sure it stayed that way.

While in the shower, as Bella rinsed her hair, she thought about Edward. A sliver of awareness slid down her spine as the image of his body and his reaction to her touch popped into her mind. She couldn't deny that he was indecently attractive. He was wasting himself on the path he was on, but all that alcohol in his system would destroy those good looks and so much more. She hoped that with her help, he could become someone worthy of his family's love.

The next few days were going to be spent studying Edward. His mind before and after the withdrawal process, would be a very different thing. It was amazing to see people progress before her very eyes.

Jasper, for example, had been addicted to sleeping pills. His family had been involved in a fire, and he was the only survivor. The pills, at first, had lured him into a dreamless rest, taking him away from the nightmares that plagued him when he slept unaided. His cousin, Maggie, had been the one to make the call after she'd found him high as a kite after he had supposedly been clean for months after traditional rehab.

Maggie had lost all hope in Jasper ever fully recovering from his family's death. It was only after Emmett had delivered the card that the road to his salvation had truly begun. To this day, Jasper and Emmett were the only targets Bella had ever allowed herself to bond with besides –_ him_.

That was another story.

Emmett, on the other hand, had been your typical coke addict. His girlfriend at the time, and the facility's nurse, Rosalie Hale, had made the call, having already been working for Bella at the ranch in Montana. Emmett had been spiraling out of control in his obsession, spending nearly a thousand dollars a day on cocaine. A bad hit had landed him in the hospital, and Rosalie, seeing no way out, had enlisted her help.

Rosalie knew Bella would be tough on Emmett, but it was the only way to save him. Emmett came from a rich family back in Ginsberg, Tennessee, who knew nothing of his extravagant lifestyle.

After weeks at the facility, Emmett had begged Bella to keep it that way. His hard man exterior had been broken down, and the real person underneath it all had shone through. He learned a lot during his stay, and realized that he didn't need the people around him that helped encourage that kind of addiction and behavior. Nor did he need his family's money, giving it all up to do what he wanted. He earned his degree in the field of his choice and helped Bella and Rosalie bring the same salvation to others. He earned his father's respect by succeeding in his endeavors and was one of her private donators.

After her shower, Bella made her way through the treatment center. She made a mental note to ask Rosalie to take some blood samples from Edward. She needed to see if there was any alcohol was in Edward's system, and to make sure he didn't use drugs, too. Considering that he was a trust fund baby, it was a possibility.

Bella knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him later. The stark truth was that she was dealing with a new target, one that reminded her of Charlie, her father. She knew, emotionally, that was going to stay with her in the process.

She didn't know what it was, but she felt connected to Edward Cullen. A part of her wanted to beat the crap out of him, which would be counterproductive.

He had it all: a loving family, money, a nice home, yet he threw it all away for his addiction. His criminal record said it all. He had too many DUI's, which meant that he wasn't thinking clearly, when he drank and put others at risk. His license was suspended, and yet he was still driving. His parents did not help the situation, by allowing it. The car he drove was under their name, they could've taken the keys from him. It would help to ensure that he wouldn't put himself and others at risk.

The first piece of advice she was going to give to his family would be to strip Edward of every luxury he had when he returned home. That included his car and keeping him on an allowance that would prevent him from hitting the bottle again. He seemed to have expensive tastes, his bar tabs were sky high. After his stint at her facility, Edward would be under watch.

They all were after they left the facility.

The rehabilitation process consisted of about a month of normal routine. Cleansing his body's need of alcohol in his system, and then he'd spend at least another two to help them understand that he no longer needed that clutch.

After that, if she deemed him ready, he'd return home. From there, Bella personally worked closely with the addict to acclimatize back into the lives they'd had before their addiction took over. The basic truth was that most addicts, without the help of an extreme treatment program, went back to using within six months. Judging by her success rate, she knew that her treatment pattern worked.

Feeling refreshed and ready to start the hard day that lay ahead, she started toward Edward's room. She wondered what he had in store for her that day.

Edward groaned. Fuck his heard hurt, and his mouth tasted like ass. He opened his eyes, expecting to see the familiar canopy of his bed, but instead saw nothing but fucking white.

_What the fuck?_

He sat up and found that the entire room was all white, stripped of the essentials. Fuck, was he in some kind of damn hospital? Had his father sent him off to rehab _again_?

Honestly, it was a fucking waste of money. Edward had told him so the last time his father confronted him to get some help. It didn't look like his father had spent too much money this time. The sheets were scratchy, and the décor was…fucking shit. He struggled to remember what happened to cause Carlisle to do this. How he even got where he was.

Fleeting images of a bar, shots with a redhead he fucked before, and Alice screaming. Why at the fuck would she be screaming? For some reason, a piercing blue gaze and a southern drawl invaded his memories, and a pair of expressive brown eyes.

Holding onto the memories was like trying to contain water in his hands. The harder he tried, the more they trickled out of his head. He shook the thoughts away, figuring that he would just talk to Alice and his dad when he saw them again.

_God, my head hurts._

Edward swung his legs to get up but dizziness knocked him on his ass again. How much did he have to drink? He managed to get back up on his feet and stretched.

_Fuck._

His back and ribs were aching, possibly from a fall or something. It wouldn't be the first time. He realized he was in clothes, when he usually slept in the buff. Someone had changed him. He hoped that some ugly nurse hadn't felt him up, or worse, a male one. He held back the bile that threatened to come up.

He studied his surroundings, not that there was much to see, and found that he was in hell. Nothing in the room could occupy his time. There were no books, television, or even a fucking stereo.

Something caught his eye along the far wall. He walked over to a mirror that seemed to be adhered to the white brick that made up the surface. Curious to see what caused the pain that was in his back, he found a bruise forming, and a big one. In the reflection, he saw a door. Running over, he hoped to find something to help him figure out where he was. It turned out to be a fucking closet, making him growl in frustration. Inside were three pairs of brown leather boots, five pairs of simple jeans, and several plain grey t-shirts.

The items offered no help, so he walked over to another door, one that likely led to a hallway. He tried the cold metal handle but found it locked. Beside the door, on the wall, was a key pad to enter a security code.

_What the fuck?_

It dawned on him then, he was a prisoner. But why?

Edward heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door. The only way he could get the fuck out of the hellhole was to take whoever was approaching by surprise.

Bella keyed in a code to Edward's room and pushed the door open, seeing the lump beneath the comforter on the bed. She was relieved to find that he was still asleep, and that was good. She turned slightly to make sure the door closed properly behind her. Suddenly, her body hit the door, sealing it tightly.

Breathless, she looked up into the wild, vivid green eyes of Edward Cullen and shivered. His copper hair was in mad disarray, his jaw rough with stubble, and his hands were shaking as he struggled to hold her captive.

In a snarl, he asked, "Who the fuck are you?"


	4. The Voice Overhead

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Four—The Voice Overhead**

* * *

Breathless, Edward looked down at his victim, meeting a pair of familiar and expressive brown eyes. His mind struggled to remember who she was. She was a foot shorter, with long, dark hair and a heart-shaped face. She didn't seem to fear him, as his eyes continued to roam down her body. He couldn't figure out why he'd forget her. She shivered then, perhaps she did fear him, but before he could say anything, something in her eyes tightened her features.

That was when she brought up her knee up and thrust it against his groin. A strangled sob escaped from Edward as he stumbled back several steps toward the bed. With a simple push from her, his knees too weak to fight, he fell back on the mattress.

Bella saw her chance and straddled him. His painful expression bothered her for a second as she watched his eyes fill with tears. Maybe she put a little too much power behind the hit, but damn, she didn't want another fat lip. His face screwed up in anger, and he opened his mouth to speak. She quieted him with a growl.

Edward glared at her, but confusion still filled his eyes. He'd forgotten all the happened the day before. That was just fucking perfect, she thought, wishing it didn't have to come to this so soon.

"Who the fuck are you, and where the hell am I?" he hissed.

"See this face, Cullen?" she growled at him. "This will be the face you'll see for the next six months, whether you like it or not. I will be all over your fucking ass every minute of the god damn day if I need to." Even as she said the words, she knew he was barely listening.

Edward's eyes wandered over her, taking a better look than he had before. Her words seemed to fly over his head, because his only thought was that she was fucking hot and sitting on him. She was fierce in her anger, wide, dark eyes with an enchanting mouth. Her v-neck shirt allowed him a tantalizing view of nice tits.

It was then that he noticed that his crotch lined up with hers. He wanted to fuck her, but he also wanted to buck her off him. Which he wanted more, he had no idea. He was hurting and he was positive the woman above him would kick his ass if she knew where his mind seemed to focus on; on those delectable tits. Damn, it had been a long time since he had good sex.

Bella realized where Edward's mind went immediately; the fucking gutter. His eyes glazed with lust, as he attempted to move beneath her. His hips couldn't decide what to do, thrust up or pull her closer. His hands sought even more friction, gliding up her smooth thighs. She felt his calloused fingers against her skin and had to bite the inside of her cheek to prevent from moaning.

Why did she wear shorts again? Because it was hot in Mexico, she reminded herself. It was what she wore when she visited in the summer.

She heard his frustration as he bit out, "Who. The. Fuck. Are. You?" She noticed that his eyes couldn't decide where to settle on; her chest or her face. Until his gaze dipped lower, to where they were connected. What an asshole, she thought. He had no idea who she was but he still was thinking with his cock. His fingers tightened more on her thighs and she knew she had to get off before he did something stupid.

_Too late._

Edward realized he pushed her too far when he finally brought the warm part of her over his cock in a hard grind. Her brow furrowed right before she slapped him hard across the face, causing him to dig his fingers into her thighs more.

He grinned up at her. "I like it rough, baby. I'm fucking game, as long as it's my ticket out of this hellhole."

She growled and shoved off, settling over his crotch more. Her hands pushed down against his chest, keeping him pinned to the bed. His palms continued to glide along her legs, feeling the muscles tightening beneath his touch.

"The name is Bella Swan, and for the next six months, I'll be your best friend and possibly your worst enemy."

Edward growled beneath her, wanting to call her on her bullshit. She showed no reaction to his cock; in fact, she fucking ignored it as she moved to stand. She had to have felt him, there was no mistaking it.

Fuck, the loss of her body made his lower region ache for her. He sat up, running his hands through his hair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He asked the question that he had some clue of the answer to, but wanted confirmation.

"Why am I here?"

She stood at the foot of the bed, watching him through narrowed eyes. He looked away, but not before he could see that she was still pissed at him. It wasn't the first time, he was sure of it; the last few days seemed like a blur and made little sense. It likely wouldn't be the last time he did something to make her angry, either.

"Because you nearly killed yourself and your sister," she spat, and his head shot up.

His heart lodged in his throat. "What?" he asked as she walked to the key panel and entered a code. Where was she going? He wanted fucking answers.

She looked at him again. "Get your ass up and get dressed," she stated fiercely.

He shook his head. "Not until you give me answers."

She ignored him, going on as if he said nothing. "We have a lot to do today. Don't try to look for an escape route. There aren't any. You will get clean, Cullen, if it's the last fucking thing I do."

From the door, Bella could see the confusion in his shining emerald eyes. She couldn't show him remorse, not at this point. She wasn't here to be his friend, nor the person he sought comfort from in his time of need. At least, not when he was still hostile toward her. She was here to help him and save his ass.

So why did she think that it was going to be hardest thing she'd ever done?

Edward realized that he was in trouble as Bella opened the door. Looking back at him again, she glared. "I mean it, Cullen. Get ready and I'll come get you in thirty minutes. It's time to show you around this _hellhole._"

The crazy woman spoke with so much conviction, that he had no difficulty believing her. He had no idea what the fuck was going on. He didn't know what she'd meant by almost killing himself, or Alice, for that matter.

Before she closed the door, he thought he saw a flash of remorse in her eyes, but it was gone too fast to be sure. Her gaze and facial features held no signs of emotion as she walked out.

Edward closed his eyes and let his head fall back against a pillow. He wasn't sure how long he lay there, trying to remember what happened in the last few days. He wasn't even sure of the fucking date, much less details. Waking up from a panic-attack inducing nightmare led to a drinking binge for almost a week, never allowing his body a chance to recover before the next round.

It was the only way to keep his memories from attacking him during the day.

Bella knew as soon as she closed the door, the chances of Edward getting up and following her instructions were slim to none. Every target's first day was the same. She met resistance at every turn. There was something about Edward that would make the experience different for her. What it was, she wasn't sure yet.

Before, with Jasper and even Emmett, she saw something inside them that was worth saving. Edward had it, too. The love he had for his sister was a testament to that. With him, she could see that above everything, he needed saving because the life he'd been living was nothing compared to what he could have.

She walked quickly to the control room and smiled at Emmett, who was watching the cameras. He shook his head at her as he replayed Edward pinning her to the door.

Wiggling his eyebrows, he said, "God, Bells, it's just like one bad porno waiting to happen."

She cocked her head to one side to get a better look at the video, and rolled her eyes. She'd never openly admit to one of her employees, even if he was a friend, that she thought it looked pretty fucking hot to her.

"I swear, I will get him clean," she growled as she watched the video. "Cut back to the room, Em." Sure enough, she was proven correct about her earlier assumption. On the screen, Edward showed no signs of complying with her earlier demand. He lay on the bed, probably thinking and trying to remember what happened before.

She knew from prior experiences that the addicts had some short-term memory loss. Either that or were too disoriented shortly after their kidnapping and the memories they did remember made little sense in their addled minds. She wished there was an easier way, but her targets were at her facility for a reason; typical rehab didn't work on them. Kidnapping them was the only way to get them there.

As she watched him rub his face in frustration, she realized that perhaps it would be easier for her just to tell him what happened. The circumstances around his family's call were unusual, even for client base. She'd give him a while longer; see if he remembered more as the day progressed.

_Come on, Edward. Try to remember. Don't make me deliver more bad news._

Edward remained in bed after Bella had left, his head pounding from a headache that seemed to want to suck in his eyeballs. His eyes closed as memories assaulted him, disjointed and confusing. Fuck, what he'd do for a fucking drink.

_That's why you're here, asshole. _

When the fuck did his conscience decide to return?

It was probably the same time he put his sister in danger, and by forcing her save his sorry ass. What the fuck was he supposed to do now, besides endure the hell he was in. He knew it was useless to try to escape, and it didn't help matters that he had no idea where his new hell was.

Bella's voice brought him out of his inner turmoil. He looked around and realized that it was coming from a few white speakers in the ceiling.

"Cullen, get the fuck up!" a female's voice growled through the speakers again. He recognized it instantly that it was Bella's; he'd never forget it again.

How the fuck did she know he was still in bed? He threw up hands up in frustration, looking around the room. There were two damn cameras in the room, which meant no fucking privacy. The harpy didn't bother giving him any useful information about his stay at her rehab center. For that, he wasn't about to make her fucking life easy. He was going to make it hell. He got up from the bed slowly, stretching and taking his sweet ass time.

_Let's see how pissed you can get, harpy._

Bella watched Edward spend a few minutes scratching his ass, smirking all the while. "Cullen!" she screamed through the intercom system, startling him, and causing Emmett to wince beside her.

"I used to hate the way you screamed like that," he said, shuddering. "I thought you were a fucking demon." She grinned before turning her attention to the screen.

"I'm up, you fucking harpy!" Edward yelled in the direction of a camera, flipping her off.

"That's real mature, Cullen," she said. "Now be a good boy and fucking get ready. In the closet are clothes and shoes. The drawer besides it holds boxers, muscle shirts, and socks. The door beside that leads to the bathroom."

Bella looked at the time, if he continued dragging his ass through his morning routine, she'd cut it down to ten minutes. That should get him to pay attention. She watched him move around the room, and she groaned in frustration.

_Keep it up, and you'll see what you'll get. _

Bella's fingers tapped on the desk, as she watched Edward grab some boxers and a pair of socks. He took his time, making the bed and laying out his clothes. Twice he looked at the camera with a small "I got a secret" smile. As he walked over to the dresser, his gait was slow as if he had all the time in the world.

For whatever reason, an even larger smile spread across his face, Bella knew it meant trouble. She tapped her foot on the concrete floor, getting more agitated as she waited. "Cullen, you're trying my fucking patience. I told you there was a lot to do."

Edward cocked an eyebrow toward one of the cameras, the one directly across from where he stood near the bed. "Do you get off watching me, or what?"

Bella's eyes widened at the implication clear in his voice, eliciting a snicker from Emmett. That earned him a glare that had him backing away from her.

"No, Cullen, I don't enjoy it," she snarled through the speaker, keeping her voice icy. The attraction that Edward seemed to have for her, needed to end quickly. "You're under my observation."

The tone did nothing but make the man smirk toward the camera, at her.

"Hmm, so you _do_ like to watch."

Bella didn't have time for his shit, looking away when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. It was a message from Alice Cullen. Her brother had barely been in her care for twenty-four hours, and already, she was contacting her. She forwarded the message to Jasper, asking him to call her. She couldn't be in contact with a target's family so soon.

After the first three weeks, she called the family to give them the basic rundown of how their loved one was faring. The only information she was willing to listen to was anything pertaining to what Edward's father had discovered about the blood on the car and Alice's condition. If his sister could text, that told Bella she would be fine.

"I'll give you a show then, since you left without helping me with my problem," she heard Edward say.

"Oh hell, no," groaned Emmett, as he covered his eyes. Edward had pulled down his pants, and now faced the closest camera.

Bella's eyes remained on the screen, her jaw on the damn floor. Edward was jerking off for her see. She raised an eyebrow and shot a look at Emmett. His hands covered most of his face, but she could see his chin tremble from holding in his laughter.

"Fuck, you know you have the most fuckable tits and lips I've ever seen, Bella." Bella saw his eyes close, as if picturing her as he continued to stroke myself. "Bel-la," he groaned. "I can see that mouthy tongue all over me, loving every inch of me." He threw his head back as his hips surged forward.

Bella shivered from the sound of her name, coming from his lips. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Be a bitch, she reminded herself.

"Nice, Cullen, you know how to take care of your needs on your own. Now, if you don't get your fucking ass in the shower in ten seconds, I will take all your warm water privileges for the next three days," she snarled, causing him to jump from the aggressiveness of her tone.

Edward cursed, gesturing toward his cock, thrusting his hips forward again. "Bella, I have to take care of this."

She ignored the ache she felt deep inside her. What was wrong with her? Emmett raised an eyebrow in question, noticing her flushed face. She flipped him off.

"Do it the shower, then," she growled through the speaker.

"You know, that tone of voice fucking turns me on, Swan. Will you still be watching in there?" He grinned at the camera before his hands resumed stroking.

"No, but if it gets you off I can listen in." Her voice was shaky, and it fucking cracked. _Get a hold of yourself, Bella._

Edward groaned at the feel of his hand around him, and the sound of her near breathless words from the harpy. _So she's enjoying the show._

"It's…not…the…same…" He trailed off, gripping harder around his cock, moving faster.

"If you keep doing it there, I'll make you lick it off." Her voice sounded smug, causing him to still his ministrations for a moment.

He glared at the camera. "You wouldn't."

"Have you ever been hit with a taser?"

He shook his head at her question, though he'd been close to feeling that shit. Stupid five-o's.

"If you finish anywhere on that pristine floor or sheets, I will go in there and make you lick it off. If you don't, I'll shoot you in the ass with a taser."

Her tone told Edward that she wasn't fucking kidding.

He groaned and carefully pulled up his sweats. "Fucking bitch," he said into the camera. Her wicked laughter suddenly filled the room. It made him fucking shiver, going straight to his aching cock. It was a fucking traitor.

"Keep moaning my name when you finish up in there," she said as he walked into the bathroom.

"Are you trying to fucking blind me with all this white?" he said to her, knowing that she was listening.

"Sorry, I'm trying to give you only the basics, pretty rich boy." She didn't sound sorry at all, Edward realized— the bitch.

He eyed the shower enclosure with fear. "You're not going to fucking turn the water cold while I shower, are you?"

"You have only ten minutes, Cullen, so I'd hurry the fuck up."

Edward shook his head and quickly scanned the room for any more cameras. There were none, but he was able to make out where the intercom system was in the room. At least she wouldn't be watched as he shit, showered, and eventually, puked his guts out. He turned on the shower and stepped into the enclosure.

As the water fell from overhead, disjointed memories of another shower ran through his thoughts. He remembered handcuffs, her voice and…fucking hell, she fucking beat his ass.

However, he also remembered her hands all over him and there was an image of her on her knees. His libido only allowed him to focus on those memories than the others. Maybe he'd like being there more than he originally thought. He was having a particularly nice fantasy or maybe a fucking memory of her sweet lips wrapped around his cock.

"Mmm," he hummed, trying to finish showering so he could take care of his problem. However, his fantasy was interrupted by the irritating, but hot bitch.

"Cullen, you only have seven more minutes," she sang through the speaker.

"Damn it," he cursed, flipping the bitch off even though she couldn't see. He'd make her pay for that shit later. That thought made him feel a little better.

_I'm going get you soon enough. _

Bella kept a watchful eye on the time, her gaze sliding back to the television screen.

"Fuck, you she-witch!" he growled, she could hear his frustration loud and clear. She laughed, as he continued his little rant. "I'm not a fucking minute man, bitch!"

She laughed harder, the name-calling rolled right off her back. It was something she heard often, and didn't bother her much anymore. She knew it was wrong to laugh at him, even encourage him, but the angrier he got, the easier it was for her to shock him. She had to show him who was boss and that when she gave an order, she expected him to comply.

"I have no comment on that, and stop calling me a bitch!" she returned with her own growl. Smiling at Emmett, she wiggled her eyebrows. "Payback is gonna be a bitch." Emmett winced again and shook his head.

She knew she was being a bitch, but sometimes you had to show them who was in charge.

Edward was thankful for the few minutes of blessed silence. He managed to wash his hair and body, hoping that his problem would go away on its own. It didn't; he was still fucking hard. Taking his cock back in his hand, he imagined Bella on her knees again, which only made him fucking harder. With a tight ass grip, he started to stroke.

Edward grinned and despite his anger toward the banshee, his fantasy was perfect. Fuck, he bet her skin turned a fucking delicious pink when she was pissed.

_Note to self: Piss her off to see if her tits blush._

"So, you're not a screamer, Cullen?" He heard her say in a bored tone, which pissed him off.

"Fuck, can you keep that mouth fucking shut so I can try to concentrate? You're messing up the image of my dick fucking your mouth."

"How's this?" She started on a series of fucking delicious moans and whimpers, humming through the speakers.

_Fuck, it is helping. _Edward stroked harder, the knot in his abdomen tightening, and he picked up the pace of his strokes. Edward threw his head back, groaning as he felt his orgasm closing in on him. His knees shook, his thoughts moving onto Bella's pert ass.

_Keep going, sweetheart. _

Bella looked at the time and smiled, making Emmett shake his head. "You're fucking mean, B." She shrugged and flipped a switch off. A second later, from what she could tell from Edward's cursing, he had been shot with a blast of cold water just as he came, ruining his pleasure.

"Ah! You fucking harpy, bitch …devil and all that is un-fucking holy!"

"Sorry, hot water is gone," she said loudly. "So get your ass out." A string of profanities continued to leave his mouth. He called her everything in the book, cursing the last few minutes of his ice-cold shower.

"Hope you learned your lesson," she said, trying not to laugh when he continued to curse.

_At least he stopped calling me a bitch._

Edward toweled off his body, he walked to the medicine cabinet, still muttering obscenities for the bitch to hear. He wanted a shave and looked for supplies. There was none. In fact, the only things inside were a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash and a small plastic cup.

"What the fuck, I need to shave," he complained, knowing the she-witch was listening. He grabbed the toothbrush and paste and started to brush his teeth.

He heard her sigh over the sound system. "Sorry, the only way the hair is leaving your pretty face is if you fucking let me do it."

She sounded happy for some reason, and that shit made him nervous.

"I'm not going to let you near me with something fucking sharp, witch," he stated firmly before rinsing his mouth.

"Well, I'm not going to leave you with anything sharp, so you have a choice. You can stay like that, or I shave you."

"Fine," he spat, grabbing the towel again and stalking into the bedroom to change.

_The next I know, she'll start spoon feeding me. _He shuddered at the thought.

Bella sat back and looked at Emmett. Edward was getting dressed and seemed to have calmed down after his cold shower. "What do you think?"

"Not sure yet," he said, grimacing. "Were Jasper and I like that with you?"

She shook her head. "Not you, Rosalie was too important to you to let you think of me that way." He rolled his eyes. "All right, that's a lie. It seems to be a mechanism with tough guys like you. Jasper wasn't so bad, nothing like to Edward, though. And none of you tried to give me a show like that."

"So, you're going to go in there, offer him a shave, be that close to him, and expect him to do nothing?"

"I'm not an idiot, Emmett. I know how to handle myself." She sighed and rose to her feet. "And you know exactly why we don't allow sharp things in their rooms."

He nodded, remembering how close they'd been to losing a target before. "Just making sure."

With a simple kiss on his cheek, she grabbed a small men's hygiene kit from a drawer near by. "Wish me luck."

There was no use denying it to herself; she was attracted to Edward. She had to attempt to shave him and probably cut his hair, and having him that close to her was dangerous.

_Give me strength._

Edward continued to towel dry his hair, waiting for the damn harpy to come back to the room. He realized that he was in no condition to fight her off. She might have been small, but the bruise on his back proved that she could put up a good fight. It didn't help that he hadn't hit the gym in months.

He looked down at his stomach and noticed his abs weren't as defined as they used to be. Another con to drinking was how he seemed to ignore his health. If he was really stuck there, maybe he could start some kind of exercise program like the one he did at the other rehabilitation centers.

It wasn't as if he had anything better to do. Well, there _was_ pissing off Miss Fuck-Me-Now. That should kill a few hours a day. Fuck that, he thought, he could devote twelve hours to that new hobby. After all, she was hot when she was angry. Edward grinned at the prospect.

She was going to shave him soon. He wondered if that included down under since he could use a trim. He threw the towel in a plastic hamper and walked back to what could be his bed for the next few months. He hoped Bella would allow Alice to send him a set of his Egyptian cotton sheets from back home, because he'd probably develop a rash sleeping on her shitty sheets.

Alice – some memories flooded his mind, but it was fuzzy. He remembered his sister screaming and hitting his head. Damn, what did it all mean? He tried to focus on the memories of Bella as he laid back against a pillow.

Suddenly, he remembered something Bella said. "_Well, Edward, she called me from her room at the hospital."_

He sucked in a breath as the realization hit him. He had almost killed his sister. He took a few deep breaths and tried to concentrate, and was able to make out hazy memories of Bella explaining that Alice had hurt herself trying to save him.

_But save me from what?_

Before he could concentrate further, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward his room, better described as his fucking cell. Shifting to sit up against the headboard, he watched as she entered the room.

Now with a slightly clearer head, he raked his gaze over her body. Did she really have to wear fucking shorts? Then again, maybe they were a clue. Maybe the weather was especially hot wherever they were.

His eyes roamed over her again, but she only rolled her eyes at him. She crooked a finger. "Come on, big boy. Come to momma." Her comment laced with innuendo, at least to him. He groaned and had to adjust himself as he hardened quickly.

Following her into the bathroom, he watched as she parked her tight little ass on the bathroom counter. He cocked his head, realizing as she spread her knees part that she wanted him between her thighs.

The last time he was in the bathroom the bitch had ruined his fantasy and his climax and now she was causing another one to pop up with her invitation. What was her game?

He stalked toward her, closing the distance between them. Standing between her legs didn't help the situation in his jeans. When she ran her fingers through his long hair, he thought he was going to come right there. He wanted her to claw at his back while he pounded into her. Fuck, his imagination was running wild.

He remained as still as possible, as Miss Sugar Tits turned his face to the right and then to the left. She rubbed his scratchy stubble, and he wanted to know what her thighs would look like reddened from it after she rode his tongue.

As his hips attempted to buck forward, her thighs tightened around him like a vise. He couldn't move an inch closer to her. Damn, she had strong muscles, making her that much hotter. Her hand grasped his chin harder, forcing him to meet her eyes.

It felt as if she was trying to see into his soul. He closed his eyes, since he no longer had one. He lost his a long time ago.


	5. The Tour

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Five—The Tour**

* * *

From the moment Bella walked into his room for his shave, she knew he'd put up a front. The cocky attitude he seemed to extrude accompanied a kiss-me-now smirk and vulgar mouth. She thought he used it as a mechanism, something to give anyone that tried to befriend him the wrong idea, and set their expectations of him very low. That they'd know was what you saw was what you got.

The way he looked at her, raking his eyes over her body, made her realize that despite the attitude, there might not be much depth to his thoughts besides sex and alcohol. At least not yet, and it was a waste of his mind and capabilities. She'd seen his GPA in high school and college, his test scores bordered on genius and he was in the top five percentile in most of his classes.

What drove him to give up? What happened for him to quit his residency when his superiors boasted about him? Bella was determined to find out.

As she watched him, another thing that she noticed since his arrival was that Edward was a highly sexual. He practically purred when her nails barely scratched at his scalp, testing the length of it in her fingers.

If she were truly honest with herself, she was curious about its softness, too.

"How about a hair cut?" she asked him. He hadn't met her eyes since he molded himself between her thighs. The way his fingers clenched against the counter on each side of her hips, she knew he was holding himself back from taking what he wanted.

She would have to be careful, because the last thing she wanted was to have him replace one addiction for another. Did he associate drinking with sex? If she had to work on fighting two addictions, she'd have to consider getting help from Billy or her father.

The last time she dealt with coke and sex addict, it almost ended in total disaster.

Her eyes narrowed at the smile he gave her. "Unless you're licensed, there is no way you're messing with my hair. Women love the hair just like this. There's no way I'd let a harpy like you butcher it."

"I don't want to ruin it," she said with roll of her eyes. "Fine, but I'm not holding it back when you puke your guts out for your ass later."

He scowled at her. She knew it was low blow, but it was also the truth. It was something he knew was coming whether he liked it or not. "It's not that long and you're still not going any near my sex hair with a pair of scissors."

She rolled her eyes at the description of his hair and started to lather his face with shaving cream. At her touch, his gaze finally lifted to meet her eyes, watching her carefully. Neither said a word as she worked the razor over his sharp jaw. He turned automatically left or right, whatever she needed to complete her task. After a few minutes, the tension between them mounted to an unmistakable level.

She caught the harsh rise and fall of his chest, the way his hand slipped between them so he could adjust himself as he smirked. It was easy to ignore his obvious attempt to distract her. The light flush on his cheeks told her he was a bit embarrassed. Unless it was a sign, his symptoms were starting. She would have to keep a close eye on him; he didn't seem the type to tell her he felt like crap.

_Only time will tell._

Edward couldn't help but notice the color of her eyes. Where he thought they were just a shit colored, boring brown from the brief look he had seen earlier, he found he was wrong. There were gold and green flecks within a dark rim of a golden brown.

At the last sweep of the razor, she touched a scar he had above his right eyebrow. It was small and old, long since faded but he felt as if he only received it minutes earlier. It felt fresh and as if it was still bleeding at her touch. The memories of when he got it tried to surface, but Edward pushed it back into the dark recesses of his mind. He heard her disappointed sigh and wanted to shake her because he didn't want her feeling sorry for him. Worse, he didn't want to care about what she thought of him.

"You could be so much more, Edward," Bella stated, her tone and touch tender. "Just let me help you."

Unable to take the way her eyes judged him, he looked away. However, her nimble fingers gripped his chin, forcing him to look at her. She just stared, as if waiting for him to fall apart. His eyes betrayed him, filling with tears. He fought them and her, because he hadn't cried in years, too afraid to let go.

He had to do something before she fucked with his head.

Before he could do or say anything, her arms wrapped around his shoulders and neck, her embrace warm and soft. It was different from what he'd already experienced with her. Gone was her hard ass exterior, replaced by a woman that could hurt him much more than the first. He couldn't figure out which one he hated or feared more.

Edward's libido and need for comfort didn't allow him to waste time, wrapping his arms around Bella's small waist, pulling her against his chest. It felt fucking good to feel her around him, and for more than one reason, but he only wanted to dwell on one. The fact that he was rock fucking solid told him that his asshole tendencies were overriding his other needs.

_It's a shame, really._

"I will help you, Edward," she whispered, her warm breath was near his ear, making him shiver. "You will be the man I envision you to be." Edward scoffed internally, not wanting to ruin the moment, yet since he wasn't sure if she'd ever let him that close again.

He was annoyed, no one but his sister Alice had shown that level of commitment and faith in him in years. "Why do you believe me?" Why would she want to waste her time on him? Knowing about her faith made it feel like a responsibility, one he wanted no part of.

She must have sensed his mounting anger, because she pulled back to glare at him. "Because I do. Don't ruin the moment." She started to play with the hair on the nape of his neck, though she seemed unaware of it.

Edward nearly smirked, he was right. Bitches loved the hair. _Yup, Dickward is back._

She looked too fucking serious, she actually believed in what she was saying about him. That needed to stop immediately, Edward thought.

"Will this be ruining the moment?" he asked, his voice husky and low as he grasped her hips and ground his dick between her thighs. She rolled her fucking eyes at him, completely unaffected by his obvious arousal. How did she not notice that monstrous thing rubbing against her soft, warm pussy? She continued her little speech.

However, his mind was elsewhere. _What the fuck? Is this bitch into pussy or what? _There was no way she'd be able to resist his charms otherwise.

"When I look at you, Edward, I think I see something behind those eyes and disgusting mouth." She shook her head. "But then, it's gone again. Have you always been like this? You're almost thirty, for fuck's sake."

What did she know? Edward thought angrily. Fuck it. It was time to piss the bitch off, and he still needed to see if her tits blushed. He glared at Miss Bend-Me-Over and sneered, hoping to scare her. Fear was a powerful weapon. "Every time I see your lips move, I imagine them around my cock."

He smirked when she fucking growled at him.

"Pig!"

He shrugged since she was correct, because he was a pig. "Prude," he teased.

Her mouth fell open and he cocked his head purposefully to one side, licking his lips and staring at her pretty mouth. He could easily imagine fitting his cock inside. She must have realized exactly what he was imaging because she slapped his gut.

"Asshole!"

_Ouch!_ What the fuck? Did she need to resort to violence? "Whore," he growled, keeping his hands on her thighs.

For a second, he thought for sure she'd kick him in the nuts, but after another moment, he realized she was trying not to laugh. Shouldn't she be scared? That he'd do something to her.

"You can't call me a prude and then a whore, dumbass," she growled. He thought it was fucking hot when she made that sound. If she'd do it with his dick inside her mouth, he knew it would feel so good.

Damn, he wanted her bad.

He grabbed her wrists, quickly pinning her arms behind her back. Unable to resist, he buried his nose against her neck. She smelled fucking delicious, making his mouth water. The desire to taste her was fulfilled, taking a few long licks. Her skin tasted like sunshine, sweet cream and something fruity. She struggled for a few seconds, and automatically he loosened his grip on her arms, aware that he might have hurt her.

He should've kept her hold on her because in the next moment, for the second time in a day, some part of her met his boys between his thighs. He stumbled back in complete shock just as her palm connected with his face.

_Does she always have to hurt me?_

Bella hopped down from the counter, keeping a close eye on Edward. He went too far by trying to restrain her. That shit was uncalled for and she tried to keep the fear from her features.

"Fucking bitch," he growled, holding onto his cheek. Bella said nothing, but had to shake out her hand, because it hurt like hell. That nice, strong, and angular jaw of Edward's equaled pain when you struck it.

She had tried another approach with him, to see if treating him with something like comfort and tenderness would help him open up to her. Maybe it'd been too soon for a change of tactics, since he fought against it, turning it into something dirty.

It was time to go back to the tried and true method, with Hard Ass Bella at the helm.

Sticking her face close to his, she snarled. "Here's a lesson for you, Edward. Don't fucking touch me unless I give you permission." He looked at her blankly, and she knew he likely wouldn't listen. "The facility's nurse needs to take your blood to check what exactly is in your system."

He appeared about to say something, but his jaw snapped shut. He glared so fiercely at her that she thought she might burst into flames. Did she hit a nerve?

Edward continued to glare at her. "What the fuck?" he thought. "What was that supposed to mean? I drink, that was all. I don't do drugs. I'm not stupid."

Before he could continue, she smiled brightly. It had the effect she hoped for; he looked scared of her. Not many people could smile at the face of one pissed off six-foot-three man, he was learning, because she would.

When she crooked her finger for him to follow, he obeyed with no protest. It seemed that his body responded to her more than his mind, because he was still glaring and adjusting himself.

Bella was surprised that Edward didn't ask any questions as they moved through the facility. The fact that she was distinctly aware of his eyes on her ass was probably the reason. She wanted to tell him off, but she knew it would do her little good. Instead, she led him toward the exit, punching in the code as he fidgeted with his t-shirt. From the corner of her eye, she swore she'd seen his brow furrow with either confusion or concentration.

She hadn't been surprised that he had forgotten her earlier that morning. His memory would be hazy with the lingering effects of the chloroform, the carbon monoxide and whatever his father had him sedated with.

_Maybe it'll get better by the end of the day, _she thought.

Edward listened carefully at the door, after following Miss Wanna-Bite-My-Ass through the building. He tried to show that he wasn't interested in what she was doing as she keyed in a code into the alarm panel. She shifted enough to prevent him from seeing, but he was aware that each number made a certain tone.

It was his ticket outdoors. It would be too fucking easy, he thought. It wouldn't take long for him to determine the key codes. He mentally thanked his mother for the piano lessons he hated when he was younger. Once he had a chance, he would leave.

The moment she opened the door, hot, bright sunlight nearly blinded him. He groaned, not used to it since the building's lighting was dimmer. It took a few moments to adjust, but Miss Sex-Me-Now gave him a shove outside.

"Now can you tell me where the fuck we are?" he asked, squinting in her direction.

"We're not in the States, Dorothy," she said with a wicked grin. "You don't have papers to go back, either. You're stuck here, Cullen. Until I say you're ready to go home."

He looked around. The buildings were nondescript, plain tan colors, in the middle of a desert. That was all he could see for miles around. "Mexico?"

"Ding, ding, ding," she snickered. "You do know your geography."

_Why did Miss Naughty School Girl have to be such a pain in my ass? _

Bella leveled him a glare when he smirked. She knew he was thinking something dirty, God knows what. "Follow me," she demanded. Bella had hoped that a dose of sun would do Edward some good.

She saw how he checked out their surroundings, getting a lay of the land. He had to know it was hopeless. They were in the middle of nowhere. She only hoped he wouldn't try to escape, some parts of Mexico were not safe for some people, but an American man like him, it could be dangerous.

When she didn't hear him right behind her, she looked over her shoulder. She had expected him to bask under the sun after remaining stagnant inside, but he seemed to freeze. She saw his body shudder and watched as a hand came from his pocket to run through his messy bronze hair. It took a moment, but she recognized the pain in his eyes, but it was more.

It was utter devastation. _Oh no, what's wrong with him? _

A pool in the courtyard caught Edward's attention. He stopped walking, his eyes lingering on the surface of the water, and the sky reflecting off that triggered his memory. His chest tightened and his body shuddered. In his mind, it was the day he lost his twin sister.

"_No, Nessie, Mom said that I'm in charge while she takes Alice to the hospital to Dad."_

"_Come on, Eddie, please. Let's go swimming." Her wide hazel eyes pleaded with him._

"_Mrs. Cope should be here soon, and she'll tell Mom anyway. And __it's too cold, sis," Edward attempted to remind her._

"_You're so boring," she huffed, sticking out her tongue out at him. "You are such a nerd."_

_Edward rolled his eyes as she slammed the door to his room and stomped down the stairs. With a sigh, he made his way to his desk, turning on his headphones to listen to some tunes as he worked on his extra credit project for science._

_It was well over an hour, when he realized that he hadn't heard from Nessie or Mrs. Cope. His sister was never one to hold a grudge for that long, especially with Edward. He decided to go check on her and prepared to grovel a bit. When he realized that she wasn't in her room, he went to search the rest of the house, but couldn't find her._

_Edward rolled his eyes and was getting upset with his sister. It was her way of getting back at him. He bet she went swimming. Why didn't she listen? He walked outside through the living room patio doors. He couldn't see the pool from there, so he walked farther out._

_She was floating on the surface, the black clouds reflecting off the pool water…_

Edward tried to shake the memories of his worst nightmare when he felt Bella's hand on his back. "Are you okay?" her voice soothing as she asked. He shook his head and forced his limbs to move forward before she could see his face.

_Not now, damn it. _

As he passed her, he knew it was too late. Bella had already seen his reaction. It wouldn't take much for her to find out about his sister. If she didn't already know, she would figure out that the pool triggered it.

They approached the building across the courtyard, where a woman stood outside waiting for them. Bella offered her a smile.

Edward watched as the nurse raked her eyes over him. He saw the flash of remorse in her eyes and instantly hated it. She was hot, but the unapproachable kind. With blue eyes, blonde hair and Barbie-like body, he realized he liked Bella's look better. She was fucking gorgeous, too, but not in the same way. She had a beautiful girl next door with kinky tendencies kind of vibe going on that he liked more.

_Not that I like her, _he reminded himself.

Edward was introduced to the nurse, Rosalie something. He didn't catch the last part since he only focused on Bella. Who the fuck was Emmett? He was nurse's husband, who he met before, apparently, according to the harpy. He watched the byplay between the two, and they seemed friendly.

"Rosalie made the call to save Emmett almost four years ago."

Edward's head whipped toward the blond and looked for deception. He found none and didn't appreciate the soft look Rosalie gave him. He looked way, scowling. With reluctance, he followed them inside and sat in a chair for Rosalie to look over him.

She frowned as she took his blood pressure. "Your BP is off the charts, Mr. Cullen," she stated with what sounded like concern. Edward shrugged, since it was nothing new since it usually was high. He stared at the white wall across from him, waiting for Rosalie to suck the life out of him. "I need to check your blood sugar and take some samples to be tested."

"Whatever," he muttered, feeling bored. "Be my guest." He went through the motions, barely listening to Rosalie prattle as she gathered several tubes from a cabinet nearby. His mind was still poolside, trying to focus on anything but the memories.

It wasn't somewhere he liked to go.

Bella sat nearby, watching Edward. He seemed so distant, more than ever. It worried her. Had it been that moment he froze by the pool or was it the blood that Rosalie was about to remove? She recognized the blank look, the automatic and robotic answers.

"When was your last HIV test, Mr. Cullen?" Rosalie asked him as Bella watched Rosalie wrap a band around his bicep.

He looked utterly confused by her question. "What?"

Bella sighed and wondered how much of a fight he'd put up with the direction the questions would turn.

Rosalie asked, "Have you been sexually active when you've been drinking?"

He cocked an eyebrow at her and gave her look. Using his hand, he gestured down his body, making Bella groan, rolling her eyes as she replied, "Apparently, he thinks 'of course I'm getting plenty of action.'"

Rosalie snickered at Bella's perfect imitation of Edward, accompanied by a smirk and crotch check.

He glared at her but stated the obvious. "Well, look at me."

Bella rolled her eyes skyward and had to count to ten. "You don't seem to understand, Edward. If you've been drunk during these sexual encounters, what are the chances you used protection each time?"

Rosalie was even blunter. "There is a higher chance since you were under the influence and you may have an STD, even HIV. I need to make sure, regardless."

Bella watched as Edward's face heated up to the tips of his ears. He was either really pissed off at them or he was embarrassed. Either way, they were about to find out.

Edward's blood boiled at Rosalie and Miss I'm-Bendable's assumption that he didn't wrap his dick when he was with someone. Feeling pissed, he glared at the harpy. He wasn't an idiot.

"What the fuck?" he said harshly. "I don't just sleep with any old whore!" Before Rosalie could stick a needle in his arm, he snapped it back. He glared at Bella as she crossed her arms in front of her sweet chest, staring at him.

"I am not suggesting you do, but it's best that we test for everything," Rosalie simply stated to him. "I just have to be on the safe side."

Edward growled and held out his arm for the banshees to suck him dry. His eyes remained on Miss Lick-Me-Here, who looked a little green as Rosalie worked his red cells into test tubes. In fact, Edward realized she didn't like blood.

Funny, he thought, she lived on the shit. Blood sucking bitch that she was.

"I will get these rushed through at the lab, and I will be back sometime tomorrow morning to check on you. If there is anything to treat, we can get it sorted as soon as possible," Rose assured him.

Edward thought that nothing was going to come back positive. He always used protection. Well, there was that one time when, what was her name, sucked him in the men's room and that time he woke up with her…Shit, he thought.

Once Rosalie sent him out, Bella had him follow her to show him the rest of the facility. The clinic was housed in a building about five hundred yards from the one that he would reside in for a few months. Besides the clinic, there were two apartments with tiny kitchenettes for the others that lived in the facility.

When they made their way outside again, Edward kept the pool to his right and Bella on his left, not feeling comfortable placing her between him and it. He didn't like her, but he felt that he had to make sure she didn't fall in. The minute he stepped inside their building, he breathed a sigh of relief. He followed her around, keeping mostly to himself, still reeling with the possibilities that he might have an STD and the near panic attack by the pool.

The building where his room was located had two bedrooms, his and Bella's. There was also an extra bathroom, a living room, a full-size kitchen, and a huge gym. There was a room with its door locked, but Bella only indicated that behind it was something he would be able to enjoy when he deserved it.

Edward tried to shake out all the sexual thoughts of the possibilities of it being a pleasure room.

"Do you want to go back to your room for a while?" Bella asked as Edward as they approached the hallway that led to his room. He shrugged. "It's still early, but I need to make a phone call. How about I come get you in twenty minutes, and we can get some breakfast started?"

"I guess," he said indifferently.

She left him in his room and to his own devices, which wasn't much. The only thing he could do was think. The only thing on his mind was his warden. Why the fuck was someone like her running a place like a facility in the middle of nowhere? It was obvious that she didn't take more than one person at a time. She hadn't mentioned anyone else was there. It also seemed like helping others was a passion for her.

Either that or she lived off the misery of others. As he lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, he realized he wanted to know why and more about the little harpy.

He smiled and wondered if she was watching him again.

Bella was dying to find out more about Edward. She'd seen the way he purposefully put himself between her and the pool. It was rather strange since she thought he possibly feared the water. The gesture seemed automatic and protective. He'd been especially quiet throughout the tour and she knew something was bothering him.

It was too early to get him to talk to her, but she needed to call the one person who could help her find out more about him. She was positive that Edward wasn't ready—yet. It was only a matter of time. Withdrawal would soon hit him hard, so she would have to back off. However, if he opened up on his own, she wouldn't stop him.

She tapped her pen on the desk, her finger hovering over Alice's number in her cell phone. Did she really want to open the line of communication so early in the process? She usually waited a few weeks before she gave the family any information. She threw caution to the wind and pressed the call button on the touch screen.

Alice answered after the third ring, desperation, and concern in her tone. "Bella?" she said quickly. "What's wrong? Is it Edward?"

Bella had Jasper give Alice the rules about Edward's treatment at her facility. He also told Alice that she couldn't take calls all the time from family. Bella would make the calls when she felt the family needed to be notified.

"Nothing is wrong," Bella immediately assured her. "I just thought we could have a chat."

"Oh! What about?" Alice asked, and Bella frowned at the sound of the woman's excited voice.

"I had my onsite nurse take some blood from Edward today, and he seemed right at home in the clinic." Edward had been until Rosalie and her pissed him off with their line of questioning.

"He would be since Dad and my Uncle Garrett had Edward following them around their practice since he was a kid."

Bella wondered if becoming a doctor was something he always wanted. "I received some information about his education." Transcripts and a few notes from professors was hardly enough to get the big picture, hence the reason for her call. If Edward chose to talk to her, she wanted all the information she could get.

"Yes, he was a med student, really promising, and he wanted to enter Pediatrics. But one day, he just lost it," Alice said quietly. "He never went back to finish his residency. Neither dad nor my uncle could get through to him. He just refused to talk about it."

"Did you guys ever find out what happened?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, it was so sad. It turns out that Edward was working in the children's ward, and there was a little girl, Kate, who was dying of leukemia. She was so pretty and adorable, and she had my brother wrapped around her little finger. I only met her once but even I knew how special she was. I think he grew attached to her, and when she died, it must have set him off."

Bella couldn't even imagine losing a child, even if she was a patient. She was unaware of the tears that lingered along her lashes until they finally started to fall. She knew something was eating away at Edward. For him to lose a patient like that, one he had a bond with, it was heartbreaking. Maybe her death triggered something else, too.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

Bella cleared her throat. "Yeah, I'm here." Before she could ask more questions, Alice changed the subject.

"So, how is Jasper?" Alice asked, causing Bella to grimace. Allowing them to talk might not have been a good idea after all, and she hoped it wouldn't bite in the ass later.

"Ranger J is annoying the hell out of me via text messages," she said bitterly, remembering the half dozen messages he sent her. "Do me a favor and call him, okay?"

"I will." Alice sighed after a moment. "How is Edward?"

As she often told herself to never lie to a target, she wouldn't lie to their family, either. "Okay so far, it's barely started. He is not showing withdrawal symptoms yet, but that won't last long."

"Mom is really worried," Alice stated and Bella could hear some resentment in her voice. It wasn't the time to discuss some of the things they'd done to enable Edward, she'd get to that point soon enough.

"She's been crying, and my parents have been fighting a lot. She thinks we've gone too far."

Most do. Sometimes one or two members of a family saw her methods as barbaric. Until they could see the results of her treatment methods, there wasn't much she could do to reassure that they'd done the right thing by calling her.

Bella still felt angry of some of the things she learned of Edward's family, but she had to keep it to herself for a while longer. "Until he comes back to her clean, sober, and back on track with his life, she can scream all she wants. He is here now, and he's not leaving until he's clean," she said firmly.

Alice said nothing for several moments and Bella hoped she understood. "There have been no reports about the car," Alice confessed.

"That's a relief," Bella admitted. Her contact with the city police in Seattle had reported the same. She made a note, underlying it with her pen. _Ask Edward about his path of less resistance when he drove home after drinking._

Every drunk that drove had one; a path home that they felt was the easiest to remember, had little traffic at the time, and wasn't patrolled often by law enforcement.

"Is it okay if I call you?" Alice asked, causing Bella's stomach to clench. She swore that she wouldn't get too involved with her. However, Alice's sincerity in her voice won her over.

"You can, if you get Jasper off my ass about you," Bella said, smiling at the thought of killing two birds with one stone. She'd learn more about Edward from befriending Alice and Jasper would stop asking about her.

Alice laughed, before replying. "Consider it done."

Edward's stomach had started to growl by the time Bella returned to collect him as promised. She led him into the kitchen. "Grab the eggs and bacon," she said as she started to pull out a few frying pans from a cabinet.

He smirked when he thought it was time to test his theory about Miss Sex Kitty's tits. If he pissed her off, would they blush like the rest of her?

He ignored her demand and sat on a barstool near the kitchen island. She cocked her eyebrow and tapped her little foot, waiting for him. It was hard not to smile, and he found her very cute in her anger.

"Get this straight, Edward. If you want to eat, you help out," she explained, pointing a finger at him. "If you want to listen to music, you follow the rules. If you want television privileges, you work for them."

Edward completely ignored her and yawned for effect.

"Edward, get the fucking eggs and bacon out the fridge!"

Her lovely face flushed crimson, reaching down her neck and below the scoop of her tank top. There it was, his theory proven right. Her delectable tits blushed deliciously.

She glared at him as she grabbed the eggs and bacon herself. Snatching a bowl and a fork, she slammed doors and mumbled curses under her breath. Edward watched, entranced by her grace in the kitchen. She moved around as if she was gliding on air and very aware of her surroundings. After about fifteen minutes, she plated some scrambled eggs and bacon and stood across from him.

With her eyes on his, he watched her take a slice of bacon and bring it to her lips. She opened her mouth, taking a bite. Her pretty tongue swept along her bottom lip as she returned the remaining bacon to her plate and smirked.

Edward swallowed. His grumbling stomach no longer was an issue since he hungered for something else. He was unable to ignore the straining in his jeans. He mentally noted that he should ask for some less confining pants since button fly hurt like a bitch.

"Hungry, Edward?" she asked, taking a bite of eggs, seemingly aware of his drooling. Watching her eat wasn't the only thing making me hungry.

"Not for eggs and bacon," he said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, if you're not hungry for this then grab whatever you want," she suggested with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I think I will."

Edward rose from his seat and walked over to the stove. Smiling as he passed her, but she went back to glaring at him. After a moment, she returned her attention to her food. With her back turned, he decided to grab what he wanted as she suggested.

What he wanted was a perfect handful of her ass in his hand, and that was what he grabbed for before she could kick him again. Her breathing hitched as he pressed his erection against her backside. His hands grabbed her hips, pulling her closer. He groaned as she squirmed against him.

"Fuck off, Edward," she growled, making his cock twitch again.

"You said to grab what I wanted, and what I want is your –" she inhaled sharply, waiting for him to continue, "– bacon."

Edward grabbed her remaining slices of bacon and turned sharply to grab the orange juice from the fridge.

"You are an ass!" she said, all pissy and shit. Edward looked over his shoulder and saw that she looked disappointed, and wondered why? Wanting to piss her off more, he laughed, drinking straight from the container. Her eyes widened, and she fucking stomped her foot. It was cute as hell.

"Stop being an asshole." She glared as he put the OJ right back in the fridge. He rolled his eyes at her display, and then eyed her scrambled eyes.

"Here, eat," she said, pushing her plate toward him. "I'm not hungry anymore, anyway."

Edward grinned, pleased that he still managed to get what he wanted without much effort. Well, one of the things he wanted anyway. It was going to take more work to get Miss Fucks-on-the-Counter beneath him or on the counter. If he was going to suffer through her fucking method of rehabilitation, he might as well have some fun during his stay. Considering her passionate responses and anger, he knew she'd be a tiger in bed.

However, something in the harpy's expression bothered him. She was fucking smirking as she started to clean up her mess. "Don't look so happy. That little stunt cost you two cold showers."

Totally worth it, he thought. Her ass was fucking awesome and even with cold water; it would be the main feature of his spank bank for the days ahead. Still, he had noticed that the facility was fed with well water on their tour, and that meant mother-fucking ice-cold water.

"Bitch," he mumbled under his breath before he started to shovel her delicious, fluffy eggs in his mouth.

"Do you want to make it three?"

Edward shook his head. She circled the island and bent to whisper in his ear, "Then you need to fucking apologize to me."

He glared at the fork he was holding. Fucking plastic, so stabbing her ass with it was out of the question. It'd probably just bounce off her butt or shatter into dozens of pieces, anyway. Fuck it, he wanted to have more of her food later, anyway. He took another mouthful of eggs and turned to face her. "Sorry."

"Pig," she said with obvious disgust.

He patted his stomach and shrugged. "I could use a few hours in the gym."

Her eyes focused on his abs and didn't look impressed. "Good, you seem to need it." She grinned when he glared at her.

Ignoring her insult, he asked, "So how does this work? Are you keeping me confined to my room?"

"No, I think you can handle about sixteen to eighteen hours a day to move about the building," she indicated, wiping down the counter. "From now on, you'll have access to the gym, kitchen, and living room. The living room doesn't have a TV in it as you've seen, but you're welcome to use the stereo. But after another day or two, I doubt you'll be leaving your room."

Edward shuddered at the memories of the last time he'd experienced withdrawal. He pushed those hazy memories away and asked, "If that's the case, why is my door locked?"

"I had to lock it for your first day," she said, stating the obvious. He'd woken up disoriented and would've run the first chance he had.

"Am I able to go outside?"

Bella shook her head. "No, if you had the capability, you'll try to escape," she explained. "But you'll have supervised outings." Her eyes filled with excitement for some reason.

Edward remembered about the room he couldn't get into earlier. "You said that I would have to earn it to get into that locked room. How?"

Miss I-Like-To-Be-Tied-Up's smile widened. "You have to work for it."

Edward scowled and the smile he had since he managed to take her breakfast, faded. Something told him that working her over with his fingers and cock was not her idea of _work_.

"What do I have to do?"

"I need a new carport. Along with the others, we're going to make the forms, lay down the concrete slab, and erect the steel carport I bought."

Edward's body stiffened when she took one of his hands in both of hers. It surprised him after the stunt he pulled earlier. She seemed to be concerned about something, feeling the skin of his fingers and palm.

"Your pretty, soft hands won't stay that way for much longer," she stated.

He snapped his hand back from her and glared at her. "And if I don't agree to help you?"

"Easy, you'll lose the rest of your privileges and stay confined to your room."

Well fuck, he thought, she couldn't possibly mean it. The smug look on her face made him realize, she certainly did.


	6. The Lessons Learned

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Six—The Lessons Learned**

* * *

Edward still seated on a stool at the kitchen island, leveled Bella a glare that would've made anyone else take a step back in fear. His fucking warden on the other hand just rolled her eyes. He realized she was completely serious about her terms. If Edward didn't cooperate and do what he she told him to do, he would be a prisoner in his white cell.

He contemplated the idea of whether he could stand just staying in that room. There was absolutely nothing to do in it, but jack off and scratch all of the harpy's nicknames on the walls. All the while, he would be counting down the days until he could return home. The contents of his prison, however, wouldn't even allow him that. There was nothing sharp enough to carve into the brick.

What if, as punishment, his favorite harpy stopped visiting him? For some reason, Edward didn't like the thought of that. She irritated him with her self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude she tried to convey, but she was still pleasant to look at. It took special qualities to become a frequent member of his numerous fantasies. That killer body of hers helped matters a great deal.

As his eyes lingered on the bitch with fuckable tits, she seemed to notice his internal rambling and smirked, as if she knew that he went off into la-la land. Edward wanted to wipe that smug look on her face with his dick. He grinned at himself and his inner horny bastard. It had been a while since he had so much fun with a woman. However, her annoying look suddenly vanished and turned into something more like a scowl.

Had she figured out that he was thinking something dirty about her? By the way she wrapped her arms around her chest he'd say she had. He cocked his head to one side, watching her carefully. Did he make her uncomfortable? That bothered him, because he didn't want her to fear him. If she were scared of him, she would back off too much. Despite that, Edward wanted to wipe that scowl off her face with his mouth.

He bet those pink lips were soft.

Shit, he internally cursed. He needed to stop thinking that way about her while in her presence, or he would be hard the whole length of his stay. Shaking his head to dispel those thoughts, he smiled at her. He might as well as try to get on her good side, for now.

"Edward, will you stop fantasizing while I'm still in the fucking room," she hissed, rubbing her bare arms with her hands. She turned away, obscuring his view of her pink titties. He was, however, rewarded with a perfect view of her tight ass as she walked to the stove. Grabbing the dirty pans and a few other things, she started to clean up the kitchen.

With a body like hers, there was no way his ogling was going to stop. He couldn't help it when she was prancing around in miniscule shorts and tiny tank tops. Was that her game, to tease him to submission?

Edward continued to watch her clean, including how she took the orange juice out of the fridge and poured the contents down the drain. It seemed that Miss I-Like-It-From-Behind was a clean freak. His smile widened a bit, having found something else he could do to piss her off again. It was quickly becoming his favorite pastime, or hobby, if you will.

_Note to self: toss my dirty clothes on the fucking floor._

Out of nowhere, a butterfly knife was flying in her hand with ease, poking several holes into the bottle and it disappeared just as fast. Another memory surfaced then, she told him why it was a hazard trying to leave the facility. That all containers he could fill with water had small holes in them or were too small to hold sufficient water. It was another safety precaution. He wondered, for a moment, if she had someone escape.

After throwing the container in a trash can under the sink, she washed her hands and turned back to him. She must have noticed the curiosity in his gaze, and answered his unspoken question.

"Before we had key code panels at every exit and a target's room, we had a coke addict go through the four people here who were watching over him, like a fucking bull. Knocked them all out and I was in unfortunately in town at the time. He found a container, filled it with water before he took off into the desert that surrounds us here. By the time I returned, he'd been missing for almost eight hours. There was no indication of which way he went. We thought we lost him. We were in the middle of fucking Mexico with a missing white man, we knew if he reached town, we'd probably find him dead. It took almost another ten to find him. He was face down in the dirt, trying to suck lines of dust up his nose. So fucking out of it, that when I approached him, he thought I was going after his next hit and tried to fight me for it. He broke a part of my jaw, felt like shit about it later, though. Still does."

His hands clenched into tight fists, pissed for some inexplicable reason. "Hasn't anyone taught you not to approach a cornered animal? You're a _fucking_ idiot."

It seemed as if his words had no effect on her.

"Maybe, but I learned from that moment of _idiocy_. I found someone to teach a few others and me how to track and hunt in the region so that if it happened again, we'd find an escapee faster. We installed the new security system and kept all containers to no more than half gallon in size. With only that much water, a runner could only get so far."

She shook her head, her gaze penetrating as she continued. "If that makes me an idiot, what does that make you? I don't poison my body and mind constantly, drowning myself to forget all my problems, only to cause more for everyone else around me. That is where we're different and why _you're_ a fucking idiot and selfish. I learned from my mistakes that life has given me. What have you done with them?"

He glared at her, refusing to take her bait. It was obvious she was attempting to get him to talk. Even if her words caused him to want argue with her, tell her ass off, she would in the end, get exactly what she wanted. After a long stare down in the middle of the kitchen, she broke the tension-filled silence when she shrugged him off with a disappointed sigh.

"I'm going to take a little break. Wash your dishes, and if you do, I will let you pick out a book to read."

Edward rolled his eyes, as if she'd have something he would like to read. She probably had nothing but trashy romance novels and girly how-to books. He shuddered at the thought of self-help ones.

"Cullen, my library is extensive. And from what I know from your file, we seem to share a common interest in genres."

He cocked an eyebrow at her, because he doubted it. Then again, the thought of her wearing glasses, a sexy, nearly see through white blouse and black skirt, refueled his hot librarian fantasies. His Miss Shh-Come Here would look hot as hell in that outfit. Edward sighed, still imagining his little harpy when he'd come to realization that he was trying to categorize her in the same group as other women in his past.

It was harder, though; was it because she was in his face all the time? He wasn't sure. Before, any woman that wanted to ride his dick or he wanted a take a bed, he rarely used their name. A name would mean he'd have to remember it and that would make them important. That was the last thing he wanted, so not even in his own thoughts did he call them by their names.

The fact that his would-be kidnapper had over two dozen nicknames already actually made her unique. That shit pissed him off, but he tried to keep his composure as he tried to make sense of this realization. It was simply too much to take when his thoughts were chaotic and clouded.

"Don't be such a fucking asshole," she said, putting her hands on her hips, trying to stare him down again. Too bad, it only made him want to look down her shirt when she looked so fucking good when she was angry. "You don't know anything about me."

He probably never would while she expected him to give away all his secrets.

"Fine, I'll wash," he said through clenched teeth, and then shoveled another mouthful of eggs.

"You're welcome to the gym or the living room," she said, and then she looked thoughtful before continuing. "And behave."

Edward rolled his eyes and drew an imaginary halo over his head with a finger. She huffed, turning on her heels and swaying her hips as she walked away. She had a hypnotic strut that had him adjusting himself again.

Despite how angry he was at her description of what he did when he drank, he couldn't help how much he liked how she looked when she was determined to get her point across. He shook his head and quickly finished his food. He didn't want the harpy to add another cold shower to his sentence, so he washed his dishes. After he put them away, he went through all the cabinets and drawers to familiarize himself with the layout.

All the dishes were hard plastic, including the cups. All the silverware were, too, and there were no knives, which explained why she carried one in her pocket. Most cooking utensils were either wooden or plastic, except for the pots and pans. Why would she do that?

If she had learned a lesson about water containers and key code locked doors from one escapee, what would cause her to replace all metal with plastic or wood in her kitchen? Had Bella seen someone try to take her or his own life within the walls of her facility? Had she experienced another tough lesson at the hands of another addict? Had it been at the end of a knife?

Edward's earlier reaction, his irrational anger surfaced once again. His thoughts pounded, filled with a hundred questions but one remained on the forefront, why was she doing it? He wanted to go find Bella to ask her, but felt as if he had no rights to know. There was something else stopping him—fear.

She might ask him why, too.

Not wanting to analyze or think much either, Edward decided to check out the living room. During most of the tour, his mind dwelled on the fact that he might have contracted a sexually transmitted disease from one of the local barflies, so he didn't get a look at anything.

The décor in the room was about ten times better than his four white walls, but still lacked much imagination. It made sense that Bella wouldn't allow her _clients _too much comfort. Then again, in all likelihood, she lacked any sense of style.

A few magazines were scattered across a large coffee table, on one side of it was a long, light brown couch. Along the wall adjacent to the entrance was a top of the line stereo with satellite radio. Making a beeline toward it, Edward turned it on and was surprised that actual tasteful channels were already preprogrammed. However, he wondered who added the hip-hop channel. If it was Bella, that was strike number one his book.

"Probably should be two since she could kick my ass," he grumbled to himself. Another memory flashed through his head, tweaking his headache to another level. It also automatically made his back arch as if he was reliving it. She had brought him down like a prizefighter, with blows to his ribs and a jab to his knee.

He also remembered how she'd gotten the cut in her lip. "Mother fucking son of—"

He hit her! What lesson had she learned from him? Fuck!

Not wanting to cope with his thoughts or lingering guilt any longer, he found some music that would likely kill brain cells and turned up the volume.

Grabbing a magazine on fitness, Edward stretched himself out on the couch. Some classic rap music started to belt out a litany of obscenities about booty shaking, hoping the torture would serve its purposes.

He also wanted to see if he'd get a rise out of Miss Spank-Me-Hard. It didn't take too long. A couple of minutes later, he sensed she was near, having caught her perfume. His eyes remained on an article, not bothering to look up, but he knew she was at the doorway.

"Turn it down, Edward," she said quite calmly.

Edward was disappointed. He didn't want the calm, rational Bella. He wanted Miss Like-It-Rough, the pissed off, hot one. She was much more fun to fuck with during his stay. Hoping to change her attitude, he shifted to put his feet on the coffee table.

_Ha! What are you going to do now?_

It didn't take long to find out the answer.

"Emmett," she said over the stereo.

"Yeah?" a loud booming voice said over the intercom system.

"Turn the power off in the living room."

"Gotcha, boss," the voice from above said.

The recessed lighting throughout the room went out immediately, including the stereo. Edward looked up at the ceiling then and back at his magazine as if didn't matter. There was enough light coming from the hallway to allow him to read, anyway.

"You have a lot to learn, Cullen," Bella stated firmly. "I control everything in this building. Don't fuck with me."

Edward rolled his eyes at her dramatics and put the magazine down. He finally looked up at his harpy, his jaw dropping.

Fuck me, he thought as the semi hard-on he sported since the kitchen incident came back to full attention. There she was, leaning against the doorway clad in tiny black shorts, a pair of trainers, and a blue sports bra, leaving her torso bare. Jesus, he thought, she was fucking perfect. She had a bottle of water in one hand and a white towel over one of her shoulders.

"Excuse me?" she said, arching an eyebrow.

Edward tried to shake his lust-filled mind. "What, did I say something?"

"You spoke your thought, you ass." She rolled her eyes. "That stunt with the music just cost you another cold shower."

"Fine," he spat. "I just won't take one for a few days, how's that?"

"I'll make you take a shower, each and every day, even if I have to tazer your ass to do it," she hissed, stepping further into the room. "Twice a day if need be for you to get something straight. I'm in charge here, Edward. Not you. Me. I'll be the first thing you think about in the morning and last before you lay down at night."

He tried to say something but she cut off quickly.

"And no, I don't mean that in any way sexual. What I mean is, you're going to wake up and wonder what she's going to make me do this morning. What secrets will she pull from me today? When you lay down every night, you'll wonder how you gave it all up and how you'll do it again tomorrow."

"You make it sound like you have some kind of gift or magic," Edward said, laughing. "You're fucking full of yourself, you know that?"

Instead of getting angrier, her lips twitched into Cheshire like smile. "Says the man that tried to make a pass at me while he stunk like piss and ass," she said. Without another word, she turned down the hall and walked toward the gym.

Edward groaned at the thought of what she just said. If he liked what he saw of her while he was sober, with whiskey or vodka goggles and under the influences of whatever sedatives, they'd given him, she'd be a walking wet dream. Unfortunately, he was a horny drunk and that reminded him that he might have a diseased dick.

"This day keeps getting better and better."

Then he remembered something. His mind conjured the image of Bella in her exercise clothes and he was up and out of the room in seconds. He caught up with her quickly and followed her into the gym. She didn't acknowledge his presence, but wasn't surprised by his appearance, either.

Of course, she knew he'd come after her. He ignored the thought. "How am I supposed to work out if I don't have anything but boots and pants to wear?"

"I had Emmett leave some gym shorts and tennis shoes in your room. You're welcome to work out anytime, though you need to take it easy right now."

After having said that, she turned her attention to a wall of mirrors and started stretching. He heard the underlying message between the lines. That withdrawal was right around the corner and he couldn't handle the exertion. As if he'd care what she thought.

Edward watched her bend at the waist and put her hands flat on the ground before doing the fucking splits.

"Holy fuck," he said to himself.

She turned her upper body, and leaned onto one leg. After a few stretches, she proceeded to do it on the other side. When she noticed him watching her in the mirror, she taunted him with a smirk.

"I hardly think watching me will get that body of yours back into shape, Edward."

His arms spread out. "Are you trying to say that I'm nothing special to look at?"

"Well, considering I've seen it all, not really," she said casually.

Edward growled. She didn't know shit. "I had no complaints back home. In fact, I couldn't keep women from dropping their panties everywhere I went."

She turned to look him in the eye. "You have a handsome face, I'll give you that. How much are you worth, Edward? From what I saw of your records, I think it's about two to three million dollars at least. That's just what your grandfather left you. Whatever trust your parents set up, is probably another million easy."

"Fuck you," he hissed. He heard the implication in her words as he stomped away from her shit and made it to his room. Pacing the length of it a few times gave him the time to calm down. With a quick look in the closet and dresser, he found the new clothing and stripped, leaving his clothes on the floor. He hoped to enjoy a show later.

It wasn't the first time someone had indicated that some of the women he'd dated were after his money. He knew it was a possibility, and it was a reason he allowed none to stick around long. Besides, he didn't do relationships.

Minutes later, he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and walked into the gym. He noticed that she had put on a tank top over her sports bra, already missing her exposed stomach. Without a word, he started out on a treadmill, giving him a perfect view of his little banshee on the elliptical. He started slow since he didn't want to strain himself quickly and he was feeling off from the weeklong bender. Then again, it was probably more like two-week binge; the days all seemed to have blended in his mind in the last few weeks.

Bella turned to look at him, cocking an eyebrow before increasing her pace.

_Bitch. _Edward increased his stride, matching her pace. In less than ten minutes, he was sweating. Bella, he found, had stamina. She barely had broken a sweat. He wanted to test that stamina in bed, or on the fucking gym floor.

He cursed, slowing his pace immediately. Running with a hard-on was not a good idea nor easy. Abruptly, he had to stop and scowled at her, adjusting himself for what felt like the tenth time that morning.

She laughed – like, a bust-a-gut laugh at his expense. "Glad I amuse you, honey tits."

She said nothing to him, turning her attention on her routine, increasing her pace again. He didn't like that she was pretty much ignoring him.

Deciding it was best to step away from the inhuman she-beast, Edward walked over to a Bowflex machine. Hers was one with resistance bands instead of free weights. He started to working on his chest, watching her from his position across the room.

Edward couldn't take his eyes off the woman. It made no sense to him why he couldn't. She was fuckable, that he could clearly see. She was cute as hell most of the time. He'd seen plenty of women, and not one had affected him as she did.

Maybe it was because she was unattainable. Forbidden.

That must have been it. Edward just needed to get her out of his system, and he was sure that she'd mean shit to him after. Like all the others. The problem with that he was positive she'd never let him get anywhere near her with his cock exposed. Edward would have to be satisfied with fantasies. For now.

They continued to work out in silence for over an hour, though he was aware she was watching him carefully.

Did she think he'd keel over suddenly? He ignored her concern and continued to work out. He watched her move from the elliptical, to the treadmill, and to a bench that she inclined where she worked on her abdominal crunches. After a hundred, Edward could see where her strength lay.

She was lean and toned everywhere. Who the fuck was he kidding earlier? Cute, was not even close enough to describe her. She was downright worthy of worship – with his tongue. He grinned, picturing himself doing just that, when he noticed her take a drink from her bottle.

Keeping an eye on her, she started to dance in front of the mirrors. Another couple of minutes passed and he realized it was something more. It looked like some type of martial arts. She was quite sensual with her movements as she flowed from stances to kicks.

"Come here, Edward," she said, continuing her moves across the matted floor.

He was by her side instantly, feeling pathetic about his reaction.

"This is a form of martial arts called Tai Chi that help soothe the soul and teach you discipline. I'd like you to try it. You need to let your body cool down. You've been sweating for too long, and I don't want you to dehydrate."

He only nodded and started to mimic her movements for several minutes. She continued with the same routine until he managed to do it on his own. After that, it was easy to follow what her next move would be.

"That's it," she murmured, her reflection smiling at him in the mirror. "You're doing great." Encouraged by her words, they continued for another fifteen minutes. Soon she brought her feet together and turned toward him, bowing slightly. Edward followed suit.

"Thank you," she said. "I knew you could act civilized for more than a minute."

He turned away and scowled. As she bent to pick her water bottle from the floor, Edward saw an opportunity to be uncivilized. Then again, it was more of a chance to be a complete asshole.

He took it by grabbing a handful of her ass again and groaned. It was hard at that point in time to know if the perfect backside in his hands would be worth the trouble because it felt so good. However, Edward was on the floor in the next instant with one of her hands on his balls, a knee on his chest, and forearm pressing against his throat.

"Do not fucking touch me unless I say so, asshole," she seethed, her eyes livid. If looks could kill, there was no doubt in Edward's mind that would've expired then. He was ready to piss in his shorts, because the woman above him could easily kick his ass, probably kill him, too.

"Sorry, I can't help it, 3B," he gasped when she tightened her hold on his balls. It felt far from nice; in fact, it hurt like hell. She was likely strong enough to tear them off. However, his dick seemed to enjoy that shit a bit too much, that traitorous appendage was a masochistic and her fucking slave.

Bella seemed to focus more on his new nickname for her, than on the fact that she could make him sing soprano for the rest of his life. "Three bee?"

A shit-eating grin spread across his face as he answered, trying to keep from grimacing. "BBB – Bubble Butt Bella." The "Bella" came out more like a squeak at the tightening of her hand, before she rolled her eyes at him and got off.

Damn, he missed the feel of her on him. "I hope I made my point clear," she said with a questioning look. Edward groaned as he sat up, cupping himself because he was hurting. The bitch had the audacity to smile innocently at him.

"I won't touch you without permission," he grunted as he rose to his feet. "Jesus fuck, I don't think I can feel my balls anymore." The bitch only snorted in reply. "You gave me blue balls, do you know that? And not the hurting because you won't let me fuck you kind, either." She shook her head as she took another drink of water. "All right, you give me the other kind, too."

He thought, why lie?

"I'm so glad you got my point." She raised a fist and her eyes narrowed. "Need another lesson?" He shook his head quickly, he was sure his balls couldn't take another blow. At least not the kind she was offering him at the moment. "I'm going for a swim," she said, wiping her forehead with a towel.

She wanted to go for a swim, in a pool. Hell no, he didn't swim in pools. "Fuck," he whispered, watching as Bella turned away, unaware of his turmoil. He felt his brow bead with sweat, his chest constrict. She didn't wait for him, likely still upset with his ass as she walked toward the door that led outside.

Taking a few fortified breaths, Edward followed her quietly, trying to come up with an excuse. "I don't want to go for a swim," he stated.

"That's fine," she said over her shoulder. "I'll see you later then."

"You're not going out there alone, are you?"

"Of course I am." Confusion filled her eyes as she turned enough to watch him.

He shook his head, not caring if he sounded like an asshole. "No you're not. What if something happens to you?"

She looked questionably, her soul-searching gaze on him. "Nothing is going to happen to me." He growled at her patronizing smile. "I'm a good swimmer. No worries." She patted his cheek with her hand, and then stepped in front of the keypad to punch in the code so he couldn't see. Her eyes remained on him, and he could see she worried that he'd make a grab at her again.

That didn't matter since he only had one concern. "Please don't," he gasped, taking her arm in his hand.

Her eyes widened, fire building behind her dark gaze. He knew he'd pay for laying a hand on her again. However, she must have seen something in his eyes because she quickly composed herself. He didn't know what she saw, not that he cared. He just didn't want her swimming on her own.

"Why don't you just come outside and sit for a while," she offered. What caused her to offer that? Did she think that he didn't want to leave her side? And she called him cocky. She was so full of shit, he thought bitterly. "I'm just going to do a few laps."

He debated with himself for a second, nodding after another. As long as she didn't go out there alone, that was all that mattered to him. He could see she wanted to discuss his behavior, but he offered her nothing more.

Quietly, he followed her outside, his eyes darting from the lounge chairs to Bella. His gaze moved slowly toward the pool. The sun was high overhead and hot as hell, and he knew the pool would look inviting to anyone else, except for him.

He heard Bella talking, but her voice seemed too distant as if he was trying to listen to her from beneath the surface of the water. Her towel and her tank top hit his stomach, but fell on the floor as Bella dove right into the pool.

The constriction in his chest tightened so much that he couldn't breathe. He gasped and tried to bring air into his lungs, the dizziness overwhelmed him in seconds, forcing him to his knees, his body trembling.

_Edward's feet slipped and slid across the wet concrete near the pool. There was blood on the edge and he knew then that his sister hit her head, probably falling in._

"_Nessie!" he screamed, as he dove into the pool, with all his clothes on. The cold water shocked him as he tried hard to get to her, his clothes weighing him down. He had to surface to breathe. He hissed as he cracked his brow against the pool's edge. With another deep breath, he swam toward his sister. He failed to realize that he kept screaming, tears running down his cheeks only slowed him down. "Nessie!"_

_A thunderous boom crackled in the darkening sky above as he struggled to reach her, weighed down by his jeans and boots._

"_Nessie!" he cried as his arm wrapped around her waist. She wouldn't say anything, she wasn't moving as he worked to turn her to face him._

_His scream was deafening, noticing her eyes wide open…_

Edward heard someone screaming as he struggled to breathe. "Edward!" Suddenly, he felt hands in his hair, and saw Bella's dark eyes, searching for his as she cupped his face.

"Breathe, Edward! Damn you! Breathe! Somebody, help me!"


	7. The Talk

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Seven—The Talk**

* * *

"Breathe!" Bella cradled Edward's face in her hands, water dripping down her arms and screaming for help as she watched him struggle. Seeing Edward drop to his knees shocked her in way that she wasn't ready to examine. However, to watch as the man that stood so tall and cocky, become a crumpled mess was heartbreaking. She felt her chin tremble as his lashes fluttered against his cheeks.

"Bella," he gasped, breathless and rough.

Emmett and Rosalie rushed out of the adjacent building, kicking up dust from the desert floor, the sun bright overhead.

Rosalie swore as she knelt down and pressed her fingers to Edward's pulse point."It's too fast," she whispered as he started to sob.

Emmett and Bella shared a look, giving him a nod after a second. "Edward, man, I am going to help you up, okay, dude?" Emmett said softly. Edward groaned as Emmett hauled him to his feet.

"Fuck," Emmett mouthed to Bella as he threw Edward's arm over his shoulder. Rosalie was fighting tears as she watched Edward. They all seemed just as confused as Bella. It was too soon for this stage of withdrawal. Something else triggered his panic attack.

Bella cursed, she knew something would happen. She knew allowing Alice in too soon would backfire. When she made the call, she was determined to get more information about Edward's possible fear of water, but that didn't happen. Alice had changed the subject, and Bella had forgotten.

The lapse in judgment could have been disastrous and if something to happened to Edward because of it, she'd never forgive herself. She'd have to be the bitch and make sure Alice and Jasper understood that their budding friendship could not interfere with Edward's recovery. She'd send Jasper home, if needed. Another thing she just realized, Jasper was supposed to be watching over them and he hadn't sounded the alarm. The moment a target went down like Edward had, a piercing wail should have sounded through every room in the facility.

He'd have hell to pay, because it was obvious he left his station.

"Please," Edward whispered, his head lolling to the side to look at her. "Please don't swim."

She remembered his reaction to the pool during the tour and about her swimming on her own, and was wondering if Edward had some kind of fear or phobia. Nothing in his records would give her to answers. She was still awaiting information about all the family members and more medical records. She cursed herself again for forgetting to ask Alice.

"I won't, Edward," Bella replied softly, slipping an arm around his waist. Together, they walked toward the main part of the facility. Rosalie keyed the code in quickly, and they rushed him into a room that Edward had yet to see.

Emmett helped Edward out on the couch as Rosalie grabbed his wrist, monitoring his heartbeat. "Deep breaths," she said softly.

"I'm trying," he choked out as she rose to her feet.

Bella took Rosalie's place, sitting on a coffee table in front of Edward. She held his hands in hers, her thumb rubbing soothing circles into his palm. It was something her mother did when she had nightmares as a child. It often calmed her enough to fall asleep again. Emmett and Rosalie stood by the door, their face set in grim remembrance. They'd both seen this in other targets and it never got easier, and Emmett had seen it from both sides.

"It's okay," Bella said, keeping her eyes on Edward. "I can handle it from here."

"You sure, boss?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she mumbled as she tried to pry Edward's fingers from her own. "And Emmett, tell Jasper to take the night off. He's off watch and to expect a visit from me later."

Emmett grimaced and flipped off the camera; the fact that Jasper did not respond pissed Bella off even more. He wasn't watching as he should be, and that was dangerous in their line of work.

Edward's grip had tightened when she tried to pull away, allowing her attention to return to focus on him. It relaxed when they heard the soft click of the door closing, meaning they were alone.

"I need to lie down," Edward muttered, shaking his head slowly. Bella helped him lie back on the couch.

For a few minutes, the only sounds in the room were the steady breaths from Bella that Edward worked hard to match and the tick of a clock nearby. She ran her fingers through his hair, waiting for him to calm down.

"Can you tell me what happened out there?" she asked.

Though he avoided her eyes, she didn't like the look of despair in them as he stared at the ceiling above. "The pool…water…too deep," he hissed, his breathing returning to a higher speed. The tears that started to fill his eyes, the way his body shook, she knew he was still seeing some nightmare behind his eyes. As if he was still reliving whatever terror it was.

"Tell me what's wrong," she said softly.

Twice, he tried to speak, but his words seemed to choke him, deeply lodged in his throat and mind. She was afraid to send him into another tailspin, but she needed answers and it was always best to listen when an addict made a breakthrough. Even if the timing was off.

"Turn toward me," she murmured and helped him comply. She rubbed his back as he took several deep breaths, steadying himself. His hands were trembling in hers, as she remained sitting beside him.

"I – she wasn't meant to go out. Mom told her not to, Ms. Cope was supposed to come over while she was gone, but something happened and she was running late. And…and she didn't listen to me," he said, yanking his hands out of hers, his fists clenching tightly against his chest as if his heart hurt.

Bella kept her voice soft and even, so not to startle him. He seemed so distant, still lost in the memories that seemed to be a heavy burden for him. "Who didn't listen to you?"

"She always thought she knew everything," he said as he shook his head. "She was always so sure of herself."

Bella knew it was best to let him talk. She settled into a more comfortable position, waiting patiently for him to continue. He surprised her, though, taking her hand in his, as if he needed the contact.

"I told her that it was too cold and that mom said no. Nessie didn't listen, said I was boring. It was that time of year right before the fall, where the weather could change in an instant. That's something I remember clearly, the sky was dark and grey."

She watched as he licked his lips, looking at her questionably. As if he expected her to say something, ask questions or even offer encouragement. Instead, she only brushed his hair from his face again, offered him a soft smile.

Without a word, she rose to her feet and walked over to a mini fridge to pull out two bottles of water. In silence, she helped him sit up to take some small drinks. Bella didn't ask questions again, only watched him. He cleared his throat, staring blankly at something over her shoulder after another swallow of water.

Bella didn't have to wait long for Edward to break the lengthening silence.

"Mom had taken Alice to the hospital because she cut her finger, bad enough to require stitches, and Dad was working that shift. She'd had to leave us before, but usually our neighbor would watch us, but it was an emergency, so we had to wait for Mrs. Cope to come. She told Nessie to keep away from the pool, but she didn't listen to anyone. She never _ever_ listened," he said angrily, tears gathering in his eyes. He seemed completely unaware of them, even as they fell.

"They kept telling me that it wasn't my fault," he continued in a voice that was unlike anything she heard from him before. There was anger, deep regret, and shame in his voice. "But every time I looked at my mom, I could see it. She blamed me for her precious Nessie drowning and dying."

Bella was shocked after learning a piece of information his family should have disclosed the moment they agreed for him to get the help he needed. What surprised her more was Edward's belief that his sister's death was his fault.

Bella had already suspected that his issues had started at a young age. If Edward's mother had taken Alice to the hospital, she guessed that she'd been young. There was only four years between them.

"Whatever happened to Nessie wasn't your fault," she murmured after Edward remained quiet for a few minutes.

"I tried to tell her," he hissed as if she said nothing. "I kept saying no, and she just wouldn't listen. She always thought she knew best… I found her."

"Where did you find Nessie, Edward?"

"I thought she hadn't gone in!" he tried to explain. For some reason, he seemed to want her to understand as he continued to explain. "I was just listening to music in my room and doing my homework. I went to check on her because Nessie couldn't stay mad at me for long. I couldn't find her at first and I walked outside, and I just saw her floating. She wasn't – she wasn't moving. I couldn't get to her fast enough. She just looked up at the sky. Her lips were blue. She was gone, and it was my entire fault for ignoring her."

His head dropped to his chest, and Bella could see as more tears fell from his eyes. Her heart went out to him as he furiously wiped them away. She could see the man he'd been before all the drinking took over, before addiction had claimed him. As he looked at her, she could see the echo of the child who had found his dead sister, the son of a mother who had lost her child, but most of all, she could see the young boy who had blamed himself for everything.

"I dove straight in and pulled her with me to the side. Her eyes were just open and blank. Her body was freezing. I just kept asking her to talk to me. Then Mom and Dad came home with Alice, and they found us. Dad was trying to resuscitate her while Mom was hysterically crying on the phone, calling for an ambulance. I sat there beside her, holding her hand hoping her next breath would come, but it never ever came."

She tried to draw closer to him, but he pulled back. "I am so sorry, Edward."

"Every single day for months after that, I used to watch my mom as she stared out at the pool, knowing that it was there that her daughter died. Dad filled it in a couple of months later. He built a sandbox and playhouse for Alice, right over the spot. I never went near the area again."

When he said nothing for a couple of minutes, Bella spoke up. "What happened wasn't your fault."

"It _was _my fault!" he spat almost angrily. "Nessie was my twin, and I was supposed to be looking after her!"

"Edward!" she said, taking a firm hold on his face before he could pull away further. "How old were you?"

"What does that matter?" Though he kept his gaze on her, he seemed to be looking through her. His memories were keeping him prisoner within the walls of his own making.

"Ten," he answered as his hands closed around her wrists. She could see the struggle in his eyes, in the unclenching and clenching of his fingers around her. He couldn't decide if he wanted to push her away or pull in closer. A part of him craved comfort.

"You were a child. It is not your responsibility to look after someone else! What happened to her was not your fault."

He moved her hands away, pulling back and shaking his head. He laughed as he looked her in the eye. "You can't change something I've believed my whole life!"

Bella shifted back as he rose to his feet and started to pace. She moved slowly toward a comfortable chair and silently prayed that some kind of breakthrough was coming. Although, the revelation of the death of his sister one in itself.

Though she was angry that she had come to learn about the accident that claimed his sister, it was good for Edward to discuss it. However, if she'd known beforehand she could've prevented at the very least the panic attack near the pool. His family was in for a rude awakening soon enough.

Bella also knew what it was like to keep everything bottled up inside of you, coiling and tightening until all you could do was explode. It wasn't healthy for Edward to keep something like the death of his sister inside of him.

He needed to let out whatever was poisoning his mind against the world. Despite the sadness of his past, his future was more important. There was more he had to tell her, the death of a patient he'd become attached to was still lying dormant in his mind. If Edward had any chance of a normal life, he had to rid himself of all his demons.

As he paced, Bella noticed that he was becoming more agitated by the second. "Do you know I call my mother by her first name? I call her Esme because seriously, I don't think she even cares about me anymore."

"Edward," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Your mother loves you."

"You don't know anything," he snapped at her, but quickly looked away. "You don't know my mom, my dad, or any of my fucking family. Don't tell me something you don't know!" Bella could easily tell him that his family was worried sick about him. That Alice had been in constant contact with her and Jasper. Something told her to hold back, because he was too far gone to listen to anything she had to say. What touched home with her was how similar Edward was to herself.

After her mother had died, she constantly questioned everything. Though she knew her father loved her, he had chosen the bottle over her and his own health. Some of the things Edward said reminded her of her father as he went through withdrawal, too. He questioned her mother's love for him, questioned what he meant to her.

"Your mother was the only one who objected to this," she said, cocking an eyebrow in question.

He laughed at her, almost manically. Not good, she thought. "You think it's because she loves me? She hates confrontation and scandals," he spat. "She doesn't want anything to destroy her perfect Stepford Wife image. She told me to keep my problems private! Another thing, she told me it was my fault, too!"

_Mommy issues, much?_ Bella found it hard to believe that a mother would blame her child for something he had little control over.

Bella kept her features under tight control as she replied, "I think we'll eventually need to address the anger issues you have toward your mother, Edward."

Not yet, she said to herself. There was no way he could do it before his withdrawal. It would prove moot and be counterproductive.

"I have fucking anger issues with everyone and everything! Especially you!"

_Here comes Assward again._

"None of your head shrinking will help me, Bella. I'll even make it easy for you to understand why. I hate my fucking mother for the way she treated me. For the way she obviously loved Alice more. But most of all, for the way she looked at me everyday, like I was the one who fucking killed my sister."

Why did he believe that Esme blamed him? Had she actually said those words to him? If she had, Bella would make sure the woman got a piece of her mind. It was cases like Edward's, which not only the addict had to receive a dose of tough love. However, she had to remain professional as possible. It would do no good to piss the woman off and force her to call the authorities and accuse Bella of kidnapping her son.

"I can deal with Carlisle," he said, pulling at his hair with both his hands. "He was always working, but he made time for me. He took me out, tried to help me deal with Nessie's death. My father is the only one who understood. She was a part of me – my other half."

A look of a child, of a little boy lost fell upon his features as he came to standstill near Bella. When she said nothing, he continued without looking at her, as if she wasn't even in the room. He needed this, it seemed; to purge everything inside him. She didn't want to stop him, but she just hoped he'd be that open after his withdrawal.

"I moved the fuck out of that house as soon as I could," he stated, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling for a moment. "I got as far away as my inheritance from my grandfather, Aro, would take me. I went to medical school, moved onto the campus, and then, eventually off. I didn't see my mother for a while, worked my ass off for my residency…"

He froze suddenly, and Bella internally cursed. He'd been so close to telling her what his downfall was. She tried gently to coax more after he remained quiet for a few minutes, leaning against the far wall. "But you ended back up at home, didn't you, Edward?"

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore," he said with a shake of his head.

"Edward…"

"I don't want to fucking talk about it!" he growled. As if autopilot, he reached for the nearest object, a stereo remote, and threw it at the wall behind Bella. It shattered into several pieces as she jumped up.

Circling him, she hissed, "Smashing things to pieces doesn't help anything or anyone." Neither did drinking, she thought yet didn't say, but her tone and the look in her eyes must have implied it.

"You fucking bitch!" he snarled as he lunged toward her.

"Not going to happen," she shouted, sidestepping his clumsy attempt and tripping him up. She pounced on his ass as he landed on his front.

"Get the fuck off me!" he demanded, struggling to buck her off.

"I've gotten one fucking fat lip from you already," she growled, keeping only minimal pressure in the middle of his back with her knee. She wanted to subdue him, not break him. "I am not letting you get away with giving me another. Physical violence is never the answer, Edward."

"Go to hell," he muttered as he slumped underneath her. After a minute, he started to shudder. Carefully, she moved off him, cradling him in her arms as he started to sob.

"Come on, Cullen," she stated firmly as he finally got under control. "You have to be exhausted after the day we had. Let's get you into bed."

When he said nothing to that, Bella knew he'd sleep for at least a few hours, if not the rest of the day. The Edward she already knew would've never allowed an innuendo producing statement go unanswered. She had him in bed a few minutes later, and waited for him to fall asleep.

Bella knew hours after meeting him that she had definitely taken on her hardest target. Once he was clean, she knew it would be worth every struggle she would endure with him. Edward had such a promising medical career ahead of him before alcohol had addled his mind and destroyed his willpower. He could be so much more than anyone envisioned him to be.

Though her methods were never one hundred percent, she needed to push Edward in the right direction, to help him talk to her. If he continued with his destructive, violent behavior, she'd have to be careful, but some shock therapy using photographs might trigger memories as the pool obviously had. She needed Edward to open up and tell her more about his past.

Bella needed to have Alice send some pictures to use for a session after he recovered from withdrawal. Thanks to Jasper, she had the means to get them quickly. Thank you, Facebook, she thought. Landlines in the facility's area were non-existent and they relied on satellite. She would never be able to give out a direct phone number anyway; it would do no good for anyone to know of Edward's exact whereabouts.

She made a note to call Mrs. Cullen as soon as Bella had more information about what happened Edward's past. The woman needed to explain her behavior toward her son. How could she have treated him the way she had, evidently blaming him for his sister's death? Perhaps Edward had misinterpreted her words.

"_She told me it was my fault, too!"_

She was dumbfounded. A call to Alice beforehand might prove useful, too. It would give her another perspective other than Edward's; she couldn't take in only his accounts and go off half-cocked to his mother. She also had to give Carlisle and Alice some hell, too. How could they not have told her about the circumstances of Edward sister's death?

She blamed herself, too. If she hadn't become distracted during the phone call to Alice, then maybe she could've handled what happened with Edward better.

She was exhausted, and checking the time, she realized hours had passed. With a groan, she checked on Edward, not surprised to see that he hardly moved. He hadn't eaten anything but breakfast, but it was best for him to sleep. Soon enough, he would hardly sleep a wink unless he was put under sedation. That was likely, since she had yet to have one target go without it as they often got violent and could hurt themselves.

As she recovered him with a blanket he had kicked off, she went around the room and cleaned up after him. She rolled her eyes at her need to tidy up, but it was something ingrained in her since she was a child. Edward would have to pay for that later, though. Another cold shower would certainly help teach him a lesson.

"Good night, Eddie," she whispered, smiling at his answering grunt. His hair was a mess, lying on his stomach with a pillow stuffed under his head, arm, and most of his chest. The movement beneath the covers at least told her that he was dreaming something good, other than about what happened earlier.

"Hornball," she murmured as she walked backward toward the door. Safety first, she reminded herself. At the door, she heard him call out her name. With a heavy sigh, she locked him inside. It was always a risk to have the doors locked in case of fire; thankfully, the building was equipped so that if there was a fire, or carbon monoxide in the air, the doors automatically opened as the alarm sounded.

As she settled in her bedroom after a quick bite to eat, her cell phone rang. A look at the caller id display, she frowned and wondered why Rosalie was calling.

"Hey, Rose, is everything okay?"

"I got the blood samples tested for everything, Bella," she said. "We're still waiting on one, but I got some results." There was no mistaking the empathy in her voice.

"What is it?"

"He needs to come and see me first thing in the morning, Bella. He has an STD, and I need to get him started on a course of antibiotics," she explained.

"Is it advanced?" Bella asked worriedly.

"Fairly new," Rosalie replied. "And that's why I need to see him first thing. He just needs a small treatment course, and then it will be all cleared up."

"What does he have, Rose?"

"He has Chlamydia."

As Bella hung up a few minutes later, she massaged her temples, feeling the onset of another migraine. Edward had only been there two days. Could things get any worse for him? The answer was yes, things could get much worse.

* * *

**AN: Thanks to kyla713 for cleaning up this mess of a chapter. Hope everyone has a nice day. Until next week.**


	8. The Results

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Eight – The Results**

* * *

It was a fucking nightmare, since Edward thought he was in hell. He struggled to sleep all night, his memories on the forefront of his thoughts, exposed and out in the open for all to see. Everything had unleashed in a torrent of emotions and words. He couldn't believe he'd lost it the day before.

It was the sound of the water splashing as Bella dove in the pool that triggered his memories. Dragged from the depths of his mind, the memories had surfaced, from the darkness he did not like to tread. They had been unreachable for years, yet somehow, Miss I-Kissed-a-Girl had already punched the fucking steel-enforced wall.

_I'm pathetic._

Two fucking years, three days a week, three-hundred-dollar-an-hour therapy and still, he'd never broken down as he had or ever given so much information to anyone. Seeing Bella in the water with her dark hair floating along the water's surface for the insignificant second, had unmanned him. All he could see were her dead eyes.

Superimposed over the pool in the middle of the desert was an image of his sister in their pool back in Chicago, and he just fucking lost it. There was something about Bella, and he realized it. It was something that didn't allow him to give her more of his usual bullshit and send her packing. Some would find it hard to believe, but he held back.

The fact that she could cut through it all and probably fucking stuff his dick down his throat if she wanted to, was the reason she'd been successful. Fuck, he'd met his damn match. Who else could handle all that crap he dished out and still come out on top?

No one had ever been able to. He'd given all previous head shrinks, therapists, counselors, textbook answers to their questions during sessions, only so they would back off. They diagnosed him with everything from being bi-polar to a multiple personality disorder, with megalomaniac tendencies and a god complex. It took them a few more sessions to figure out they were being fucked with; most of whom were in tears as Edward left their offices.

No one ever had him talk about the truth, much less the past, until Miss-I-Wanna-Sex-You-Up.

Sexing her up was exactly what he wanted. His train of thought once again diverted its normal path of thinking and decided to allow his cock to take over. He didn't want to think about how the bitch could fix him, possibly save him from the darkness he thrived in, most of the time.

His mind focused on one thing; fucking the harpy. He vowed in his plain white ass room, that he would get her in his bed, screaming his name and riding his cock as he sucked her pretty, pink tits.

_This, I solemnly swear._

Edward sat up against the wall, cracking his knuckles as he started to formulate a plan. Working out in the gym would be his ticket to getting Miss-I-Gotta-Have-Cock, eating out of the palm of his hand.

"Eating and licking off her juices, that is," he whispered to himself, as he clapped his hands together, smiling wickedly. The bitch didn't stand a chance, not with the both of them panting and sweating and his killer six pack abs, which he was determined to earn by the time he left Mexico.

Edward remained on his bed, hoping to sleep in, but felt disgusting. His body was sticky from the perspiration of the events that had transpired the day before and his dreams. He was going to have to shower, and he had a feeling that the harpy wasn't going to be lenient on his punishment and allow him some warm water.

Another way to get into her pants was to kiss up a little. Maybe make her day easier. Nah, he thought, where was the fun in that? However, he'd at least get up of his own accord. That would at least make her see that he was making an effort.

He grumbled all her nicknames under his breath as he climbed out of bed and removed the sheets. There was no way he'd sleep in those again. It seemed that he sweated while he was in bed. He leveled a look at the camera, hoping she was watching like before.

Grinning, he called out for her, "Hey, big mouth, I need new sheets."

"Who are you calling a big mouth?" a booming voice said over the intercom.

"Ah…is 3B not watching me today?" Edward asked, throwing the dirty linens in the corner of the room. That shit was a damn shame, too; he was hoping he could rile her up again. From what he remembered, there were two men at the facility, and were likely the bastards that took him from his bed back home.

"It's my shift right now. And what's a 3B?"

"What's your name? Have we met?" he asked, laughing as he laid out some clean grey basketball shorts and a blue muscle shirt on the bare mattress. He added, "And if you want to know, ask the harpy and you'll find out."

"It's Emmett and yeah, we've met." There was a brief pause before the man on the intercom continued with a snicker. "Do you always sleep in the buff?"

"So did you get a good eyeful when you took me?" Edward flipped off the camera and considered mooning the bastard.

"You can say that. You're not gonna tell me about Bella, are you?" Edward shook his head, scratching his cheek with his middle finger. "That's what I thought. I have a feeling if I want to keep my balls intact, I probably shouldn't ask her what 3B means."

Edward laughed aloud, clutching his side. The bruise in his back still bothered him; fucking lucky shot, he thought bitterly. "It's probably not a good idea. There's that and then she'd probably come after mine if I told you."

He hightailed it into the bathroom, went though his daily routine. There was a lot of cursing out the bitch with nice tits because of the frigidity of his shower. The whole fucking time, Emmett was laughing at him.

Edward growled, "Yeah, now you're on my bad side, asshole."

Bella lay in bed, having finished her morning routine at five in the morning. She slept little after leaving Edwards's room the night before. When she had managed to catch some, dark images of her past filled her dreams.

Her past was starting to come back and haunt her. She knew that the best way to face them was head on, and she would have to save a block of time to do that. A call to Charlie would help, and she missed him, anyway. Her mother on the other hand; maybe a look through a photo album would help her cope.

With a sigh, she sat up at the edge of her bed, rolling her head from side to side, her feet dangling. Exhaustion had her slipping to the floor to do some crunches, hoping to get her going again. The buzzing of the intercom pulled her from her exercise several minutes later and she jumped as Emmett's booming voice filled the room.

"Boss?" he called through the intercom. "Boss? Are you there?"

Laughing, she walked over to the panel and pressed a button. "I'm here, you ass."

He laughed. "Aw, did I wake you, honey?"

"No, I've been up for a while."

"Rosie wants to know if you can you bring Eddie down to the clinic, needs to have his meds with lots of water."

That instantly made her back straighten; it was time to tell Edward. "Yeah, just give me some time to go grab him."

"You got it, boss," he replied and then sighed off.

She ran through her routine again for another ten minutes and quickly washed up. There was a good chance that Edward would not take the news well, and with his withdrawal around the corner, it could be worse. He would probably lash out, as it seemed to be his usual tactic.

This had been the first time one of her addicts had an STD. With Emmett and Jasper, there had been nothing like that to treat. Was this another lesson that Edward needed to learn? Didn't he have enough to deal with? She remembered that it could be worse, and they were still waiting for the results of another test.

Bella looked out at the morning sky and cursed whoever had put this on Edward.

"Fuck you, you disease ridden bitch," she hissed as if the woman in question was right there in the room.

Edward's life was so fucked up, and if she was honest with herself, she didn't know how the hell he was going to cope with withdrawal. A brain could only take so much before it had a full mental breakdown. Bella didn't believe he could handle it. If he were anything like Jasper, his withdrawal would be filled with ghosts. She shuddered at the thought.

She drew up her hair in a loose knot at the back of her head. The days that lay ahead were those she always dreaded when taking on a new addict. Watching their anger and pain always brought out the victim in her, no matter how hard she reined it in. She hated when that vulnerable part of her was exposed.

It was something that was hard to avoid since she always became invested with the addicts that came through her facilities. She'd been helping others like Jasper, Emmett, and Edward since she was eighteen years old. To her, she started a year too late, not that her father blamed her for her mother.

Feeling disgusted with herself, trying to clear her head, she practically punched in the key code into the pad on the wall to exit the building. Determined to get a control of herself, she walked out into the sunny courtyard. The reflection from the pool was minimal compared to the day before. She watched the small breeze send ripples over the surface, and couldn't fight the surge of anger and grief-filled tears that sprung forth. She wiped them away and went back inside minutes later, and kept going until she reached Edward's bedroom.

She let herself in, not expecting to find him awake and dressing. That she was surprised by his early rising was an understatement.

"Jesus, harpy!" Edward said, grinning and looking too happy to catch her unaware. "Do you ever knock? Admit it." His smirk was the first hint to his thoughts. "You wanted another peek at my junk. I'll be happy to oblige." He went to his shorts and started to pull them down, giving her a glimpse of the grey boxer briefs underneath.

Bella needed to bring him down a notch or two and telling him what she learned the night before would help. So much for trying to make it hurt less.

"Nope," she replied, trying to sound bored. "So your test results came back…" Her hands clasped behind her back, swaying a little and pausing just to piss him off enough to ask.

That seemed to stop the movements of his hands from pushing down his pants. His eyebrows rose and when she said nothing else, he asked, "What the fuck do I have?"

Bella could see the fear in his eyes as she ran a hand through her hair, dislodging the knot. _Just say it quick, like a fucking band-aid, _she told herself. She wasn't that much of a bitch; he looked too scared to fuck with and there was no fun in that.

"Fuck," Edward exclaimed quietly, catching the look on her face. "What do I have, Swan?" he asked again, and Bella could see the defensive façade slipping down.

"You have chlamydia, Edward," she replied in as soothing tone as possible. "But it's fairly new, and it can be treated with just a few antibiotics."

"Are you sure?" he asked, and she nodded. "Thank fuck for that."

She could see the relief in his eyes, but some of the bravado from his words was lost when he cupped himself. Men, she thought, woke up when their dicks were threatened.

"We have to go through your sexual history and write down as many possible recent partners as we can. Can you remember?" she asked, picking up after him. His clothes were all over the place. He watched her with another annoying grin, and she flipped him off since he obviously figured out how anal she was about a tidy room.

"I'm not some drunken man whore, Swan," he hissed, throwing a t-shirt on. "I think I remember who I fuck!"

"Jeez, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes. "Can you blame me for asking? You do give off that 'I'd fuck anything that walks' vibe."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Well, excuse me, Miss Wanna-Be Cock-blocker, if I have a fucking sexual appetite!"

It was not the time for a disagreement. "Well, Eddie, look where that sexual appetite got you, you big fucking dick." What was it about this man that brought up all her defenses?

Edward sneered and walked toward her. "This big fucking dick would make you scream, bitch, and don't you forget that!"

Once again, he spun their conversation onto them. Her lips tilted up on one side that had him instantly backing up.

"Would it sound something like this? _Oh, Edward! Oh, Edward, yes! Oh Edward, fuck me!_" she moaned, grinning all the way through. "They were probably faking it."

"You bitch," he groaned, adjusting himself carefully.

"That's my name, don't wear it out." She laughed as she held open the door for him to pass.

He didn't let the opportunity go to waste, stepped closer, and forced her against the door. His arms rested above her, letting her feel what she did to him. "I am going to fuck you one day, Swan. You know that, right?" His words were beside her ear, but she kept her reaction to him tightly controlled and inside her.

She skimmed her fingers down his chest, standing onto the tips of her toes to whisper in his ear. "You are not very fond of your balls, are you, Edward?" At the feel of her knee at his crotch, her smirk appeared. "And in your fucking dreams, stud," she added, rolling her eyes as she pushed him away. "Come on, it's time for breakfast."

Edward fought the urge to tell the little wench off and followed her like the fucking obedient dog he was. He hoped the good behavior would earn him more of Bella's fucking awesome eggs. He was starving, which he knew he needed to take advantage of since he'd likely not eat for a few days soon enough.

He wasn't stupid; the easy trigger the day before, fatigue and sweating all night were all signs. Withdrawal was about to kick his ass. As he watched his warden's robust ass sway in front of him, he realized it wasn't something he wanted her to see.

This time, making breakfast went without a hitch. They worked together to eat some more bacon and eggs. Clean up had only taken a few minutes, too.

"See that wasn't so hard," Bella said, placing the last cup away.

"Trust me,_ it_ was hard."

Watching her work the stove and move around the kitchen just about drove him fucking crazy. Their conversation throughout their meal at least wasn't so bad, keeping it to their choice of reading material. She at least promised to put a Stephen King novel on in his room when he feels up to it.

She had him follow him outside of their building. He winced at the bright sunlight, shielding his eyes. Bella looked back over her shoulder, as he quickly passed the pool.

"I'm sorry," he heard her say as he caught up to her. "This is the fastest way to the other building."

Edward wished she hadn't caught his fear of the pool, making him hiss in anger, "Like you give a fuck." He realized his mistake a few seconds later, the sound of her sigh was enough to confirm his thought. His overreaction to her simple apology gave away how much the pool affected him.

She stopped in front of him, too close to the fucking pool and sent him on edge again. He grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the other building until they were under the eave. He let her go and was able to take another breath into his lungs. The fact that she allowed him to lead her away made him back up from her, not wanting to another knee to his crotch.

When she opened her mouth to say something, he shook his head. "Don't. I'm begging you not to bring up that shit right now. I can't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. You and I both know that you shouldn't try to take a crack at my fucking mind until after withdrawal. What would be the point? I might forget everything that's happened in the last couple of days anyway."

She didn't say a word, only watched him. It was fucking unnerving and had him backtracking. "Look, I'm sorry I manhandled you, alright."

It was then that she smiled. "We'll stay away from the pool for now. But by the time you leave, you will be over that fear. I guarantee it."

He shook his head. "I doubt it."

She shrugged, moving to hide the key pad from him and punching in the numbers. "We'll talk about it later, but if you succeed through each water-related activity, you can visit the media room."

"Of course, you'd find a way to torture me more," he grumbled, wishing his curiosity wasn't piqued. "What kind of activities?"

As she led him down the hallway, she answered. "If you can step into the pool, stand in the water to your waist, that kind of thing, one step at a time."

"Media room?"

She grinned then. "The best room in the whole place."

"I highly doubt that, 3B. That would likely be your bedroom."

She snorted, smacking his stomach with her hand. "Control yourself, asshole."

He shrugged. "So what's the media room?"

"Not gonna lie. It's a man's dream room and mine. Complete with eighty inch LED television, movie theater quality sound system, pool table, a few game machines." She walked backward, looking excited. It was obvious she enjoyed talking about this room. "There's tons of fucking movies to choose from, popcorn and soda machine. You can either sit in these fucking awesome recliners or huge fucking pillows."

"Where have you been all my life?" he joked, laughing. "If you tell me you love to watch football and action flicks, I'll drop to my knee right the fuck now."

"Yippee k-yay mother fucker!" She twisted around, popping a hip as she pretended to shoot out the place.

Fuck, she was cute. Edward couldn't get over how carefree she looked and talked now that she let her guard down. Did she do it because she felt more comfortable with him? Or because they had more in common than he originally thought?

His number one question nearly tumbled from his lips. _Why are you doing this, sweetheart?_

Bella felt good after discovering another common interest she shared with Edward. It would always make things simpler if she had an easy rapport with the addicts. She didn't form relationships at first, not until it was obvious that they wouldn't take advantage of it. Try to hurt her in some way.

She knew it was best not to form the attachment with them, but in truth, the friendships she formed with them helped them see her as someone other than a threat, as a traditional therapist did. To this day, she was good friends with all her former targets and kept in touch, even the one that had to come to her facility twice.

"Not the time, Bella," she whispered under her breath, not wanting her thoughts to dwell on him. He was her past, and it was time she looked at her future.

"What was that?" Edward asked as she opened the door to the main lab.

"Nada," she said quickly, smiling as Rosalie greeted them.

"Come on in," Rosalie said, leading Edward to sit down. They watched as she hid the key pad to key in a code to the locked medication cabinet. "Just in case you were thinking about escaping and grabbing something before you left, I'm the only one that knows the code. Not even Bella does."

Edward nodded. Bella watched him as Rosalie laid out a few packets of capsules and bottle of water from a mine fridge. "The HIV test came back negative, but as I'm sure you're aware, there's still a window."

"Yeah," he said with groan. "I should get tested again in a six months." Rosalie nodded and continued. "As you know, when your test results came back, they showed you have chlamydia. It's new and there's not much to worry about, understand?"

Bella knew that her friend was only trying to assure Edward. With what lay ahead and all the issues that he seemed to have, he didn't need more to bring him down or send him into another panic attack.

"Yes," Edward replied his eyes down on his lap.

"It is a very common infection among your age group, and even the safest sexually active person can be infected. It's easily spread. What I'm going to give you today are two tablets called doxycycline, which will help eradicate the infection. I want you to take these for the next three days, one in the morning and one at night."

"Will I be allowed to keep these tablets on me?" he asked. "Or will my warden administer them?"

Bella looked at Rosalie, surprised. She thought for sure he'd put up a stink if she had to administer his medication.

"I'd like Bella to supervise," Rosalie said. "I know that the next few days will be tough for you, and it may slip your mind. Our first priority is you, Edward. Always you."

He nodded absently, looking at the packaging. "Why you didn't use azithromycin, ofloxacin, or erythromycin?"

Rosalie looked taken aback; Bella hadn't explained that he had attended medical school. With her clients, she kept as much as their background on a need to know basis with the others. The last time they had a famous actor, she had to let go one of her trusted people because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Thankfully, he didn't take it out on them and donated a shitload of money, instead.

Bella gave her friend a small shrug, watching as Rosalie gathered herself quickly. "Those are for more advanced cases. We caught yours at the beginning stages, so the stronger dosage treatments were not required."

As Edward took his dose of medication, Bella sighed in relief. He didn't make a big deal out of the situation or lash out. Hearing him speak like a medical professional, made her feel a bit emotional. It was a glimpse of the man he could become; it made her want to shake him to get him to realize his potential.

"How I wish I could slap the back of your head and tell you to play doctor." Oh shit, she thought, I said that aloud.

Rosalie's mouth was agape and Edward looked shocked for about a second and was about to say something. She slapped her hand over his mouth before he could, but he licked her palm, his jade eyes on hers.

"I did not mean that in the way you think I did," she said, shaking her head. He wiggled his eyebrows. "I walked right into that one. I meant, that you sounded like a doctor sprouting all those medications." She shivered as his fingertips brushed her stomach, his eyes still on her lips. "Are we done here?" she asked Rosalie.

"One more thing," Rosalie said as she took out a pen and paper. Bella stepped way, folding her arms over her chest. "I need you to write down as many sexual partners as you can, Edward, starting with the most recent."

Edward groaned and began to count on his fingers. "Lauren – I want you so bad, Jessica – love me please, Tanya – I will die if I can't have you, and Bree – almost jail bait," he mumbled, looking back up. "How recent though?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I'd say at least in the last two months."

"Oh!" He smiled, sounding proud. "Only one, then. See, I don't sleep around, 3B. Her name's Irina – No gag reflex-rina." Bella's eyebrows rose. What the hell was with all the strange tags to their names? Did that make it easier for him to remember them, or forget?

"Any sexual encounters while drunk?" Rosalie questioned.

"Not lately," he confessed his brow furrowing.

"You don't look too sure," Bella said, making him scowl. "Be sure, Edward."

He shrugged. "Okay, I couldn't remember if I'd managed to fuck the red-haired bitch from the bar that last night…what was her name? Kelly, no….Vicky…ah shit, I don't remember." His face, all the way to the tips of his ears, turned bright red. "My sister might know. She saved me from her clutches once a while back."

"I'll have Alice give her the news then," Bella said brightly.

"The fuck you will," Edward growled. "You are not letting my baby sister go near that bitch."

"She won't go alone, dumbass. I'll have my Dad go with her. I'm sure she'll enjoy it." She laughed, already sending Jasper a text. The night before, she gave him a tongue-lashing and not the good kind. He was probably still angry at her since she made him leave the facility for a day or two, until he got his shit together. She didn't begrudge him on starting a relationship; he'd been sober for years and hadn't had one since. However, it was talking to Alice that had him not watching the video feed as he should have.

Edward's growl brought her out of her thoughts on Jasper. "And Edward, if she's not nice enough to bring home to mother or your sister, then she's likely to give you crabs, or in this case, the clap."

"Bitch," he sneered.

"Don't you have something more original?"

The Cheshire-like smile made her glare at him. "If you only knew, 3B, if you only knew." She rolled her eyes, taking his hand and leading him out.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon, Edward," Rosalie called out, laughing at them. "Good luck, Bells."

Bella thought, _I need all the fucking luck I can get._

They spent the rest of the morning, setting up some new shelving in the laundry room. Edward groaned since Bella made him put his clothes and sheets to wash. "You would think with your exorbitant fees you'd at least offer room service, including a fucking housekeeper."

"You won't learn anything that way," she said, folding a load of her clothes from one of the three dryers in the room. A tiny beep came from her pocket, and Edward turned toward her to see her pull out a watch. "It's time for lunch."

Edward wasn't sure if he could handle food. He felt like shit, but he wasn't about to tell Bella yet.

"How about you make me a sandwich in exchange for warm water for your next shower," she offered as she pulled out several things from the fridge.

"I make a mean turkey sandwich," he said, sticking out his hand, which she took. "But I rather have a small kiss instead of warm water."

She pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing as he bent to take his prize, but she smashed her hand in his face.

"Make the sandwich first," she hissed. Keeping his eyes on her dark ones, he slowly slid his tongue along her palm; she tasted like coconuts and something else fruity, and smelled like the ocean. He wanted to fucking grab her and place her on the counter so he could have his way with her.

He cocked an eyebrow, waiting. "And you can get your small kiss on the place of my choosing."

"Deal," he said, rubbing his hands together. Fifteen minutes later, he settled a grilled turkey melt sandwich in front of Bella. She had watched him quietly for some time, even turned on the stereo, agreeing and disagreeing about some of the music that played.

She moaned when she took her first bite. "Normally," she said, wiping her mouth after chewing her bite. "I don't eat like this, but I work out a lot while out here, since there's not much else to do, unless we go out. This is too good not to have."

"Thanks," he said, taking a healthy bite of his own food. "Any plans for the rest of the day?"

She shrugged, popping a baked chip in her mouth. "I guess it depends. How are you feeling?"

"I feel good," he lied.

"Don't give me your macho crap, Edward. If you're starting to get symptoms, you need to speak up."

"Besides a bit of a headache, there hasn't been anything else. You'll be the first to know when that changes."

She refilled her ice tea and his before she answered his question. "I need to make a few phone calls. Check in with some contacts. Why don't you take a nap, and later, we can work out?"

"Sounds like a plan," he murmured. A few minutes later, Bella finished and washed her stuff.

"Don't forget to grab that last load of laundry from the dryer," she said, tossing some trash in the compactor. "If you do it right, you can have your warm water privileges back."

"Thank fuck, the water here is too fucking cold." He shuddered, remembering the shower he had earlier. As she turned away, he cleared his throat. "What about our deal?"

She looked over her shoulder. "You can collect when you wake up."

Edward shook his head, watching as she strutted down the hall. "What a walk, fuck," he hissed. He finished his lunch and walked over to the sink. The cup and plate in his hands fell with a loud crash. "Control it." His body shook as sweat started to bead across his brow. "Just give me another day, damn it."

It was futile, he knew what was coming, and there was no one to blame but himself.

* * *

**AN: Though I am trying to be as realistic as possible, I might get some things wrong, especially medical information. If I do get something wrong, I apologize in advance. Thank you. See you next week.**


	9. The Start of Hell

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Nine—The Start of Hell**

* * *

Edward made his way to his room with his freshly laundered clothes and sheets several minutes later. He wasn't interested in sleeping, but he was exhausted, so he thought he might as well do as Bella said.

"A nap would be good," he told himself. Standing outside his door, the harpy watched him with her arms crossed over her chest. "You checking up on me?" he asked, already knowing he was right.

She shrugged. "Figured you could use the help," she said, shaking her head as she led him into his room. "Besides, there was no answer with the calls I needed to take care of." Something in her voice said she was pissed about something. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only one capable of making her angry. _Maybe she has anger issues._

He nodded as he placed the basket on his bed. They worked together to put his sheets on and his clothes away.

"I remember another guy taking me from the house," Edward said, scowling. "Why haven't I met him?"

A look of anger crossed her features and something about the guy in question set her off. He didn't like that, and he had no idea why. Was the asshole with the southern drawl her boyfriend? He wasn't sure he'd like to meet him, and then reminded himself since he didn't care who the fuck she was with.

"Hey," she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Her touch reminded him that he was pissed at her, though he didn't want to dwell on the reason. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he snapped, shrugging her hand off him. "I'm going to go for that nap you ordered me to take." He turned away from her, and he could feel her eyes on him as he toed out of his shoes. Without another word to her, he settled beneath the warmth of the newly washed sheets and covers. He heard her sigh softly before she closed the door behind her.

As much as Edward wanted to sleep, he knew it would be difficult. Between his already aching body, throbbing cock, and fucking headache, he knew getting to sleep would be next to impossible. He tried to beat back the shudder that moved though his body, but the shivers remained. It was easier to rein that shit in with Bella around, because he didn't want to look weak in front of her. Without her though, it felt impossible to hold it inside him.

It didn't help that his mind chose that moment to remind him of his blow up the day before. Those memories and the onset of withdrawal in his body made his stomach clench and shake harder. "Fuck," he hissed, keeping it to a whisper. He didn't know if she was watching, and if she was, he had to keep his verbal responses to a minimum or she'd probably come running.

It was the last thing he wanted now.

To help combat the impending doom of the haze that usually accompanied withdrawal, Edward tried to get his mind to concentrate on something specific. Something he wanted to remember and hoped he could retain once he was lucid after withdrawal again.

Bella.

Even though a part of him disagreed, he hoped that he wouldn't forget about her, and everything they'd already been through together. He also hoped he wouldn't forget that when she blushed, her pretty chest did, too.

Edward rolled his eyes at himself. He was one horny bastard. Who wouldn't be, with his good looks and enough money to burn everyday and still be rich?

Yet, there was something more about this woman. He had to face it, she could quite literally get him to do anything for her, and he had just met her days earlier. He had to wonder if any other woman had treated him as she did, would he crumble as easily? The affect she had on him, unnerved him. However, in a way, he found it refreshing.

_Fuck_, he thought, _I am a masochistic_.

The woman was smart, sexy, hot, feisty, and Edward realized that he liked the way she was with him. "What a mind fuck," he hissed as his tremors started to slow down. He turned to the side, looking for the camera and realized that they could see him sleeping from that angle.

For some reason, he hoped that Bella was watching him, because if she was, he knew that he was safe and that he would be okay. As he finally started to fall asleep, he saw a flash of her warm eyes. Maybe he'd dream about her, hopefully erotic, too.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep before his dreams became reality. Edward groaned the exhaustion from earlier was long gone. He watched Bella walk backward from the bed, cocking a finger to get him to come to her. He didn't hesitate. She was gloriously naked, wanting and wet. He'd waited for just such a chance, even though it seemed to be happening, he still couldn't believe it. She had come in to check on him, and he purposely slept in the buff hoping to entice his little harpy to come to him. She had to have been watching him while jacked off with her name on his lips.

Now, she stood close by, hips swaying as she sought friction to alleviate the need between her thighs. At the side of the bed stood a chair and she sat back, watching him, licking those gorgeous lips that he already tasted and the same ones that she wrapped around his cock as he stood before her.

"Fuck," he groaned, throwing his head back. Her tongue was fucking magic, as he knew it would be. Unable to take much more than a few strokes of her mouth and hand, he pulled back, ran his fingers through her silky hair. It was hard to ignore the cute pout on her lips. "I'll let you have more some other time, baby. Right now, I need to fuck you."

She bit the corner of her mouth, moaning as she lay back, slipping her legs over the arms of the chair.

"Jesus," he hissed, trying hard not to thrust inside her right then. He wanted to enjoy the view, who knows if she'd let him touch her again. It was likely a one-time thing and if he had his way, he'd change her mind once she rode his cock. He usually had them wanting to come back for more.

"Please, Edward," she whispered, slipping a hand between her thighs. He groaned, wishing he had the strength to watch her get herself off, but he was desperate. He'd been blue balling for too long. His hand stroked his cock once and he couldn't help the groan that slipped from him again as he started to slide inside her.

"Fuck," he groaned, slipping in deeper. "So damn hot." He loved watching his cock sink into her. That moment was what he lusted after for days and it was so fucking worth it. "That's it, baby," he said, watching as she thrust her hips to meet his. "Ride me, just like that. Take what you need."

"Oh, Edward! Oh, Edward, yes! Oh Edward, fuck me!" she cried, and his mind sparked…where had he heard that before? Why did that sound so familiar?

He switched their positions, his bare ass on the chair as she rode him hard. Just the way he liked it. She moved over his length and clenched around his dick after a few minutes, and he groaned her name.

Closing his eyes, he quickened the pace of her hips. "Fuck, Bella!"

She gasped, her eyes meeting his. "Edward, take me from behind," He cursed and quickly flipped their positions again, her knees on the chair before he buried himself inside her, her pants turning to screams. Edward closed his eyes and gripped her hips, thrusting inside her hard and fast.

For some reason, he heard Miss-Cuff-Me-Then-Fuck-Me calling out to him, but her tone was different. Not like the breathless pants and nearly ear-splitting screams that turned him on and urged to go faster. Her voice sounded worried. His eyes opened and sure enough, his favorite harpy was leaning over him, her facial features full of concern instead of fucking ecstasy.

It was just a dream. Fuck!

He was so pissed and horny that he didn't think and reacted the only way that made sense to him. His hands made a grab for her, but she was farther away than he originally thought and fell off the bed.

Frustrated and angry, he growled as he stared at the ceiling above. He looked down, and realized that he was fucking pitching a tent in his boxers. His eyes sought the reason for his blue balls to find her look of concern gone. Instead, the hard ass bitch was back, which he liked better than the worried one.

Edward growled, "You know, you were gasping for breath in my dream, sweet tits."

Emmett, who Edward hadn't realized was watching them from the door, tried to hold back the laughter but didn't manage it. He snorted, walked over, and offered his hand to help Edward up. Having no other choice, he took his offer.

With Emmett in the room, Edward's dick deflated in seconds. "It's good to know I'm not your type," Emmett said as he steadied Edward on his feet. Behind Emmett, Bella smacked the brute's shoulder that made the man grunt.

_Is she defending me? _

"Are you sure you're all right?" Bella asked, her eyes roaming over him. It was obvious she could see the sheen of sweat that coated his skin, the way his pulse still thudded fast at his throat. Would she see it as weakness? The softness of her voice grated on his nerves.

"I'm so glad I amuse you," Edward grumbled at Emmett, ignoring Bella's question. He grabbed his shorts and pulled them on; he didn't even remember when he'd taken them off. He couldn't remember the last time he sleepwalked, either; that could cause a problem later. "What the fuck are you two doing in here, anyway?"

"Emmett thought you were going into convulsions and came to get me so that I could check on you."

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. "There's no doubt what you were dreaming about or who." He laughed, but then started cursing and wincing as Bella pulled his ear.

"Seriously," she hissed. "Don't you have something better to do? Are you looking for me to send you packing?" To Edward, it was obvious now that Bella was fighting his battle and that shit got him so pissed that he ignored her and went to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Shaking, he stood in front of the sink, watching the swirls of steam fog up the mirror.

"You are an asshole," he heard the harpy from within the small restroom, though it seemed she wasn't trying to talk loud enough for his benefit. Maybe she didn't know the walls and door between them were paper-thin. "He doesn't need someone to embarrass or make fun of right now. You're lucky he didn't try to take a swing at you when he's so close to withdrawal."

"I can take him," Emmett grumbled.

"And I would've kicked your ass. After his withdrawal, we'll work on his horrid attitude. Right now, when withdrawal is around the corner, is not the time. Since when have you been able to control what you dream about?" There was a beat of silence, before she continued. "That's what I thought."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Bells." Edward couldn't hear his warden's reply, her voice lowering further. After another minute of silence, he took a quick shower to relieve him of the sticky sweat.

By the time he finished, he heard Emmett again from his bedroom. "I'm heading into town to pick up one of our shipments," he said. "You sure you'll be okay?"

Wanting to know what was going on, Edward exited the bathroom just as Bella shrugged. Emmett and the harpy shared a look before laying their eyes on him. He didn't spare them a look, grabbing clothes and not giving a shit that he was changing in front of them. It wasn't like they hadn't seen it all anyway.

Bella replied to Emmett, though from the sound her voice, Edward knew her attention was on him."Should be. Rosalie said she'd only be an hour at Maria's place. If anything happens, I could handle it until she gets here."

From the mirror affixed to the wall, Edward could make out Emmett who looked at his watch and told her he'd check in with her later, before exiting the room, leaving them alone, which he wasn't ready for yet.

Edward turned toward the harpy, trying to keep from his anger and embarrassment in check.

"Edward, I'm sorry that all that happened," her voice had a soft quality to it, but he didn't believe it for a second.

Edward glared at her. "No you're not," he hissed, interrupting her, wishing she hadn't mentioned his dream. With Emmett gone, he'd likely pitch another tent just thinking about it, and her.

Her hands perched her hips, she asked, "What the fuck did I do now?"

His hands fisted at his sides and his jaw was tense. Fuck it. He'd be honest. "First of all, don't fight my fucking battles. I'm not some fucking pussy that needs his woman to defend him." He ignored the wide-eyed look she gave him. "Second, you fucking woke me up before I could come."

Rant over, he watched as one of her eyebrows rose. She curled her finger, much as she had in his dream, asking him to come closer. He had no idea what she was going to say, but was too curious not to listen. "I didn't realize that's what I was doing. From now on, if you piss off Emmett, I'll let you take him." Before Edward could reply to that, she added, "So was I any good?" She seemed genuinely curious.

Edward groaned, picturing her lips around his cock again. "Fuck, yes."

"It's never going to happen between us. It can't happen and you know why," she said with a shrug, before taking his hand and pulling him toward the door. He did know why; she was technically his doctor and he was her patient, but considering that the facility probably was not in any record books, and all of it was probably illegal, they should be okay. The look she gave him, however, said that the subject was not up for debate.

His fingers tightened around her tiny hand and he couldn't help but remember how soft her skin was in his dream. Edward groaned and hung his head down low, watching her feet as they walked down the hall.

"Come on," she said, leading him to the gym as if he was on a fucking leash. He allowed it, only because what else was there to do but work out or watch the harpy's spectacular ass as she ran on the treadmill. "I have to keep an eye on you, so either sit back and relax or work out, but take it easy. You're about to hit withdrawal soon."

"I know the fucking routine," he snapped, dropping her hand.

She only rolled her eyes, nodding. "That's true. What is this, your fifth time?" He flipped her off, but she ignored him.

"Now, I'll start up with some stretching and warm ups before I hit the treads. You're welcome to follow my lead."

He shrugged and waited for her to start. "I'm not doing the splits."

She tried not to laugh, but a small snort escaped. "Yeah, I don't think your poor balls could handle it."

Edward rolled his eyes and took the same stance as she had. He watched her in the mirror in front of them, and after another pass through the routine, he was able to flow into the next set. A part of him knew she was taking it easy on him, not wanting to him to exert himself. He wanted to tell her off, but managed somehow to rein the need to lash out.

They continued for about twenty minutes before she went to work out on a stair master. He questioned if his body could handle the treadmill, since his left knee was bothering him a little. To that day, he still couldn't remember how he fucked it up. He had woken up hung over one morning with it swollen and painful.

Instead, he walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. He watched her, as he always seemed to do when she was in the room. Who could blame him, considering her attire? He didn't like how aware he was of her. As he took in her small shorts, mile long legs, tiny waist and an ass worth dying for, he couldn't help but watch her. She cleared her throat and their eyes met in the mirror. The only response he received was a shake of her head, continuing her workout.

He tried to quench his sudden thirst with another drink and walked over to a punching bag with athletic tape and gloves sitting nearby. A memory of his father working out in the same fashion pushed passed through his defenses. It was something Carlisle had tried to get Edward to do after one of his rehab stints. Shaking the memory away, he put the gloves on loosely and worked on the bag for a bit, keeping his eyes on Bella's ass.

After a few minutes of that glorious torture, he turned and focused on the bag in front of him. He didn't dwell on any particular memory, just the need to punch something. He could feel his arms protest but he continued through the pain. Physical pain was easy enough to let go of; another kind haunted him daily.

They remained silent for a while. Edward wasn't sure if he was the only one that felt the tension in the room. Even though he hadn't looked at her again, it was still there. She had to have noticed it.

Suddenly, her hand was on his arm. "Do you want to listen to some music?"

Something in her eyes looked like concern, but he didn't focus on that. Instead, he dropped his gaze to her tempting mouth. He nodded and caught her smile as she walked over to the small entertainment center on the right wall.

A song with a strong beat began, and Bella started dancing in the middle of the room.

His brow beaded with sweat and he was exhausted, but not enough to ignore her. He dropped his gloves on the mat nearby. "What are you doing?"

She grinned as her body swayed."I think dancing is the name for it. It's a great way to cool down."

"That's not dancing, 3B. It looks like you're having a seizure."

She scowled and brought up both of her hands, asking him to bring it on. He cocked an eyebrow and walked over, joining Miss-Please-Grind-On-Me on her impromptu dance floor.

Edward wasn't stupid. He knew that she was only trying to get him to slow down again. Pounding a bag and practically dancing around it, was far from taking it easy. She was doing the one thing she knew he couldn't resist. She was too smart for her own good.

"Is this a part of your diabolical plan to do your bidding?" he asked as she grinned, pulling him closer. She let him put his hands on her waist, and he was thankful for the break. His stomach hurt like hell. At his wince, she wound one of her arms around his hip, bringing her gorgeous body against him. He couldn't help the fucking just-hit-puberty-schoolboy-like groan, which she ignored.

"Are you going to let me be your friend, Edward?" she asked, looking suddenly serious. She continued to sway her body, driving him crazy.

He shrugged and finally started to move with her. There were things he wanted to know, and for some reason, he hoped she'd be forthcoming as she expected him to be. "Are you friends with all the others before me?" Why did that shit piss him off?

"Yes, and I still am," she said, nodding. The song changed and she started to sing along. What surprised him was that she was fucking good at it. "A few them, even help out from time to time."

He nodded. "Emmett was the bull that broke your jaw, wasn't he?" She didn't answer, but the silence was enough to know he was right. He shook his head; that fucker was big enough to kill her. The idea that he laid a violent hand on her made him angry. "What do I get in return for letting you become my friend?" She cocked an eyebrow at his lowered tone and rolled her eyes when he smirked. "Is it too much to ask for some benefits?"

She pinched him. He laughed, and started to belt out the song, too. They continued to dance, though not as aggressively as he would've liked. She put a little more space between them, but the occasional brush of her hip or thigh against his, drove him up several notches.

For a few more numbers, they continued in the same manner. It wasn't until the fifth that Edward felt the vertigo hit.

"Edward," Bella gasped as his hands fell from her waist. He clutched his head and felt a wave of nausea hit him.

"Fuck, Edward. Shit!"

He heard her, but didn't see her. He felt her hands around his waist as she tried to lead him to sit down.

He shook his head. "Please take me to my room," he groaned, watching the room spin. The fucking mirrors only made matters worse. He fell onto one knee as Bella tried to help him back up.

"Damn it," she hissed. "Everybody went into town. Fuck, you're heavy." She panted, trying to heave him upright.

"Bella," he whispered, using the last of his strength to lurch to his feet.

"Help me here, Edward," she whispered, throwing his arm over her shoulder. "I'll get you to your room." He nodded and leaned heavily on her tiny frame as she led him down the hallway.

He looked down at her. "You're so fucking small." He saw her frown. "Sorry to ruin your fun, sweet tits," he said, looking at his Bella. She nodded, biting her lip. It was a habit he'd seen her do before. He raised his free hand, even though his arm felt like lead, and touched her lip. "Don't do that."

"Why?"

"I'm the only one who's allowed to do that to your lip." She smiled, though he thought it was fucking fake, since she wouldn't meet his eyes. "Don't worry, baby. I'll be okay."

She nodded again as she led him to his bathroom. As soon as the glaring white of the bathroom met his eyes, he lost his breakfast, barely making it to the toilet. He felt her hand in his hair and on his back.

"Bella, get the fuck out of here!" he screamed at her, spitting a few times into the bowl. He didn't dare look at her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward," she whispered, and then he made a mistake. He looked into her eyes. She was blinking back tears, and there was fear there, too. For him, and he didn't deserve any of it.

It was at that moment, she wasn't being a bully toward him because he was being a dick. It was what he needed to get his head out of his ass. He realized that she'd do everything in her power to save him, and he wanted her to, too.

His entire body shook and he turned away from her, dry heaving several times. Fuck, it hurt like hell. A cold, wet towel covered his head and it felt fucking amazing.

"Take off your shirt," she commanded.

Edward couldn't help the smile that emerged when her tone had turned again. The hard ass was back. He let her lift his shirt over his head. "Are you hot or cold?"

"Both," he groaned, dry heaving in the toilet again. He looked at her again, just as his body started to shake uncontrollably. It felt as if he was coming apart at the seams, that the only thing holding him together was his clammy skin. "Bella, please…" He wasn't able to finish before another round of heaving occurred.

His skin felt taut, stretched over sinew and useless muscles. It felt over sensitized, too. He felt every ridge of Bella's fingertips on him. "Edward, I can get you in a shower."

He shook his head no. Words failed him, stuck on his palette, felt thick on his tongue. Everything in him wanted to scream at her suddenly; he wasn't ready for her to see him that way. It hurt him that she even had to; anyone else would have used it against him.

"Don't be so fucking stubborn," she growled, reminding him that she was just doing her job.

He tried to rise to feet, but he felt boneless and weak. "I don't think I can stand."

Her words were near his ear, and he felt her breath on his cheek. "Okay, just sit back against the wall and put your head in between your knees."

She helped him into position, his stomach protesting along with his muscles. "Bella," he said, watching her.

"Yes," she whispered, raking her fingers through his hair, wiping her hand in a towel. Fuck, she was washing the vomit from his hair.

"I should've taken your offer to cut my hair," he said stupidly, giving her a lazy smile. She rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Maybe I'll cut it all off while you're out for the count."

He nodded, watching her wash her hands, wet a cloth, and fill a glass with water for him. "Guess I deserved that." He let her wipe his face with the washcloth. "But you love the sex hair too much to do that." She laughed, but it was forced and not the real deal. His body decided then to tremble harder, enough to rattle his teeth. "Please don't leave me." His eyes closed, unable to take the look in her eyes a second longer. "Promise me that you won't."

He could've sworn he heard her sob softly, but he wasn't sure. "I won't."

She continued to clean him up for a few minutes, but it could have been hours, since time seemed to pass strangely. "Bella," he cried out, biting his tongue as acidic bile rose to his throat. Her hands were there, helping him to the toilet again.

"Edward," she whispered, wiping his hair and running a cool hand down his back.

Between two rounds of bone-melting shakes, he whispered hoarsely, looking straight into her eyes. "Save me, please."

* * *

**AN: Thanks to kyla713 for your help and hand holding for this chapter. I wanted to let you know that its technically been four days since the incident with Alice at home. Generally, severe withdrawal symptoms start to show between 3-4 days from what I've read and seen. He has been trying to hide them for almost a day, too. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry. Thanks, see you next week. **


	10. The Seventh Circle

**Punch Me, Love Me Save Me**

**Chapter Ten—The Seventh Circle**

* * *

Bella hadn't thought it was possible for her heart to break any more than it already had. She thought she could get used to watching people go through withdrawal and remain unaffected, and she had yet to succeed. Repeatedly, others told her that she got too close to the addicts. That down the road, as time passed, it would slowly kill her.

Where they saw her friendship and her emotional attachment as a problem and a risk, she saw it as a bridge where often, the addict met her and allowed her to cross with them. A support system was vital for them to succeed after they left the facility and she, along with the addict's determination, was the foundation.

To her, there was nothing wrong with that. It wasn't a perfect system, by any means, but so far, she had results. She only had one person fall off the wagon after leaving since she started at the facility.

She looked around the room, as the sound of Edward's breathing grew louder. There were so many painful memories his choking cries called forth, and she fought with herself to forget them, for his sake. There were more important things that she needed to deal with than her own thoughts. He deserved her undivided attention and he would get it.

Edward continued to shiver under the covers of the bed, as she climbed into the chair beside him after washing up in his bathroom. She couldn't leave him alone for even a minute. The smell of disinfectant tinged the air, but it was better than the scent of vomit that, despite how much she cleaned, still lingered. She considered bathing Edward from the waist up, to see if that would help, but decided it was best to wait until later.

From what she calculated and what she'd seen, Edward would likely get sick again. It was best to keep a close watch over him, rather than from afar. She wouldn't consider restraining him until his stomach was empty and the rest of the crew arrived, and only if he turned violent toward her and the others.

Bella knew what to do with his current symptoms. She already spoke with Emmett about getting back to the facility as soon as possible. It wasn't the first time she'd done that sort of detoxification.

The first stuck out more in her mind because of the personal aspect of the situation, considering it was her father, Charlie, and her age at the time. While some kids from her high school were able to enjoy their summer vacation, she spent it with an often belligerent man with enough mood swings to give her whiplash. It wasn't until her father almost struck her that he finally woke up and realized what he'd almost done to her. That had brought him to his knees, begging her for forgiveness and help.

_Maybe that's why I'm a mess right now. Maybe I am too close to this one._

Edward's plea before he succumbed to exhaustion continued to replay in her mind. A stark reminder of why she was there; to help him overcome his addiction and work toward the road of recovery. In an attempt to force her thoughts in another direction, she remembered her time with Emmett and Jasper. The situation with them had been about drugs, not alcohol, but some of the symptoms were similar.

Alcohol-related withdrawal sometimes caused the addict to hallucinate. It was draining on the subject's body and mind. Users tended to forget certain aspects if they lost lucidity during withdrawal.

Edward's trauma-filled past played a big role in his addiction, and Bella knew that the next few days would be nothing but pain and severe neurological distress on him. In all likelihood, he would have to be sedated for the worst of it.

"No, Nessie, no," Edward moaned from beneath a mountain of blankets. Earlier, before he passed out on her, he said he was freezing. However, when Bella looked at him, she could see he was sweating. His brow was creased and flushed. "I don't understand, Ness, you're not making any sense." Edward suddenly smiled and laughed, his eyes wide, yet clouded.

Bella was so caught off guard by such simple, _genuine_ emotion on his face that she gasped. It was breathtaking.

"Why don't you go and ask Mom? I'll be down for dinner, right after I've finished this chapter."

Nessie. He was talking to his late sister. Edward was having DTs, otherwise known as delirium tremens, or the shakes. It mostly occurred with patients that had a history with alcoholism.

Bella's eyes closed briefly. "Oh, Edward," she breathed, her heart in her throat. She couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to lose a sibling as he had, and now Nessie seemed to haunt his withdrawal.

She watched as Edward's eyes opened, long reddish-tipped, brown lashes fluttered against the dark circles under his eyes. His skin had gone especially pale, something she noticed while he boxed in the gym.

"Bella?" he whispered, meeting her eyes. His smile widened, lips puckering a bit after a moment. "Come and meet my sissy." His hand extended from beneath the blanket and he didn't seem to notice how much it shook as he held it out for her.

Unable to deny him, she slipped her hand in his and Bella crawled onto the bed behind him as Edward's free hand gestured toward an empty space.

"Say hello to Bella, Nessie," Edward said gently. "Bella, say hello."

"Hello, Nessie," Bella greeted, kicking herself for encouraging Edward's delusions. However, sometimes it was best to follow along, to understand what he's going through. There was something else to consider; she was alone for a while longer, and it was best not to piss him off.

Bella could see Edward grimace in pain, and she rubbed his arm and shoulder. "Ness, I think Mom is calling for you," he said softly, nodding. "But come right back, I missed you." His features softened, as he seemed to watch his sister walk out the door, a look of fear in his jade gaze.

Suddenly, he groaned in pain, kicking the sheets and blankets off the bed. Bella could see his body glistening with sweat as he cried, begging for the pain to stop. "Make it stop," he groaned. "Please, please, please." She tried to soothe him the best she could. Until Rosalie returned in a few minutes, there was little she could do.

Bella's head jerked at the sound of intercom buzzing, and Emmett's booming voice filled the room. "Boss!" She felt Edward startle away from the noise, his eyes clenching shut. He was already sensitive to noise and that meant likely the light, too. She did her best to calm him. "I'm back. Jasper and Rosalie are right behind me. What's up?"

Emmett was probably using the intercom in underground garage. If he'd been in the security office, he would've seen exactly what was going on. That also meant it would take several minutes for them to reach her and Edward.

She jumped off the bed and ran to wall. "He's down for the count. Get your asses in here. It's started." Already near the door, she dimmed the lights.

She heard Emmett curse and the intercom click off. After checking to make sure Edward couldn't hurt himself, she ran to the bathroom, grabbing a small stack of hand towels from a nearby cabinet. She set to fill up the sink with cold water, anything to alleviate Edward's suffering. It wasn't much, but it would take time for others to join her.

Bella wrung one of the cloths and made her way toward Edward's bed. At the touch of the wet towel, he tried to bat her away. However, her voice seemed to calm him down enough for her to continue. She knelt by his side and pressed the cold cloth to his forehead as his body shook. His arms were trembling, his fingers twitching as his chest heaved. Another groan left his lips, his body twisting from side to side as his hands clenched over his stomach.

Suddenly, he lurched up, spewing bile all over her. Bella immediately turned him on his side to prevent asphyxiation, using the cloth to wipe his mouth. The scent of vomit was something she was used to by then, having been through it all before. She'd been bitten, punched, slapped, peed on, and shit on, due to her addicts going through withdrawal. It didn't bother her anymore.

Wiping up the mess quickly with a towel, she stripped off her t-shirt, leaving her in a slightly wet tank stop. She climbed in the bed behind him, cradling his head. She reached for the bottle of water on the bedside table.

"Edward, honey, I need you to open your mouth for me," she whispered, as she tipped the bottle toward his mouth. She needed to keep him hydrated, and with how much he'd thrown up and sweat in the last hour alone, it was likely that Rosalie would have to set up an IV on him. The workout in the gym hadn't helped, either.

His eyes flashed with recognition and his mouth opened slightly at her soft command. Bella carefully poured the water in and he drank it down greedily. "Slow down, Edward," she whispered, as his mouth opened wider for more. She didn't want him to expel it before he had a chance to absorb any of it. After that, she made him take slow slips, the liter bottle slowly depleting as he drank.

Edward's eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to jerk violently. She kept him on his side, having seen a seizure before. His arms and legs clenched and unclenched, likely painful. He would be exhausted after. It only lasted about twenty-seconds, but to Edward, it had to feel infinitely longer.

After his whole body relaxed, too exhausted to do much more than twitch every few seconds or so, Bella did her best to lay him flat on the bed and laid her hand on his heart. It was beating so fast, and when she pressed her fingers to his pulse point, she wished Rosalie would hurry up and get there. She turned him back on his side and checked the inside of his mouth for any food debris; she didn't want him to choke on anything. She found no blood, either, for which she was thankful. Rolling him gently onto his back again, her fingers pressed gently on his gut. He emptied out his stomach; all that was left was the water he drank, which he'd likely lose, too.

Bella paced the room after Edward settled down, waiting. She knew Rosalie had all the drugs in the clinic, and would have to grab what they needed for the temporary center in the main facility. Rosalie had already pulled up, but it was taking too long. Next time, she'd have a room set up nearby as a precaution. She was to the point of running over to get them. Edward felt too warm, meaning he was feverish.

To Bella, this felt _nothing _like Charlie. He hadn't suffered DTs the one and only time he'd gone through withdrawal. Edward seemed to have the worst case of the shakes she had ever seen.

She nearly cried in relief as the door to Edward's room flew open, as Emmett, Jasper, and Rose came in. Jasper rushed to hug her; she must have looked like a mess. Rosalie went straight to Edward. His body remained still, until she touched him, becoming restless as she opened his eyes, shining a small penlight into them.

"His pupils are non-responsive but dilated, Bella. He needs an IV and some form of sedation. This is too much for his body to go through awake. Has he vomited yet?"

Bella nodded, her arms wrapping around her waist, her eyes on Edward. "He's been hallucinating as well," she said, trying to keep herself composed. "It's been almost an hour. A little after everyone left."

"Shit, I need to go the clinic and get the IV bags, and he needs Librium and Ativan," Rosalie said, taking Edward's pulse, and lifting one of his eyelids again. "I knew I should've started treatments this morning."

"Rose, you can't just leave him like this!" Emmett said, horrified. It was the first time he'd seen anyone go through this, besides himself. He wasn't exactly aware of much at the time, only the stress and pain.

"I have to! He needs the drugs, Emmett," Rosalie stated as she headed out the door. "I'll be right back." Rosalie knew she left Edward safe with Bella, who knew the ropes.

Minutes later, Edward started to stir more. His hands moved harshly over his stomach and arms. Confused, Bella tried to calm him down. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"Get them off!" he screamed as he scratched at his skin. Bella jumped into action, grabbing his hands and straddling his torso to get a better hold of him. Blood already streaked his cheeks. His eyes, appearing too big for his face shifted from side to side too fast. "What the fuck are you waiting for? Get them fucking off me!"

"Shit," Jasper muttered and helped Bella as Edward continued to try to claw at his face.

Emmett remained frozen for too long, earning a scream from Bella. "Get the fuck over here!" She tried to stay on Edward, but his hips were bucking hard. Some addicts seemed to have abundant strength during withdrawal, but often coming in small bursts like Edward at that moment.

"The bugs, spiders, they're all over me!" he bellowed, his legs thrashing as he tried to buck them and Bella off. Emmett held down his legs and Jasper grabbed his arms, pinning him to the bed, only making it worse. He was screaming like a wild animal, his voice jagged and broken. Tears leaked along his cheek and onto his earlobes. Several murmured words, most made little sense until another bout of screams started. "Bella, please, you promised!" he cried, trying to kick out at the sheets again.

Bella took his face between her hands, whispering softly, "I'm here." She ran her hands over his face, noticing how his hips stopped moving as hard as before. "You're safe, I promise. Edward, I'll save you."

His eyes wild and wide remained on hers as his breathing started to regulate. It wasn't at an ideal rate, considering what he must have been feeling, but it was better than the harsh gasps he was pulling in a minute before.

Bella remained where she was, combing his almost finger-length hair from his forehead for several minutes. Sweat had it matted to his skin, and she knew he was likely uncomfortable. She grabbed a wet towel from Emmett, who waited patiently beside the bed as Rosalie who returned, and started to set up an IV.

"There you go," she whispered, wiping at Edward's face. His scratches were superficial and as she spread Neosporin on them; she knew they would not take away from his too pretty face. His eyes closed for a few minutes as Rosalie hung the IV on the stand, tapping the bag, releasing the fluids. With Edward still pinned down by Bella and Jasper, he began to snarl at Rosalie as she approached him with a darkly tinted needle.

"Get away from me, you fucking whore," he spat at her, renewing his bucking hips. Emmett added his strength, holding down his legs. "Hold his right arm down, palm up," Rosalie stated to Jasper. "I need to get the IV in now." Bella tried to coax Edward, but her voice no longer had the same effect as before.

"Fucking bitch!" he roared, snapping his teeth at Bella. "I hate you! Leave me the fuck alone!" Rosalie quickly inserted the IV into his arm and taped it over, securing it. Before he could say more, she injected the line with another needle.

"I'm giving him something to help raise his seizure threshold since his seem to be pretty severe." Bella nodded as Rosalie continued. Edward shook, trying to dispel Jasper and Emmett until he slowly went limp. "I also started him on the Librium and will be increasing the dosage in the next forty-eight hours."

"Was there anything in his records to indicate he had such hallucinations before? At the other centers?"

Rosalie nodded. "Though not to this extent and not so soon after physical withdrawal started."

Bella sighed and carefully dislodged herself from Edward. "I'm pretty sure he was hiding the worst of his symptoms from me."

Rosalie rubbed Bella's arm, sighing. "He may have to be kept sedated, Bella, until we can say he's safely through the worst of it," Rosalie said softly.

Bella nodded, her brow furrowing with worry. "I know, but still, it's always hard to see him—them like this," she replied, taking a chair that Jasper offered.

For about an hour, they sat around as Emmett left the room to make a simple lunch; no one had much of an appetite. Bella refused to leave Edward for long, taking a shower to clean up and changing in his bathroom.

As she showered, she thought back on the others she and her people had helped over the years. Withdrawal was hard on the addict, but it wasn't easy for those who watched, either. It was mandatory that someone remain in the room with Edward at all times and someone usually joined them. It wasn't something Bella required, but she was glad for the company, watching someone go through withdrawal was hard on her. Yet, she would endure it each time if it meant turning someone's life around for the better.

She finished dressing and joined the others in Edward's room just as Emmett entered with the soup and sandwiches. Taking a bite, she watched as Edward's tremors increased. Dropping her food on her plate, she crawled onto the bed as he cried out for her.

"I'm here," she whispered in his ear, wrapping her arms around him as he rocked back and forth on the bed. He sought more warmth, pulling her hands tighter against him. Lying on their sides, she faced him and tried to talk to him softly, offer some comfort. After a full two minutes of shakes, she noticed a trickle of blood on his lips.

"Fuck, he's biting his cheek or tongue," she hissed. Rosalie jumped into action, grabbing a new soft leather strap she kept on hand for that kind of situation. Bella grabbed it but Edward refused to open up so she could slip it between his teeth. "Come on, honey," she whispered, rubbing his cheek to get him to unclench his jaw. His eyes slowly opened, narrow slits of jade, red, and white. For a moment, he looked confused and she cursed internally that he might have already forgotten her.

"Bella," he gasped, giving her the opportunity she needed. His body shook as his eyes clenched shut, his teeth biting down on the leather.

Rosalie handed her something to wipe off his blood. "We'll have to check his mouth when he relaxes again." Bella nodded and remained by his side for another hour. When his body finally relaxed enough, Rosalie rolled him onto his back to check on his him.

Bella walked into the bathroom for a quick cleanup, his sweat coating her arms and chest from holding him.

When she exited, Emmett put his arm around her shoulders. "Was it like this with me, boss?"

Bella shook her head, never taking her eyes off Edward. Every now and then, he'd shudder beneath his covers. "You had substance withdrawal, which killed off any brain cells you might have had."

"Gee, thanks." Emmett smirked, knowing she was just trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I had you going for a second there, right?" The tiny lift of one corner of her mouth was a dead giveaway, until she was serious again, her brow furrowing. "He's such a hardened drinker that his body is screaming out for alcohol. With you, it was one cocaine binge after another, still tough for your body. You were more physical than verbal, and didn't have many delusions."

Emmett shook his head, folding his arms across his chest and shuddering at the memories. "Don't remind me of that period of my life."

Bella rubbed Emmett's arm. "Sometimes being reminded of it is okay. It allows you to see what you've done and accomplished since then." Emmett smiled and pulled her to his side, kissing her temple.

"I still remember how it feels," Jasper said quietly from the chair at the foot of Edward's bed. "I did have these waking dreams. The memory of the fire and that feeling when your skin feels like bugs are crawling all over you, eating you from the inside. It's horrible." Jasper had a dependency on Oxycodone, sometimes washing them down with a beer. A double whammy when it came to withdrawal.

Rosalie put her hand on Jasper's shoulder, hoping to bring him out of his horrible memories. His facial features held all the terror he'd once witnessed. "Look at you now, Jazz, healthy and happy. You've been sober and drug-free for four years. And you owe it all to the bitch that's _now_ in Edward's corner." She smirked, sending Bella a wink over her shoulder.

Bella gasped, faking mock offence to the "bitch" comment. Only Rosalie, who'd been a friend since her college days, could get away with that shit.

"Yeah, you were a bitch," Jasper said with a laugh, earning a glare from his boss and friend. He raised his hands up in defense, a wide smile on his face. "I remember you slappin' me around and calling me a bastard."

"Miss-Bite-Me," a voice croaked from the bed. Bella and the others turned their attention to Edward, who seemed to be trying to focus on Bella. She rose to her feet and sat next to him on his bed.

"Rosalie injected you with your first dose Librium," Bella said, watching the way his hand sought hers. "That along with some other stuff will help." He leaned toward her hand in his hair. "You've been placed on an IV, which will help prevent dehydration. This is it, Edward, the beginning of your future and after this, it'll be up to you. If you have another seizure, we'll put you under. Okay?"

Edward acknowledged her words with a nod, unable to say anything to what she had told him. What could he say anyway? He looked around, focusing on Jasper.

"You're – you're the fucker who grabbed me while I was naked," he breathed, groaning as something seemed to clench in his gut.

"The name's Jasper." He grinned, bumping fists with Emmett.

Edward wheezed, coughing harshly, turning on his side, toward Bella. He began to slur his words as he struggled to speak. "Bella…" he said.

Rosalie whispered, "That's the next dose kicking in, B."

Bella nodded, squeezing Edward's hand when he said her name again. "Yeah?" she said, wiping his brow.

"Thank you," he said, looking at her for a few moments. His eyes flickered closed and Rosalie sighed in relief as he lost consciousness.

"We need to keep him on fluids for at least another day or so, and if his delusions are still present when he wakes up, I'll give him something else. I have to admit, his delusions are pretty extreme and wonder if it's a side-effect of one of the anxiety medications. I'm going to go over his records again, make sure there wasn't a problem before. I may have missed something. There's a good chance it'll become extreme over the next new days."

"I don't want to strap him down if it's unnecessary," Bella stated, rubbing a hand over her face. "If it's safe, sedate him."

"If he's under, he's still going to need to be supervised twenty-four-seven, doesn't he?" Emmett asked, and Rosalie nodded.

"Around the clock," she confirmed, watching Bella. "Which means, you, Emmett, and I will be pulling eight-hour shifts to look after him unless Jasper okay with helping out."

Bella cocked a brow at her friend, his blue eyes narrowing. "As long as his cell phone is switched off during his watch, then it'll be fine." Jasper tried to comment, but she shook her head. She didn't want to hear it.

"I'm going to keep some supplies here and on me at all times, so if it gets too much for him, I can give him a shot of that."

"What about seizures, Rose?" Bella asked.

"It's more than likely. I looked over the medical charts Dr. Cullen sent me. The reports from all of Edward's previous rehabilitation attempts indicated he had seizures in the last two stints. He is going to be cranky as hell through all of this, during periods of lucidity and after. He'll say things he won't mean, he'll be violent toward you and pretty much anyone he views as a threat toward him."

Bella knew all of this, but it was good to reminded of what they were in store for, especially with Emmett helping for the first time.

"He's in for a rough ride," Jasper said, rubbing his jaw. "Still, I don't feel that sorry for him."

"You should feel sorry for him. Jasper," Bella said firmly. "I remember when it was you that pissed your fucking pants and begged me to kill you because you couldn't take the pain." She didn't like calling him out on his shit in front of others, but there weren't any secrets between them.

Damn him, Bella thought. Jasper's judgment seemed clouded due to his blossoming relationship with Alice. She suspected that Jasper was still angry that Alice had nearly died to save Edward.

Jasper looked away, shaking his head. His mama always used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." He would, however, voice his concerns to her later.

"Bella," Rosalie said, clearing her throat to break the tension. "After we bring him out of sedation, we need to do an EKG on him. I need to check strain on his heart, possibly put him on something for that. The strain could kill him." Rosalie had already indicated that Edward's blood pressure and heart rate was sky high.

"After the withdrawal symptoms lessen, I'll have him take some vitamins. We'll need to push him to eat. The craving for food will come back full force, and he'll put on a lot of weight, seeing as he is malnourished at the moment."

Bella looked back at Edward, lifting a sleeve of his shirt, feeling the muscle there. Rosalie was right, since there was little definition.

"Emmett can get him out walking around the compound and you can encourage him to work out," Rosalie stated.

Bella knew that his withdrawal will last at least six to ten days, several of which he'd be on some meds. The dose will decline until he can cope without it. After that, it would up him and her."

"He's gonna be helping me renovate this place, right?" Emmett asked as he tugged on a curl of Bella's hair.

"Yes, he is," Bella stated. "He has to prove he's ready to face the real world before I let him out into the wild. For all I know, he could get out and walk into the nearest bar and be back to square one within twelve hours of releasing him," she confessed. "I'm thinking we need to call Alec, see if he needs help at the clinic." Rosalie nodded, making a note on her computer tablet.

"I can honestly say, Bells, that if he does end up right back there, he's a fucking hopeless cause," Emmett said, glaring at Edward as if he hoped he could hear him. "You've put your heart and soul into this, into us, and if he throws it all away, he's not worth it."

"I didn't give up on you," she said fiercely. "I won't give up on him. I refuse to focus on _if_ he fails, and for damn sure won't consider _when_. He will succeed."

Bella looked over at Edward's still form and hoped to God that he wouldn't give up on himself again. He could be something amazing, if he allowed himself to be. The next few days would be hard on him, and she would remain by his side.

Edward's mile high walls would likely be hard to crumble. She'd break them down; he had to let her in, if he wanted to succeed at his rehabilitation. Deep inside, she could see hints that he wanted to move past this part of him, but he would put up one hell of a fight. It would be far from easy for either of them.

She brushed her hand through his hair, earning another shiver from Edward. Taking his hand in hers, preparing for the long hours ahead in a chair nearby, she whispered to herself. "_Please, Edward. Please do this for yourself."_

As if he heard her, he squeezed her hand twice.


	11. The Voice

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Eleven—The Voice**

* * *

Edward watched his sister as she stared at the ground, fidgeting as she usually did when she was nervous or upset. Nessie bit her lip, looking up at him, her bronze curls framing her small face.

"It's my fault, Eddikins." Her voice was nothing but a whisper. Edward wanted to scowl at her choice of nickname for him. She knew he hated it since the moment she screamed it on the playground when they were five years old and every girl in their class called him the same thing for a long time after. She thought it was cute, but to him, it was annoying. "I was the stupid one that went into the pool."

He had no idea what was she talking about. Did she say something about a pool? Edward's heart lurched; the thought of her anywhere near a pool made him panic. It was stupid, he told himself. His sister was there with him and she wasn't going anywhere. Her hazel eyes were glistening with tears, and the reason behind them didn't make sense to Edward. She repeated herself again.

"No, Nessie, no," he said quietly, trying to get her to understand. _It_ didn't happen, the one thing he tried so hard to forget. Her standing in front of him was proof of that. She started mumbling, something else she did when she was upset. "I don't understand, Ness, you're not making any sense," he said. He couldn't help but smile as she toed the floor, hiding behind reddish brown curls.

_I need to make her laugh again._

"I want to go outside, and I'm hungry," she muttered, looking back at him with pleading eyes. Edward knew there was no way he could say no to her. The few times he had, he often regretted it.

"Why don't you go and ask Mom?" he said, turning away to look up at a bright white ceiling. He didn't want her to see that he was in pain, his head and stomach hurt badly. "I'll be down for dinner, right after I've finished this chapter." He looked at her again, watching her lips twitch into a bright grin.

He had to brush hair out of his eyes, causing her to giggle. She always made fun of his hair when he grew it out. Before he could tell her something, another voice caught his attention.

"Oh, Edward," he heard a soft whisper somewhere beside him. Edward looked for the source and Bella was there, her face filled with concern. That confused him. What did she have to be concerned about? His sissy was there, now, with him.

Edward convinced Bella to join him in bed so she could meet his sister. He gave a little prayer that Nessie wouldn't tell her any embarrassing stories at him.

When Bella's body pressed nearly flush with his back, he tried to keep from blushing under Nessie's gaze. He chanced a look at her and found her trying not to laugh again. Instead, she smiled at Bella and curtsied. Sometimes, she was such a show off, Edward thought.

After he introduced Bella to Nessie, encouraging her to say hello, Nessie giggled and whispered in his ear. "She's pretty."

Edward bit back a snort; pretty didn't cut it. Bella was much more, but he would let it pass this time. If he corrected her, she would probably make fun of them anyway. He didn't want to explain that to Bella, since she didn't like him much.

Bella whispered a sweet hello to his sister, though her eyes were mostly on him. Her warm hand stroked down his arm, causing Nessie to laugh again and sing.

"Eddie and Bella sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g," his sister sang softly. Edward gasped and groaned at the singing voice of his sister, feeling a pain in his chest that he didn't recognize. It hurt so much to listen to that sweet voice. He couldn't understand why that was.

The pain was starting to intensify and he didn't want his sister to see him like that. He didn't want to scare her. He made an excuse that their mom was calling her. He had to get her out of there. The pain was becoming unbearable; it felt as if he were burning from the inside out. "But come right back, I've missed you."

Edward watched Nessie nod and head toward the white door. His whole body seized, starting with a pain in his stomach. It was intolerable. It felt like he had hot coals in his gut, churning everything up. Heat and sweat prickled his skin, making it unbearably hot. He fought to kick off the blankets.

Time seemed to pass strangely for a while after that. He could hear or feel Bella nearby, touching him. A part of him wanted to ask her for support, knowing she would hold him up as she had since he first met her. Yet, another part wanted to lash out and tell her to go fuck herself.

Blackness clouded his vision suddenly, causing his whole world to spin uncontrollably. His body felt as if it was being turned to the side. He was thirsty, his chest and throat burned with an intensity he'd never felt before.

His head was pillowed on softness and someone's body wrapped around him, and soon after, his need for water answered. He lapped up the cool liquid. Darkness once again intruded, leaving him wanting the peace of it, and allowed himself to burrow in it.

Minutes, hours, maybe days passed, he could not tell, when Edward sensed another presence in the room with him. One with darker thoughts than his own, with another aching groan, he turned enough to see who it was. In a chair nearby, he could see his mother. She watched him with hard, cold eyes the same color as his own.

"Go away," he whispered, not wanting to alert Bella, who was on the other side of his bed. He wouldn't let his mother see him in his condition. Every muscle and bone in his body ached as he fought to be as still as he could. His eyes closed and he had to clench his jaw shut so he wouldn't say something vile to Esme as he wished he could. He didn't need to see that damn look in her eyes.

It was a mixture of loathing, despair, and revulsion. He'd seen it for far too long.

The dark was comforting in a way he had never experienced before. It was almost welcoming. Most of the time, he tried to avoid it. He was afraid of what he'd find within it. Alcohol helped by numbing him enough, so that if he failed to crawl away from the dark, he wouldn't care what was within. However, he found a warmth and safety in it this time around; a voice nearby soothed him. It said she was there with him, for him.

Unaware of how much time had passed, something awakened him. There were loud voices, someone was screaming.

His skin itched unbearably; something was crawling on his leg. He tried to shake it off. The light in the room was dim as he looked down at his foot. He cried out, fighting to get the bug off him. Something held him down, another voice loud and threatening pierced the air. In seconds, a slew of insects, mosquitoes, roaches, and fucking worms were all over him. They crawled up his body, some into his very skin. His voice hoarse, he screamed at the closest figure.

Why weren't they getting them off? Instead, he felt someone holding him down.

Where was Bella? Why wasn't she there? Frantic, he searched for her in the sea of unfamiliar faces. He found her, dark eyes filled with concern and pain. He hated that fucking look on her, but why wasn't she closer? Why wasn't she helping him?

"Bella, please, you promised!" he cried, kicking out at the sheets. He felt her on top of him, her hands caressing his face, soothing him.

"I'm here," she said, running her hands over his face. "You're safe, I promise. Edward, I'll save you."

Before he could tell her that he didn't think he deserved salvation, the welcoming dark closed over his eyes.

Some time later, he heard some more distant mumbling, but couldn't make it out. They all sounded like if they were trying to talk into a microphone but had their mouths right on it, and the ringing in his ear made it worse. Edward hated that shit. The mumbling continued, much to his displeasure. Couldn't they just shut the fuck up?

He woke up with a groan and a headache, much like the last few weeks. Bella's associates were all there in the room, talking as if he wasn't trying to fucking sleep.

He offered his own nickname for his favorite harpy and watched as she walked over to sit beside him. Two parts of him warred again, he wanted to kick her off the bed or grab and sink his teeth in her neck to solidify his claim.

She tried to tell him about what they'd been doing to him while he went through the worst of his withdrawal. Whatever she said, he failed to grasp it for long. He looked at the one unfamiliar face in the room and matched it to the annoying southern accent he heard days earlier when they kidnapped him.

Edward still wasn't ready to forgive these assholes for doing that shit.

"You're – you're the fucker who grabbed me while I was naked," Edward said, feeling groggy. The familiar cotton and dry feeling was in his mouth as he watched the Texan standing a little too damn close to his warden. The fucker told Edward his name, Casper or something like that. He even had the nerve to bump fists with the moving mountain named Emmett. He remembered him— he was the asshole that laughed because of the naughty he had dream of Bella.

Feeling disoriented after another round of gagging and coughing, his vision becoming cloudy again, he called out for her. Her dark but warm eyes met his, he wanted desperately to touch her, but his arm felt as if it weighed a ton.

His eyes closed at the touch of her hand across his forehead, touching his hair again. He had to squint his eyes a little to clear up the image of her pretty face. "Thank you," he said, trying to fight the need to go to sleep again. It was a lost cause. As he slipped into warm oblivion, he swore he heard his sister laugh.

~oOo~

Edward tried to hold onto the dream, but something at the fringes of it kept pulling him away. He knew it wasn't real, because he was positive his fucking harpy would never allow him to have her mouth anywhere near his dick.

Well, he was sure she wanted his dick, but wanted to play hard to get before she finally gave in to him. A few voices interrupted a particularly nice image of her on her knees, dressed in nothing but thigh highs seamed stockings and stilettos, begging for his cock. The thought of some asshole watching Bella get him off did not sit well with him and he wanted to tell the motherfucker off. Before he could do anything else, nature called.

Edward wanted desperately to take a piss, his fucking dream Bella disappearing like a puff of smoke. Not getting what he wanted, even in dreams, was already making him irritable as hell. The assholes couldn't wait until dream Bella got him off with that pretty mouth wrapped around his cock. His throat felt like sand paper and was what held him back from telling these assholes off for waking him up.

Light started to intrude behind the darkness of his eyelids. He wanted to ignore it, but one voice in particular had him wanting to see his favorite person to piss off. Behind the light, there were two distinct voices.

"He should gain consciousness in the next few hours. I already started to wean him off the meds." He groaned as the light overhead brightened, his lead-like arms lifted as if he could push it away. "Bella, he's conscious."

"Hey, Edward," Bella said beside him. Something in her voice bothered him, sounded like concern and he didn't like it. He wanted to fuck with her and tried to think of a way to do it. With his eyes still closed, he turned toward her voice and smirked.

She laughed and ruffled his hair. "Same ol' perv." He nearly purred under her touch.

His eyes opened slowly, her face was blurry, forcing him to close them again. After another minute, he tried again, furrowing his brow. The anticipation in her face was clear, but she also looked tired.

"Who are you?" he croaked.

Her eyes widened, her head snapping toward Rosalie. The blond bitch shrugged. "I don't know, Bella. I can have Alec come in. In severe cases, it's possible to lose some short-term memory, I'm sorry, Bella."

Edward's harpy looked horrified and he felt the twinge of guilt in his chest turn to a spike of pain. _Shit, fix it, you asshole._

"Hey," he said softly, tugging on her shirt. "If it isn't the biggest pain in my ass, 3B." The relief in Bella's eyes lasted only a second before they narrowed. Shit, she knew he faked it. Before she could rip him a new asshole, a feat he was sure she could accomplish, he asked, "How long was I out?"

Though his memory of the last few days was hazy, he was aware enough to know they had to sedate him.

"About forty-two hours," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair. It seemed she forgot about her suspicion— good for him.

"B, you need to get him cleaned up. This might be the only chance for a while. Edward, I'm disconnecting your IV so you can shower."

To lighten the mood further, he chucked Bella in the chin. Her eyebrow cocked, waiting for whatever he had to say. From the look in her eyes, she was waiting for him to say something rude. Why disappoint her?

"What? No sponge bath?"

She rolled her eyes at him as Edward realized that he felt fucking gross. His body was sticky and after a sniff under his arm, he knew he smelled like shit. Embarrassed, he shifted away from her. He grimaced at the pinch at his arm as Blondie removed his IV. Fucking bloodsucker. His humiliation deepened as he had to have Bella and one of her goons help him up from bed because his legs were weak.

"I can do it myself, asshole!" he grunted, pulling his arm away from the jerk he didn't recognize. Whoever he was, Edward disliked him already. He stumbled forward, but Bella had his arm draped over her shoulder, and that held him up. He pushed her away, too fucking pissed and embarrassed to be that close to her. He didn't need her fucking help to take a damn shower.

What the fuck was she thinking? That he was an invalid.

"Damn it, Edward," Bella growled at him, shaking her little fist in his face. "I'm just trying to help."

His eyes roamed over her. Her clothes were wrinkled, and from the pillow and book on the chair closest to the bed, he realized she had stayed with him the whole time. Why the fuck did she care? He didn't want her to.

"I didn't ask for your help, bitch!" He did, though; during a moment of weakness, he had practically begged her. It made him sick to think of. He scrambled toward the bathroom, trying to get to the shower, determined to do it without her. Instead of the white ass tile he expected to see, he ended up in the fucking closet.

"You were saying," she hissed from behind him. He wanted to pound his head against the door, wishing he were anywhere but there. She pulled him away from the closet and led him to the bathroom. Once he was in there, she started to turn on the water, as if he wasn't capable of doing it himself.

"You can get the fuck out now!" Ignoring her, Edward pulled off the fucking smelly ass shirt he wore. "I would like some privacy."

"Whatever," she said, walking out of the bathroom. "Emmett, can _you_ stand watch and help Edward if he needs it, since he won't let _me_."

Edward cursed a string of profanities at the bitch. As if he would let that caveman come anywhere near his naked body again. Grabbing a hold of her arm before she walked out, he hissed, "Fine."

Bella smiled an all-too-smug grin and finished adjusting the temperature of the water. He worked quickly to pull off the rest of his disgusting clothes. It wasn't as if the harpy hadn't seen it all before. Walking into the shower enclosure, the bitch surprised him by handcuffing his hand to the bar as she had the first time.

"What the fuck is this for?" he growled at her. A lesser woman would've cowered from a six-three angry man that hovered over her tiny frame. Not her, she only shrugged and handed him a washcloth. "I asked you a fucking question, 3B." He grabbed the cloth and tried his best to remain standing as he washed his body.

"Another lesson we learned," she said as she started to clean the restroom. Too focused on the shower, he only noticed that there were soiled sheets, towels, and clothes all over the room. The bitch actually put on a pair of sterile gloves. At the door, whoever was there took the bag from her and said he'd burn it. It was probably the asshole, Casper or Jasper, whatever his name was. "Most of the time the addict wakes up after withdrawal cranky as hell, sometimes violent." He cocked an eyebrow, silently asking her to elaborate. "It didn't happen to me here, but at the other center."

Did that mean she ran more than one? Edward was about to ask her, but figured out he didn't give a shit about it. The only thought in his head was getting cleaned up and something to drink. At that thought, he opened up his mouth to the water cascading up from above, turning the hot water off for a while to quench his thirst. Before the water froze his balls off, he switched on the heat and grabbed some shampoo from the dispenser mounted on the wall. It was a good thing he had long fingers and was able to do it one-handed, he didn't want to ask the witch for help just to get shampoo.

Forty-two fucking hours had passed. Fuck, he hoped the worst was over. Though he was barely aware of what had occurred over the last two days, most of it hazy, but by how fucking shitty his body felt, he knew it hadn't been pretty.

As he scrubbed at his face, he felt another round of tremors start. Mild in comparison to the ones he had for days, but he quickly shut off the water. Bella was waiting outside with a fluffy white towel, watching him with too-knowing eyes. He tried to shrug off the shivers and hoped she wouldn't notice. The warden moved warily toward him and removed the cuff.

His shaking knees must have been a dead giveaway because she quickly sat him on a bench he never noticed in the shower. He tried to fight her off when she tried to help him dress, but when he couldn't even hold open his fucking boxers, he threw them at her. As she assisted, he called her every name in the book, but she didn't bat an eyelash.

Fucking hell, he thought, how could someone take that much verbal abuse and not become homicidal…or suicidal. He reminded himself that he didn't care about her.

"I don't need your help," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Shut the fuck up," she finally said, her face flushed as she rose to feet and helped him up. "I'm here to help, whether you want it or not." She grabbed his arm, but he wretched it from her grasp and made his way toward his newly made bed.

"Wait, Edward," she screamed, and he fell flat on his face, his legs giving way. Edward groaned and turned onto his back.

"Dumb ass," Bella said from beside him, putting her arms around his shoulders, helping him up on his feet again.

Faced flushed, head and heart pounding, he growled, "Fuck! I hate this shit!"

He didn't think, he only acted and tried to bolt for the door, but the blonde banshee blocked his way. Emmett popped his knuckles, getting up from one of the chairs in the room and walking toward him. He felt cornered as he looked at every face. These people were with cause of his imprisonment. He hated them all!

"What? Have I been giving you a good show?" He threw up his arms, laughing. "I bet it was fun watching some fucking rich asshole piss and vomit all over himself. Huh?"

Bella grabbed his attention by snapping his ass with a towel. "No one here is happy to see anyone go through hell, Edward. Especially me," she said. "I know that you find that hard to believe but it's true."

Edward glared at her, his vision turned completely into a red haze of anger. Why didn't she understand that he didn't want their help? Why couldn't they let him just fucking drink to forget everything?

He needed out to get of there like he needed air. Lunging for the door, not caring who got in the way, he side-stepped Jasper and Bella. He heard a body hit the floor before Emmett stopped him, getting him in a bear hug that completely lifted Edward off the ground.

"Get him on the bed," Rosalie cried out as Edward tried to fight back. Jasper jumped back to his feet, trying to help Emmett keep a hold of him.

Edward kicked and screamed, trying to get them off him. Somehow, they managed to get him on the bed, and the bitch Rosalie was spewing out instructions and slipped a needle out of her pocket, injecting Edward with something to knock him out. He felt his body go numb several seconds later. His mind still aware of his surroundings but the rest of him too exhausted to do much more.

"Shit, B!" He heard someone scream.

Another voice grunted, "Fuck, she's bleeding."

"Bella!" Rosalie continued. "Bring her to the clinic."

"No," Bella groaned. "Office. Ow! Ow!"

"Fine, the office," Rosalie hissed. "Fuck, she's out. She may need stitches. Jasper, you stay here with him. Call down if his heart rate picks up." Her voice grew distant as she instructed Emmett to call Alec to get a CT as a precaution.

Edward wondered what the fuck just happened? His head was in fucking chaos and nothing made sense.

Suddenly, ice-cold blue eyes filled his vision, hovering over him. "I should beat the fucking crap out of you," Jasper seethed, glaring.

Edward tried for a smile. "Try it, mother fucker. Bella won't let you."

The asshole had the balls to smirk at Edward. "She won't know. By the look of the bump and cut on her head that _you_ just gave her, I'm sure she'll be sleeping it off."

What? The blackness veiled over his vision, not allowing Edward to know if Bella was going to be okay.

"Jasper?" another voice intruded, firm and with authority. "I think you better join Bella and Rosalie."

"I'm fine, Emmett. You can relieve me in a couple hours."

"Now, Jasper…"

Before Edward could make out the rest of Emmett's response, he shut his mind down enough. He didn't want to think; too scared that he hurt someone else that didn't deserve it. He should face it, everything good in his life he touched turned to ash.

~oOo~

Something intruded on his dreams again, but this time, Edward was thankful. The dreams were nightmares, ones that seemed to blend the past and present. The lights overhead were dim, but the glaring white of the ceiling still fucking hurt his eyes.

"Shh." He instantly stilled at the giggle he heard accompany the sound. Edward's eyes adjusted to the minimal lighting, and found his sister, Nessie, tickling Emmett's nose. The man was asleep in a chair, snoring away and completely unaware. She laughed harder when Emmett scratched his nose, and Edward couldn't help but snicker, shaking his head and shushing his sister.

He missed her so much. She'd been gone for hours, and he had no idea where she'd been. It scared him so much that he tried reaching for her, but she danced away from his stretched out arm.

"Edward, I want to go swimming," she stated, smiling widely. "Can we go swimming?"

A familiar fear gripped his heart. "No, you can't go swimming," he said firmly, though he hated denying her anything. Maybe if he joined her, it would be better. "I can't leave this room, anyway." He motioned toward the locked door, hoping if he couldn't go that she would stay with him.

"Fine, but I'm going," she huffed, sneaking toward the door quietly. She turned back to look at him, giggling when the door opened easily for her.

For some reason, Edward knew it wasn't a good idea for her to go outside alone. The thought of her near the pool made him jump out of bed, but found something was stopping him. He had equipment strapped and taped to his arm. It only took a few seconds to turn the sound off on the unit and detach the IV from his hand and the plastic clamp monitoring his heart rate on his fingertip off.

Edward made his way to the door and checked it, finding it locked, of course. He groaned and stared at the keypad. Looking over at Emmett, he saw that he was still snoring. It was best to act now while he had the chance, his sister was out there by herself. He pressed a few buttons quickly to test the tones, canceling so as not to alert anyone. It didn't take long to figure out which keys had what tones.

The code for his door was 4389.

After he entered each number, the little green light lit up and told him that he'd been right. It was a good thing that the keypads had audible tones that his keen ear was able to pick up easily.

Bella would learn another lesson if he managed to get away. That wasn't important, because Nessie was his priority. If Bella found him outside, at least she could get his sister to safety. Edward quickly made his way down the hall, past the kitchen and Bella's room. He stopped beside it for a second, wondering if he should just ask for her help. He shook his head, continuing. There wasn't time for that. The door that opened to the poolside was less than a hundred feet away. He ran toward the door, entered the code he remembered the few times he heard Bella use it. In seconds, the light lit up, the door opened in his hand.

The cool Mexican desert climate hit him hard. He shivered slightly, making his way to the pool. As he closed in on the courtyard, he could see Nessie…

"No!" Edward pulled off his t-shirt. "Not again, Nessie!" he screamed, diving into cool water. His feet hit the bottom and he quickly bobbed to the surface. "Nessie!" he cried out, unable to find her anywhere. He dove under the water again, but couldn't see for shit, forcing him to resurface. "Nessie!" He frantically searched, screaming for her.

"Please, please, please," he said, spitting out water. _Bella, help me please._

His body protested and he could barely manage to stay afloat a second more. Before he went completely under, he heard someone scream.

"Edward, oh my God!" Bella, he thought. She heard his silent plea for help. He heard the splash, before he slipped beneath the surface. Something hit him in the water, an arm curling around his waist.

"Help me get him over the edge," Edward heard Bella gasping near his ear, his eyes refusing to open.

A set of strong arms lifted him from the water and onto the decking nearby. "I've got him, boss."

Edward coughed, spewing out water trapped in his mouth and throat. "Nessie! Bella, she's in the water. I saw her in the water!"

She was there in front of him, taking his face in her small, cold hands. "I know that's what you see, Edward," she cried, wiping his hair from his eyes. "I know, Edward. She's gone, honey."

Her wide-eyed look of despair broke him, as he dropped his head onto her shoulder, sobbing. "She's gone! I couldn't fucking save her again! She's gone." Bella held him in her arms, and he felt his body tremble with terror as he relived the moment of Nessie's body floating in the water on repeat, every time he closed his eyes. He looked up at Bella's heart-broken expression; he noticed the same look before in her eyes. She knew what it felt like to lose someone she loved, too.

"Bella," he whispered, touching her cheek. "Please…don't let me go."

* * *

**AN: I wanted to thank you all, for your words and reviews. I just wish I had time to reply to all of them. Thanks again.**


	12. The Bearing of Souls

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Twelve –The Bearing of Souls**

* * *

Edward felt a chill along the back of his neck and hair as the wind started to pick up. He wasn't aware of anything but Bella wrapped around him and the bone deep cold that surrounded him. The last few minutes were a blur and a blend of dreams and nightmares. Images and distant voices swirled around him, but his mind was too sluggish to decipher them, all except for her.

"Bella." His voice was hoarse and painful. It felt raw. He felt the same all over, inside and out. The lungs felt as if they were on fire, as if someone had squeezed them until they burst. He gagged when he realized that his sister had felt that level of pain, perhaps worse, as she died.

Bella patted him on the back to expel the last of the water lodged in his throat. Edward shivered as someone draped a blanket or towel over his shoulders. "Honey, are you cold?" he heard her whisper, her warm breath against his ear. She tried to pull away, but Edward clutched her tighter.

"Don't let go, Bella."

A part of him loathed the idea that he needed her. Yet, he was unable to deny the truth and the comfort she provided. He wasn't sure how long she cradled him against her body, rocking him as tears and terror continued to linger in his mind. There were other voices around him, and Rosalie took his vitals at one point.

When Bella tried to pull away again, but he shook his head, asking her stay with him again.

_I'm fucking weak._

He didn't care; at least, not at the moment. It had been a long time since he'd been comforted by anything other than a bottle or a lousy fuck.

_Lousy fucks weren't comforting_, he thought, _apparently not, since I'd gotten the clap – bitches._

A soft laugh filtered through his chaotic thoughts. Had he said that shit out loud? Fuck. "That's what I thought, too, hon," Bella whispered.

He was feeling better and a little more like himself, but was scared to open his eyes. It was not because of the pool nearby, but because of Bella. He had no idea what he'd find in her all too knowing gaze.

Was she angry with him? Would she send him away? It was then that he remembered what had happened earlier. Was she okay?

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered, his breath turning harsh again. "Don't let go. I know you're mad, but don't let go."

He heard her sigh and felt her arms tighten around him. For a couple of minutes, as his breathing returned to normal, he reminded her again not to let go. "I won't, Edward, but your clothes are drenched."

Edward shifted enough to realize that the softness he was feeling was her skin under his cheek. He inhaled discreetly, against the hollow of her throat and smiled. "I guess that means you get to see me naked again."

She snorted, and after a moment, she turned to talk someone over his shoulder. "He's fine, guys. Keep watch, Emmett, but turn off the sound to the pool camera. Got it?"

"Sure thing, B."

"Are you sure, Bella?" the southern ass asked, hovering over them. Bella suddenly emitted a sound that he vowed he would make her do as often as possible. She fucking growled. _Oh, sweet motherfucking hell, she __growls, _he thought_._ Now he was left wondering if she liked to bite. He groaned at the thought.

Edward was well aware that he was ruining the fucking moment, but it couldn't be helped. His face was resting on her fucking tits. A moment of tenderness wouldn't stop him from being a prick, and they were his favorite harpy's delectable breasts. There was no stopping his body from reacting to that, despite the soreness, or how cold he was.

To ensure proper placement on her chest for just a while longer, he whimpered, causing Bella's arms to tighten around him, enough to put his face right between them. Damn, he was horny. What the fuck was wrong with him? His mind was all over the place, chaotic and changed in a second.

When he felt Bella's hands run down his back, he knew his confusion would get worse.

"Get the fuck inside, Jasper," Bella said to the prick with another tasty growl. Edward could feel the rumble of it against his cheek. That served to make his wet shorts more uncomfortable. "Don't undermine my authority, again."

"Fuck, fine," Jasper cursed before stomping away. "But this conversation is not over." Bella cursed a few times, whispering a name he didn't catch.

Edward wondered what the fuck the asshole's problem was. What did he do? Wasn't he there to help and not be a cause of the tension around them?

After another minute, Edward pulled away slightly and realized that everyone was gone. That left him and Bella alone. He was in so much fucking trouble.

He had escaped. He had hit her earlier. Well, more like pushed, but it was the same shit to him.

Edward was positive that he wouldn't be able to walk away without talking about what happened. All it would take was one look in her dark eyes that had already stripped many before of their darkest secrets, and he knew he would succumb to her, too. He needed to do what he could to avoid it at all costs.

That same woman shifted to stand, pulling him up with her. A violent shiver ran down his spine, a late night breeze felt as it moved through him. Silently, she rubbed her arms up and down his back to warm him. He kept his eyes trained on the ground and shifted uncomfortably in his wet clothes. He had taken of his t-shirt, which floated over the surface of the water, but not his muscle shirt. One of Bella's sandals drifted along side of it and his stomach lurched. He could've killed her, swept her underwater with him, and she was injured.

Another tremor moved through him, Bella's warm hands moving over the goose bumps that covered his skin. It took a couple more minutes for his head to clear enough for him to realize that Bella was wet, too.

_How did I miss that shit?_

Edward's eyes focused on the droplets of water on her painted toes, and ran up the length of her legs, the droplets of moisture made her skin appear to glitter in the moonlight. The curves of her hips covered in fitted denim, the fabric darker from the water. The hem of her top fell just a couple of inches above the top of her jeans, stuck to her like a second skin. He took in every glorious inch of her exposed torso, glistening with water.

His eyes lifted to her chest and he met a damn glorious sight that had him straining in cold, drenched shorts. Bella was in a green, wet tank top and nothing else. Her pink nipples were gloriously erect against the almost see-through fabric that he itched to tear away from her body.

"Are you done yet?" Bella snapped at him.

"No," Edward replied honestly and looked again. He lingered on her nipples. Fuck, she was so beautiful. After another moment, his eyes lifted to meet her gaze, she looked pissed. It was not the first time she angry with him and he doubted it would be the last.

He was an asshole, after all.

Ignoring the simmering anger, tinged with fear in her penetrating gaze, he saw under a curl of wet hair a few butterfly bandages on her temple.

_I did that._

Avoiding her eyes, Edward could see Emmett coming up from behind Bella. In his hands were additional towels and clothes. _Damn, _Edward thought, pissed that the asshole thought about that shit. He might of have been cold as fuck, but the idea of covering Bella back up was a fucking shame.

Emmett smirked, as if he knew exactly what Edward had been thinking. He placed the clothing, towels, bottles of water and a first aid kit on a lounge chair. "I'm sorry, boss," Emmett said as Bella moved away to gather some of stuff he'd brought.

"We'll talk about it later," she replied without even glancing at the poor bastard that looked fucking heartbroken for some reason. As if he let her down and her disappointment just about killed him.

"Get on the phone with Peter, I need new keypads pronto and make sure they don't make sounds." Emmett nodded and left without another word or look back.

"How the hell did you know?" Edward asked, grabbing another towel to run over his wet legs.

"I finally had a chance to sit down to read your file from start to end. All four hundred thirty-three pages, took too long to compile. Sometimes the fucking internet is shit here."

He stilled at the news and his chest hurt; she knew. She fucking knew everything about him. Before he could respond, as he'd always done, by lashing out, he turned toward Bella. Her back was facing him, the wetness of the tank top causing the material to stick to her pale skin. There, just under the raised hem on her back was a glimpse of lettering, a tattoo, in a sharp contrasting black against all that cream and pink skin. He wanted to see it, all of it. Trace the font with the tip of his fingers, test if his touch along the letters would make her tremble with need.

Over her shoulder, Bella crooked her finger, inviting him to come closer. Edward closed the distance between them, very aware of the look of wariness in her eyes. She turned fully and had him sit down on of the pool chairs nearby. Her fingers ran over his temple, moving a few strands of hair from covering his eyes. Her other hand grazed the hem of the white muscle shirt he was still wearing. Swiftly, she removed it, tossing it aside.

"Do you want to go back inside?" she asked warily.

Edward wasn't sure why, but he felt compelled to stay where they were, poolside. It might have been because he felt a sudden calmness in the cool breeze, or because the haze was lifting from his mind. There was something different about being inside the building with Bella, than outside of it. There was also the fact she would take him back to the couch in her office, the one that made him spill secrets once before. She'd force him to sit on it, and he would lose a battle of wills against her.

"No." His voice broke, forcing him to keep his eyes down. Bella pulled the towel he was twisting in his hands away and started to rub it over his wet hair. He sighed and allowed his forehead to press against her stomach. He was afraid she'd pull away, but he held back an unreasonable need to wrap his arms around her. A part of him knew it was a line he couldn't cross with her. His dirty words were one thing, but actions would likely send her running, after she kicked his ass first.

After a minute, she stepped back and held up a dry towel, drawing his eyes up. "Strip," she indicated. Edward cocked an eyebrow, but only waited for her to say something. "I've seen it, so don't be shy now. I'm sure the shrinkage from the cold water will be minimal."

If she wanted to piss him off, she succeeded. The look in her eyes said it was for another reason. "Come on now," she said again. She was only doing what she needed to get him out of his head.

He could play along for his own sanity. Edward scowled and glared at her before dropping trou. Shrinkage, my ass, he thought. His impressive package was standing at full mast. He could see the struggle Bella was having as she handed him his shorts, holding back either a smile or gasp, maybe a moan. She hadn't taken her eyes off him.

"Done yet?" he teased.

"Yes," she squeaked, but quickly recovered by clearing her throat and turning from him. She crossed her arms in front of her, grabbing the hem of her top and tossing it aside.

Edward gulped. He knew she wasn't wearing a fucking bra, but fuck, her bare back was gorgeous, on it was the sexist thing he'd ever seen. The tattoo he'd only gotten a tiny glimpse of earlier started from the nape of her neck to the small of her back.

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger._

Though the print was simple, it flowed smoothly over the curvature of her spine as she bent down to retrieve another top. Pink and white flowers, along with branches intertwined around the phrase. The need he had earlier, to touch those letters, ignited again and he had to clench his fists to his sides to keep himself from reaching for her. She looked over her shoulder and turned slightly as she slipped another shirt over her head, but the side of her left breast was visible. Fuck.

"Edward, put that damn thing away already," she said lowly, her eyes roaming down the length of his body.

Unable to form anything close to coherent, Edward quickly pulled on a dry pair of shorts. He stood there completely transfixed as she threw on a black tank top, her hands smoothing it over her lean stomach made his own itch. She turned to face him fully and asked him to come a little closer. She held out a towel for him to take.

"Hold it up and don't look," she barked out at him.

"That's hardly fair," he groaned.

She raised her eyebrows, as if daring him to continue. Edward turned just enough to at least see out of the corner of his eye.

"A little more, wise ass," she growled.

_Yes. More growling, please._

Edward turned his head and neck enough so that he wouldn't be able to see, and once he had done as she asked, he heard the wet smack of her shorts hitting the cement. He groaned, unable to contain it. His fingers clenched around the towel, trembling and fighting against the urge to drop it, grab her and fuck her senseless.

Edward was positive that she'd protest if he tried, man-hating bitch that she was. Then again, Miss-I-Want-Your-Cock did stare longer than usual. _She wants me._

Edward's internal ramblings and occasional imagery of pounding into her came to an abrupt halt when she pulled the towel from him, now fully dressed.

_Damn._

Edward noticed the bandage on her forehead started to fall off. She sighed and picked up the first aid kit. Guilt had him reaching for her wrist, stopping her. He motioned for her to sit down on the lounge chair beside his. Her eyes narrowed at his hand on her, which she quickly removed hers from his grasp and shoved the kit toward him.

"Considering it was your fault, be my guest," she spat. Her outburst left Edward wondering what he'd done to piss her off now. Was it his touch that bothered her? Was she pissed because she wanted him? Sometimes, he felt the same way about her.

Not wanting to anger her more, Edward sat beside her as she scooted further against the chair's back. He sat beside her and removed a few items from the kit, returning his attention to her. Her eyes bored into his, leaving him tongue-tied for the first time since he met her.

_Liar, she does that to you all the fucking time, only you stick your foot in your mouth and say something to piss her off._

"I never intended to hurt you," he said simply.

She didn't say anything but allowed him to look at her cut. Careful to keep from hurting her, he pulled back the wet bandages and examined it with a critical eye. The stitches were small and stretched out about two inches, almost bisecting her eyebrow. There would be minimal scarring, if any. It looked like the blonde banshee was capable of something other than sucking out his blood and poking him with needles.

"What did you hit anyway?" he asked. She gave a look that would shrivel up any other man's balls. "Besides me, I mean."

Edward wiped an antiseptic swab around the stitching carefully and blew a breath against the sting when she winced. His cold, stiff fingers worked to place another bandage on it, pressing the edges down carefully to ensure a proper seal.

"You bulldozed through me and I hit the bed," she said with a grimace. "No more metal bed frames."

Once he finished, Bella took the kit from him and put it aside. Her eyes met with his, and she shook her head. "You have no idea how lucky you were just now." Edward shrugged, averting his gaze. "If I hadn't been coming out of the clinic on the way back to check on you, you would've drowned."

Edward didn't say anything. Instead, he turned to look at the still surface of the pool. A strong breeze caused the water to ripple, reminding him of what the water had looked like when it had lapped against his sister's body all those years ago.

It was futile to avoid talking to her about his past, even if she knew the basics. One look in her eyes and he was ready to share with her his pain. He only hoped that she'd share hers. "I saw her in the water again tonight," he whispered, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes.

"Her lips had been blue by the time I got to her." He turned toward Bella. Her face and eyes softened, but it wasn't pity. No, in her eyes was sadness and pain that seemed to match his own.

He was right about what he thought earlier, she had suffered a great loss in her life, maybe more than one. Unlike him, instead of allowing it to weaken her, it made her stronger. Her tattoo, the words that swept down her graceful back made perfect sense.

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger._

She'd lived by those words for a long time, it seemed. The question was why. Edward decided that if she wanted him to give her more, she'd do so in return. He had no doubt she was strong, but there was something there under the surface, threatening to burst out of her.

"Tell me about your tattoo," Edward asked, waiting to see if she'd take the bait. She grimaced, but she sighed. as if she knew it was coming.

"I'll tell you if you sit with me and tell me about that day you found your sister."

Tit for tat, he could do that. Nodding, he scooted closer to her, but he thought he wouldn't be welcomed so close to her. He rose to his feet to use the other lounger. He hadn't even taken a step before her fingers circled his wrist gently. His eyes settled on her, waiting for her to say or do something. That same war that raged within him was in her eyes, too. A patience he didn't think he was capable of, had him just watching her and waiting. After a few moments, she patted the chair between her thighs.

It wasn't meant to be sexual or anything, just an invitation for comfort. He was lacking in that department for months, fuck, years, never allowing anyone to give it to him freely. If they had, they regretted it within seconds, his foot-in-the-mouth syndrome and biting tongue had them rescinding their offer quickly.

Gingerly, he sat between her legs, surprised when she murmured for him to lie back against her chest. He scooted down a little further, until he was comfortable. For several moments, they were awkwardly stiff. It wasn't until her fingers ran through his hair that he relaxed, allowing her to do the same.

Edward's sighed and had to clear his throat, which was constricted with emotion.

"Alice had cut her finger with a pair of scissors she'd found. She was cutting her Barbie's hair, apparently." He couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up, remembering the hack job she'd given her other dolls. Bella said she used to do the same thing when he told her. "The cut was pretty deep, so my mother knew that she had to take her to the hospital. My sister and I refused to go. I had homework, and Nessie just didn't want to spend an afternoon bored in the hospital with all the sick people. We were young but responsible, even my mother felt this at the time. We never gave her a reason not to believe that we _could_ be responsible. Despite that, she called our neighbor and left us there, leaving me in charge until Mrs. Cope could come over. Esme couldn't wait for her to come, and I understood that. My sister was fucking bleeding and screaming her lungs out.

"I was busy working on my math, and I wanted to get through a chapter of the book I was reading, when Nessie came in, insisting on going swimming. I told her no, and that it wasn't a good idea. Though we were good swimmers, we knew the rules – an adult had to be present. She told me that I was boring and left, a little upset. I thought nothing of it. She never could stay mad at me for long."

"You had a good relationship with her, then?" Bella asked, her fingers curling around a few strands of his hair. Edward tried hard to ignore his body's responses to her touch.

"Yes, I'm not sure how to explain. We always finished each other's sentences. I always knew what she was thinking or if she was upset. I was more mature than she was, though. I liked school and she didn't. We were opposites that way. She was more outgoing and spirited, and she had a bunch of friends. I found most of mine in books, my drawings, and music."

"That's kind of cute," she whispered. He felt her nose and cheek in his hair. There was more wetness on his scalp. Maybe her hair was wet, since he refused to believe she was tearing up. He didn't want his pain to become hers.

Edward shrugged, and replied, "If you say so." She laughed softly and adjusted her body so that her arm draped along his. He took her hand and slid it across his chest to play with her fingers. She didn't stop him and he wanted to ask why, but was afraid he'd sound like a pussy.

"I started to listen to some music and reading, and I realized that an hour had passed. I thought she was angry with me, and I knew I would have to make it up to her. I noticed that I didn't hear Mrs. Cope's favorite channel on and that she hadn't checked on me, like usual. I went to look for them, thinking that maybe they started making cookies or something. When I couldn't find them in the house, I knew that Mrs. Cope hadn't gotten there and that Nessie had gone swimming without telling me. I think a part of me already knew what I'd find." Edward shook his head, his chin dropping to his chest.

His heart and soul, his memories of that day were a stain on them and would be forever.

"I saw her floating on top of the water by the time I'd reached the patio doors."

Edward shivered, suddenly unable to stop the tremor from going through his body. Bella pulled a water bottle up and brought it to his lips, soothing his raw throat. Her warm, free hand ran up his arm, her legs wrapping around his. He was absorbed in the moment and found her touch comforting. "I knew something was wrong the moment I saw her."

Her whisper soft word was near his ear. "Why?"

"She was fully clothed. They think she slipped. I remember blood and there was a coat of water on the stone surrounding the pool."

Edward felt her nod, her cheek brushing against his. He'd told her a little about that night in the beginning, but it was different this time. He wasn't angry as he was then. He hadn't just suffered a panic attack. Her hand squeezed his arm in encouragement. The fingers he played with, a little thin but definitely feminine, tightened around his briefly.

Too lost in his memories, he failed to feel how soft she was against him, his thoughts and senses stuck on that night. He opened himself up, allowing him to breathe a little easier. It wouldn't last long.

"I called out to her as I ran outside, and I just dove in the water." His breathing hitched, and Bella's arms enveloped him from behind, warming and soothing him. "When I finally got to her and I turned her right side up, and her lips were blue and her eyes...were _blank_. I think I was screaming, and I don't remember for how long. I snapped out of it when I heard a splash in the water."

He couldn't help the sob that left his lips. Around his chest, her arms wound tightly, her cheek resting against the crook of his neck, humming softly to calm him. His hands clutched hers over the center of his chest as he fought to control his breath. He wanted to finish, needed to, not only for her, and for Alice, but also for himself. "It was my father. He worked so hard to save her. I couldn't save her."

Edward turned enough so that his head rested against her chest, a torrent of emotions rose to the surface. A choked sob escaped him as her quiet, whispered words fluttered over sweaty but shivering skin. He'd finally allowed himself to mourn. Something he hadn't done since he was a child.

Awareness escaped his grasp as did any embarrassment, not when the tough as nails woman that held a part of the key to his salvation, wiped at her own tears. Time didn't seem to matter to either of them as she held him in her arms. He welcomed the comfort she offered and he wanted to do his best to deserve it.

It was almost twenty minutes before Edward was calm enough to talk. He weaved his fingers around Bella's for a moment, to show _his_ support. "What happened, Bella?" She had to know what he was asking about, the reason beside the tattoo and why she did all this.

Her voice was only a whisper as she started to explain. "My mother had a history of mental illness, depression and bi-polar. I found her on her bed, an empty bottle of pills in her hand, the other on the pillow."

Her hands loosened around him, but Edward quickly grabbed them and brought them to his lips, kissing them lightly before squeezing them.

"She knew that I would be the one that found her, Edward. Charlie, my dad, was out of town. She knew it would be me. I fucking hated her for doing that to me," she said fiercely.

Edward didn't know what to say. "Bella –"

"No. I didn't hate her for that, I guess," she sighed, lifting a hand to run through her wet hair. "But for making me grow up at that moment. I had just turned eighteen."

"Do you know why she did it?" he asked, turning enough to watch a tear fall down her cheek. His thumb wiped it away and caught another.

"She had given up a baby before she met my father, left the child with the father," she replied after a deep, cleansing breath. "She never told my dad. I don't think she was able to live with the guilt, especially when someone showed up at our doorstep claiming to be her son."

"Shit," Edward hissed softly, giving up on wiping away her tears. She didn't even seem aware of them anymore.

"His father, who raised him, had died of cancer," she whispered as she stared blankly at the pool. Edward couldn't help the shudder that moved down his spine at the look in her eyes. "I think the guilt, along with his death, the lies she told my dad and everything else, was too much for her."

"I'm sorry," he whispered and held onto her tighter. Edward wanted to ask more questions, but he couldn't handle the despair in her voice and eyes any longer.

She didn't offer anymore and he was grateful. They remained on the lounge chair for another immeasurable amount of time before he heard her yawn. Their night was coming to end. He didn't know how to feel about that, despite the irrational urge to lock his arms around her.

"We should back inside," she said.

Edward nodded and rose to his feet, helping Bella to hers. Each of them gathered their strewn clothes and towels in silence and took everything to the laundry room. Edward could see that the keypads he'd seen on certain doors had been ripped out. They put everything to wash.

Edward was surprised when Bella took his hand after, laying her head on his shoulder as they walked toward down the hall. He didn't say a word, but rested his head on top of hers. When they arrived at his room, the door had two new deadbolts and locks that hadn't been there before.

Bella removed what looked like a master key from the top bolt. "Come on, it's time to lock you away."

She sighed when he remained frozen in the hallway. "You've escaped and could've drowned. There isn't anyone to blame, either, except maybe me. Jasper and Rosalie were with me and Emmett was in the room with you asleep. Before, it was safe to fall asleep because we thought you were locked inside the room. Where were you supposed to go? I should've known better and asked for more hands here." She looked away and shook her head. "It's not really safe in certain parts of Mexico, so I didn't want to risk it."

"If you lock me in and there's a fire," Edward reasoned. "I'm fucked."

"Not if someone with the keys remains in the room while you sleep. The rest of the day the door will be unlocked."

"I'm not worried about just me, be reasonable." He looked at the ceiling and wondered how to convince her that he was right. "These locks aren't gonna allow the doors to open if there's fire throughout the facility."

"They are temporary, until we get the new keypads. Two days max."

He looked for deception in her voice and eyes, but found none. "Well goddamn, you could've have said that before."

Edward stepped in the room, surprised that he didn't feel any resentment when he entered. He turned to look at Bella, the keys dangling from her fingers. There was something he wanted to say, but he had no idea what that was. Shaking his head, he walked toward the bed and immediately sunk beneath the covers, feeling another bout of light tremors coming.

When Edward didn't hear Bella leave, he turned to look at her as she watched him. "Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Can you – will you stay?"

"I was planning to put one of the others on first watch." Bella looked at him and then at the door, and for a moment, he thought she'd say no. A look, one he didn't recognize, swept through her features, but she quickly masked it and nodded. She sat on a chair beside the bed and looked at the camera. "Emmett, I'm taking watch first and locking us in."

"Got it, boss," Emmett replied through the intercom. "The camera?"

"Yes, please." During the whole exchange, Bella's eyes remained locked with his. "Lights out," she added and the room darkened; something Emmett must have done from the control center of the compound. There was only a sliver of light beneath the bathroom door.

Edward watched as Bella breathed a sigh of relief for some reason and then rose to join him in bed. He stilled as she shifted until she was under the covers, too. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until Bella draped an arm over his torso. His arm slid around her waist and rested a hand along the small of her back. Though the bed was only a twin, they found a comfortable position, facing each other. With a little more maneuvering, Edward's head lay a little lower than she did.

For a long moment, neither of them said a word, but Edward broke the silence with his confession. "I didn't want to be alone tonight." His whispered words murmured into the crook of her neck.

In a whisper just audible to them, and only them, she confessed too, "Neither did I."

* * *

**AN: I know hearing Edward's story again is hard and seems repetitive, but its what needed to be done. The last time was right after a panic attack and he was angry. This time however, he told her about that day because he _wanted_ to. Thanks, everyone!**


	13. The Morning After

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Thirteen—The Morning After**

* * *

Bella woke up the following morning in stages. She was still in the fringes of her dream of graduation caps and a speaker at the podium that she admired from the front row. Her hands stung from clapping hard as they called out his name, the word "doctor" uttered first. She felt her tears fall as she watched him wave from the stage and share a look with her that melted her in the May sunlight.

It wasn't until he joined her on the grounds, when he whispered that he wouldn't be there without her, that reality started to intrude. There was breath fanning across the back of her neck, and hand resting on her stomach. It was similar to her dream, all except for something hard pressing against her ass.

She wasn't ready to wake up fully, choosing instead to focus on the feel of warmth from the body wrapped around her. It had been too long since she shared a bed with anyone, and though she knew she shouldn't enjoy it, she did. There was a little time before she had to face the truth and had to put the barrier between them up again, or at the very least set up some ground rules.

She had gotten close to most of her addicts, as she had with Edward the night before, though it seemed the experience with him was different from the others. With Emmett, Rosalie was the one that held him through the worse of his withdrawal. Jasper had his cousin, Maggie, that Bella had already worked with before at the other facility and helped him through his first breakdown.

Edward had no one there, as they had. Was that the reason she was more hands on with him? She refused to believe that; she was just as hands on with Delia and Jordan, the last two addicts she worked with in the past year. Why was Edward different?

She had no choice but to step back and analyze later. It was in _his_ best interest, she told herself. Would he notice? Would he care?

She gave her head a mental shake, choosing not to dwell on things she couldn't change. Instead, she allowed herself to feel. His hand felt huge against her stomach, his long fingers spanning from below her bellybutton to an inch from the top of her sex. His pinky finger moved back and forth a few times, and she had to force back the moan stuck in her throat.

_Damn it. _

She ignored that marauding finger and concentrated on the rest of Edward, pressed against her right side. His head was on the pillow directly behind hers, but his feet nearly reached a foot past hers. She wanted to laugh as she felt Edward's chest rumble as he groaned, his fingers tightening on her stomach. His thighs were strong, resting along the backs of hers.

Bella couldn't help the yawn that slipped unbidden, causing her to stretch automatically. Her ass pressed right against Edward's cock. "Shit," she hissed under her breath. She hadn't meant to do that. He groaned, pulling her closer and thrust up against her backside. She had to stop from laughing at his curses.

"My fuckable harpy," he groaned and nuzzled his nose against her neck, kissing it softly. His face burrowed into her hair, and she remained absolutely still as he sighed after a long sniff. Bella's heart stuttered before it raced in her chest, and she knew then that she had to pull away from him; from what he offered and what she wanted.

_Be the bitch, Bella. Be the hard ass harpy he says you are. _

Her inner pep talk helped put her priorities in order and Edward's recovery was on the very top. When she felt Edward stiffen behind her, she knew he was awake. His hand went slack, his breath hitched. "What the fuck did I do?" he muttered softly.

He was regretting about their talk beside the pool. She heard him curse, and for the second time, he tensed behind her when he felt where his cock was. She didn't take it personally, considering he just woke up. "Jesus," he hissed as she readied to put a stop him.

Being the asshole she knew Edward was very capable of being, he took advantage of his position and curled his hand over her breast.

_Be the bitch_, she silently reminded herself.

"Oh God, Emmett," Bella said with a gasp.

"What?" Edward said, his voice husky and a little sleepy.

Bella hissed and arched into him. "Emmett, please,"

"Emmett? What the fuck, Bella?" he grumbled.

Bella snorted, pulling his hand off her boob and bit his finger. He yelped, pulled away, and soothed it with his own tongue. He glared at her as she moved. "Did you think I was gonna let you play with me?"

"You're a bitch."

"Yes, and you have the clap," she said with a shrug and jumped off the bed. "And you and I know that can't happen between us."

He groaned at the reminder of his sick dick, and Bella laughed as he palmed himself. "Fucking poison red-haired bitch," he said, shaking his head. After a few seconds, a smile spread across his face, but the moment he realized that she was watching him, he composed himself.

"How did we even end up sleeping together like that?" he asked, scratching his balls as if she wasn't fucking watching him.

"You are such a pig," she said with a roll of her eyes. He shrugged, waggling his eyebrows when he rubbed himself instead. She let out a frustrated groan and pretended to gag. "We fell asleep after a very long fucking night," she said and continued. "I just know that your dick was about to launch an assault on my ass."

"I think you'd like it up your ass," Edward snickered, rolling onto his stomach as he laughed. His boxer-clad ass wiggled a bit as he continued like the asshole he was. "It might loosen you up a little."

Bella yanked the pillow from beneath his head and smacked him a few times. "Help! I'm being fucking attacked by a sexy banshee with a bird nest on her head."

Edward did something she never thought he'd do. The man fucking giggled as her hands immediately lifted to her hair. She growled and smacked him a few more times before he grabbed her and she landed on top of him. He didn't try anything as he continued to laugh against her neck, only held onto her tightly. Her eyes closed as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"How the hell did I miss your tattoo before last night?" he asked, still laughing.

"Not sure. I wore a sports bra at the gym once. The rest of the time, it's either a tank top or t-shirt."

He sighed and pursed his lips, much too close to hers. She was thankful when he didn't say a word when she put more distance between them. "Your ass," he said a smile spreading widely across his face. "That's the only explanation. I was watching your ass." He chuckled when she slapped his wandering hand away. "That's the only thing capable of giving me _tunnel_ vision."

"You are such an asshole," she groaned, when he dropped his head onto her shoulder, still laughing. "Exit only, dumb ass." She couldn't help the small lift of her lips. It was hard to ignore how much lighter Edward seemed.

She worried that she stepped too far past the line.

Bella had opened up to him the night before, and now, she felt the strain of it. She wanted him to think that she was invincible; instead, she had practically broken down from him reliving the day his sister drowned. On top of that, she told him about her mother, something she hadn't uttered a word about besides to her father and therapist. It wasn't necessarily the fact that she shared that with him, it was that she wanted to. She would've said more, gave him a play by play of that day as he had, but she had seen what her sorrow was costing him. It was too much for him to handle and she wouldn't burden him with anymore of her past.

She also feared that he would use her past against her, as others had, and still try to do to her. Thoughts like that had her thinking of him, of Jacob.

Bella and Jacob had been friends since they'd been kids, even though he was a year older. Most of their summers growing up were spent together; their parents had been close, too. A friendship with Jacob had been easy and everyone expected for them to eventually be together as more than friends.

An actual relationship based on being _in love_ was much harder to maintain. He'd been the boy who'd given Bella her first kiss after his senior prom that her mother forced her to go to with him. Her mother had known Jacob was in love with Bella for a long time. It was too bad that Bella couldn't feel the same about him. She tried and stuck by him, until he got a football scholarship and decided it was best to remain friends. He had even said that a long distance relationship would be too hard. She didn't mind one bit, having missed their friendship.

The following year, she was offered a scholarship of her own and was ready to head to college when the bombshell of her half-brother was revealed. Two days after her graduation, Renee committed suicide, with a combo seventy-four pills, of painkillers and anti-depressants. It was the worst summer of her life.

She left that fall, on her father's assistance that he'd be fine. The first break she had, she figured out that Charlie Swan was far from fine. She watched him get worse with every visit, and the following summer, she got him cleaned up and into therapy.

That experience had her decide her major in college. A year later, she helped two friends with their detox, though she wasn't remotely qualified, but she listened to their problems. She didn't offer advice, only listened and that seemed to help them with the recovery, most of all, she remained their friend. The support she and others provided were invaluable. Even though it was true that an addict had to want to recover in order to succeed, she made sure they all understood they were not alone.

Besides her father, shortly after finding her calling, she had to face her toughest addict beside her father.

To say that her experience with Jacob had been heartbreaking was an understatement. He'd torn every part of her open as he told her about the death of his mother, Sarah. Bella been so wrapped up in college that she'd only found out about the accident after her funeral had taken place. Jacob had insisted on Charlie not telling her, but eventually, he had called her. She had gone home; she had to help Jacob and show him that she was there for him.

He'd come out of the accident a broken man, not just physically, but mentally, too. He'd watched his mother die before his eyes, too broken and hurt to help her. Healing a grieving Jacob had been a long process, and because of Bella's closeness to him, he often sought comfort in her arms.

She never pushed him away, and to that day, she often thought that she'd brought it on herself. She'd known Jacob loved her still after all those years, only severing their relationship because he wanted her to finish school and not worry about him. It was that confession, shortly before the accident that had her pushing him away. He wanted her to stay in Forks, to give up her dream of becoming a therapist. She didn't feel the same about him and refused to come back to Forks only because it was what he wanted. Not once had he asked what she wanted.

They could've handled their breakup a little better, maybe without breaking their fragile friendship, but in the end, they said things that hurt each other deeply. She reminded him that even though they didn't want the same things, she was still his friend. He had turned his back on her.

It wasn't until later; during one of his therapy sessions that she found out that, he said all those awful things to get her to leave. He knew she'd recognize the signs of newfound addiction. Jacob had been barely twenty-three when Charlie called her and told her about Jacob's problem. Bella couldn't stand by and watch one of her best friends disintegrate. Jacob experienced physical injuries and depended on painkillers to manage his severe pain. The drunk driver that missed his stop and the meds had been his downfall.

Jacob had gone from taking six a day to consuming countless bottles over the course of six months.

Four years after graduation from high school, she did what she had to do to save him. She called up a friend, Alec, the brother of someone she helped detox years earlier and had Billy and her father pick up Jacob, by force if they had to, and bring him to Montana.

Alec's family owned a ranch there that she used to help Jacob get him back on his feet, spending their time there learning all about farming, raising horses, and mucking stalls. The work served a few purposes; the work was therapeutic in the way that it didn't allow Jacob to stay stuck in his head for too long, and as punishment and a reminder of all he had.

When she got the call about his addiction, she played the hard act that she had perfected so well. She'd beaten down on him and made him fight back, and want to live and not spend his days in a pain-free daze. She'd taken him from his friends and family to the ranch and got him through everything. Detox, therapy and readjusting to life as a recovering addict, only to have him fall again.

He'd been clean for over a year when Bella had run into him while she was visiting Charlie for Christmas. Billy and her father had been his foundation after she left him in their capable hands to watch over him. That day, she'd been so happy to see him, to see him smiling again.

It was the best feeling ever.

Bella hadn't hesitated to say yes when he'd asked her if she'd join him for coffee. From there, their relationship had progressed to something more. She was falling for him, after all that time fighting it. They were happy together for a while.

He'd gone on to play some professional football after he'd gotten himself clean, but an injury on the field had set him back on the road to self-destruction. When he refused to listen to her about his drug use, she cut all ties with him; her presence in his life only made things harder. She'd gone to the Montana ranch after their breakup and started to get it ready for him, waiting for the call that would save him again, but she couldn't do that as his girlfriend.

Two weeks later, his father Billy had called Bella to tell her that Jacob had tried to take his own life. He was at the ranch a few days later and she hardened her heart; it was the only way to get through his detoxification and therapy. They remained friends after his second stint under her care. Since then, she hadn't allowed her heart to open to anyone, other than friendship.

Edward would be no different.

_Liar,_ her mind said.

Edward could not help himself. He loved making fun of the woman in his arms. A part of him was scared shitless and he wanted to push her away, but the need for more of the comfort she provided was stronger.

He was finally able to contain his laughter and noticed that Bella hadn't said a word for a while. Her eyes stared blankly at the adjacent wall and he knew that she was stuck inside her head. That wasn't exactly a good thing when it came his warden, she was prone to turning to a smart-mouthed bitch whenever she over-analyzed shit.

It was something they had in common.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

She blinked twice and scowled at him. He was right. She was going to turn back to the bitch and pretend something hadn't happened the night before. It wasn't as if he was delusional; he knew it was going to happen. It would've been nice if he could've have rubbed against her ass a little more, though. "I want you ready and waiting for me in thirty minutes, Cullen. I think you're well enough for some work."

Edward shook his fist at her and gave her one-fingered salute. "I'll show you hard labor if you come back to bed." She promptly reminded him of his diseased dick, laughed when he groaned, and smacked his ass with a pillow. He watched from his position on the bed as she walked over to the intercom, asking someone to bring a map as she unlocked the door but didn't open it.

He propped himself on his elbow, and called out her name. Wariness had crept in her eyes when she turned to him, but she quickly pulled herself together. She was good at doing that, masking whatever she was feeling. Just as good as he was, sometimes better. He wanted to tell her off for pulling that shit with him, but tried a different tactic.

"Thanks for not making a big deal about last night," he said, shrugging slightly.

She only nodded in response. "It's not over, Edward." Determination filled her features, and her chin lifted an inch. "When you're feeling a little better, we're going to do some more talking."

"You gonna shrink my head?"

"You sat in a running car in a closed garage," she said, any trace of a smile long gone. "If it wasn't for the problems it had closing all the way, you wouldn't be here."

"I passed out."

One of her eyebrows arched higher. "Is that before or after you decided you wanted to die?"

He looked away, not knowing the answer himself. That day was a complete blur. The only thing he remembered was someone saying something that made him hit the bottle hard days before.

"What if I don't want you in my head?"

"The longer you refuse to talk to me, the longer you'll be here." She sighed, shaking her head. "I can wait you out. No one has been able to hold out longer than I have."

"And what are we going to be doing while we wait each other out?"

Both her eyebrows rose then, her back resting against the door as her arms crossed over her chest. "A little of this, a little of that," she replied.

He shook his head and knew there was no talking himself out of fucking therapy. Someone pounded on the door. Bella opened it and stuck out her hand, returning to his side of the bed with a map.

"What is this shit?" he asked, his eyes moving over a road map of Seattle and the surrounding areas.

"I need to know what your default road is," she said, pointing at the map and handing him a highlighter.

He studied the map, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I need to know the route you use when you've been drinking and driving."

The tips of Edward's ear reddened and he wanted to yell at the bitch. He had no reason to be pissed at her, but he wasn't exactly proud the fact that he was a drunk driver.

"Why are you asking?" he grunted. A distant memory burned through the rest of the fogginess of his thoughts. "Fuck. I just remembered about the blood they found on the car."

Bella nodded. "I told you it tested positive for human blood." Edward's stomach lurched at the thought of killing someone else. "We think we have a lead, but what I need from you is the route you usually take that allows you to get home without having to encounter too many cops and has little automobile and pedestrian traffic."

"Tell me what lead you fucking have first," he said, his anger rising with every passing second.

"Show me the road," she growled, still holding out the highlighter. He snatched it from her grip and traced the road in bright neon yellow. When he was done, Bella grabbed the map and sighed.

"Oh thank God," she whispered, her eyes lifting. He tried to ask again, but she held up a hand to hold him off. "Give me a second and I'll explain. Last night, before your, um…swim, shit, sorry. Anyway, one of my contacts did some investigating and found out about someone hitting a late night delivery from a blood drive."

"I didn't hurt anyone?"

Bella shook her head. "See here, this alley you use? One of the men had put a few bins out by the back of the truck, took one in, and by the look of it, you side swiped the one of the bins and the driver side bumper of the truck, but that's it."

Edward groaned and fell back against his pillow. "I may not have killed someone but that blood might have saved a life, too."

"You are definitely a half-empty type of guy," she said, huffing in frustration.

"I guess. Are you saying you're a half-full type of girl?"

Bella poked his stomach, forcing him to look at her again. "I'm the type would just fill up the cup."

He grabbed her hand, putting it over his chest. Her eyes widened only slightly, no doubt sensing his racing heart. "Are you going to make me turn myself in?"

He watched her lips purse and then she shrugged. "I think that's up to you. If you had hurt someone, I wouldn't hesitate turning you in myself."

"Even now, you would turn me in?"

She sighed and rose to her feet. "Nothing much has changed, Edward. You're still an asshole and I'm still a bitch. The only difference is I think I can call you my friend, too."

"I fucking hate that word right about now," he groaned and rolled out of bed. "My cock doesn't stand up every time I'm in the presence of a friend." Bella snickered but before she could make a joke, he glared at her and interrupted. "Are you locking me in?"

Bella shook her head. "I already said not during the day." She looked at her watch and smirked. "Now you only have twenty minutes and your punishment for what you pulled yesterday, your shower is going to be cold.

"Fucking hell," he growled and flipped her off. "What the fuck for?"

"So that you'll learn there are consequences to your actions, even if you're under the influence or pissed off." Something her voice indicated that she hoped he would confess about the hit and run. Fuck. He couldn't risk prison; well aware that that kind of confinement would, in essence, be the last nail in his coffin.

"Fine, what the fuck ever," he muttered as he grabbed some clothes, ignoring her rolling eyes. His good mood after waking up beside Bella had completely disappeared. "Are you done hassling me?"

She nodded and he walked toward the bathroom, when he didn't hear her leave he looked over his shoulder to see if she watching his ass or something. Instead, he found a hint of the person by the pool the night before. "Thanks for last night," she said.

"That's what she said," Emmett teased from the hallway, snickering. Bella growled, closing the door behind her. Even from where Edward stood, he could hear his harpy tell that motherfucker off and as she stomped away.

He blew out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding until she was gone. "Fuck, she smells good," he groaned, giving into another good rub over his boxers. He figured he might as well take care of it before he showered.

He didn't even feel bad about using Miss-Shake-That-Ass as the star of his fantasy. For now, he'd play it cool with her. It was obvious something about the night before and maybe even the morning scared her a little. It scared him, too, but another thing it did was excite him. He wasn't even talking about what she did to his libido.

Edward wasn't an idiot. He wasn't about to push; he knew if he did, he'd regret it and he'd probably never see her again. It took a long shower, a thorough brushing of his teeth for him to figure out that not seeing Bella again would not be good.

"Fuck," he groaned, looking at himself in the mirror. His five o'clock shadow looked way past that time and his hair was too fucking long. After Bella's reaction earlier, he knew he'd have to wait to ask for a cut and a shave. Vivid green eyes danced in the mirror and Edward was surprised that he hadn't seen the white so bright in a long time. He hardly recognized himself. The worst of his withdrawals was over, but the hardest part was yet to come.

~oOo~

Bella left Emmett to cook up a quick breakfast for all of them, since they were running late. She went into her room to shower, cursing the new locks and Jasper. He hadn't even put more than one dead bolt in the target's room, but he thought she needed three. What the fuck was up with him?

They would need to have a talk soon, because his attitude lately had been terrible. She had a feeling what it had to do with, but she wondered if he did. It wasn't like him, since he was the most laid-back man she'd ever known. It was one of the reasons his cousin, Maggie, hadn't noticed he was addicted to his painkillers at first. Whatever it was that was putting the stick up his ass, she determined to find it. If he continued with the attitude, she'd send him home.

After her shower and slipping into a pair of skinny jeans, flip-flops and a band t-shirt that she tied a knot into, she went to find her friend and the asshole that had been getting on her last nerve. She passed Emmett and Rosalie who were in the kitchen, handing Alec a plate.

"She's up and around I see," Alec murmured, offering her smile that would melt her if she liked tall men with killer dimples. Fuck it, she thought, he still made me smile. Alec was a local doctor with a mobile clinic in a nearby pueblo. A native to Seattle, he followed Bella to Mexico when she brought her part time operation for her high-class targets and her repeaters there. She had helped save his sister, Jane. He had signed the Montana ranch she used to help Jane over to Bella, and he never looked back.

"How was the room?" she asked, kissing his cheek. His short, dark hair was new; he usually kept it long, but the piercing blue eyes were old favorites in her book. A true friend that was nice to look at, with his six-two frame and two dimples. Best yet was the fact that she didn't have to worry about him trying to ruin their relationship by trying to get into her pants. He was happily seeing a dance instructor named Romero.

"Fantastic," he said with a roll of his eyes. "I always love to stay in these windowless rooms."

"It's needed and you know it," she pointed out and grabbed a slice of his bacon. "I talked to Jane a few nights ago. She sounds happy."

He nodded. "Mitchell is an amazing man. She's doing real well, Bells," he said, giving her ass a tap that had someone growling from behind them.

"Down, boy," Emmett said from behind the stove while Rosalie observed the byplay between Alec and Edward.

Bella watched as Edward glared a hole into Alec's chest, or at least tried to. "Is there a reason your hand is on her ass?" he asked, nearly hissing from where he stood.

Alec's eyebrow rose and Bella knew he'd cause trouble. It was his favorite thing to do. The hand on her ass that she normally would slap away if it were any other man, slipped into her back pocket. Edward stepped forward at that gesture, his hands balling into fists.

"Not good," she hissed under her breath.

Alec leaned to whisper in her ear, "Do you want me to play the boyfriend and lie?" Bella shook her head; Alec knew better. No lying to the targets. It would only backfire later and make things ten times worse. They had all seen it before.

"I'm comparing her sweet ass to that of my—"

"Do you mind?" Edward gestured toward her ass again. "Is she giving you permission to do that shit in front of others?"

Alec's lips twitched into a smile. "Oh, you have your hands full with this one," he whispered to Bella. "As I was saying," he said a loud enough for Edward to hear, but was interrupted by Jasper.

"Hey, Alec," he said, bypassing Edward and slapping a hand on Alec's back. "About time you came to see your girl."

"What the fuck?" Rosalie said and she looked livid. She'd taken the words right out of Bella's mouth.

"We don't lie to the targets, no matter what," Bella hissed at Jasper, moving away from Alec and toward Edward. He stepped back.

"I'll wait in the gym," he stated, his glare now on her.

She nodded, realizing that it was obvious he wasn't ready to talk to her. "We'll be leaving in about twenty minutes. I can have Rose or Emmett bring you some breakfast. Jasper and I need to have a talk," she added, glaring at him over her shoulder.

"Whatever. Just keep that cocksucker away from me," Edward growled and made to turn but Alec called him out.

"That's exactly what I am," Alec said, smiling. "Dr. Alec Williams." Bella watched Edward's brow furrow, and then realization come on him.

He nodded. "I didn't mean you, I meant that reject from the south." With that said, he made his way down the hall, his hands clenching into fists again before he stuffed them into his jean pockets.

Bella whirled around and set her gaze on Jasper. "Office, now," she seethed. He didn't even bother to say a word, just grabbed his plate from Rosalie, and stalked away.

"What the fuck is his problem?" Alec asked. "And you're treading a thin line with that new guy."

Bella sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "You have no idea." Alec waved her over and checked her eyes with a pen light and after a few other checkups gave her a green light. "You want me to wait?"

She nodded. "Yeah, Jasper is going to have to stay. I don't want them anywhere near each other for a while."

"You know what this is about, right?"

"Jacob?"

Alec sighed and did Rosalie. "She's completely clueless sometimes."

"Tell me about it," Alec said, patting Bella's arm.

"What you two talking about?" she asked at the same time as Emmett.

"Jasper has been in love with you for a long time, Bella," Rosalie said as Alec nodded. Emmett let out a long whistle.

"Fucking hell," Bella said, dropping her head on the kitchen island. "I don't need this right now. And why the fuck has no one said anything." She sent Emmett and Rosalie a glare.

Emmett raised his hands up defensively. "Don't look at me, I had no idea and he's my best fucking friend." Rosalie nudged his gut for some reason, giving him a look. "Oh yeah, James called."

Bella laughed, slapping her forehead. "Of course he did!"

"Well, at least he'll keep Edward on his toes," Alec said, wondering if he could come around more often in the next couple of months. It should be very entertaining.

* * *

**AN: I have no idea how the blood drive thing works, but I needed to manipulate the rules for me to use it in the story. Thank you.**


	14. The Underground Tunnel

**This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of my imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or places are coincidental. **

* * *

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Fourteen—The Underground Tunnel**

* * *

Bella was left reeling after the revelation of the depth of Jasper's feelings toward her. How could she have not seen it? Shortly after his stint at the facility, she worked closely to introduce him to society as a whole for months. He'd been so out of practice with everyday life that she had spent most of the time helping him to do the simplest of tasks.

"Should I send him home?" she asked, looking for advice from Rosalie, the one person in the room she'd known the longest.

Rosalie grimaced. "He won't stop talking about Alice, so I don't think he feels like that anymore," she said uneasily. "I just know that he did."

"He's still feeling something for her," Alec pointed out, bumping Bella's shoulder with his. "Or else he wouldn't be such an asshole toward Edward. Maybe he's just being protective."

"He'd never shown this level of animosity toward a target before," Bella indicated. "Then again, Edward is the first male one I've worked with since he started helping out."

"He's never had the chance to see you with someone else, too," Alec said, grabbing some more bacon from a plate. "It's not like you have much of a love or sex life or anything."

"Thanks," Bella said with a roll of her eyes. "The lack of a love life was the reason I'm working less. Two targets a year, six months off." She grimaced when Rosalie called her on her shit. "All right, I still work the rest of the time, just not at a fucking facility. Happy now?"

"I'll be happier once you stop bringing people here," Alec said with a shake of his head. "It's getting worse, Bella. They are not taking too kindly to the gringo running a clinic, either. If it wasn't for the fact that I fix up these assholes that rule the highways, I'd probably be dead already. I'm just glad I took your advice about going mobile. Best decision I ever made."

Bella nodded. "Charlie calls or emails just about every other day. He's just as worried about the level of violence around here as I am. I'm going to play it by ear, but my gut tells me that this will be the last time we bring someone to Mexico."

"Good," Alec whispered, rubbing a hand over Bella's back. "I know it hurts, baby girl."

"It does," she replied, her head cradled in her hands. The plate that Rosalie shoved in her face was left untouched. "I can't do the kind of work I do here in the States."

"You can be a hard ass anywhere," Emmett said with a wide grin, trying like hell to bring a smile back on Baby Bella's face.

Bella's lip twitched and she couldn't help but smirk. "Maybe, since this year I can officially practice as a therapist. My methods are questionable, and many would think unethical. Let's not forget, I do have them kidnapped."

"But those methods work for repeaters," Emmett said grimly, turning his gaze toward Rosalie. "Fuck, how many times had I quit before I ended up in her clinic?"

"Three times," Rosalie said softly.

"Until you establish your practice, Dr. Banner and Dr. Weber can continue to work under your watch in Montana," Alec said, shrugging. "They believe in your work and your methods."

"They don't bend the rules as I do here," she whispered. "Part of the reason this works out here, is because they're not given a choice. The only time that happens in the States is if the system demands they attend rehab. I'll look into another location, one more remote. How about Alaska?" The others groaned. She sighed and pushed away her plate, grabbing a banana instead. "Send Edward some food. I better go talk to Jasper."

"Good luck," Rosalie said as Bella walked out of the kitchen and toward the office. As she pushed open the door, she inhaled in deeply, seemingly ready for war. Her breath left her in a gust when her eyes fell on the suitcase by Jasper's feet.

~oOo~

Edward tossed a ball high in the air, a pastime he did whenever he had to think or to calm the fuck down. At the sound of footsteps a few minutes later, he readied himself for an argument with his warden, but instead, found the lucky asshole that was freely able to touch Bella without consequences.

"I brought some breakfast," Alec said. The man was good looking; Edward was man enough to admit that shit. He wasn't stupid, but at least he no longer got the vibes of a threat. He wasn't ready to admit to himself that he thought this man was competition before.

"Thanks," Edward said through clenched teeth. His emotions were too close to the surface since he'd walked into the kitchen; anger being the most prominent. The reason behind it was still too new for him to decode.

The asshole cocked a slim eyebrow. "I'm Alec, by the way."

The tone said it all; Edward was acting like an asshole, and this guy was making sure he knew it. As if he cared, and now, he wanted to make sure the man knew it, too. "I don't give a fuck."

"It's too bad considering we're going to work together for the rest of the week," Alec indicated with a satisfied smirk when Edward groaned. "Maybe more."

From his position on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, Edward propped himself up to look at Alec. "Work together?"

"That's right," Alec said, joining Edward on the mat. Edward sat up fully and took the plate that Alec offered him. "Before we do that, I need to take you out to the clinic for a quick check up. When was your last physical?"

"Fuck if I know," Edward said with a shrug. "I've been poked and sucked dry of blood in the last few years, more than I'd like."

Alec nodded. "I'll take a look at your file to double check. If it's been more than a year, I'd like to do a complete examination by month's end."

"I'm not letting any of you assholes near my ass," Edward hissed, his eyes narrowing.

"I'm a doctor, through and through."

There was something Edward wanted to ask and who better than a friend of his harpy. "Is Bella? A doctor, I mean?"

"She's a therapist."

Edward nodded. "I thought she was a little young to be a psychiatrist," he said softly, looking down at his plate.

"She fast tracked as much as she could," Alec said. "But she missed a lot of school, helping others like you."

Edward's head shot up, his eyes wide in surprise. "Are you saying she's done this kind of thing all her fucking adult life?" Had it been since her mother? Did she try to help her but it was too late? What a mind fuck, he thought.

"Sounds about right, but," Alec offered him a smile that didn't meet his eyes. "That's Bella's story."

"In other words, mind your business," Edward groaned, but turned thoughtful. He hoped Alec would shed some light on other things. "Is what Rosalie said true?"

"That we don't lie to the addicts?" At Edward's nod, Alec replied. "We don't lie to them now. There was this one time we felt we had to, when an addict's father died while she was here. The aunt had also said it was for the best. It was the wrong choice, because when she found out by overhearing a conversation, she tried to kill herself a few days later."

"Fuck," Edward hissed, running a hand through his hair.

"Exactly. It's always best to be honest, especially here. It's a hard world outside these walls, harder than anything in here is, I think. The pain, the withdrawal is temporary. Even your confessions and secrets that she _will _pluck from you willingly will be easier than what you'll face out there. Outside, there is temptation at every turn. It's better to know what it's like without the people here sugarcoating it. So, no, we don't lie."

Edward looked away, rising to his feet. "Temptation. It's not so different here, trust me."

"I can see that," Alec offered and jumped to his feet, too. "Don't even think about it."

Edward smirked. "Too late for that."

"All right, fantasizing aside, just don't try anything. If you do, she'll have someone take over before she risks you fixating on her."

Edward rolled his eyes, covering for his discomfort. "She thinks rather highly of herself, doesn't she?"

"It's happened before. And I have a feeling you see her like that, too," Alec said, grabbing Edward's plate. "Let me offer you a piece of advice."

What the fuck did he know? Did he really think that Edward put Bella on some kind pedestal? If it was anything she sat on, it was a throne in hell.

"I don't need any," Edward growled and turned away from the infuriating man.

"That's where you're wrong. Don't put her on the pedestal and think she can handle anything you throw at her. She's strong. I'll give her that and she's good at what she does. What I don't think you realize that she carries all the weight of the others, until she can let it go slowly. That's another thing she's good at, but she's made mistakes before, and frankly, I don't want you to be one of them."

"Yeah, well, me either," Edward mumbled under his breath, following Alec. From the hallway, he could hear the shouts coming from the office, instantly recognizing Bella's voice.

"Is she going to be okay?" he asked Alec, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Every instinct he possessed had him wanting to walk toward Bella. It was hard to ignore.

Alec glanced at the door down the hall. "I hope so."

~oOo~

Bella crossed her arms over chest, leaning against the wall. The glare she leveled Jasper had him looking away after a few seconds.

"You're leaving?" she asked.

"I think that it's for the best," Jasper stated, looking at one of the monitors on the wall. His focus was intense as Alec talked with Edward in the gym.

"Want to explain why?"

She could see the flush of the tips of his ears and from behind his shoulder, on the monitor was camera footage from the kitchen. "You heard our conversation in the kitchen, then?"

Jasper brought his sky blue gaze around again. A nonchalant shrug was his only reply before returning his attention to the monitors. Bella needed to address other things before bringing up the big pink elephant in the room with them.

"I needed you behind me, Jazz, not against me," she indicated, turning down the sound coming from gym camera. On the screen were Alec and Edward. It was a private conversation, and even though she didn't ask Alec to make sure Edward understood the boundaries she had to put between them, she knew he'd talk to him about it, anyway. Jasper's teeth clenched as she pressed a button to turn off the camera, too. "I can't have you back-talking to me in front of Edward."

Jasper tensed and turned to her again. "I can see you getting closer to him, Bella. I know you too well, and I don't fucking like it."

She wouldn't deny that there was some kind of connection between her and Edward, but she wouldn't say it aloud, either. There hadn't been time to analyze them and she already knew she was too scared to.

"You don't fucking like it?" she repeated, her eyes narrowing. "Who are you to tell me that I'm getting too close, anyway?"

Jasper glared at her and started to pull something up on the computer. Her breath caught as the night before beside the pool started to play on all the monitors.

"What the fuck?" she hissed. She could feel the heat wash up her face, but wasn't from embarrassment. It was anger and she felt the stab of betrayal at the heart of her. She never would have thought he would invade her privacy like that. He had already known the basics of what happened to her mother. "I told you to turn off the camera!"

He grimaced, his eyes falling to his lap for a moment. "I needed to confirm what I was seeing between you and I'm fucking right!" He pointed to the screen again, forwarding the video to where Edward started to play with her fingers as he confessed.

Anger boiled to the surface so fast, it had her movement stilted and stiff as she pushed by him and sat in a chair nearby. She waited until he turned to face her.

"Do you remember when you broke down after the small fire we had breakout in the nearby bush," she whispered, in a deceptively cool voice.

Jasper, stilled in his seat, and swallowed as he nodded. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Bella had wrapped her body completely around him, whispering into his ear as he sobbed. His head lay on her chest, her fingers stroking his hair as she comforted him.

"Remember Delia? How after she recovered from her attempted suicide, I had to hold her, rocking her through the worst of it?" Jasper only nodded in response.

"I know you and Emmett discussed your experiences here. Did he tell you about his breakdown, his turning point?"

"He said he begged for your help, and that he was on his knees, his arms wrapped around your waist. Emmett said that you hummed to him as he cried. You knelt down to hold him after."

Bella nodded and sighed. "After you calmed down, you played with my hair, twisting it around and around, as you talked about the night of the fire."

Jasper knew what she was trying to say, and she had a point, but so did he.

"I know I'm getting close to him," she said, her breath easing as her anger dissipated at the sight of Jasper's face. He was likely reliving his breakdown in his mind. "I do that with all of you. I have to. I know you mean that there's more between Edward and me, I won't let anything happen."

Jasper cleared his throat, taking a deep breath. "I see the way he looks at you. I'm the one who was there for you after Jacob, and helped put you back together."

"Cheap shot, Jasper. Cheap fucking shot." She turned away from him, running a hand through her hair as she stood. "While Jacob was in my care, I was _never _with him in the way you're referring to."

"Look at the way you are dressing!" Jasper reasoned, gesturing toward her clothing.

"It's fucking hotter than Hades outside! You know how much my skin itches when I sweat, and yeah, I don't wear much out there, but it's not for his fucking benefit." She pointed at some of the framed photos on the walls of her with others she helped through the years.

"Does it look like I only do it for him? I like to be comfortable, and considering how often I have to defend myself, I need the freedom to move. Yeah, I can probably wear fucking leggings, but you wear that shit in hundred-plus degree weather and see if you don't fucking chafe. Did you happen to see Rosalie's attire? She's in shorts and tanks tops, too. Even you and Emmett wear shorts while we're here. Don't give me shit about something so trivial."

"Okay, okay. Sorry, I'm just looking for shit where nothing is really wrong, but damn it," Jasper growled. His hand automatically reached to tug at his hair. "I don't want to see you get hurt." He rose from his chair and grabbed her shoulders. "My _former_ feelings aside, there is something between you two that everyone can see. I can see it in your eyes, B. You care about him way more than normal. I know you do."

"I also care about you and Emmett, too!" she shouted as she pushed his hands off her shoulders and stood. "It's exactly the same!"

Jasper snorted. "Oh really? The little fucking show you're putting on isn't workin' on me, darlin'. Fucking get real with yourself and realize that this thing you have going with Edward is gonna lead you down a path of regret."

"You have no fucking right to judge," she said lowly. "How dare you even try?"

"I'm not judging you," Jasper countered. "I'm trying to make you realize, Bella. He could be another Jacob."

"No, he's not," she said as she put more distance between them. "Why are you so determined to make this more than it is? Even if there is something between us, I _owe _it to Edward not to act on it. I'm not stupid and I'm strong enough to resist." She shook her head. "What would you have me do? Send him home? Not a fucking option. I will save him from his addiction, with or without your help."

"Fuck!" he groaned. "Of course, I don't want you to send him home. I just want to make sure he understands that you're off fucking limits."

"I've told him I am," she stated, shaking her head. "Right now, I'm sure Alec is doing the same. I'm going to be fucking blunt after what I just learned. I need to know, are you just fucking around with Alice?"

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You and I both know that a recovering addict shouldn't enter a new relationship for good while after he or she gets clean. I realized pretty early on that nothing could happen between us. That you simply wouldn't let it happen."

"No, I wouldn't have," she murmured. "I have to admit, what Rosalie said was a shock."

Jasper shrugged, not sure what else to say. "Alice was the first woman that really sparked my interest in a long time. I don't know what's going on between us." He looked away from Bella, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. "When I first saw her, she was this beautiful light, despite what happened. I wanted to get to know her. She's become a distraction, though."

"She has," Bella said, shrugging when their eyes met again. "You learned your lesson the other night." Unable to take his penetrating stare any longer, she looked away. Jasper said nothing and she hated the awkward silence between them. Talking had always been so easy with Jasper after his rehab.

He broke the quietness after another minute. "All this time, I thought your work ethic and what happened with Jacob was what stood between us," Jasper stated in a monotone voice. "I told myself that it was for the best and tried my fucking hardest to get over you. I truly believe I finally achieved that. But I have to know, were you never attracted to me?"

Bella shook her head, wondering how she was supposed to respond. She was honest. "You're gorgeous, but in the end, you remind me too much of my brother."

"Ouch."

"Yeah." Her head rose to find him watching her carefully. "I don't want you to go, but if you can't work with me anymore, I understand."

"I have no problem working with you, it's just hard to see you looking at him like you do." Bella shook her head, ready to offer a denial, but he stopped her. "Don't try to deny it. The way you two move around each other is fucking weird." He returned the computer, closing all the clips Bella had up, and put another on the screen. It was a clip from her and Edward in the laundry room. "You see how you move, almost in sync, he makes room for you without a second thought, adjusting enough to not touch, yet could probably still feel your body heat. You do the same, accommodating him without even thinking about it." Bella watched, pursing her lips. "It's like you mirror each other."

As the clip came to a stop, Bella looked down at her feet. "I know what I'm doing," she whispered. "I'm not going to get involved with Edward."

"I hope for your sake, and his, that you're right," he said.

"Are you staying?"

"I don't know," Jasper said, looking away from her again.

She nodded and strode toward the door. "The rest of us are leaving," she said firmly. "If you can keep your anger and your opinions in check, stay, but I don't want to have this discussion again. If you can't get a handle on it, then I expect you to be gone before we get back."

"Got it," Jasper said, not bothering to look back at her. She hated being a hard ass with him, but she had little choice. Dealing with Edward took her undivided attention; she didn't need it split in two.

Before the door closed behind her, she heard Jasper had one more parting shot. "James called again and said he'll be here in a few days."

The door hit her ass as she stilled. "Oh fuck."

~oOo~

Bella collected Edward as promised from his room, where he was waiting on his bed. Alec let him take the tennis ball from the gym after the quick check up in the clinic, and when she stepped into his room, he instantly felt the tension within her.

"What is it?" he asked, throwing the ball toward her, surprised when she caught it. She smirked and threw it back at him.

"Jasper might be leaving," she said with a shrug.

Edward nodded. "Good fucking riddance," he said, showing the same indifference.

"It's not," she said, ending with what looked like a pout. He didn't think she had it in her to look cute. Internally, he rolled his eyes at himself. What the fuck was wrong with him? The woman didn't do fucking cute. She was a bitch ninety percent of the time. "He's the fucking contractor," she added.

Edward felt relief at her words, the vise around his head and heart loosening. He wasn't sure why it was there in the first place. "Does that mean I can get away from working in this god forsaken weather?"

Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'll find something for you to do." He had no doubt about that.

"Is there a reason you're so covered up?" he asked, his eyes roaming down her body, his head cocking to one side to get a better view of her ass in jeans. "Not that I'm complaining."

Bella ignored the smirk, but answered his question. "We're going into town," she indicated and led him out of the room. "It's best not show too much skin while there. Fucking sucks and it's hot as hell, but the truck has decent air conditioning."

He rolled his eyes. "Sounds like a good time," he said, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

"It can be," she said cryptically. "Let's go." She turned down the hallway and didn't bother to check if he was following. Edward frowned and wondered if she was more upset about Jasper leaving than she led him to believe.

"Aren't we going outside?"

Without looking back, she shook her head. Out of her pocket, she pulled out a set of keys to open a steel door. As she allowed him to pass her, he could see that it was some kind of storage room. She asked for his help, pulling a bookcase filled with cleaning products to one side. Behind that was a panel, barely visible to the naked eye.

"You have secret entrances?"

Bella nodded. "Leads to a garage. For security purposes, we keep the trucks and vans below ground. It makes us less of a target. And if a target doesn't see them, they don't think about stealing one to escape."

"Makes sense," he said, nodding. "That's pretty smart, too."

Before she unlocked the panel, she turned to look him square in the eye. It was the first time she'd been so close to him since they had awoken in bed together. He tried to keep his reaction to her proximity to himself, but probably failed, since his nostrils flared a little. Thankfully, she didn't call him on it.

"I need to know something before we go," she said.

Suddenly nervous, which he hated, he nodded and waited for whatever she had to say. "We're heading into a town. There will be a lot of people around and it's easy to get lost in that crowd. You asked me for help. Were you serious about that? Has that changed?"

Tapping down the urge to tell her off for not believing his word, he shook his head, clapping his mouth shut.

"Spit it out, Edward."

He huffed and growled. "I don't like you calling me a liar."

"I'm not calling you a liar. I'm simply asking if you've changed your mind." Edward shook his head in reply. "You've asked for help before, right?"

Where was she going with the conversation? "No, I haven't. And you and I both know that once an addict asks for help that it's the first step toward true recovery."

She seemed surprised, and after a few seconds, a smug smile flashed on her lips, but only lasted a moment. Edward wasn't even sure it was real. It was gone too fast.

"What was that last part again?"

"Come on, you heard me," Edward said, throwing up his hands in frustration. "I said that you and I both know that once an addi—" He realized what he, in essence, called himself—an addict. To her, even to him, he just admitted he had a problem. "How the fuck do you do that shit? Fuck, I can't…"

She tugged on his hand; he hadn't even seen her open the secret door. What surprised him was that she didn't push him to say more, either. Most psychiatrists or therapists would've asked him the textbook questions. Not Bella; she was allowing him to do it at his own pace, while somehow giving him every opportunity to do so.

"The main reason I asked is because I need to know that you won't run. If you still wanted my help, you wouldn't try to escape. But, just in case you suddenly get the urge to flee while we're in town," she paused when he raised an eyebrow in question, "Someone did get that itch once, but I was on his ass pretty damn fast and he didn't get far. I'm going to make this clear. If you try to run away, it could cost you your life, or any one of us. I'm not telling you this to scare you from trying. I'm telling you this because it's the truth. A white man in this area that looks like you," she shuddered as she spoke, and he did the same with a curse. "Young girls and women aren't the only ones they take for the sex trade. You would call too much attention to yourself."

"Then how the hell do you manage?" The question trailed off as she led the way a dark corridor, and with a click of her switch, it lit up under halogens. "Holy fuck! How big is this place?"

"With the underground tunnels, garage, clinic and the main building about eight thousand square feet of living space." Edward whistled. "To answer your first question, I've made a lot of friends in the town we're driving into. Plus, my Spanish is pretty damn good." She gave him a sample of the native language that his toes curling as well as her R's.

"You're killing me, Smalls!" he groaned as she cocked her head to one side.

Smiling, she said, "Sandlot, I love that movie."

He groaned, discreetly adjusting himself. "If you say you love sports, I will not be held accountable for my actions, I mean it."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Love to watch, not so much to play. But action films, just about anything with explosions, I'm there."

"Maybe we should hit a movie theatre," he suggested. Anything to get out of manual labor, he'd do in a second. He wasn't opposed to it, but if there was a way to talk his way out, he'd take it. She only gave him a shrug in reply to his suggestion, but it wasn't a "no." Once they passed a bend in the tunnel, he was able to see how far it stretched. "Is this why they took so long to get to us when my withdrawals hit me? They were just getting back, right?"

Bella nodded. "Pretty much, we have a couple of these bad boys for quick trips from the main garage to access tunnel. Hop on," she said, patting the black vinyl seat of an old, modified golf cart. The moment his ass was settled, she took off. "We have two of these and some more vehicles in the garage. There's also a storage unit for non perishables down here, too."

"I'm impressed," he said. "Have to wonder how much you charge for a three month stay here."

Bella gave a serious look. "I never disclose that to the actual addict. Their parents, or whoever has called me, should do it. No matter what I say, they'd resent it. Too small of an amount and they think that's all they're worth. Too much money and they're pissed they spent so much money on such a waste, like rehab."

"Doubt I'm worth that much to my parents," he grumbled.

"You'd be surprised."

Not wanting to talk about it, Edward asked her more about the facility. He was surprised by how forthcoming she was. The drive to the main garage took about five minutes, but it was long enough to learn that the facility used to belong to the US government, who used it for seismic activity station. Later, some alleged drug cartel bought it, but they turned and sold it to someone that Bella helped before. Since then, she fixed it up and had four addicts there a year, three teams of four to five people rotated with them.

"They used to run drugs here before you made it into a rehab facility." His eyes were wide as Bella shrugged.

"The irony is not lost on me."

Before Edward could ask about possible problems with the cartels in the area, the tunnel widened. It was a circular garage with four different exits. There were tools, hydraulic lifts, and even pits for people to work on the vehicles. There were four in total; two trucks and two cars. It looked as if they were working on ATV, too. He hadn't ridden one since he was a kid. Nessie loved to whenever they visited their grandfather's ranch in California. The pang in his chest at the thought made him try to rub it away with his hand.

Edward needed a distraction. He eyed the four-by-four trucks. "Are you going to let me drive?" he asked as he jumped off the golf cart.

She offered him a "do I look stupid?" glare over her shoulder as she grabbed a set of keys from a locked box on a wall.

He sighed. "Are we the only ones going out?" he asked, getting into the truck she pointed to before sliding behind the wheel.

"Nah," she said, turning on the beast. It was big, old, and blue. The dashboard was custom covered and stitched on it was _Big Bertha. _"We're going to meet everyone else there."

"There? What's at the end of this fucking trip?" Dread filled him as her hands tightened around the steering wheel; a knuckle white hold. Wherever she was taking him, he didn't think he'd like it.

The truck moved along a wide corridor before she pressed a button on the visor. The wall ahead lifted, bright sunlight breaking through. Edward turned to see what the exit looked like and was impressed when the door blended well with its surroundings.

Five minutes into the ride, Bella had yet to answer the question. "I thought you're not supposed to lie to me?" he hissed as he slapped the dashboard. She jumped slightly and she shook her head. He'd been quiet for so long, she didn't seem to expect him to talk again.

"First of all, I'm not lying to you," she stated firmly. "But I'm trying to figure out if you're even ready this," she said. That made him even more uneasy.

"Just fucking tell me," he growled. One of her eyebrows arched and she gave him lethal glare. "Please," he added through clenched teeth.

"Alec runs a mobile clinic, and he's in Garza for the next few days."

Edward felt his face drain of color. "What the fuck!"

* * *

**AN: I've made several changes after my beta went through it, any mistakes are mine. I appreciate all your reviews and thoughts. Thank you all, until next week.**


	15. The Clinic

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Fifteen—The Clinic**

* * *

A cold sweat beaded across Edward's brow, his hands started to shake. "Pull the fuck over!" he roared, fear and anger forcing him to do what he did best.

Lash out.

"You fucking bitch!" he screamed as his hands clawed at the door. When she refused to do what he asked, he went for the steering wheel. The truck fishtailed as Bella fought to keep control of the truck.

She had little choice; she elbowed him in the nose and managed to gain control again. However, it slowed enough for Edward to jump of the car. She watched in horror as Edward rolled onto the rocky shoulder. With a curse, she came to a halting, neck-breaking stop and climbed out of the truck. By the time she reached where Edward fell, he was several feet away, holding on his shoulder as he tried to run.

"Edward!" she screamed. "Stop right now!" She pulled something out of her pocket and prayed she didn't have to use it. "I don't want to hurt you!"

"Fuck you!" he cried out, not bothering to look back.

"Look around you. We're in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town is almost an hour away by car. On foot, you'll never make it."

Edward swirled around. "Take me back."

"No."

"Then go fucking hell, cunt!"

She rolled her eyes at the name-calling and let it roll off her back. The words no longer stung; she heard them all before.

When Edward turned again, she raised her stun gun and aimed. "I mean it, Edward. Get back here. Don't make me force you!"

He said nothing, just kept running. She had one chance or else she'd have to go after him and risk breaking a damn ankle with all the rocks around. With a huff, she squared her shoulders and fired.

Edward's body seized and a scream froze in his throat. Every nerve in his body seemed to suddenly burst and then numb as his body fell to the ground. Grit, gravel, and dirt dug into his sensitized skin, yet it took his mind minutes to figure out what happened. Paralyzed by fear and whatever Bella hit him with, he tried to get control of his breathing, but found that he couldn't.

He heard her grumble as she stood over him, rolling him to the side. He felt a strange pinch on his back before she helped him to roll again, the sky blue and bright now overhead. Words were thick on his tongue, his throat opening and closing involuntary.

"The effects will last for a while," she murmured, running her hands over his body. "I'm checking to see if you broke anything."

A slew of curses tried to leave his mouth, but he likely looked like a fish out of water. Though he was breathing, his lungs strained to accommodate him. The running, the recent withdrawal, and his fear had been too much for his body.

"I hit you with a Taser," she said, shrugging. "I couldn't risk you running any further. There's a ditch up ahead you were about to take a nose dive into."

"B-bit-ch," he stuttered, proud that he was able to say anything. His tongue felt too big for his mouth, tingling along the tip of it.

Bella smiled and shook her head at him. "Well now, I have the pleasure of dragging your ass to the truck." Her hands continued to roam over his legs and worked their way up his thighs.

_Great, she's finally touching me again and I can barely feel anything._

Bella grunted as she tried to get Edward to sit up. The man seemed to weigh a ton. His legs looked like noodles as she got him to his feet. She tried to take a step forward when they buckled, making her wince in pain. His arm was heavy on the back of her neck and shoulders. Even though he couldn't talk, she swore she could hear all the names he was calling her in his thoughts.

"It's a lovely day for a stroll," she said a southern drawl. Edward was able to send her a scathing look that had her smiling again. They managed about ten feet when she heard the sound of car brakes squealing from the direction of the road. She stilled as her breath exhaled sharply. Fuck, she left her other weapon in the truck.

Her eyes shot up to see Jasper running toward them. Her first thought was, _thank God. _The second was, _he's leaving._

"What's going on?" Jasper called out. "Did he get sick again?"

"Something like that," she answered. The weight on her neck was lifted as Jasper took Edward's other arm. Edward looked less then pleased, but there wasn't anything she could do. They had to get him into the truck. The three of them hobbled the rest of the way, and Edward was uncharacteristically quiet. Jasper opened the truck door and heaved him inside, and Bella worked the seat belt over Edward's lap and shoulders. She opened the glove department, pulled out her weapon, and stashed it at the small of her back.

Edward watched, unable to say another word as Bella and Jasper spoke outside the truck. She looked reserved, as if she was preparing to say goodbye. Edward noticed that the openness she seemed to have that night by the pool was gone; another wall erected around her.

He shouldn't have run. It was stupid, but he'd been desperate to get away. From what, he still wasn't sure. Bella couldn't force him to work at the clinic, and he knew it. She would never put patients at risk like that. Not without knowing what he was capable of. The question was, why she was forcing him to go to one, if she'd known he'd refuse.

He had shown no fear when they poked and prodded him at the facility clinic, but that was because he'd been the patient. At the clinic, there would people he'd be responsible for. That was something he'd never be ready for, ever.

He might not have gotten away, but he was positive it would have the same affect. She would be forced to return to the facility. He still was pissed at the harpy for tasing him, but at least she hit his back and not his ass. He'd seen what happened when someone got hit there, it was mess and not pretty. He shuddered at the thought; the numbness from his shock was wearing down.

Thank God, for small favors.

~oOo~

"You're leaving," Bella said, rubbing her arms as Jasper worked to fix her stun gun.

"I was about to," he said, shrugging. "I was thinking about turning around and going back when I saw the truck.

She smiled and shook her head. "I knew you wouldn't be able to leave."

Jasper rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You know I like helping them, too."

"So we're good?" she asked, smiling up at him.

"We're good," he said, handing her his stun gun and taking hers to arm again later. "I'm going to head into town for some good food." He rubbed his stomach. "I'm hoping Inez is still working her magic with carne asada, salsa, and freshly made tortillas."

"She is," Bella said with a smile. The old woman who ran a restaurant in Garza was like a surrogate mother in the last five years since they'd met. "Jasper," she said, squinting up at him, the sun bright overhead. "I have to ask that you don't exactly show your face until he's calmed down."

Jasper promptly removed his arm, scratching the back of his neck. "He's probably pissed that it was me that came to the rescue."

Bella rolled her eyes, not wanting to admit that Jasper was probably right. "Shut up, I would've gotten him in the truck."

"To the truck, B," he said, chuckling. "There was no way you'd have been able to get him _inside_ it." Taking off his baseball cap, he sat it on her head, to protect her from the sun. "You forgot sunscreen again." She huffed and groaned. She pulled out a cap from her back pocket. "Keep it and give him yours."

"What are you going to do about Alice?" she asked, handing her cap to Jasper instead.

"I like her, Bella." He shrugged. "I meant what I said. I don't feel that way anymore, I promise. I'm not playing with her."

"I won't pull the corporate type crap of no fraternizing with the clients," she said, pulling out the truck keys.

"Thank you." He turned to look at a glaring Edward. "I think we learned another lesson today."

Bella snorted. "Yeah, always take a target in a car with childproof locks." She wasn't about to tell him that Edward had actually tried to take control of wheel.

"Yup." He turned back to look at her and smiled. "James is going to torture him, you know that right?"

"He does that to everybody."

"Especially with the assholes that look at you like he does," Jasper stated and gestured toward Edward, who had his eyes now glued to her ass.

Bella groaned. "I hate leggings!"

Jasper sighed. "Is what I said about what you wear bothering you?"

"You remember what happened the last time I bumped into Carlos. I'm not going to give him more reason to touch me." Jasper's hands fisted at his sides at the name of the asshole that terrorized her and Alec before. "Alec said most of locals hadn't heard from him for a while."

Jasper growled, "I hope the fucker is dead." She only nodded in response.

"All right," she said, shaking her head. "I'm heading out."

Jasper smirked. "You're still going to the clinic, aren't you?"

"I think he was pretty close to a panic attack. I don't expect him…No. I know he won't do anything to help, I know that for sure," she stated. "Plus he's covered in scratches, so I need to get him cleaned up. I hope it'll get him to talk later. Even if it's to tell me off, it'll help me, help him."

"Good luck with that," he said and jogged off to the van he was driving.

Bella waited outside of the truck, her eyes on Edward who stared at her with an intensity that felt more as if he was reaching inside her.

_Time to face the music._

~oOo~

Edward watched as Bella drove to their destination and called her every name in his book, as well as a few others in different languages. He didn't even try to keep them to himself, and all she did was ignore it. He had convinced himself that she'd turn back. That she wouldn't subject him to further hell after his reaction; instead, she continued as if nothing had happened.

His jaw hurt from clenching it so hard for the past thirty minutes, since she shoved his ass into the truck. Instinct, and perhaps self-preservation, stopped him from jumping out of the car again. There was also the fact that he'd seen that southern prick give her another stupid stun gun. He didn't think his body could take any more abuse.

After another hour on the road, Edward started to see the signs of civilization. There were a few houses, ranch style, fenced with barking dogs in their yards. The conditions of them were a little dilapidated, in desperate need of repair. A few people were out in their yards, but on closer inspection, he could see one woman feeding pigs and some goats. As they reached the outskirts of Garza, Edward could see kids running around.

"If you think you're going to put me to work at the clinic, you can go fuck yourself," Edward growled, his hands itching to reach for the door again. He found his voice, hoping she wouldn't ask him why. The lump caused his throat to close again.

Bella only shrugged in response and didn't bother to say or ask anything. The pueblo couldn't have been bigger than a city block in Seattle. They passed small restaurants, a cantina, and a meat market before he could see a queue of people, young and old, near a small fruit and vegetable store.

"Fucking hell," he groaned, hitting his forehead against his window.

"Immunizations for the kids," Bella said. "Alec hadn't been able to come by until yesterday and the people know it will be a while until he comes back. By the end of his week-long stay, just about every residence will come in for a check up."

Edward said nothing.

"Those that can't come to him, he'll go to them." She continued as if he wanted to listen, as if he cared.

Edward didn't, or at least, he didn't want to.

"He doesn't turn anyone away and gets no compensation of any kind." The truck pulled up beside the front end of first mobile unit. There was more than one, and Edward couldn't imagine the astronomical costs of such an endeavor. There was the main unit that the line seemed to start from and wrapped around another building. The second mobile unit was larger and used for radiology and imaging.

"The townspeople do pitch in for some of the diesel required for the generator that the rolling hospital uses."

Edward's anger had reached the pinnacle. "Shut the fuck up already," he hissed at her. After a few seconds, she turned toward him and he expected a glare, the anger, that fire that flared in her eyes whenever she was pissed at him. He didn't get that.

It wasn't pity, or even sadness. It was nothing. There was no emotion in her eyes. He'd rather have the anger.

She turned off the truck and exited, not checking to see if he'd follow. When she reached the door, Emmett and some big ass, almost seven-foot tall giant met her outside of the main mobile unit. She talked to them, shrugged, and went inside, never looking back at Edward.

He rubbed at his chest. Why the fuck did he care so much about the look she'd given him? That thought evaporated when he realized she set her guard dogs on him. He shook his head as Emmett gave him a wide grin through the windshield. The asshole's hands rubbed together and there was nothing short of glee in his eyes.

_Fuck._

~oOo~

For two hours, Edward sat in one of the tiny rooms of the main mobile unit. Bella had Emmett and the big guy named Juan drag him inside where Rosalie patched up the litany of scratches he'd gotten while running from Bella. His shoulder from his body hitting the dirt when he jumped ship, hurt like hell and would be for a while. The strange feeling in his body after his harpy stunned him was mostly gone, but there still some tingling along his toes and fingertips.

Bella hadn't come to tell him to get to work. There had been no words exchanged between them since he'd told her to shut up. The privacy and solitude should've made him feel better. Instead, he was fucking bored out of his mind. Twice, someone came and talked to him, offering him something to eat or drink.

The third time, Emmett came by. He asked the same question as before, "Do you need anything?"

Edward decided he wanted his harpy to come to him. To do that, he had to piss her off. "Yeah, get me a fucking Corona."

"Sure," Emmett said, nodding. "Then, Bella will grab your passport and send you on the next flight out of Mexico."

"Fuck yeah," Edward growled, pounding his first on the desk he sat at. "Sounds like a damn fine plan to me." Maybe he'd get fucked up enough to forget the little bitch that turned his balls to raisins with that stun gun of hers. He wasn't sure he was in a forgiving mood, considering his cock still had yet to recover.

Before Emmett could respond to Edward, they heard several screams coming from the other side of the trailer. Emmett was gone in seconds, leaving the door wide open. Edward darted toward it and didn't find anyone guarding him, so he walked down a short hallway to find Emmett and Alec with their hands raised.

"Wha—" the word died on his tongue as he surveyed the scene.

Besides Alec and Emmett, there were two young boys, twin brothers by the look of it, Rosalie and a young woman, and a man in his late twenties holding a gun to Bella's forehead.

_What the fuck?_

His throat tightened as well as his fists. She stood before the man, her face impassive as the tip of the shotgun touched her skin. There was no outward appearance of nerves or fear, but there was something in her stance that told Edward that she was planning to do something. Whatever it was, it could go horribly wrong; there was no saving her if the gun went off. His stomach lurched at the vivid image of her brain splattered on his t-shirt and wall behind her.

Bella's eyes darted toward Rosalie, who immediately pulled the two boys toward her and the cowering teenager, their sister. She had the same features as her brothers did. The second they were within her reach, she clung to them.

As calmly as possible, Bella asked the man what he needed in fluent Spanish. The shotgun shook in his hands, sweat beaded across his weatherworn and caramel-colored skin. His black mustache twitched, his bottom lip trembling along with his chin.

The gunman's words were a jumbled mess and spoken too fast for Edward to understand with his limited two years of high school Spanish. The reason he'd passed that class was because of his on and off again girlfriend, Maria. His thoughts were a mess; the strangest things popped in at the worst of times.

Edward shook his head to clear it and stepped forward—to do what he had no idea—but he just couldn't stand there and watch.

"No," Emmett hissed, thwarting him with a bulky arm across his chest.

Clearly shaken, the gunman repeated his rant. "Mi esposa está embarazada y se está muriendo. Necesito que venga conmigo!"

Alec moved from Bella's right with his hands raised, asking in Spanish where the man's pregnant wife was.

"Està muriendo!" _She's dying._

A shiver ran up Edward's spine as Bella spoke clearly to him in Spanish. "We help everyone that needs it. There is no need for violence. We will help her." From what Edward could understand, he saw the line of people and knew his wife would never make it if they had to wait. Was that what drove him to do this?

Bella nodded, making the man's hands shake, and she stilled again, the clench and release of her hands were the only indication of her stress. The quake of the gun was enough to launch Juan, the big man from earlier, into action.

"No!" Bella cried out, forcing the barrel of the gun to point at the ceiling. At the sound of the blast, screams rented the air. Inside the trailer and out.

Edward's voice was hoarse, he hadn't realized he'd called out to her until he felt the rawness in his throat. He hadn't been the only one, Emmett looked like a bull ready to charge. Heart pounding in his chest, Edward fought to find Bella in the cloud of dust and debris from the ceiling the gunshot busted up.

"Bella!" Edward growled and caught her arm, pulling her against his chest. She let him, too.

On the ground, Emmett and Juan struggled with the sobbing husband. Before Bella could issue instructions, Alec and Rosalie were outside in search of the man's pregnant wife.

Bella fought against Edward's hold after he held her for a full minute. When he released her, it was only to reach for the three children, who were frightened and crying. Doing her best to console them, Bella turned toward Emmett.

"Get someone to call Ernesto," she whispered. "Handcuff him while he's here." Emmett nodded just as the door burst open as two local men carried a tiny Hispanic woman that looked far beyond her due date.

"The baby is a breach," Alec answered Bella's unspoken question. Rosalie led the three children from the clinic and spoke with the others outside. "Rose! I need you and call Heidi from imaging. Get me an ultrasound down here now!"

Emmett sat the gunman in a chair, who openly cried as Alec tended to his wife. She screamed, clearly in agony as Edward's vision started to blur from the lack of air.

"Edward!" Alec hissed as the woman tried to thrash, crying out for her husband and for them to save the baby. Bella tried to explain that they had no choice but to detain him. "Edward! Grab her legs. She's going to hurt herself."

Edward exhaled sharply, shaking his head violently as he started to step back. Bella sprinted into action, putting the woman in a better position as she continued to soothe her with her voice.

"Edward, go back to the room," Bella said. He was in complete agreement, but that look of nothingness was on her face again and seeping into her eyes enough that they looked almost black. He wanted to blame on the lighting, and not on the fact that he disappointed her again. Chest aching with the need to breathe, he rubbed at the spot over his heart and he retreated.

~oOo~

After what happened in the clinic, Bella checked on him a few times and that blank look was a stab at his heart. He tried to ignore it. When that was impossible, he wanted to know why it affected him so much.

It ate at him; he thought the look of disgust and disappointment was the worst he'd ever seen on a person. His mother was the queen of those kinds of looks, and over the years, she was able to mask it, ignore him when he'd become too much trouble.

Seeing Bella with that same look was too much. He didn't want to be a disappointment to anyone. She had to be angry with him, maybe figured out he was hopeless. Was that why she told him to leave instead of asking for his help as Alec had?

An hour after the incident, his anger started to grow. He wasn't sure at first why he was angry, only that he was, and all of that emotion he directed toward Bella. She put herself in a dangerous… He shook his head, refusing to relive the memory of the gun on her again. She put him in the situation in the first place.

_You wouldn't be here if you weren't a drunk._

Edward had done his best to ignore his emotions for the last few years; he had to continue doing so. He wasn't about to let her get to him. It took time to get this emotions and thoughts under control, and once he had, he spent the rest of the afternoon going over Alec's mini library.

By five-thirty that evening, Bella and Edward were sitting beside each other in her truck, both clearly exhausted. He hated the silence. It seemed endless as the cooling night air blew from their lowered windows. After his anger had leveled out, the fear at seeing her held at gunpoint ate at him. Anyone else would've gone into some sort of shock after an incident like before, but not Bella. He didn't know what to make of that. Twenty minutes into the drive back to the facility, she was the first to break the silence between them.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Like I've been electrocuted," he deadpanned, pretending to shudder in his seat. At that point, he'd do anything to break the tension between them, even try to make her laugh.

She shrugged, showing little emotion again. _Damn her, _he thought. "I had no choice. If you would've fallen into the ditch, you'd be in the hospital instead of sitting here on the way back."

"How do I know I wouldn't have liked that better?" He gave her a wide smile, only earning an eye roll.

"Emmett would've sat on you in your room to make sure you didn't get away," she indicated, shaking her head. "Trust me, it wouldn't have been better." Their eyes met for a few seconds, and she added, "We both know that." He heard the implication in her words; she knew he hated hospitals and probably guessed why from his records.

He didn't want to talk about it and made sure she knew it. "Whatever." There was no use in denying it. She was right, anyway. He hated hospitals. The idea of breaking something like a leg or something didn't sound appealing, either.

With the topic over, the silence returned, the tension rising once again. It almost felt tangible, as if it curled around them in attempt to bring them together. Edward fought the urge to talk, too afraid to broach what happened earlier. He was waiting for her to ask why he threw such a fit when she told him where they were heading.

She didn't.

Not during the over hour-long, drive back to the facility. Nor when they cooked dinner and did the dishes after together. In fact, it was as if nothing had happened, but there was that nagging feeling that she was playing him. He knew that she was disappointed with him, deep down. That shit didn't sit well with him. He'd dealt with disappointing others for a long time, and he did what he always did. Lower their expectations so that they never had a reason to feel that way about him. The only one that saw through that was Alice and it was obvious that now, so did Bella.

At least she wasn't ignoring him. He felt like an idiot for being thankful for that, reminding himself that it was her job to pay attention to him. It was inevitable that she would make him sit on some couch and pick his brain eventually. The waiting, however, was kicking his ass. He felt as if he was looking over his shoulder.

They talked as they did the normal chores he was required to do, but the tension between them only seemed to build more as he waited for the other shoe to drop. As she turned away, after she put the last of the dishes in a cabinet, she said she'd see him later.

"Are you going to order me to my room?" he asked, not ready to see her go.

She looked over at the clock on the microwave and shook her head. "Your curfew isn't for another few hours."

"So now I have a curfew."

She gave him "duh" look that he wished he could swipe away with his mouth. "You tried to escape twice now. Of course, you have a curfew."

"All right," he said, rubbing a hand over his face. "What do you suggest I do until then?"

She leaned back against the counter and cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not your event coordinator. I don't have every single hour of your day planned. Do whatever you want."

It was his turn to give her a look, but this one had some heat, and said, "You shouldn't have said that."

She rolled her eyes she crossed her arms over her chest. "Within reason, asshole." There was his nail biting, bitchy harpy.

"There isn't much to do," he said, even fucking pouting to get some damn sympathy from her.

"You have to earn the right to use the media room."

He nodded, knowing he'd done nothing to earn it. "Are we going to talk about what happened earlier?" Edward wasn't sure who was more surprised by his question. He couldn't take it back, either, like he wished.

She exhaled sharply after a minute of staring at him. He knew what she was doing, trying to determine what to say. "I should've warned you how bad it gets," she stated, shaking her head. "It happens every once and a while. Even though we tell them repeatedly that treatment is free and those served first are those needing care the most."

They both knew he wasn't talking about that, but he decided to go with it. "You've been held at gunpoint before?"

"I should've never put you in that situation," she said with a shrug. "You handled it well. Anyone else that has witnessed something similar ended up in a tailspin so soon after withdrawal. I'm proud of you."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why would she lie to him? After hearing from Alec and the others, even her, that they don't lie to the addicts, she pulled shit like that with him. "Cut the shit, 3B!"

She sighed, offering him a small sad smile. "It's always easier to hear bad things about yourself, isn't it?" Even though he said nothing, she continued. "I put you in a place I knew you'd find it difficult to be, but I'm not the type of person that would let that stop me. My methods are harsh sometimes. In fact, most of the time. But it's gotten the job done. Despite your trepidation, you stayed in that clinic, and even after witnessing me being held at gunpoint, and that poor pregnant woman, you managed to hold yourself together. That's something to be proud of."

She didn't stick around for whatever he had to say. For the first time, he couldn't find the words to tell her anything.

Edward spent about an hour in the gym. His body still held the aches typical of being sick for days, but he was desperate to shake it off and get back on track with his health. When he checked his weight earlier, he nearly choked. He had gained about twenty pounds and blamed the beer munchies after his drunken binges.

Standing in front of the mirror, he removed his t-shirt and scowled at his reflection. He had fucking gut, and apparently, an ass that wasn't there before. His pants usually fell low on his hips because he had nothing back there to hold them up.

"Great, now I'm a fucking chick," Edward muttered, falling onto the mat and starting some push ups. On his fiftieth, he heard someone enter the room. He wasn't ready to face his warden but when he looked up at the mirror, he saw that it was Emmett.

"What's up?" he asked as he started some stomach crunches.

"Would you like some help getting back to shape?"

"Whatever," Edward said, shaking his head a bit. "I haven't worked out in a while, though."

Emmett nodded and discussed what they could do together to get Edward back into shape, including a schedule. He hated the early morning start, but if it got him healthy again, he'd get through it.

"Wait, what are we doing for the hour between seven and breakfast?"

"Bella has that spot covered," Emmett indicated, not looking him in the eye.

Edward groaned. "What does the harpy plan to do to torture me before breakfast?"

"Swim lessons."

Bella had told Edward that she'd get him to face his fear of pools and water. He cursed under his breath and continued to work out as Emmett instructed. Once done, Emmett promised to wake him up for their run the following morning.

Edward trudged toward his room and he wondered if anything between him and Bella would ever be like the night by the pool. He liked how easy talking to her turned out to be. Even though it hurt like bitch, he admitted, she made it easier. Not that he planned to discuss why he freaked about going to the clinic when she finally asked him.

His shower was amazingly warm and perfect. Despite the heat of the day in Garza, he still had moments of bone-chilling cold, lingering effects of his withdrawal. It would take a few more days for his body to adjust to not having so much alcohol in its system.

As he finished getting dressed for the night in the bathroom, he expected someone to lock him inside soon. He walked out into his bedroom and was surprised to find Bella sitting in the only other chair in the room, with a book in her hands.

"I thought you'd like a bedtime story," she said with a cheeky grin.

Alec's words floated through his mind at the wrong time. He knew if he said or did anything to make her uncomfortable that she'd likely run. It wasn't something he wanted, even if she pissed him off ninety percent of the time. It was fucking stupid to him, but that was how he felt.

"What are you going to read?" he asked, towel drying his hair.

She looked curiously at him. "You need a hair cut and a shave."

Edward smirked, scratching at his beard. "About time you noticed." She rolled her eyes and looked at the camera and asked for the kits. He tossed the towel in the bathroom and joined her. He sat against the wall on his bed, and once settled, she tossed him the book.

"On the Road," he said, smiling.

She shrugged and went to answer the knock on the door. Edward was surprised to see Jasper handing her the items. Obviously, the asshole decided to stay after all. She thanked him and locked the door again. Without a word, she handed Edward the shaving kit and pointed at the bathroom.

Edward couldn't help thinking about the last time she helped him shave. The memory of standing between her gorgeous thighs made him twitch. "You're not going to help?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "I think you know that's not a good idea." He sighed; she was right, but it didn't mean he had to like the wall she erected between them.

He did what she asked and spent the next several minutes watching her through the mirror as he shaved.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asked, pointing at his hair. She shrugged and nodded. A few minutes later, freshly shaved, he sat in a chair as she started to clip away at his hair. He nearly purred every time she ran her fingers through it. His body still ached from his withdrawal, but his cock seemed to forget that and itched for a touch from his harpy.

Itched, he reminded himself. There was more than one reason his cock couldn't go anywhere near Bella's pussy. He was on the tail end of his clap and her ethics wouldn't let her give in to have what she wanted. He had to remind himself of that; too bad his body wouldn't listen.

She used the clippers to clean the edges around his ears and shortened his sideburns slightly. From where he sat, his eyes were level with her tits and they made his mouth water. The air conditioning in the room seemed to be too cold for her because her nipples were hard beneath the bikini top and loose t-shirt she wore. Unless she was aroused as he was, but from what he could see, there were no other telltale signs.

His hands clenched on his thighs, waiting for her to finish. If she didn't hurry, he'd do something she'd probably regret and hate him for it. The fingers on his legs wanted desperately to touch her smooth thighs as she moved side to side while she worked on his hair.

"Hurry," he muttered. She stilled for a second, saying nothing as she finished the rest of his hair quickly. Her soft fingers worked to remove the snap-on cape she had him wear, causing the hair at the back of his neck to stand. "Fuck." He said it with a hiss and that had her retreating. She turned away from him and packed everything.

"I'll leave this in the hall," she said, exiting the bathroom.

"I'll clean up," he said through clenched teeth.

She nodded, understanding that he needed the time to gather his control.

"Should I go?" she asked.

He swallowed, not meeting her dark gaze. "No."

He took the time he needed, cleaning up with a small broom and pan under the sink. He cursed the timing. With his body was finally under control, he exited the bathroom to find Bella once again in the chair, leafing through the book.

"What happened to On the Road?"

She shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "I don't know."

"J.D Salinger?"

"You can pick something else, if you'd like," she offered.

"No, its fine. I haven't read it since high school."

She smiled as he climbed into bed, and she surprised him when she joined him. They leaned back against the wall, as she handed him the book.

"You start," she said, pulling his blanket over her legs.

He mockingly glared at her. "You're fucking bossy."

"Don't you forget it," she said as she laughed, smacking his stomach with a hand. She positioned herself a little lower than he was, giving him one hell of a view down her top.

He scratched his stomach, giving his hand something to do and not rub the ache between his legs. Not with her so fucking close. When she looked at him with her big brown eyes, wide and warm, he wanted to kiss the fuck out of her and a whole lot more. Maybe being that close to her like that wasn't such a good idea. Hell, trying to be her friend wasn't one, either. It wasn't what he wanted.

Before he started reading, he asked her something. "Are we really starting the swim lessons tomorrow?

"Yeah."

The thought of those lessons took care of his problem down below. He even shivered. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He expected a textbook question, like, _"How do you feel about it?"_

What he got was, "Yes, I do."

"I'm scared shitless," he said honestly.

"I won't let anything happen to you," she whispered, giving him that warm smile he didn't see often enough.

"I'm not worried about something happening to me."

"I know. Nothing will happen to me, either," she stated knowingly. It didn't annoy him as used to; even the fact that she knew everything about him and he barely knew anything about her. "If it gets to be too much, you just say the word and we'll stop."

He grinned, wanting desperately to lighten the mood. "You're safe wording me, 3B?" He wiggled his eyebrows, licking lips and leering at her. "Kinky." She rolled her eyes, slapping his gut and grabbing his pillow to pummel him once in the face.

As they fought, laughed and read, he thought, maybe he could just be friends with her. Maybe.

* * *

**AN: thanks to kyla713 for your help with this chapter. I made some changes after she looked through it, so any mistakes are mine. **** I know some of you are thinking what the fuck is Bella doing? I told you and she's said it too, her methods are harsh. She's a bitch, she has to be, but she has her moments. **

**Now I have a question, do you prefer short chapters with updates more often, between 2-3k and two updates a week or just one big chapter like this one?**

**I've been to Mexico and depending on the areas you visit, you'd see towns just like the one described above. That said, I have to say this:**

**This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of my imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, business establishments, events, or places are coincidental. **

**Sorry, had to make sure I was safe just in case. I swear, I won't ever write this long of a note until the end again. Thanks!**


	16. The Timer

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Sixteen—The Timer**

* * *

Bella climbed out of Edward's bed; she did it without looking at him lying beside her. Twice she'd woken during the night, trembling from her nightmare. She didn't remember much about each time she woke, only that she fell asleep soon after. The incident the day before plagued her, and she knew it was best not to fall asleep with Edward for more than one reason.

The situation of her being held at gunpoint didn't happen often, and when something like that occurred, she usually crashed hard from the shock much later. It was the fourth time she'd been in a similar situation, though it was only the second incident in Mexico.

There was also the matter of her attraction toward Edward. She hadn't meant to fall asleep with him again. His voice was smooth, melodic and soothing as he read, combined with the incident at the clinic and the emotional exhaustion of the day, led her to falling asleep.

She tried ignoring her feelings, since her priority was Edward, but it was time to work through her issues.

Did she think she was strong enough to resist him? Yes.

Did she want to? No.

That was the reason she slipped out of his bed and from the room before Emmett arrived to wake Edward for a run. She needed to get her thoughts in order. She owed it to herself, and especially, to Edward.

~oOo~

Edward heard the click of the door as Bella left and he finally breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes opened to stare at the ceiling above as he tried to clear his mind. There hadn't been much rest for him. Bella had woken twice from her nightmares, and each time, he did his best to comfort her. Throughout the night, her slumber was restless and Edward realized that what Alec said the day before was true.

For as strong as Bella appeared to be, she was as human as the rest of them. She could only handle so much, and Edward knew that. From what he'd already learned from her, she had endured a lot and didn't allow it to bring her down. He might not have known her long, but he knew she'd get through what happened with her head held high.

"Wish I could say the same," he said to himself.

Despite how much he tried not to relive the night before, he couldn't help himself. He remembered as he read how Bella's head started to fall as her eyes closed, resting on his arm. Even as he lay in his bed that morning, he couldn't believe that he moved his arm so that her head rested on his chest instead. He shouldn't have done it, taken advantage of the situation, of her vulnerability. Her hair had a soft, a subtle scent of jasmine that he would always associate with her. After she'd fallen asleep, he continued to read for another thirty minutes to make sure she'd actually stay asleep and get some rest.

For a second the night before, he wanted to be an asshole and scare the fuck out of her, considering she had stunned him only hours earlier. One glance at her looking so fucking peaceful, practically drooling on his chest, he couldn't find it in himself to do it. When her hand rested on his stomach, he fought even harder to control himself. That shit wasn't easy for him, but he wasn't a complete asshole that could take _complete _advantage of her as she slept.

If she was awake, however, he would. There was no use in denying it. If the opportunity ever came, he was positive he would never be able to resist having her. Only time would tell if he would get what he wanted, though he wasn't sure what that was yet. Besides getting into her shorts, he didn't know where to go from there.

Two hours after Bella slipped into la-la land the night before, Edward had fallen asleep, too. He held onto his harpy, but in a space of a few minutes when he went to take a piss, he returned to find her sobbing in bed. It had taken several moments of soothing her with whispered promises he couldn't keep, and gentle hands up and down her back and hair to get her to calm down. She hadn't woken up completely, though, and he was grateful for it.

An hour after that, she woke up whimpering his name and Alec's, but there was nothing sexy about it. The tears that accompanied the nightmare led him to believe she probably dreamed the worst-case scenarios of the hold up. When he tried to comfort her again, she held on to his t-shirt with a tight grip until she quieted again.

Did she remember? He didn't think so. Yet, she snuck out of his room as if she had something to be ashamed of, but there was no reason for her to feel that way. Maybe she thought she showed him that she was weak.

"Bullshit," Edward groaned and rolled to his side. He faced the camera and wondered who had watched over them all night. "Hey, what time is it?"

Thankfully, Emmett answered, "Almost six." Edward wasn't ready to talk to the southern asshole, because he was positive he'd take a swing at him.

"I'll be ready in about ten," Edward stated as he stretched before rising from bed.

"Bella left the door unlocked, meet you in the gym after your shower."

Edward only nodded as he went to grab some clothes. In the bathroom, he looked in the mirror as he waited for the water to heat. From side to side, he turned his head to see his new hair cut. "Not bad," he said, rubbing at his jaw. He told himself he'd ask for a simple razor because once a week was not enough and it was too fucking hot in Mexico to have a beard this time of year.

Twenty minutes later, Emmett and Edward were on a marked, half-mile track around the facility. They kept a steady pace to get Edward's heart going. His muscles still ached, but after a while, they warmed up and didn't feel as bad.

"I had to tell her," Emmett said after a few minutes of silence. From the moment Edward saw Emmett in the gym, he didn't understand the awkwardness between them at first. Now, he understood. Emmett had watched his room the night before. He'd seen that she had nightmares and that he comforted her.

The question was why Emmett didn't come get her.

"I didn't because you handled it fine," Emmett said with a shrug, concentrating on something ahead.

_Shit, that was out loud?_

Emmett gave a wide grin."Anyway, I didn't think she'd appreciate it."

Edward hummed and asked, too curious for his own good. "What did she say about it?"

Emmett sighed. "She only nodded and went into her room."

"So, the shrink bottles things in?"

Emmett shook his head. "She tries not to, and for the most part, she usually has time to herself to work though shit like what happened on her own."

"And she didn't get a chance to do that last night because she fell asleep in my room."

"Pretty much," Emmett said. "Though, I think she probably would've stayed anyway."

"What? Why?"

"Maybe, in case you had nightmares because of what happened."

Edward groaned, "Fuck. I didn't even get a chance to sleep much, and to be honest, when it happened, I imagined the worst shit." Emmett shuddered beside him and Edward knew he probably had done the same. If something had happened to her, there was no way Edward would forget it, no matter what he tried. "She handled it the best way she could, but it could've gone wrong. If she hadn't been fast enough, she'd be dead."

"You would've been hurt, too."

Edward snorted. "I don't give a damn what happens to me."

"But you care what happens to her?" Emmett cocked an eyebrow as if he thought Edward didn't give a shit about anyone but himself. As if caring about Bella dying was an anomaly. He was an asshole, not a fucking monster.

"I didn't say that," he growled. "Did she put you up to asking questions? Isn't she the doctor?"

Emmett shrugged. "Whatever you say to me is pretty much between us."

"Does that mean you didn't tell her I asked for a beer yesterday?"

"That's what I mean about pretty much," Emmett stated. "If you tell me you want to die, I'd tell her. If you tell me you want a drink, I'd tell her. But if you tell me that you were worried about her, I wouldn't say a word."

Edward exhaled loudly, expressing his feelings as clearly as his words. "I was worried."

"That's what I thought. To be honest, you're not like some of the other addicts I've met."

Edward's brow furrowed in thought; he shouldn't have cared what Emmett thought, but he wanted to know. "What do you mean?"

"Most are selfish as fuck."

Edward laughed, unable to keep the sharp edge from his voice. "I never said I wasn't that."

"You care about her." As if that made all the fucking difference.

Edward didn't want to talk about his feelings or any more about Bella. He needed to change the subject fast, but he put his foot in his mouth instead. "I can't fuck her if she's dead."

Emmett hissed, spun Edward around and gut punched him, knocking all the breath from his lungs.

Edward knew he deserved it before the words were out his mouth.

As he hunched over, Emmett spoke firmly at Edward's ear. "Watch it. You want to be an asshole in front of her, go ahead. She can handle you. But say something like that again to me, in such a disgusting manner, I'll crush you." Edward coughed, nodding. "I won't tell her what you said, but I'll be watching your fucking ass from now on. You cross that line again, I'll do much more than take your warm water privileges."

Emmett ran ahead, cursing at himself within seconds. He blamed a lot of that on Edward, but some of it was his fault, too. The images of Bella held at gunpoint, with his wife so close, too, had fucked with his head.

Maybe it was a real good idea that Bella insisted on eating together to talk about it; even Alec was joining them for dinner later. They needed to decide if staying in Mexico was the best decision. It was far from safe.

He looked over his shoulder to find Edward, standing with his hand pulling at his shorter hair. He was beating himself up for what he said.

"Fuck," Emmett said, knowing he messed up. He might have to tell Bella about the conversation after all, especially if Edward closes himself up again.

Maybe it was too soon for Emmett to work with addicts. The idea of giving up didn't sit well with him, so he'd try a little harder. Bella saw something in Edward that was worth saving. Even though he wasn't a hundred percent sure, he had to admit, he could see what Bella was talking about when it came to Edward.

Emmett turned to face Edward, taunting him to get his ass moving. At first, Edward looked confused, but then shrugged and caught up quickly. They spent the next thirty minutes talking about high school and sports. There was a good chance that they had played against each other on the same football field in high school, since they were less than a year apart. According to Edward, a few years after his sister died, they moved to Seattle where he played ball.

"I didn't know all of you were from Washington," Edward indicated, feeling nervous about asking his next question for some reason. "Is Bella?"

"Has an apartment in Seattle and a house in Redmond."

"Interesting," Edward mused. She was so close to where he lived. He didn't know what to do with the information but to keep it tucked away in the back of his mind.

~oOo~

Bella spent the hour she had to herself showering, going through her email, and sorting through her thoughts. It had to be done; more so after what Emmett had told her. Edward soothed her when she woke up from her nightmares, not once, but twice. She didn't know what to make of Edward, if he was playing games or what he'd done was genuine and sincere.

She'd seen the potential in him, in his past actions before his fall from grace. She knew he was capable of so much more than the dirty mouth and bad attitude, even as he cursed at her. No, what he'd done, the comfort he offered her, was real. She didn't need to see the video to prove it, she knew.

She should've asked Emmett to get her if she fell asleep. The nightmares were bound to happen after the incident. It was rare for things to get to that point for her. She hadn't had a strong reaction as that since Delia, another addict, who tried to kill herself. If Bella had been in her room, she would've woken from the nightmare and worked through her chaotic thoughts at that moment.

Instead, Edward had seen what the incident had done to her. It wasn't so much him knowing, it was the fact that it was just another burden on his shoulders. Something he didn't need.

She worked for a few hours after the baby was born safely, thanks to Alec and the others on staff, to make sure that someone stood watch outside of the clinic. She hated to bring any kind of negative attention to the clinic, mainly because an asshole named Carlos might hear about it. That was the last thing she wanted.

Her head was a mess. She worked for thirty minutes on mediating, feeling better after. Though it didn't help with her problems, it did however clear her mind to she could work through everything.

Charlie's email wasn't exactly good news, but it explained why James suddenly needed to come to Mexico. His on-and-off girlfriend, the one that Bella had always hated, had burned all his clothes after he told her it was over. She didn't seem to like that. He even had to put a restraining order on her.

"Stupid," she said after sending a reply to her father. The trouble at least gave her a few more days before her half-brother showed up. It also granted her some time to get some information for him. James handled housing issues in the area. He usually took Jasper and their guest to help fix problems in some of the residences in nearby towns, sometimes even build new housing.

The phone rang as she printed out the address and names of some possible projects for James and the guys to do the following week.

"Hello," she answered on the third ring, cringing at the slight static on the line. She hoped the line wouldn't go down again.

"Hey, Bells. How are you, little sister?" James asked, and she knew he was grinning. Bella fucking hated that he called her "little;" not everyone could be six foot two.

"I'm good. And I may be small, but I still pack a punch." She smiled at his groan. He'd been on the other side of her roundhouse kick more than once. It had taken him days to recover from that sparring match, and to that day, still refused to work out with her. "How is Victoria?"

She hadn't really planned on doing the whole, "I told you so," thing, but fuck, it was fun.

"Go ahead and say it," he hissed. "You had to have talked to Dad by now and know about the restraining order."

She chuckled, earning some choice curse words. "He also said she came by the shop."

Charlie and his best friend owned an auto shop that her father bought after retiring from the police chief position after his alcoholism had gotten the best of him. It had been for the best, but it still ate at him. The shop offered him something to do, for that, Bella was thankful.

"Yeah, she did. Leah beat her with a fucking metal pole. Bells, it was fucking awesome," James said with a laugh.

"Jamie, sometimes I think you deserve it when these women pull stunts like this. This is the second one."

"Actually, she's the third. Besides, that's not the point, Bella," James said, sounding serious again. "You know, it's Mom's birthday in a few weeks, and Dad would really like it if we both came home for it. Can't you get someone to watch over your target while you come up? I haven't seen you in months. Please, Bells?"

Bella sighed. "You know I can't. This target needs all my attention, James."

"Fuck," James said, whistling. "I get it, I guess, and Dad would, too."

Bella loved that after James lost his father, Phil, that he saw Charlie as his surrogate father.

"Then I guess you're okay with me coming up."

"I'd prefer you didn't," she growled, pounding her fist on her desk. She wasn't about to make it that easy for him. To be honest, she wanted him there, but he should face some his responsibilities instead of always running from them.

"I need a place to stay to hide from Victoria for a while. She's still after my junk, despite the no-go order, and I've always liked Mexico," he said.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for James to come. Edward would preoccupy enough of her time; adding her brother to the mix, along with Jasper, would probably call for a vacation.

Yes, she should at least try to convince him to stay home. "No, Jamie. Are you for real? This is serious shit I'm dealing with here!"

"Oh, I know," James stated, a distinctive edge to his voice. "Jasper told me the motherfucker hit you. He knocked you out cold, right? Face it, Bella. You need me."

"Fuck, Jamie," she hissed. "He wasn't the first one to take a swing at me and won't be the last. You're nearly thirty. What the fuck are you still depending on your sister for?"

"Bella, you know I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate. It won't be for long, I promise. Come on, I know you. You already have shit together for me to do. You know I'll be able to help in Garza, maybe even Salas. I'll even help around the compound!" he pleaded.

Bella hated when he begged. She technically had made plans to utilize his help if he stayed. Jasper could handle it, too.

"You can stay for a month," she answered with a sigh. "But no longer!" She cursed herself for giving in.

"Thank you, Bella," James said. "I love you."

"You'd better," she said, pouting to herself. Her brother was a sucker for the look, she could wrap him around her little finger with it. Too bad, it seemed to work both ways, because he could pull it off with ease. "Oh, and don't bring any of your skanky bitches near here. I mean it, Jamie."

She was serious. He tried once before, she ran them both out with a fucking bat.

James had a thing for skanks and his ex-girlfriend, Victoria, proved it. She was all red hair, fur coats, and no fucking panties when he brought her over for Christmas dinner the year before. That meal had been uncomfortable, especially when she "accidently" touched Charlie's junk with her foot from under the table. James wasn't anywhere near him.

Bella shuddered at the memory.

"You should know that Dad wants to talk to us, so it's probably better if we're there together," James said cheerily.

Bella knew what that meant. With James joining her in Mexico, Charlie wouldn't be too far behind, which reminded her to get the other two rooms at the clinic ready for guests. "And I'm not seeing anyone, so no worries."

_Ugh, shoot me now, _she thought_._ Not seeing anyone was code for not fucking anyone. Mexico and James didn't mix well, but he didn't drink or do drugs, thankfully. However, he was incapable of keeping it in his pants with all his "honeys" in Mexico.

"Come on, Bells. You know you're secretly excited," James stated with that same cheery disposition as before. Bella sighed, thankful that James had always been optimistic, despite all the loss in his life. "It's not every day that your big brother comes to stay."

"Will you stop with the big brother shit?"

"You're bitchy and crabby. Gotten laid lately?"

"That's it. I'm hanging up. I expect your presence on _Monday_, not a minute sooner. I need to get shit together first." He started to protest, but she cut him off. "Bye, James," she sang.

She fist-pumped, celebrating the fact that she managed to get a few extra days before James showed up. She almost fell out of her chair in her excitement, which was short-lived.

She was worried about Charlie. What was it that he wanted to discuss with her and James? Was he sick? Was his girlfriend, Sue, ill? She hated when her father left her hanging like that. It was a Swan trait, and James had inherited it, even though he and Charlie didn't share blood.

James wasn't strictly a Swan. Bella's mother had him when she was seventeen, with her high school sweetheart, Phil Dwyer. Things hadn't worked out, so she'd left James with his father, knowing it was best for him. Renee was a drifter, a free spirit, so Bella never understood how she'd ended up with Charlie. She supposed she'd seen something in him that most others didn't.

Charlie was a good man; he wasn't prejudiced, unfair, or unkind to anyone. He was incredibly loyal and loving, and Bella knew most of those traits had rubbed off on James.

When James had showed up on their doorstep at nineteen, Bella was seventeen. Renee had recognized him instantly and flat out fainted. It didn't take much to determine that he was her son, since he looked so much like her. Everyone was shocked, Charlie most of all. She hadn't said a word to him about a child.

Even now, years later, Bella never understood what it was that drove her mother to turn to the bottle or take her life. It was probably a combination of things, from Phil's death, her son's reappearance in her life and the jealously of his growing relationship with Charlie and Bella.

They had taken him in, since they believed that none of it was his fault. At first, James was resistant, but he seemed to crave love, comfort and a sense of belonging. Bella knew he wanted that with Renee, but for some reason, her mother simply could not take him in her arms. Maybe it was guilt, she thought.

When she died, Bella not only had to deal with her own grief, but her brother's and 'father's anguish, as well. James blamed himself for her suicide as much as Charlie had. She did her best to hold everyone together, soaking up their sadness like a sponge, hoping to take their pain away.

If they hadn't insisted that she go to college, she wasn't sure if would've survived that first year.

She carried their pain and her own like a second skin. If it hadn't been for a grief counselor at her college, she wouldn't have made it through the toughest times of her life. Without him, she was positive Charlie would still be hitting the bottle as he had after Renee died.

Now it was Bella's turn to repay Garrett, by helping his nephew.

That was another thing she'd come to realize; she had to tell Edward about her connection to his uncle. He probably assumed that Alice was the reason he was there, but it was a call from Garrett that led Bella to Alice.

She wasn't sure that Edward would take the news well. Would he believe that she was only doing it because of his uncle? She wasn't, but would he believe her? It was doubtful. She wanted to help Edward, for the same reason she did it for others like him. He deserved the chance to experience life to the fullest, without his addiction taking over everything.

She wouldn't lie to him, she reminded herself, and that included not omitting things on purpose. Her priority was Edward and his recovery. She went over his reaction to going to the clinic, and how he calmed the second he realized she had no intention of him working with anyone. Along with the incidents in and around the pool, she had a feeling about what really bothered him.

His first swim exercise with her would help her determine if she was right. After that, all she had to do was let him figure it out on his own. She'd take it easy on him, but she had to be sure. It would help determine the rest of his therapy.

Another thing she had to think about was what Emmett had told her. Edward had asked for a beer, making it obvious that if it sent him away, he was all for it. Perhaps it was the truth, or the anger from her stunning him that was doing the talking. Either way, she had to figure out what to do about it. It was too soon to test his resistance.

"Way too soon," she muttered to herself. It would have to wait until she could see how he did with the swim exercises and the rest of the week at the clinic. Alec would be moving on by Sunday.

Bella breathed deeply, rubbing her temples as her thoughts turned to her attraction to Edward. She told herself she could resist. She'd been tempted by the best of them; the movie star that spent five months with her, was one of them. The actor's good looks, cockiness, arrogance should've been a turn off, but that was far from the truth. She had resisted.

However, she started to believe that he was nothing compared to Edward. What was it about him that appealed to her so much? Was it the challenge he presented?

She waved that off, because that didn't make any sense. If she said she wanted him, he'd take up the offer in a heartbeat.

"Now who's full of herself," she said, letting her head fall on her desk. She didn't mean to sound like that, but she felt it was the truth.

It wasn't about getting him to change, because all she was doing was trying to get him to drop the fucking mask and armor he wore. One that had thickened over the almost four years of alcoholic abuse.

Her mind conjured the image of him laughing on his bed, the ease in which he smiled at her when he wasn't bullshitting her with his big mouth. There was an almost innocent, boyish charm about him when he laughed with her or at her. He seemed to go out of his way to make her laugh when the mood turned too serious for him or her to handle. Even though he said he didn't give a shit about anyone, she knew he was lying to himself. He loved his sister, Alice, or else he wouldn't have beaten himself over hurting her. There was also the fact that he was protective when it came to Bella swimming. If he didn't care, why did he object when she tried to go swimming that first time?

Was that why she liked about him? Maybe. He had this innate desire to protect others, it seemed. Did he sense she needed his protection? Did he recognize the soft spot inside her that others never noticed unless she'd known them for years?

Jasper was right about how they moved around each other. Now aware of it, Bella could see the mirror-like quality of how they were in the other's presence.

There was a level of comfort with him that she'd never experienced with anyone. She couldn't understand that, because he'd done a lot that made her _uncomfortable_. The feeling was at an elemental level; she just knew he wouldn't purposely do anything to hurt her, that he'd protect her. Except for those brief moments of intense anger that had him lashing out at her, the first incident he tried, she attributed to the fact that she did have him kidnapped. The second time, he was fresh from the worst of his withdrawal. Did that mean if they argued again, he wouldn't try to hurt her?

She wanted to believe he wouldn't. He'd been angry with her since then and he hadn't tried.

"Damn it," she said, allowing the sting behind her eyes to form tears. She tried to blink them back, but it was too late. With every tear, images of a broken future made her resolve to resist him strengthen.

They would be arguing about something stupid, as most couples do, sending him to the nearest bar. The guilt she would feel for it, which would eventually eat away at her until she was resentful and full of hate for herself and him. She could hear him yelling how much he hated her, and though he said it before, it would hurt her after falling in love with him.

Bella wouldn't give in to her feelings, to their connection. She had to remember nothing Edward had said indicated that he wanted anything other than to get into her pants. She didn't allow herself to think about after the initial period of sobriety, when Edward was emotionally ready to be in a relationship. How could she think of that when she had no idea what Edward really wanted?

She wouldn't dare dream of that possibility when there was so much more they had to get through. If she found herself in the position where she had to remember what couldn't be, she'd conjure the image of him telling her how he hated her.

It would remind her to be strong and that she never wanted to be at the tail end of those words, when Edward actually meant them.

Never.

~oOo~

Edward's chest felt as if it was on fire when he made it to the courtyard. Emmett had pushed him to his limits. He looked up to find Bella by the pool, dressed in a red bikini, tank top, and shorts, holding towels and sunscreen. Internally, he groaned, because the fuckers set him up.

He was so damn hot and covered in sweat that the pool actually looked fucking inviting. That didn't mean his hands didn't start to shake. She was too damn close to the pool. He released a harsh exhale when she stepped toward him and away from the water.

"Morning," Bella said, offering him a smile. She threw him a towel to wipe down and asked him to remove his shirt and shoes.

Edward knew what was going on— the swim exercises they discussed the night before. Maybe he could prolong the inevitable.

"Shouldn't there be music for my little striptease, 3B?" he teased and gave her a lascivious look. She rolled her eyes and started to hum a tune he didn't recognize. Emmett, who was catching his breath by the pool, started to laugh as Edward worked it. Emmett decided to join Bella's tune, adding an off-key rendition of some porn music.

Bella appeared completely unaffected as Edward grabbed the back of his t-shirt with one hand, pulling it off easily, but he saw a tiny twitch of her eyes. As he toed off his shoes, he did his best to hide how uncomfortable he was starting to feel about what they were about to do. The sweat that started to evaporate under the heat of the sun, gathered across his brow and under his lip.

The fact that Bella played along with his teasing told him she could see right through his bullshit. The seriousness in her eyes was enough to know he was correct. He wouldn't call her on it as long as she did the same. He finished doing what she asked and suddenly felt stupid, realizing that he did it without fucking complaint.

What was wrong with him? The fact that she already had him wrapped around her little finger made some of his nerves slip away.

Edward took his time, but since he was already wearing shorts, there wasn't anything else to remove.

"If Thing 1 wasn't here, I'd suggest skinny dipping," he blurted out to prevent an awkward silence. Emmett snickered, earning a scathing look from Bella. Her eyes narrowed and she tipped her head to the pool.

Edward's palms started to sweat again as she took a step toward the pool, his throat tightened. It wasn't until she turned toward a lounge chair to put her things down that he finally breathed again. His skin crawled at the sound of a splash, his eyes immediately snapping toward the pool.

Emmett swam the length of it with ease, touched the opposite wall, and returned to where he started. Without another look at Edward, he grabbed his discarded t-shirt and a towel from Bella, and walked inside the building.

_What was that about? _

Bella had been watching the emotions flash in Edward's eyes and features since the moment he jogged into the courtyard. She'd taken a few steps too close the pool and she was able to see the real fear within them. It wasn't until she moved away that he relaxed again. She wished she didn't have to test her theories, but she had to know.

Emmett's quick swim helped her come to the partial conclusion that Edward didn't fear the water itself. He feared when she swam alone, but that couldn't be the only trigger. At first, it had been his memories of his sister's death, but there was something else. He hadn't reacted as strongly to Emmett. He seemed more prone to panic when _she_ neared the pool. There was no way he was ready for her to test if she went in alone again. The last time was traumatizing enough; no, they had to take smaller steps.

She offered him an easy smile, pulling him by the hand. "Did you even bother to put on sunscreen again?"

Edward shrugged, keeping himself between her and the pool. He purposely moved toward her, forcing her to walk backward and away from what he perceived as a threat. The move seemed unconscious. Was he not aware of what he was doing?

He wrapped the towel around his neck, extending his arms out to his sides. "Cream me, baby."

She smacked his stomach with the bottle, knowing he was trying to piss her off or get out of the exercise. He grunted and caught the sunscreen.

"We won't be staying too long out here, but you'll toast if you don't put more on. It's gotta be about ninety degrees already."

"It's not even fucking eight yet," Edward muttered, smoothing the light coconut-scented cream on his chest. "Why am I putting this shit on if I'm going in the pool?"

She rolled her eyes and grumbled, "You know you still have to." She turned away, grabbing a timer from the chair. "I want you to know that you can stay stop anytime and we'll do just that."

Edward nodded and Bella noticed that he looked serious again. The levity he tried to pull with the sunscreen was gone and the darkness seemed to slip over his eyes like a cloak. He was trying to close himself up and that wasn't what she wanted.

"We'll only do this for five minutes," she said in a soft tone, placing her hand on his arm.

His eyes landed on her hand, while his fisted at his sides, and she could see the play of muscles as his jaw tensed. "Do what for five fucking minutes?"

She expected some hostility. "Edward," she murmured, taking the bottle of sunscreen from him. She tossed it on the chair and held his hand as she explained something. "Did you walk by the pool this morning?"

"Yes." The word was breathless, a barely there whisper.

"Did you sit with me for a couple of hours, talking about something significant that happened in our lives?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you can do this?"

His eyes closed as he took a deep breath. "Yes."

She led him to the edge, keeping him in front of her just in case. "Open your eyes, sit down by the side, and put your legs in the water. That's all I want you do for five minutes."

"That's it?" The look in his eyes was incredulous.

She gave him a small smile. "That's it."

Edward couldn't believe what she was asking of him. It seemed such a simple task. He had fully expected her to throw him in the water to see if he'd fucking float. As he tried to find out if she was being truthful, she fucking smiled and knew he couldn't fight her.

_It's not fair the power that smile, those eyes have over me._

Edward noticed how she took a seat on one of the lounge chairs, instead of beside him. She wasn't joining him, but that made no sense to him.

"I am a skilled swimmer and know CPR," she said quietly, as if that was what stopped him. "Jasper is on watch duty, and if he sees a problem, he'll send a signal and everyone in the compound will come running toward you."

He hated that they had to take such measures because of his reactions since he arrived. "I'm only putting my legs in for fuck's sake."

"That's right."

She said nothing for a while and he knew she was waiting for him. The ball was in his court. She'd assured him that, if he asked to stop, she would let him go back to his room. Still didn't make him feel any better.

"Five minutes," he said, watching her turn the dial on the timer, nodding and waiting for him.

Edward relaxed his body as much as possible, the lingering fear still in his thoughts. He pushed that shit aside to get the exercise done so he could get back to harassing Miss-Naughty Life Guard. Yet, try as he might, the fear was still there as his toes touched the cool water. After a few moments, he was shocked to find that his body no longer shook.

His confusion must have been evident in his face.

"Do you want to stop?" Bella offered quietly. He shook his head, swallowing deeply. She said nothing else, just watched him carefully. His legs dangled in the refreshing water and he felt the slight tingle of the chlorine.

After a minute, Edward couldn't figure out what to do. He felt stupid and told Bella so. "Will you at least quit staring," he grumbled.

"All right," she said, lying back on the chair. He couldn't help but watch her legs extend out before her; long, lightly tanned, and beautiful. "If you do the same," she added, as if she felt his gaze on her, but smirking.

"Not gonna happen," he stated firmly. There was no way he'd take his eyes off her when they're so close to a pool.

"I'm not going to push you in, you know."

He knew that; he just couldn't explain why he had to watch her. Then again, there was another reason. "Sorry, can't help it," he murmured huskily. "You have legs that I would love to have wrap…"

"Finish that sentence and you'll be showering in cold water for the next two weeks."

"Fine," he said. "At least say something. This fucking stupid and boring." He knew he was being a pain in the ass, but he felt as if she was treating him like a child.

Several beats of silence passed before she said something. He watched as she slowly sat up, propping herself on her hands behind her.

"Thanks for last night," she said, her dark eyes meeting his squarely. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep in your room. I knew that I'd eventually react to what happened. I'm sorry."

"That's stupid," he growled. "You act like you have control of your dreams or nightmares. You have nothing to be sorry about. And you were fucking exhausted, you were out like a light in minutes."

A small twitch of her lips lifted a corner of her mouth into a smile. "Maybe, but I'm still sorry."

He only shook his head in response, surprised that she didn't try to turn the discussion to its natural conclusion. Where was the question about how he felt about what happened?

She really sucked at being a therapist, he thought.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I think so," she whispered. "It was scary, not going to lie about that. I kept it together so I could manage to make sure something like that doesn't happen again. There's still going to be risks, especially in places like this. We'll be more careful. I think that'll help with the nightmares."

"Good," Edward stated. "I wish it was that easy for me." He looked away, unable to look into her eyes any longer. She could easily read him, and it still bothered him. "After Nessie died, I would dream about it almost every night. It was one of the main reasons why my dad filled in the pool, after the second time I ended up sleepwalking to it."

"I'm not going to downplay being held at gunpoint. That would be sort of like lying. It was scary as fuck, but the circumstances between the situations are different. You did lose your sister and you were young. There isn't a quick fix solution to get over something like that."

He looked at her. She had moved and sat at the edge of her chair, her elbows resting on her knees. "If you think it would help to talk about it, I'm here for you, Edward."

"But you're not going to push me, are you?"

She shrugged and shook her head, cursing when the clip she wore flung off and letting loose all her hair. He laughed as she went to grab the wayward clip, still grumbling about it. From the direction of the clinic, he heard the voices of Rosalie and Alec. He looked over and it was obvious where they were going, both dressed in lab coats.

Was Bella going to make him go into Garza again? Before he had a chance to ask her, he heard the sound of her flip-flops behind him. Suddenly, his heart rate accelerated with every step she took closer to him, and started to sit down beside him. His heart felt as if it was going to fall out of his chest, as his hands clamped to his thighs.

He heard Bella talk with the others, but their voices were distant. Instead, the ringing in his ears seemed to overpower all other sound. It was insistent and the only thing Edward was able to focus on. Cold sweat broke out everywhere, and he could hardly catch his next breath. His skin felt tight and he was afraid that if he moved, it would tear open; a gaping wound and he'd never be able to mask his fear.

"Edward." He heard her, felt her as fingers moved over his jaw and shoulders. She was pulling him away from the pool.

She was away from the pool.

He could breathe again.

The first breath he took felt like ash in his lungs, burning to the point he had to cough and pant to take the next. The following was easier, her soft words encouraging and her hands swept over his face and hair. It didn't take as long to recover as the time before, but the worry and concern in her eyes was just as potent.

He felt the cool, wet sensation at the back of his neck minutes later, and realized she was slathering sunscreen there.

"What are you doing?" he asked. His voice was hoarse as if he ran for miles again.

"You're going to burn out here," she replied. He felt the touch of her cheek on his hair. It was at that moment he realized where he was once again. Cradled against her chest, one of her arms draped over his shoulder and across his upper torso.

Not wanting to scare her from stopping, or worse, pushing him away, Edward asked the question he was about to before his panic attack set in.

"Are you making me go to the clinic this morning?"

She sighed, her arms moving to hold him tighter as she sat her chin on his shoulder. "I was planning to."

Edward internally screamed. He didn't like appearing weak to her, or anyone for that matter. "But because I'm fucking scared of a goddamn swimming pool, we aren't?"

She lifted his right arm, it felt strangely heavy and numb, and at about chest high, she let it go. It dropped like a lead weight.

Point made.

There was a comfortable silence between them for a few minutes. She didn't ask what it was that triggered him again. It didn't make sense to him. He wanted to know the answers, too. However, exhaustion kept him from asking.

"Come on," she said softly. "You need to get out of the sun and so do I. I'll turn into a lobster if I don't."

Seconds passed before his mind processed her words. Then suddenly, he was laughing—hard.

His emotions and thoughts were all over the place, shrouded in confusion. Despite that, her words created an image. Miss Butter-Me-Up dressed in her red bikini that matched her sunburned skin. The scowl on her red face lost its fierceness, but she still looked cute as hell.

"Oh Edward," she groaned, shaking her head. She had to have known just what he was thinking or else she wouldn't be laughing, too. "I do not scowl." Edward had said that shit aloud. He laughed harder, especially when she tried to look mad at him.

"What are we going to do with you?" she asked, still smiling at him.

Just as quickly as his laughter had started, it ended. "We're going to save me." He stilled when she lifted her hand, her eyes following as she traced his one of the laugh lines around his mouth.

"Damn right we are."


	17. The Fine Line

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Seventeen—The Fine Line**

* * *

Edward was less than pleased that Bella had to remain behind because of him. He knew how much it meant to her to work at the clinic. She still went there; despite the fact that blood seemed to make her sick, she still did what she could to help.

From the nervous babbling she did as they worked out earlier, he also knew that she hated being away from her friends. Did she fear something might happen? Did she believe that her friends wouldn't be able to talk their way out of whatever danger they might face?

A part of him believed that, if Juan hadn't lunged for the gunman, it would've ended peacefully. At the time, Edward hadn't thought it possible, but after looking over the terrible memory, he could see the man was about to surrender.

If Bella decided to do anything else for a living, a negotiator might be a good idea. Not that he wanted her in harm's way. In fact, he thought, scratch that. He'd never make that suggestion to her. The mere thought of something happening to her like that again made him shudder.

After his panic attack and the others left for the clinic, they'd gone to make breakfast once he'd showered. They ended up in the living room after they'd done chores. She sat and read, looking over some file as he picked out a Stephen King novel from her library. A couple of hours passed before her nervous pen tapping drove him crazy and he told her so.

"Will stop that shit?" he barked, not bothering to look up from his book.

"Why, sure thing, asshole," she hissed and flipped him off without looking up.

"That looks like a promise," he said with a grin, watching her from his peripheral vision. "Just call them, 3B."

Her shoulders slumped in defeat as her breath exhaled sharply from pursed lips. "They would've called if there was a problem."

His eyes drifted from a sentence he'd read four times already. He should face it. His mind and body seemed only to focus on her and not the words on the page.

He asked, even though he was sure he likely knew the answer. "Do you need to go?"

She shook her head, tapping that damn pen of hers again. "I can't leave you here alone with Jasper. He's the only one here."

Edward laughed, shaking his head. "You're right. That wouldn't be the best idea."

He hated the fact that she couldn't go because of him, but at the same time, he felt it was a good thing. What if she'd gone and something happened to her while he sat back at the facility? That was as bad as being in the same room and doing nothing but stand there while she was at the end of a gun barrel.

_Fuck. Maybe I'm not okay. Should I tell her? Why hasn't she asked?_

She looked up from her file then as he sat up fully on the couch. "He's a good guy, Edward."

At least the asshole with the southern drawl was a safer topic of discussion, not that he wanted to waste his time on the jerk.

"He wants in your pants." She neither confirmed nor denied it. That pissed him off. "Did our moment by the pool and in my room piss off your boyfriend?" He heard the edge to his voice, despite how hard he worked to keep his tone even. Failing miserably, he turned his eyes away. He didn't want to see the truth in her gaze.

"He's isn't, and never has been, my boyfriend."

He remembered her words then, how they didn't lie to the addicts. Yet, he heard her reluctance on telling him in her voice, the softness of it. Did she believe that, if he knew she was single, it would be a bad thing?

It was. He never poached on anyone's woman and he wouldn't start now. No matter how much he wanted Bella. The fact that she wasn't seeing anyone made the desire in his blood boil to near excruciating level.

Which was fucking stupid, and he knew it. The second he crossed that fine line she drew in the sand the day they met, she'd leave him behind in the dust. He'd grown attached and it barely had been two weeks.

_Would she run?_ he wondered.

It didn't seem like her, and he knew that losing her support at that point of time would be bad for his recovery. Crossing that line would be, too. He had to remember that. Fuck, he thought, how could he ignore the bone deep need he had to be close to her?

He wasn't strong enough to resist her. It scared the fuck out of him. For the moment, she'd have to be strong enough for the both of them.

"Did Emmett tell you what happened on our run?" he asked. Emmett was still there when he'd taken his shower before he left for the clinic, so assumed he told her what he had said.

"_I can't fuck her if she's dead." _Not even a second had passed before Emmett made him pay the price for saying what he said.

Long, dark lashes fluttered along the curve of her cheeks, a soft sigh accompanying the loud clatter of her pen on the table. Her hand flattened over it, the only indication that she did know what he'd said and that she didn't like it.

"It's nothing I haven't heard before," she said in a tone that said she was serious. Yet, he still felt like an ass about it. The fact that it wasn't the first time she'd heard something like that about her made him inexplicably angry.

"Why do you put yourself through this fucking shit?" he growled out.

"I need to." Her simple, precise words were said in a way that he didn't doubt them for a second.

Why? He wanted to know, but he offered her his guess. "Is it because you couldn't save your mother?"

"One of the reasons, yes," she replied. She cocked an eyebrow and the inquisitive look her gaze said he wouldn't like what she said next. "Was the fact you couldn't save your sister the reason you chose to become a doctor?"

"Fuck no," he growled, tossing the book on the coffee table. In seconds, he was at the room's exit when he looked back. She remained tensely still. One of her hands clenched on her thigh and he hated seeing the defeat in her form again.

He knew what it felt like to fail time and time again. He already made the choice to get better. Why couldn't he give her something so she wouldn't have to feel the fist of failure around her heart?

If she knew he was still there, she didn't show it.

He sighed before he answered. "I became a doctor because it was something we both said we'd become together." He thumped his hand on the wall. "Let's go to the clinic before you go all crazy on my ass."

She faced him and gave him a look that he couldn't decipher. "Why would we do that?"

"Because I'm going end up with cabin fucking fever and fuck the hell out of you if we don't."

Her eyes widened and she immediately stood up at the sound of fast approaching footsteps behind him. Edward whirled around in time to see Jasper stop just a few feet from him. Bella pushed passed him and stood between them.

"Relax, Jasper," she said. "At least he was honest and all of them have gotten cabin fever and anxious, especially after withdrawal."

"What are you talking about?" Jasper hissed, his hands fisting at his sides as he caught on. "What did the fucker say?"

"Never mind," Bella stated, looking confused. It wasn't what Edward said that drove Jasper to come to her. What was it then? "What's going on?"

"Alec needs someone to go with him on some home visits later."

Bella sighed and rubbed a hand through her hair, twisting it up into a ponytail with the band on her wrist.

"Have Emmett go with him," Edward said.

"I need Emmett at the clinic, just in case something happens," she said, biting her lip. "All right, tell him to come by to pick up Edward."

"What?" Jasper and Edward asked in unison.

Bella looked at Edward and smiled sweetly. He groaned internally, because that look always came right before she did something he'd hate.

"You said you were getting cabin fever," she stated, still smiling, but it was more Cheshire-like than cute kitten. "This way, you can get out of here for a while."

"You are such a bitch," he groaned. "What the fuck am I supposed to do, huh? I'm not going to fucking help and you know it."

"Alec shouldn't need any. He only takes someone with him in case there's trouble."

He tugged at his hair, wishing the small bite of pain was enough for him to pull him out of the hellhole. "And you're going to stick me in a possible situation?" _Is she crazy?_

"I can go with you," Bella stated and walked down the hall. "That sounds like a good idea." She gave Jasper a look. "Didn't I tell you to go call Alec?"

"Fine," he hissed and Edward watched the fucker leave.

The second Jasper was out of hearing range, Edward turned his attention back to Bella. "No, you don't have to go."

"Are you sure?"

"If I say yes, you're still coming, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am."

"You don't fucking trust me."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "In some things, I do, but not everything. Do you believe I should I trust you?"

No, he didn't. He couldn't even trust himself to behave around her.

"Whatever," he stated, turning toward his room. "I'm going to change. When the fuck are we going again?"

"Edward?" he heard her voice, firm and authoritative, but the following sigh had him stopping and looking back. "It's not about trusting you, Alec needs me there. Whoever goes with him has to keep the other people there, a worried wife, mother, or child, busy while Alec and Maria do their thing with the patient."

"Oh." Now, he felt stupid. He put her in an awkward position to answer a question he had no right to ask and one he knew he'd hate the answer.

She gave him a smile. "I'm going to do a few things. Alec will probably here in an hour."

Edward looked over at a wall clock. "Grilled cheese sandwiches before we go?" he asked, wanting to offer something for being such an ass that morning.

She groaned, rubbing her stomach. "You know what I loved them first time you made them. I'm going to have to work out again tonight." He laughed as he made his way to the kitchen, feeling a little better about the stupid guilt he had since his run with Emmett.

~oOo~

"Where is that fucker?" Alec hissed at Bella, as Edward sat in a tiny chair in the backyard with the dog. An old man named Pedro sat beside him, smoking, and watching the sunset. The sky was a wide array of oranges, pinks, and purples.

From the moment Alec had arrived to pick up him and Bella, he'd tried to get Edward to do something to help. From taking vitals, blood and even asked him to help move a young amputee from the living room to the bedroom.

Edward refused each time, only giving him a look that clearly stated what he thought of Alec's persistence.

Bella, on the other hand, took his place, even when blood was involved. She bucked up and did whatever Alec or Maria needed. She helped hold the amputee named Ramón down as Alec went about cleaning the infected site just below the man's right knee.

Edward walked out of the house and sat down with ol'Pedro, ignoring the screams from inside the small shack. It was almost an hour later when he heard Alec hissing at Bella about him. What would his harpy say?

"He's outside with Ramón's grandfather."

Alec was clearly agitated with Edward and that brought a smile to his face. He stretched his legs out and wondered if Bella would kick his ass if he took a drag from Pedro's pipe.

"Don't waste your time bringing him to the clinic tomorrow."

She replied, but Edward couldn't make it out, until her voice started to rise. "I'm not an idiot. I would never put your patients in jeopardy. This isn't the first time an addict refused to help in any way."

"A little boy was crying in pain and fear, lifting his arms up and looking for comfort and he fucking walked away, Bella!"

It was damn cold of him, but Bella had been ignoring him most of the day and he made it clear he wasn't comfortable with helping anyone. He knew he wasn't being fair, since she'd been busy and she said she would be before they arrived. He'd been spoiled with her undivided attention since he met her.

"Give him a break, Alec," Bella said, her voice still firm, but it was softer, and he had to strain to hear. "We've never had an addict with a reason to hate hospitals or clinics. I'm not about to have him work with a patient until _he _feels he's ready."

Bella figured out one of his fucking issues without him even talking to her about it. He cursed long and hard, at her and himself.

"We don't have long in the area," Alec said more softly, and he couldn't hear the rest.

Edward had to turn his head to try to listen better. Pedro aimed a toothless smile at him, pulling out a brick from the wall behind them. He tipped his head toward the clearer voices from inside the house. Edward offered him a genuine smile and put his ear against the hole.

Edward didn't feel one ounce of guilt about listening in; it was about him after all.

"Trust me, Alec," Bella stated, her voice clearer. "I know what I'm doing."

"I know, I know. When it comes to his treatment, you do know what's what." Edward could hear a wary edge to Alec's voice that hadn't been there before. "But I'm starting to get worried that you letting your feelings for him cloud your judgment. And not to mention that you haven't told his ass off that shit he pulled with Manuel."

"First of all, you've obviously talked with Jasper."

"He showed me why he was worried."

Edward heard her growl, letting a frustrated moan. "I'm starting to believe that the cameras are more trouble than they're worth. I value my privacy and Edward's, too."

"Never bothered you before," Alec countered.

"Because they've never been used against me or an addict!" He heard the scrape of a chair from inside the little hovel. "The cameras are used to protect the addict and the staff, just in case something happens. They're not to listen in on conversations that are fucking private."

"I know that," Alec hissed. "Fuck, I'm sorry, you're right. Jasper was only proving a point. The thing is, Bella, he's right, too. There is something between you and Edward that scares the fuck out of me. If you give in, love him like I know you wish you could, it would destroy you if he falls off the wagon again."

"Just stop," Bella sighed. "I know all this. I'm strong enough. You just need to trust me."

"He's not, though," Alec stated. "One moment of weakness from you and he'd take advantage, and there would be no turning back."

Edward swallowed the lump in his throat, as he fought the urge to flee. Alec was right, because he would use that momentary weakness to claim her. What Alec hadn't pointed out was that if Edward did fall, Bella's destruction would be his own, too.

_Christ, when did things get so complicated?_ He knew he had to try to fight the temptation she presented. How long he could manage it was the problem? The need was at the cliff's edge, and it wouldn't take much more to fall over.

Suddenly, the voices within stopped, making him press his cheek harder against the brick wall. Did they move into another room while he was stuck in his damn head again?

Then, he screamed like a little girl. "Ah! What the fuck!" Someone stuck something wet in his ear from inside the house. "What the hell!" His head snapped toward the sound of laughter. Bella and Alec stood at the door, grinning.

"That's what you get," Bella said, waving a wet finger at him.

"What are you, ten?" he grumbled, wiping away at his ear. "That's fucking disgusting. Who knows where your mouth has been today." He grinned as she rolled her eyes. Alec did the same but ignored him as he asked Pedro to come inside to see his ailing grandson.

Edward was alone, with Bella. She turned her attention to the sunset, walking to the dying lawn's edge, her arms crossed over her chest. He rose to his feet and walked toward her. There was a longing to tug her ponytail to the side, taste the column of her neck, and test the skin at her shoulder.

Instead, he stood beside her, an inch of space between their bare arms. It could've been a yard, and he'd still know that she was there. Jasmine-scented hair, barely there coconut from the sunscreen lotion and the warmth she radiated.

"You weren't meant to hear any of that," she said, her voice a notch above a whisper. He didn't think she'd bring it up so soon. "But you need to understand that nothing can happen between us like…"

"Like what, Bella?" he hissed. He needed her to shut up, put an end to the discussion. "You're acting like I'm not allowed to have fucking sex while I'm fucking recovering."

"I didn't say that," she said, turning to look at him, confusion wrinkling her brow.

"What did you think I wanted from you?" He laughed, shaking his head. "I want to_ fuck you_, nothing more."

Bella looked back at the darkening sky, nodding. "I see. Good to know." For several minutes, there was only silence until Maria, one of Alec's nurses told them they were ready to leave. Bella moved toward the door, offering Edward a smile. One that didn't reach her eyes, before going inside and saying her goodbyes.

Edward rubbed at the ache in his chest, wondering if he was coming down with something.

~oOo~

That night, Bella sat at a table that Emmett pulled from storage, joined by everyone that was at the hold up the day before. A fantastic dinner was served as they discussed at length about what happened.

Edward ate like a horse in silence. He hoped the harpy wouldn't ask him anything.

Emmett expressed how much he feared for Bella and Rosalie as it happened. Alec indicated the worst moment was when the gunman zeroed on the children for a second when he came in. Rosalie's fear hadn't been only for Bella, but also on how close Emmett was, too. If the gunman missed, her husband might've been hurt.

Bella, who acted as if Edward hadn't hurt her earlier, wasn't the one that asked him about his thoughts on the incident. It was Emmett.

He shrugged, pissed that they asked him anything. "Nothing much," he stated. "I was glad it wasn't me."

He had no idea why he said it. Was he looking for a fight? Did he want to hurt her more? A part of him knew that he wanted to put up a wall between them again.

"Asshole," Emmett hissed under his breath.

"It's all right," Bella sighed, placing a hand on Emmett's arm as he tried to rise to his feet.

Edward met her gaze and tossed a tortilla chip in his mouth. "What did I say? You wanted honesty." He pushed back from the table. "I'm done. Can I go to my room?" Bella only nodded.

As he walked away, he realized there would be hell to pay following his shit attitude. Minutes later, he found out one of his punishments as he showered. The water went ice cold five minutes in, making him curse her all over again.

Still pissed, he exited the bathroom dressed in boxers and a t-shirt to find his bed stripped. The book that Bella and Edward had started the night before was gone, too. He called her every name in the book as he pulled out the drawers, intending to grab everything and use them as a pillow. They were empty. He walked over to the closet to find it bare, too.

"Fucking bitch!" he roared.

"The door is locked for the rest of the day and night," her flat voice said through the intercom. "Emmett will be by to get you at before six. Wake up call will be fifteen minutes prior."

"Fuck you!"

"Night, Edward."

He continued his tirade, until Emmett told him that she was no longer listening. It wasn't worth it anymore, so he lay on his bare mattress. The lights turned off seconds later, and he sighed, hating himself. Under the cover of darkness, he rubbed at his chest again.

* * *

**AN: Let me make it clear now, she is not punishing him for what he said, but for something else. That brick wall thing, my grandpa has one at his house in Hidalgo, Mexico. He would take it out whenever the women gathered to gossip. Miss him.**


	18. The Water Level Rises

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Eighteen—The Water Level Rises  
**

* * *

Emmett was as talkative as the first run the following morning. Edward hadn't seen Bella before they set out and he tried not to care about her or what she was doing. Yet, his thoughts turned to her, even as his muscles burned with exertion.

Did she have as much trouble sleeping as he did?

Was she mad at him?

Why did she punish him? Was it because of the shit he pulled on the home visits or because of what he'd said to her? Or what he'd said at dinner?

Emmett kept running straight into the other building as Edward saw Bella in the courtyard by the pool. She looked as good as she had the day before, a smile on her face. It was hard to tell of it was a lie.

"Same thing as yesterday," she said, tossing him a towel. He stripped his shoes and shirt, as he watched her grab the timer. She nodded as he slipped his feet and legs into the cool water. He groaned at the sweet relief. Within a few minutes, he could feel the burn of her eyes on him. He ignored it and slid into the water. It was at the shallow end of the pool, so it barely reached his waist.

His hands skimmed over the surface of the water, sending ripples outward. A part of him wanted her to say something, but she didn't. Not even after the timer went off a minute later and she handed him a towel.

He went to his room to shower, his clothes once again in their places. A part of his punishment was already over, yet it felt as it stretched the distance between him and Bella. Soon they were on the road on the way to the mobile clinic. The ride wasn't silent, for which he was thankful, but she continued to act as if nothing he said to her in the last two days had hurt her.

How could it not, when it shredded him? Did she not really care?

Their conversation turned toward school, a safe topic. Yet, he was waiting for when she would get him back in the office with the magic couch that made him tell her all his secrets. Why hadn't she _insisted_ on therapy sessions?

"Any chance you'd be willing to take vitals?" she asked unexpectedly, minutes from town.

"No," he said instantly. She tried to hide her disappointment, but the tiny huff of her chest was enough for him to see it.

"Write in the information in the charts?" she tried again.

"No."

"All right."

Edward spent the afternoon in the corner of the clinic, keeping an eye on Bella and the rest of the staff. He refused to hide away in the fucking room again, not knowing what was happening. He did grab a book to keep him company. There had been a copy of _Catcher in the Rye _in Alec's office_, _but since he started reading that again with Bella, he knew he couldn't finish it without her.

Stupid, he knew, but it was what he felt.

That night, she sat in the chair by his bed, reading to him. As her voice lulled him to sleep, his eyes snapped open the moment he realized she did not join him in bed, and once again, left without a word.

~oOo~

The following morning's swim lesson was another panic-inducing one, and the most enlightening since they started. Instead of Emmett taking a quick dip in the pool, it had been Rosalie while Edward was in the water. Though he was fucking scared as he stood chest deep in the water, he didn't start to experience panic until Bella walked toward the pool.

Why did he panic when she was near? He didn't understand it.

That afternoon, after he insisted on going to the clinic again despite his panic attack, he grabbed a chart three hours after they arrived. He was fucking capable of writing down shit; he'd only done it out of boredom.

That night, Bella and Edward, played a game of pool in the media room. She kicked his ass three out of five games, but her ass was a distraction, he couldn't help it.

They walked toward his room, exhaustion making him yawn. "Get some rest," Bella said. "We have a big day since it's Saturday."

"What happens on a Saturday?"

She laughed, smirking. "Laundry day," she said as he groaned. He walked into his room to find the bed made with new sheets, blankets, and pillows.

"Oh thank fuck," he grumbled, flopping down on the bed. "Who knew I'd miss things like a fucking pillow."

"I did, asshole," Bella said as she grabbed a book from his nightstand.

Ass side up, he turned his head enough from the pillow to peek at her with one eye. "Why did I get that punishment and the cold water anyway?"

He wanted her to admit he'd hurt her with his words. Why, he didn't know.

"You didn't do the dishes twice," she stated, shrugging. "Your bathroom was a fucking mess. Things that I told you were you responsible for since the beginning. I warned you that there would be consequences if you didn't do your chores. I'm not going to hold your hand and remind you every time, that's your responsibility."

She had given him a razor and shaving cream a couple days earlier, and he left his clipped hair and all over the sink. It was gross and he did know better than to expect a maid around there. He hated cleaning.

She added, "You were listening on a private conversation, too."

"Hey, your friends here do it, too."

"No camera records any longer," she said. "I eliminated voice while the crew keeps an eye on us, unless you use the intercom they won't be able to hear you. So, if you need someone's attention and can't get to the door, wave like crazy."

His brow furrowed. "That sounds dangerous."

"Yeah, well, Jasper is still on my shit list for listening in on our conversation that night by the pool."

"Fucking asshole," Edward growled, his fist clenching at his side.

"They're supposed to turn down the volume while I'm talking with one of you after the first week. You know the whole patient-doctor confidentiality thing."

"That's appreciated, but like I said, that can be dangerous."

Bella nodded. "We'll use hand signals, if needed."

Good, Edward thought. Unable to keep his yawn at bay, Bella insisted on him getting some sleep. From the look of her eyes and the circles that surrounded them, she needed some, too.

"You going to read to me?" he asked, patting the spot beside him on the bed. Thought he'd try it even though he didn't deserve anything from her.

"Nice try," she said, handing him the book. "Don't stay up too late."

"You're not locking me in?" he asked when he noticed she hadn't taken her keys out.

She looked over her shoulder and shook her head. "No. Anyway, you can't leave using any of the outer doors."

"So, I'm still a prisoner," he stated, rubbing the tip of his chin with his middle finger. As she left, she sang a soft "goodnight."

Edward couldn't understand why she continued to talk to him, as if he hadn't done or said things that were horrible. He fell back on his pillow, staring at the ceiling and wondered how much abuse he could throw her way before she finally hated him. And he thought that maybe it was for the best.

~oOo~

Swim lessons the following day were a revelation for Edward. "I don't fucking get it!" he panted from one of the lounge chairs. The panic had receded, but his heart rate and blood pressure still raced.

Bella didn't say a word, only slowly stroked his arm, taking his hand in hers from where she sat beside him. "When did you feel the panic set in?"

His eyes lifted to hers, trying to remember. "I-I think when you were in the water."

She seemed confused by a second. "I was in the water for most of the five minutes, Edward. That can't be it."

Edward realized she knew exactly when he started to panic; she only wanted him to figure it out on his own. He thought back to the first time she'd put her feet in the water the day before. The panic didn't start until Rosalie had left from her quick swim.

Bella caught his attention again with a squeeze of her hand. "You didn't get this bad when Rosalie took a swim the other day."

He shook his head. "She looks like she could take care of herself."

Was that really it? He thought it could be. It made sense to him. Emmett swimming alone didn't bother him much, either.

She cocked an eyebrow. "And I don't?"

_No. _"Fuck if I know!"

Why wouldn't she just tell him what _she _thought? Instead of doing that, she asked him another question, one that was completely off topic. Or was it?

"Why don't you want to be a doctor anymore?"

Edward had waited for her to ask that question. He'd even come up with shit answers to give her that would either piss her off or she'd misdiagnose him. Yet, as she fingered some of his sweat-slicked hair from his forehead and met his gaze, he knew he couldn't lie to her.

"I don't want the responsibility of another life in my hands."

His gaze couldn't remain on her, not with those deep brown eyes that could easily read a person's soul on him. At least, what was left of his soul, she'd have to squint to see the tiny fragments that remained.

She said nothing again for a while, playing with the fingers of his hand still encased in hers. How could something so fucking small, still feel so big and important to him? Where was she when she thought so hard? What was she thinking about him, them?

When she looked up at him again, he allowed his gaze to linger. Pink lips, slightly chapped, begged him to test their softness, taste their cherry flavor lingering there. She'd been carrying a chapstick for days now, and whenever she put some on, he wanted to kiss it off.

"Say something," he asked. In the time he'd been there, over two weeks, he never asked her to talk to him. If she wanted to, she'd do it. If he told her to shut up, she'd done it. He asked her to talk for the first time, needing to hear her words. Instead, she gave his words back to him.

"You don't want the responsibility of another life in your hands."

The repetition of those words allowed them to penetrate through the chaotic thoughts that still raged in his mind. They were on opposite sides of the spectrum, no fucking middle ground and that often left him on uneven terrain.

He wanted saving.

He wanted to forget in the nearest bottle of alcohol.

There was no middle about his addiction.

It was a mixed bag of emotions. It often caused him to say the worst shit imaginable and hurt those around him. Bella wasn't the first. Alice had been at the end of his shitty attitude, too. Yet, there were times he was capable of so much more, love and tenderness, but could he really give that to those who deserve it.

His mind wandered to an hour earlier. He caught Bella asleep, on her side, in a lounge chair after his morning run.

Emmett skipped his morning cool down in the pool, favoring his right side for some reason. He'd gone straight to his building, for his wife.

Edward skirted the pool, making his way toward his harpy. Since the night of the incident, she hadn't slept in his bed. It was obvious in the last few days that she'd been losing sleep, though; the dark circles under her eyes were a telltale sign of that.

She was dressed in a black bikini, not the itty-bitty kind with miniscule strings holding it together. The one she wore was more conservative, but still sexy as hell. Her ass looked amazing in it. He couldn't resist.

While she slept, cautious and aware, he swept the palm of his hand from the top of her knee and along her thigh, and up the curve of her hip with a feather light touch. Her skin was smooth and hot beneath his hand. The color of his skin was only a shade darker than her lightly sun-kissed color.

_Fuck, she's beautiful._

Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, and he could see that she was listening to music. An ear bud and the wire were visible from under the wealth of her dark hair. He glanced over her body, picking up the iPod to see what she was listening to, Ho Hey by the Lumineers. He smiled then and put it back down beside her, lightly tapping a few fingers over her navel.

His hand moved back to her hip, lingering too long. He knew, yet he couldn't move away from her.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked from behind him. Edward sighed, knowing that he'd have to face the fucker sometime.

"Checking what she's listening to," he said with a shrug. He gave her hip one last swirl of his thumb before he rose to his feet, a bottle of sunscreen in his hand. The one he grabbed from beside the mp3 player. "And I was grabbing this." It was the truth, just not all of it.

"What's going on?" Bella asked, her voice still thick from sleep. Edward couldn't help the groan that escaped as she stretched like a little kitten on the lounger. Long legs shifting from side to side, arms stretched overhead, and her breast thrust high in the air. She was trying to kill him.

"Jasper just got here," Edward answered, having to clear his throat once. "Wanted to know what I was doing."

"Oh," she said, rubbing one of her eyes with a small fist. "I'm sorry. Give me a few minutes to wake up before we start."

"I'm in no hurry," he stated and watched as she walked over to the pool to splash her face with water. Edward's hands started to sweat, much like the first time he'd seen her so close the pool's edge.

"How about I join you?" Jasper said, already dropping his jeans to reveal some swim trunks.

"Whatever," Edward hissed, having forgotten that the asshole was still there. "The minute you say something to make fun of me, I'll crack that jaw of yours." Jasper gave him a smile that was both menacing and placating. He wanted to knock in his teeth, anyway.

"He would never do that, Edward," Bella stated from beside him. "If he did, _I'd _kick his ass."

"I might be an asshole from time to time, but I would never make fun of someone having a panic attack."

Edward growled, "Like you don't enjoy watching me breakdown."

Jasper shook his head. "No, I don't. I've had a several bad ones myself. So no, it's not fun to watch someone go through that, even if he's an asshole."

Edward tried to ignore him as Bella grabbed the timer and then it hit him as he watched her ass in that butt-hugging bikini. She wasn't wearing shorts like those she usually wore; she was dressed to get in the water.

"You're getting in the water, aren't you?" Edward gasped, rubbing at his chest. Bella turned at met his gaze as she tied her hair into a ponytail.

"I was planning on it, that's why Jasper is here."

Edward swallowed. He wanted to scream at her for putting him in that position. There was no way he'd tell her to stop with that asshole Jasper around. She had to know that. What kind of game was she playing?

He only nodded in response, removing his t-shirt. Jasper was doing the same and he couldn't help but stare. The man was covered in burn scars, from the bottom of his pectoral muscles, down to the waistline of his shorts.

"I'm not that pretty, Edward," Jasper said with a grin. "These are the scars I bear. The fire that caused them and the loss of my family was why Bella came to get me."

"You got into drugs," Edward said. "The pain had to be horrible."

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, and that's why I got addicted. After I was better, I kept taking them to erase the memories. Its hard to get over seeing your mother burn alive."

"Jesus," Edward hissed. "Why are you telling me this?"

Jasper shrugged. "We don't lie here, like Bella and the others said. Plus, I hoped it would explain why I was asshole the other day."

Edward shook his head. "I thought that was your lovely personality."

The man before him laughed. "Maybe, but I can see a lot of me in you. At least, the way you acted when you first arrived."

"It would take an asshole to recognize an asshole." The easy smile that came then was genuine.

They heard a sniffle and they turned to see Bella wipe away imaginary tears. "Are we going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya next? The bromance developing between you is so thick, I can't see through it."

"Fuck you, Swan," Jasper said with a roll of his eyes.

"Kiss my ass, 3B."

"3B?" Jasper said to Edward, looking confused.

Edward grinned. "Bubble Butt Bella."

There was a twitch of Jasper's lips, and then a heave of the man's chest before a torrent of laughter left him.

Bella groaned. "You are both assholes!"

"I'm not going to deny that—" Edward said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Jasper is still an asshole."

Jasper clapped Edward's shoulder, making his skin sting. Thankfully, he managed to keep the wince from his face. "And this asshole will still kick your ass if you ever hurt Bella again."

Their eyes met, green to blue. An understanding between them was clear, an unspoken agreement. They didn't want something bad to happen to Bella. Edward just needed the reminder every now and then. Jasper would make sure that he would never forget that promise their gaze had made in a space of a few seconds.

"Let's go for a swim." Jasper dove into the water. As he surfaced, he splashed Bella and Edward. "I'm certified lifeguard, just like Emmett. Nothing will happen to either of you while I'm here."

Edward nodded, his heart pounding again. He slipped into the water, wading until it was chest deep and dove underwater. He surfaced at the deep end of the pool, holding onto the wall. His hands ached from the hold as Bella swam toward him.

He wasn't panicking. It made no sense to him. Jasper started to do some laps as Bella met him at the other end. Her eyes were wide, her smile small, though.

"How are you doing?"

"I think I'm okay."

"I think you are, too," she murmured. Taking his hand, she led him away from the wall. "See we're swimming together."

"I don't understand."

"Not yet, but I think you will."

"My heart still races when you're in the pool."

Edward wasn't stupid. He knew from all the prior experiences that what made him nervous now wasn't the memories from the day Nessie drowned, at least not anymore. It was when Bella was too close to the pool or tried to go into the water. He was afraid to figure out why and the fact that he seemed okay with her in the pool, swimming beside him, his previous theory was proven wrong.

He was starting to believe that he was scared and prone to panic because he cared for her. He didn't react as strongly to Emmett or Rosalie swimming, just Bella.

"Do you want to try to stretch the five minutes?" she asked, bringing him from his thoughts.

Edward only nodded, finally finding the ability to focus on her and only her. The water was up to her neck, her hair slicked back, and for the first time, he was able to make out a small galaxy of freckles below the bridge of her nose. It spread to the tops of her flushed cheeks. His eyes roamed down further, searching for more. On her shoulder was a trio of freckles that he wanted to taste desperately.

"You need to stop looking at me like that," she said softly.

"Like what?" Edward wanted to know what she felt right then.

"As if I'm something to eat," she replied, turning away to give her more cover.

"Pretty sure, despite the chlorine, you'd taste very good."

"That can't happen," she said, looking over her shoulder. The trio he admired earlier was still visible with her back facing him. He lifted his hand and skimmed a finger over them.

"Don't," she whispered. Before Edward could respond, the timer went off. A few things happened after so quickly, his head spun.

First, Jasper lifted himself out of the pool and made his way into the building. Second, Bella swam more than an arm's length away from him. Finally, his heart rate shot up and his vision blurred; it was the onset of a panic attack.

"Where did you go?" Bella asked, bringing Edward out of his memories.

"I only panic when we're left alone."

"I wasn't sure, at first, but yes. I think so."

"You've been testing your theory all along," he said, his hand still in hers.

"At first, I thought it was anyone in the pool," she said, looking away for a moment. "But then you didn't react in the same manner with Emmett, Rosalie, or even Jasper. Only me."

"I thought it was because we were close," he murmured, hating that he had to admit that.

"For a while, I thought the same, until I figured out that you get anxious when we're alone near the pool. It's when you would be the only one to save me if something should happen. Like earlier. You didn't panic even though I was in the water with you. Not until Jasper left."

"I'm scared to be responsible for any life, even in a pool."

Bella nodded. "I think the memories of your sister's death makes swimming and pools in general worse than other instances. As you said, you don't want to responsible for a patient. You feel their life would be in your hands."

His brow furrowed as something else popped into his mind. "That might also explain why I refuse to drive with anyone else in a car."

"That's something I didn't know. It would make sense that, subconsciously, anything that would make you feel like you're responsible for someone would make you nervous."

"I guess now you're going to ask me about Kate. The patient I lost and the reason I walked away from my residency."

She squeezed his hand again. "Not yet. The last hour has been hard enough for you."

He said nothing to that and looked away. "How am I supposed to get over something like this?"

"One step at a time," she stated.

"The swim sessions will continue."

"Yes."

He sighed, looking at her again, his eyes roaming over her body. "It's not exactly a hardship." She rolled her eyes, handing him a bottle of water. "Are we going to the clinic?" It was the last day, so he was positive she would want to go.

"The choice is yours today."

"Let's go."

* * *

**AN: There were quite a few people that thought she shouldn't have punished him in the last chapter. I'm glad I wrote that note at the bottom of that chapter, it might have been worse. I hope I explained why she punished him and that it was justified to HER. Remember her methods are different so I'm sure I'll hit a few nerves as I continue. I'm okay with that. Also, I added quite a few things to this chapter after it was betaed. All those mistakes are my fault and not my wonderful beta. Okay, I'll go back to no AN's now. ;)**


	19. The Guilt

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Nineteen—The Guilt **

* * *

As Edward sat beside Bella in her truck on the way to Garza, he seemed preoccupied with his thoughts. Not that she blamed him. He was going through a roller coaster of emotions, while he hung upside down, as she battered him with questions and tasks. It was necessary, but he appeared exhausted.

It was all to show him that there was more to life than his addiction, that he was more than an addict, and capable of so much.

The questions, the discussions about their pasts, were a part of helping him discover who he was again. His addiction caused him to lose himself to its destructive seduction, allowing it to define him. His memories, the good and the bad, almost seemed to lift some of the weight off his shoulders.

She knew early on that the only way to get anything out of Edward besides the vitriol he usually spewed was to talk about herself. He was very tit-for-tat, which shouldn't have surprised her.

It had, though, because she thought he would be reluctant as hell. She decided then that by the end of the following week, he'd be on her couch instead of poolside…maybe. It all depended on him and the fact that her asshole brother was coming, who would undoubtedly scare Edward shitless.

She did not understand why her brother intimidated anyone, since he was a marshmallow. One cock of her brow or puppy dog eyes and he was putty in her hands. She banished her thoughts on James and focused again on Edward.

There was still a lot to work through; including the reason why he turned to alcohol, that eventually led him to his addiction. It was still a mystery. Despite to his earlier revelation, there was more to it.

Losing a patient might have been a catalyst, but not why he remained on the destructive path. She thought it was the guilt associated with his sister's death, but that didn't make much sense. When his sister drowned, her passing would understandably affect him for a long time, but it didn't seem to haunt him until he lost his patient.

From what Bella had read from his records and the info she obtained from Garrett, he was the model son and student after Nessie died. Awards, recognition, and medals dotted his entire academic career.

An online search led to several photos and newspaper articles of some of his achievements. He set up a fundraising drive when he moved to Washington to raise money to give free swimming lessons to children in the town. It was a big success, enough that neighboring cities became involved.

He was only eleven years old.

As statewide summer temperatures started to climb, so did the number of pool owners. The Nessie's Water Angels Foundation now helped thirty-four cities and towns in Washington and Oregon with state certified trainers that volunteered their time.

Edward had stepped back from the foundation when he started high school, and according to a newspaper article, he did so to focus on school. Alice took over as the face and spokesperson, as did his mother; their parents had helped from the beginning.

It was an outstanding accomplishment for such a young man, and something he should be proud of, yet he always brushed it off during school paper interviews.

A little more sleuthing and Bella uncovered that he never seemed to go near a pool while he created and worked for the foundation. He always managed to stay away, even in pictures, so the fear of the pool was probably problematic since then, but it seemed to have increased after he lost his patient.

Why?

It would be next to impossible for her to get the records of Kate's death, but not for his uncle or father. Thinking of his family made her remember she still had to tell him about Garrett.

"There's something I need to tell you," she said, looking out at the road ahead.

"That sounds fucking ominous," he grunted from where he sat. She saw from the corner of her eye that he was watching her. "Just spit it out."

"I told you that Alice made the call for me to help you."

"Yeah, I remember," he said, his eyes narrowing. "You didn't lie, did you?"

She gave him a small reassuring smile. "Do you remember what happened that night Alice found you?"

Edward rolled his eyes and shrugged, answering, "Just bits and pieces. I can't get her screaming out of my head."

Bella swore under her breath. Maybe it wasn't the right time. "Never mind, we'll talk about it later."

"No, how about now," he growled.

She pulled over at the side of the road and hopped out, not bothering to explain or wait for him. He'd follow. With a flick of her wrist and fingers, she dropped the tailgate of her truck down and prayed that no one would see them and decide to investigate.

That would be dangerous.

"Hurry up, slowpoke," she teased as Edward dragged his feet to join her, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. "We don't have a lot of time and I thought I'd save myself the heart attack I'd have from seeing you jump out of the truck again." She hid her smile as the tips of his ears reddened.

"So whatever you have to say might piss me off," he stated firmly. "_Great_. That's the best kind of discussion."

She bumped her shoulder against his and as if he had just become aware of their close proximity, he stilled for only a moment and then scooted closer. She ignored the way he took a deep breath, as if breathing her in, it was tough to keep her shiver at bay.

There was no need to beat around the bush, she had to come out and tell him. "I've known your uncle, Garrett, for a long time, Edward."

He hadn't expected that, she was positive; the way he froze was a clear indication. "For the love of God, tell me you did not sleep with my uncle!"

Her eyes widened, taking in the comical look of horror on his face. His lips twisted to a grimace and his eyes were like saucers, his bushy eyebrows almost raised enough to reach his hairline.

"No!" She shook her head along with her answer. "Will you stop jumping to conclusions? Please."

Edward exhaled sharply, rubbing at his chest with his right hand. Her eyes lingered on the move, since she'd seen him do it more than once. Was something wrong with him? Rosalie and Alec gave him a clean bill of health the day before. Even his clap had cleared up.

Before she could think to ask, Edward waved his hands in the air. "What did you expect with a start like that?"

She cocked her head to one side, watching him carefully. "That maybe I worked with him before, considering he was a college counselor."

Edward's shoulders slumped. "Oh."

"Look, let me just get this out before you go accusing me of anything else," she said, bumping his shoulder again. A twitch of his lips turned into a smile as he peeked at her from under dark lashes, before he leaned against her shoulder more.

"I think I can keep up."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "He helped me through some tough times at school. I was home sick, missed my mother, still dealing with her suicide. I talked, and he listened. Your uncle is a very Mr. Miyagi kind of person. He made me work on things that distracted me enough so that I'd talk without even realizing it."

"Sort of like you do," Edward whispered.

Bella smiled. "Yes. After a year, I told him what I wanted to do, help addicts, help others in general as he did for me. He was all for it, encouraging me to change my major. I came back after a summer stay at home and told him what I did for my father."

"Your father?" he asked. She detected the edge to his voice, but replied anyway.

"Charlie turned to the bottle after my mom died." She sighed and unable to help it, she laid her head on Edward's shoulder. He shifted enough to make it more comfortable without a word of complaint. "I would come back home for every holiday, seeing him get worse with each visit. The summer after my first year, I came back to get my father clean."

"What did my uncle say after you told him about your father?" His voice was whisper soft as a breeze of welcomed cool air caused her hair to whip around them for a few seconds. She felt his fingers against her temple as he tried to tame them.

_One more second, _she told herself before she moved away. She kept a small smile on her face as she answered his question. "He told me it was dangerous and that I should know better. After scolding me for ten minutes, he hugged me and said he was proud of me."

Edward laughed. "Sounds like him." His brow furrowed. "I'm glad you had someone there for you when you needed it."

"He has been like a mentor since then," she said, swinging her legs back and forth. "He's the one that asked me to consider taking you on."

For several moments, Edward said and did nothing. He surprised her. She thought he'd yell at her or something.

"You helped Katherine, didn't you?" he asked.

"I did." Katherine Wilder was Garrett's long time, off and on again girlfriend.

"Does he help you find others like me?" Bella nodded, waiting for him to continue. It took a minute…or three. "I know he was there when Alice found me in the garage." He looked toward the barren, desert-like landscape, shaking his head after a few seconds. "He was so angry."

"He was scared."

He said nothing for a few minutes. Time wasn't on their side as the sun overhead started to burn. Edward would need a little time to digest everything he learned that day.

Bella needed to get them in the truck again and to Garza before Alec flipped his head. She hopped off the tailgate and dusted the back of her shorts with her hands. When she looked to Edward, she wasn't too surprised to find his gaze on her ass. She rolled her eyes and punched his arm, making him wince. She grinned.

He laughed. "Want to dust off my ass for me, 3B?"

"No," she grunted and pushed him off the truck. Edward continued to laugh as he lifted the tailgate into place. "Let's go before we burn out here." Rubbing her neck, she grimaced at the sweat already there.

They both moved toward their doors, Edward pounded his fist on the truck to get her attention before she could get inside. Their eyes met, neither said a word for a bit, before he cracked an uneasy smile. "I'm glad he called you."

Her eyes widened, not expecting that at all, but managed to keep her face_ mostly_ neutral. "Good."

His half smile turned to a smirk. "And you missed a spot, Bubble Butt."

With that said, he hopped into the passenger side and slammed the door closed behind him. She stood still, stunned from his confession before she turned to look at her ass. Sure enough, she had indeed missed a spot. She could hear his laughter from inside the truck.

Ignoring it, she finished dusting her ass, cursing the layer of dust that always seemed to cover everything. She looked up, her eyes squinting at the dark figure coming from miles down the lonely road behind them. It was a beast of a truck, black, as the heat waves from the asphalt gave it the appearance of a mirage.

It wasn't one. She cursed again and jumped into the truck, peeling out onto the road within seconds.

"Oh man," Edward hissed, still laughing as she checked the rearview mirror. "You should've seen how you looked, like a puppy chasing her tail."

"I did not!" She glared at him, taking one more peek at a mirror. "I didn't even make a quarter turn to look, you ass."

"Nope, it was a total full circle." He laughed it up as she breathed a sigh as she put more asphalt between her truck and the vehicle probably miles behind them by now.

It was never a good idea to be on the side of the road in Mexico, ever.

~oOo~

Bella did her best to ignore Edward as he tapped some nameless tune on a rolling stool he sat on. Long, strong fingers moved quickly, as they moved to the beat in his head right beneath his crotch.

_Motherfucker, _she internally cursed as she attempted to keep her gaze from following the rhythm. The tiny dimple in his cheek was a clean indication that he caught her staring more than once.

Did he need to make it harder? One more look said, no. She growled at herself and tossed the magazine on the exam table to grab a book instead.

Before they even made it out of her truck once they reached the clinic, they were ushered toward the imaging mobile unit by Heidi and Emmett. They had to stay in a room because two children came in with the chicken pox and had to wait for the filters to clean up the air for at least three hours. It was just her luck that she and Edward were the only two people on the staff that never gotten the childhood disease or the vaccine.

"How much longer?" she asked, groaning as she laid her forehead on the desk.

"It's been ten minutes," Edward teased as he wiggled his eyebrows. "But if you need something to do to pass the time." He slipped the button of his jeans off. She glared and tossed the book at his head. "Fuck," he hissed, rubbing his forehead with his middle finger. "I had no idea you were capable of such violence." The fucker grinned at her, licking his lips. "I kind of like it."

It couldn't be helped. She rolled her eyes skyward and tried to count to ten. As if he could read her mind, he started whispering random numbers. Blindly, she reached for something else to throw at him.

"Okay, okay. I'll shut up."

She sighed and rubbed her temples. Focused on the headache that was minutes from becoming a full-blown migraine, she hadn't noticed Edward as he rolled from his corner of the room. She startled as he silently took over. Before she could utter a protest, she was putty under the firm and perfect pressure of his fingertips.

"You work too hard," he murmured, his breath dancing along her neck and shoulder.

"It's the assholes I see daily," she said, smiling as he laughed.

"Considering that fucker Emmett made me run two fucking miles today, I agree that he's an asshole." He chuckled. "And we know that Jasper is one, too."

She couldn't help the giggle that slipped. Edward paused for some reason, resuming his massage a few seconds later. She breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that being friendly with him wouldn't bite her in the ass more than it had.

"Why didn't you punish me for what _I_ said and did the other day?"

The question tinged with the slightest of fear, but there was anger when he referred to himself. Was that the reason why he asked why she had punished him? Did he believe that was the reason before?

She pulled away enough to look over his shoulder. The furrow of his brow ruined his attempt at keeping his emotions from showing.

"You were being honest, Edward," she replied, pulling away further. "I would never punish honesty and I knew working at the clinic or with patients would be hard for you. I went in expecting nothing."

He cursed, looking away.

"Hey," she said, grabbing his hand before he rolled on too far. "I know you don't like me saying that, but it's the truth. I won't sugarcoat shit for you."

"I never asked for this shit," he groaned, finally looking up at her. "I thought you were pissed for what I said."

She smiled at him, rubbing her thumb along his wrist. "It was bothering you, so you asked?" He nodded. "And it's still bothering you, even though I told you why?"

"I don't fucking understand why you didn't!"

"Do you think that maybe you deserved to be punished?" She winced, realizing she could've worded that better.

"Are you going to spank me, 3B?" He was teasing her, but the tightening of his fingers told her it was a distraction. When she kept her face passive and neutral, he dropped his head and groaned. "Maybe."

"Why?"

"I was a fucking asshole to you and that kid!" He rose to his feet, pulling his hand from hers away hard and fast. His fingers went to his shirt and rubbed the center of his chest.

"Maybe that's why it was eating at you," she suggested.

"I'm not just talking about the fucking crap I said at dinner that I was glad it wasn't me the gun was pointing at. I'm talking about what I said at Pedro's, too."

She nodded and watched him pace. He hated to shoulder the responsibility of a life. That was something they learned earlier that morning.

Was that the reason he felt about saying what he did at dinner? Did he think that because he was in the same room with her that he felt that he was responsible if something had happened?

"How can you not be pissed at me?"

"I've had some pretty bad things said to me before," she offered him. "It goes in one ear, rattles around for a few seconds and out the other." Her lips twisted when he started to tug at his hair. "I'm trying to understand why you feel you need to be punished for what you said at Pedro's and at dinner."

"I feel fucking guilty, maybe! I don't fucking know."

Her eyebrows rose as she took in his agonized expression. "Guilty because you thought you made me feel bad?"

"I lied," he grumbled, his back to her as his shoulders fell in defeat. "I fucking lied to you after you promised you wouldn't lie to me."

"You lied?"

He nodded as his arms rose, and his fingers intertwining behind his head. "I know nothing can fucking happen between us now, Bella. That's why I said that shit when we were out the other day."

All the air exhaled sharply from her lungs, she covered it up with a cough just in time. He swirled to face her, her composure already returned.

"I haven't been that fucking scared in such a long time. When Nessie died, I didn't have a chance to feel fear, and I reacted. I did what I had to do so we wouldn't grow closer. And before, when I saw that gun on you, I just fucking stood there like I had done when Kate fucking died!"

He started to curse again, hands and fingers harshly twisting in his hair. She ran to him, her arms sliding around him from behind. With gentle coaxing, she slowly brought them to their knees. His breathing was hard and labored as he tried to pull himself together, her fingers working to pull his from his hair.

His guilt for lying to her, for hurting her, had him wanting the punishment. When she hadn't given it to him for the reason, he wanted her anger. Did he expect it? Why did he want it so badly?

The reason was something they would have to work through together. She had to learn what happened when Kate died. It was too important not to make the calls, fuck her usual protocol of no family contact for the first month. She had already blown that, days after his arrival.

"Edward, let go of your hair." She kept her voice firm, but soft, punctuating each word so that he'd know she was serious. It wasn't enough. "Edward!" His hands stilled and then they fell on his knees. As he started to mumble something, she couldn't catch. Her knees hurt like a bitch due to an old injury, so she maneuvered them to sit.

He'd been through an early morning run, two panic attacks, and a revelation of sorts all in one day. The emotional and physical toll was too much for him. He held onto her arms, his nails biting to her skin. She loosened her hold, and he accommodated her by doing the same. The sting lessened as he continued to mumble incoherencies.

"Edward, what are you saying?"

"Not ready to talk about Kate," he hissed, his breathing started to rise again. She didn't ask again, or for clarification. He'd been through enough that day already. What he needed from her was support and comfort.

His voice was rough as he whispered, "I'm sorry."

_Oh, Edward. _

"I'm so sorry." Edward started to rock himself, his fingers intertwining with hers right over his chest. He rubbed harshly over his heart. "I'm sorry. You're all jumbled in my head." He continued to chant apologetic words, to the ghosts of his of past and maybe to himself.

Bella felt the way his back heaved as he struggled to breathe against her chest. "Edward, breathe." When she tried to give him more room, his breathing doubled in speed. She kept him close and knew he'd pass out soon if she couldn't help him through his panic attack. No one was near enough to offer assistance.

Later, she would tell herself she did it because it was the only thing to do. At that moment in time, none of that came to mind. Only that it hurt to see him like that, so she pressed her lips to his jaw, following the sharp angle with more kisses.

Her heart whispered, _no regrets._


	20. The Little Patient

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Twenty—The Little Patient**

* * *

Alec found Edward and Bella asleep on the floor, her arms wrapped around Edward's chest from behind. From the dried tear tracks on their cheeks, visible due to the layer of dust that coated everything around Garza, they had a tough session.

Bella was anything but conventional. A patient, friend, addict, whatever she wanted to call them, never knew when they were on her metaphorical couch.

Playing pool in the game/media room was a look into Edward's habits in an environment that resembled a bar and a place usually associated with social drinking. Did Edward associate playing pool with alcohol? The nervous tap of his fingers on the table, on the pool stick, the way his eyes darted to the mini refrigerator in the corner of the room as if he could open it with his mind.

It was a way for her to see how he'd do outside of the walls of the clinic and in certain scenarios.

It was too soon to put him out there, she knew that, but she needed to see how he did—a reference. Before he left the facility, she would continue to see how he'd do and compare as the weeks go by.

Alec had been there that night, laughing it up with Edward and the others. It was fun and the man knew how to play damn good pool. However, Bella often distracted him even though she did nothing to garner his attention. She'd roll her eyes at some lame joke or bat her lashes at one of the others and his gaze was on her. She'd laugh and his ears perked up to listen. She'd do a victory dance after sinking a ball and his whole body would visibly stiffen.

To Alec, that was not a good thing. He'd seen first hand how an addict could trade one addiction for another. He didn't want that for Edward and certainly not for Bella. She was in over her head, so he didn't regret making the call to her father and brother days earlier. If she found out, she'd kick his ass, but for both her sake and Edward's, he'd make sure they'd be nothing but friends—for now.

Later, months, possibly even years from now, maybe they could come together again. Who knew how long it would be, since it would be up to them, as it should be. Though, he didn't think it would take that long. He left them to sleep since he knew they hadn't gotten much in the last few nights.

~oOo~

_An hour later_

For the last ten minutes, Edward had been awake. He hadn't moved a muscle, knowing that if he did, Bella would pull away. Instead, he used the limited time to feel, to drop the walls that he constructed around him over the years.

The feel of her hand on his chest was warm and heavy. A weight he wasn't sure he could carry, not without risking her heart, too. Did she feel the way his heart raced beneath her palm? The t-shirt he wore was thin, as was hers. It allowed him to feel her soft breasts against his back.

If he pressed against her, he was sure he'd feel her heart beat in her chest. He didn't dare. There was the long stretch of her thigh lined up with the back of his, the warmth beyond incredible. Her hair was loose, some of it draping across his arm as if she had been hovering over him as he tried to calm down.

What surprised him more was the fact that his body wasn't responding to her sexually. No, the response was due to the comfort he felt with her close, with her arms wrapped around him. Even the kisses that she trailed along his jaw hours earlier did nothing more than break through the dark that started to consume him.

The panic started to recede under her soft murmurs, the brush of her fingertips along his face, and the press of her lips. It was when he felt her tears saturate his shirt that, instead of holding it in, he let go.

They cried together until exhaustion from lack of sleep caught up with them. He begged her not to let go, even as his eyes closed and she hadn't. She remained there beside him.

"Ow, ow, ow," Edward heard the soft curses from behind him. Fucking hell, his neck hurt like hell and his back wasn't much better. If he was hurting that bad, she had to be worse since he was lying on her arm. "Edward?"

_Don't cross that fine line, _he reminded himself. To do that, he had to be an ass.

He feigned a sleepy groan and arched his back away from Bella. "Fuck, 3B, I'm not into pegging. Get off my ass!"

"What the fuck?" she hissed. The hand on his chest slapped him and she pinched and twisted his nipple.

"Fucking hell, woman!"

Before either of them could get off the floor, the door to the room flew open with Emmett on the other side. The worried look on his face morphed into a Cheshire like smile. "I thought I had to save you, Bells." Then he set his baby blue eyes on Edward. "That was you screaming like a little bitch?"

Edward flipped him off as he sat up, rubbing at his aching nipple. "She suddenly turned six and twisted my nipple. She can't keep her hands off me." He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

Bella, who had been glaring at him, jumped up and stomped toward Emmett. "I better not fucking get chicken pox, Emmy!"

Emmett kept smiling a comeback on the tip of his tongue, but before he unleashed it, his gaze fell on Bella's sweet face. The bags under her eyes that everyone was concerned about earlier were gone; in their place were dried tears. His eyes lifted to Edward's and found a similar look. He softened the smirk on his face before he replied to the one of the few people he could count on—Bella.

He loved her like a little sister, and would do anything for her. Even save her from herself. He wasn't in agreement with the others who mostly all thought that Bella and Edward could never be together. It might not be the right time for something to happen between them, but eventually, Edward's heart would be strong enough to hold her soul as she carried his in hers.

It might have been too late, though. From the corner of his eye, he could see the way Edward watched her. He hung on every word as she asked for a run down of the day in the clinic so far. His eyes roamed over all of her, but came to rest on her face. It wasn't sexual, it more like assessing and making sure she was all right, as she rubbed her shoulder and shook out an arm.

An asshole that was only after her body wouldn't bother with that shit.

Was it the same for Bella already? Emmett wasn't sure yet. She wasn't one to wear her emotions on her sleeve, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her cry. She saw and heard a lot of shit and it had to get to her, despite what she said.

Emmett had tried to convince her that this had to be the last one for the year. Usually, she tried to take two to three repeaters a year to Mexico and over a dozen first timers in Montana. She spent hours every week talking to sponsors, doctors, and former clients who needed the extra push to get through the day. She was spreading herself too thin and she needed a longer break than two fucking weeks in August.

From his contact in Nuevo Leon, Carlos was on the move again and that was not good for them. They had the money to pay for his "protection service fee," but the man was greedy and he had a hard on for Bella. It was a good thing that James and eventually Charlie would be joining them.

He'd pull her aside later and tell her about what he'd heard.

As he told her about the run down for the last few hours, she listened and helped come up with a few solutions to some problems with some of the locals. "Sounds good, boss," he said, moving toward the door again. "Before we go out there, you two might want to clean up."

He left them with that said and heard a soft curse from Bella and Edward's much louder one as he walked out.

~oOo~

Edward stared in the mirror, taking in his reflection in a bathroom down the hall from one of the x-ray rooms. "Fucking hell," he hissed as he rubbed his hand over his face. Under his slightly red eyes was the evidence of his weakness. It was one thing for Bella to witness it, but different when Emmett had seen them, too.

Would he think he was weak, too?

"Thank fuck it wasn't Jasper," he told himself, shaking his head as he turned on the faucet. He hissed when the cold water hit his face. He needed to wake up, and not just from the exhaustion that claimed him after a run through hell kind of day it had been, but from the bubble he allowed himself to linger in while he'd been in Bella's arms.

They couldn't be together.

_Yet._

He ignored the quick thought and dried up, wanting to see Bella before the wall around her became as thick as his. As he exited the men's room, he bumped into his little harpy. He expected the hard ass he'd come to know in the last few weeks. Instead, what he saw took him by surprise.

Her hair was in a high ponytail, face fresh and bright, with eyes that matched and a smile that reached her fucking ears. His natural instinct was to step back, because he didn't know this Bella. He stepped closer instead, unable to deny the pull toward her. She looked carefree and youthful, the exact opposite of what he felt like. That was until he saw her.

The confusion on his face melted into a big goofy smile. "You ready?" he asked her, holding out his arm for her to take. She rolled her eyes and looped hers through it, and together, they walked out of the imaging unit and toward the clinic where a dozen people waited for health care.

An hour later, Edward was suffering from boredom. "If you're so bored, do something," Bella hissed at him, sending him a glare over her shoulder as she answered email in Alec's office.

"I know exactly what I _want _to do…more like _who,_" he said, leering at her. She gave him the bitch brow that she fucking owned because just one cock of it and he wanted to bow down to it. Jesus, that gesture and the glare that accompanied it was ball shriveling. He offered her a small crooked smile that was more apology than she expected because she only rolled her eyes at him and tried not to laugh.

"Then read something," she said, waving her arm toward Alec's bookshelf.

"I read almost every fucking medical journal during the week," he said that was part whine and part sigh. That got her attention, because she swirled around, nearly falling out of the chair. "Whoa," he said as he caught her by her arm and thigh. Their eyes fell to the hand on her leg and it seemed the heat emanating from it intensified. His head lifted to find her watching him.

"You read the medical journals and books," she repeated, asking for clarification.

He shrugged, replying, "What did you expect me to do all day in the room, jack off?"

She slapped his chest, eyes going wide. "No, I don't want you jacking off in here!" Her eyes darted around the room as if she expected to see his come all over the walls or something.

He snickered. She hit him again. Rubbing at the spot, he wiggled his eyebrows. "You'll use any excuse to put your hands on me, 3B." She groaned and lifted her foot to send him rolling on the stool he sat on. It wouldn't be that easy to get away from him since he caught her ankle, nearly pulling off her chair. She cursed him and tried to kick away as he laughed his ass off.

Huffing, she sat back down and sent him another glare. "What I was about to ask you before was why would you read the journals?"

He shrugged again, looking away. "I like to keep up with the latest advancements and new findings." She didn't respond, forcing him to look up. Her eyes weren't on him, but on one of the shelves filled the most current information on heart defects. Not wanting her to dwell on his hobby, he added. "I have an eidetic memory. You know, photographic."

"I read that in your file," she murmured, tapping her chin. "Can you still do that considering the last four years of your life?"

"When I'm sober, sure."

Someone knocked on the office door, preventing her from replying to him. "Come in," she said and waited.

Rosalie poked her head inside, smiling at them both. "The baby, little Maria Isabella has come in for a follow up with her mother."

"Any sign of the father?" Edward said, recognizing the name of the baby the gunman's wife had given birth to almost a week ago. The child bared Bella's first and middle names since she helped with the birth and because she kept her family together. The woman's husband received an insignificant punishment as far as Edward was concerned, because of Bella.

"No, he knows he's not allowed to return here unless he's escorted," Rosalie said. "Emmett had to do a quick supply run, so he left."

"I want to see the baby," Bella stated, pushing past Rosalie. Edward made to follow, but the blonde blood-sucking banshee stopped him.

"What?" Rosalie attempted the bitch brow, but it came off as uppity instead, making Edward roll his eyes. "Nice try, but Bella patented that look and you can't pull it off."

"Whatever," Rosalie stated. "If you're not feeling well and something bothering you, no matter how embarrassing it may be, let me know."

Edward gaped and shook his head. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We noticed you rub your chest from time to time," she said firmly, pointing toward his body. "Does it hurt? Could it be allergies? Is there a cough? Mucus?" She advanced toward him, a blood pressure cuff in her hands.

Edward backed up. "Nothing is fucking wrong!"

"Then why are you rubbing at your damn chest!"

It was clear that the woman would not let him go without an explanation. He couldn't lie about an old medical condition since she would have record of it. And considering that he didn't know why there was a dull ache in his chest, only that it seemed to coincide with him hurting Bella or when she was too far away.

He refused to analyze that shit.

"I cut myself shaving my chest," he said easily. _Liar._

Her brow furrowed but she sighed in relief. "That's it? Because if something was wrong with you, Bella would kill us for not staying on top of it." She tried to get him to lift his shirt, which he refused.

"I already spread ointment on it."

"But you keep rubbing it off," she hissed.

"Look, I can handle a little cut, if there's a problem, I'll let you know."

She seemed satisfied with that and walked out of the room. He let out a breath and cursed as he trudged after her. He found Bella in one of the patient rooms, but he stopped short of entering it. She was inside with a baby and the woman he refused to help when she needed it. Unable to make a decision, he paced the tiny hallway and popped his knuckles; a habit he picked up recently.

Laughter filtered through the crack in the door, making his choice for him. His fist rapped on the door gently before he poked his head inside. The small local Mexican woman offered him a tentative smile before returning her attention to her baby and Bella. His eyes landed on her. For some reason, something inside him recoiled at the image before him, yet his gazed remained on her.

Bella bounced a small tiny pink bundle in her arms, her smile bright as she cooed at the child. There was a startling abundance of silky dark hair on top of the baby's head, a tiny fist waving around.

"Hey," Bella whispered softly, laughing when the baby wrapped her tiny fingers around one of hers. "We're waiting for Alec to finish up with another patient."

"It's too soon for her immunization shots," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Bella smiled at him. "She wants peace of mind before we leave here today. They also need to arrange for her to get those shots next week. Alec and Rosalie set something up a few towns over."

Something or maybe just watching her with the baby compelled him to be a part of the picture. "I can um…" Edward cleared his throat. "May I take a look at her until he gets here?"

He wasn't sure how she would react to him asking that, but prepared for the worst. She didn't even hesitate as she explained to the mother named Petra that he would exam little Maria. She even told her that he attended medical school as he washed his hands at the nearby sink.

Bella placed the baby on the upholstered examination table, both women in the room taking a side so the baby wouldn't fall. He didn't mind and said nothing about it. His hands shook slightly as he unwrapped the baby fully from the blanket she was swathed in.

"Hello, Maria," he whispered. The baby's eyes were considerably darker than he expected but had no doubt they'd be the same brown as her mother's shade. Beside the table was a rolling tray with the measuring tape and a few other supplies he would need. "Will you write everything down for me?"

Bella replied with a soft "yes." He went to work on taking Baby Maria's measurements, noticing that they were within normal range. Carefully, he lifted the resting baby into his arms and walked over to another counter with a scale for infants. He asked Bella what the baby's weight was when she was born, and had her note that she'd lost one and a half pounds.

Returning to the table, Edward went through the standard range of motions to ensure that joints and muscles were all within normal parameters. He spoke to her in a soothing tone that had the baby searching for his voice. The door to the room opened as he placed the stethoscope to listen to the baby's heart, smiling when she reacted to the cold metal.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he murmured as he listened carefully and then proceeding to listen to her tummy. "What a quiet baby you are."

"I can take it from here, Edward," Alec said from behind him.

Edward nodded and waited until the "safety net" of the others surrounded the table before he stepped back for Alec. Bella joined him in the hallway, tugging on his hand toward the exit.

"Where we going?" he asked.

"Inez's, it's this tiny little restaurant with the best damn tacos and salsa you've ever had. Doesn't matter what kind of tacos, they're amazing! And the owner is a hoot, always yelling at her husband at the grill."

Her smile was infectious as she continued to lead the way. Suddenly, he pulled her back hard, making her stumble into his chest. His words slightly muffled against her hair, but he had something to say. "Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" Her words rumbled against his chest, her arms wrapping tightly around him.

"For not making a big deal about what just happened in there."

"What happened in there?" she asked, looking up at him with soul-seeking eyes.

"The panic attack and for looking at baby Maria," he replied as he tucked her against his side as she continued to guide them.

"I'm just glad I was there for you when it happened," she said, squeezing his side. "Are you okay with how I handled it?"

He shrugged, but then shook his head as he answered. "You mean when you didn't push for me to tell you more? If you had, I probably would've had to been carried out of there barely breathing." He winced, pulling away slightly, but she didn't let him get far. With a sigh, he gave in, kissed the top of her head, and continued to walk. "I wasn't listening or responding to anything you said."

When she nothing, his eyes narrowed as he came to a stop. "You regret it, don't you?" Bella shook her head, but before she could offer him words, he pressed a finger to her lips. "Please don't, because whatever you have to say would take away from that moment."

He knew he probably sounded like a fucking pussy, but he didn't give a shit. If she explained that she planted those tiny kisses on his face and neck for any other reason than that she cared about him, it would take away from the comfort he felt then.

That shit was unacceptable to him.

To lighten the tension between them and to be his normal asshole self, he added, "Besides, I'll never mind your mouth anywhere near me, even if it's only in a comforting or friendly capacity.

She seemed to understand what he was doing, but said nothing. She surprised him by intertwining their fingers together. They walked a couple of blocks before he said something to break the silence. "That baby was fucking cute."

"Yeah, she is."

"Just like her namesake." He tried to keep from smirking, since he knew what she'd think about what he'd said.

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "I'd offer to check if you had a dick still, but…" He laughed and slapped her ass, running inside the restaurant before she could retaliate.

Twenty minutes later, he was groaning, too. Only because the food was fucking amazing and he loved a Spanish talking Bella. The way she rolled her r's had him aching for more than comforting and friendly kisses.

"You better slow down," she said with a laugh, pretending to gag when he ate his next taco in two bites. "You won't have any room for flan!"

He moaned and patted his stomach. "I'm good, trust me." Grabbing another taco, he loaded up on fresh salsa and some sour cream. "Damn, this shit is good. They don't have Mexican food like this back home."

"If I knew of a place like this in Seattle, I would be eating there at least once a week guaranteed." She was a little too quiet, and when he looked up, she was watching him.

"What?"

"I know I didn't make a big deal about it before," she started but he held up his hand as if that would shut her up. "I'm not talking about panic attack. I'm talking about the baby. You examined her without the usual fear that you seem to associate with the clinic."

"It was easier today than it was when we first came here. I think that first day I was pretty pissed off and still reeling from a panic attack about coming here. Then there was the stun gun." She gave him a sly smile at that. "The rest of the week has been much of the same but between the boredom and I don't know, I guess I wanted to meet this baby you had the courage to help bring into the world, despite your fear of blood."

She sighed and nodded, looking relieved.

Edward knew she worried that he'd done it because it would please her. Though that wasn't the truth, the real reason why he walked in that room would scare her even more. He simply needed to be where she was.

Lost in his thoughts, it took a few moments to figure out that Bella was cursing at her phone. "What's wrong?"

She sighed and met his gaze. "My brother is on the way to Mexico."

"Your brother?" He asked slowly. "The same half-brother that was long lost, who probably blames himself for your mother's death. That brother?" Bella nodded. "Should I be worried?"

Bella bit her lip. She did the damn habit whenever she was nervous about something. "Fucking hell, 3B? I already feel like I have to sleep with one eye open because of Jasper and Emmett, now I have to worry about your brother."

"I won't let anything happen to you," she assured him. "Come on, let's go. I'm fucking tired and I need some sleep."

He saw an opening and even though he knew he shouldn't ask, he did. "Do you think you can read to me? I'm having trouble sleeping again."

She surprised him again with her next question. "Can we take turns until we fall asleep?"

Having already paid and placed a tip on the table, Edward took Bella's elbow in his hand and led her to the clinic where the truck was waiting for them to take them back to the facility.

"Yes, we can take turns."

Later that night, her words started to slow as she tried to continue to read. Within a few more lines, she fell asleep on his bed beside him. The moment he could no longer hear her voice under the thin veil of sleep, he searched for her warmth, burrowing his nose in her hair when he pulled her against him. He mumbled a goodnight as he fell into a deeper slumber.

Hours later, Edward heard the door to his room crash against the wall. Before he could get his eyes to cooperate and open, he heard Bella curse from the bed beside him. They finally managed to open as the lights overhead took his vision away again.

"Oh fuck," he groaned. He should have taken Bella's suggestion of some painkillers for his headache the night before. "What the fuck is going on?"

"James! What are you doing in here?" Bella hissed and Edward felt the bed move as she rose to greet the fucker that burst in the room.

He sat up, rubbing a hand over his bare chest and scratched his balls. "What's going on?" Blearily, he looked up to a man who was glaring at him with dark blue eyes.

Oh shit, he thought. The man couldn't have been taller than five-foot eleven inches, but what he lacked in height, he made up in muscle mass. The man was huge and likely bench-pressed more than Emmett could at three hundred and eighty pounds.

The man, Edward now realized was James, Bella's half-brother, was looking at the state of the bed, his lack of t-shirt, his messy hair and Bella's fucking bird nest on her head. None of it looked good. When James met Edward's eyes again, he knew he was in fucking trouble.

"Are you fucking my sister?"

_Only in my dreams. _The look James gave him indicated that he said that shit aloud. He was dead, so dead.


	21. The Brother

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Twenty-One—The Brother**

* * *

"It's too early in the morning for this shit," Bella groaned from the other side of the bed. That was all she had to say, considering some big asshole was breathing fire in Edward's face. Apparently, it was since all she did was yawn.

Edward's wide-eyed gaze accompanied a dropped jaw and sweaty palms. "Um, what's up?"

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes at them, she needed coffee. The red-faced bully of her brother took another step toward Edward, nostrils flaring.

"Edward, this is my brother, James," she said, rubbing her lips. "James, this is Edward Cullen." She stretched and scratched her stomach, drawing Edward's eyes to the sliver of exposed skin. His mouth watered and his hands itched to touch her.

"Eyes over here, fucker!" James hissed, bearing down on Edward.

"Back off, Jamie!" Bella stated firmly, using the nickname she gave him when they first met. She thought, _here we go. _The overprotective brother act was already old.

James turned to look at his baby sister and she pulled out the ultimate weapon…the bitch brow. One would think that when used in combination with her big brown eyes, that it wouldn't be as lethal, but yeah, that shit made him back the fuck away.

The last time he was at the end of that look, she delivered a roundhouse kick during their sparring session and he ended up on the floor. Why couldn't she let him have a little fucking fun? It wasn't every day she showed interest in anyone.

_Five more seconds, sis._

Edward backed up against the wall near his bed as the brute snarled. He prayed it wouldn't hurt much. He wasn't much of a fighter; if he couldn't walk away from a confrontation, he usually sucker punched the asshole and ran. That wouldn't work with this guy since there was no place for him to fucking go.

Would Bella protect him?

The dangerous, menacing glare started to morph and a predatory smile replaced it, followed by a belly laugh. His arm raised and Edward braced himself. Instead of the right hook he expected, he was slapped on the back.

"Just kidding, Edward," James said with a grin. "I know Bella isn't stupid."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, asshole," Bella said, hands on her hips, the look long gone. "Now, come and give me a hug."

Edward watched as she launched herself at her big brother, squealing when he gave her a bear hug. "Everyone is gonna think we're incestuous," James murmured, making Bella slap his arm until be put her down.

"God, you're disgusting," she growled and adjusted her top. "See what I mean that I've heard it all and know how to handle it," she said when she turned to Edward. He only nodded in response. "Sometimes, I think he forgets he's thi…"

"Say it and you're dead," James groaned and made his way out of the room. "Now, hurry up. Time for a run and we need to discuss the housing project in Hidalgo."

Edward heard Bella sigh beside him. "He really does think he's like twenty still or in college."

"Your brother scares the fucking shit out of me."

Bella shrugged. "He's protective but he's also a big joker. Give me a hand here." Together, they made his bed and stretched since she said she'd join them for their run.

"Tell me the truth. Should I be worried?" he asked her, trying to keep his eyes from her peachy little butt.

"No, you have nothing to worry about," she said softly, looking at him. "You would've fought back if he decided to be an asshole, right?"

It was his turn to shrug. "Not really."

"Why?"

"One, he's bigger than me," I answered. She rolled her eyes. "Two, he's your brother, and last, I probably des…"

"No, you don't," she hissed as she closed the distance between them. "You've already apologized for all the shit you said to me and did. You punished yourself enough already!"

"Fuck," he groaned as he tugged on his hair. "Every time we take a step forward, something happens to force us back."

"Nice of you to notice." She wouldn't look at him anymore, and he hated it. "I'll see you later. Emmett and James will probably be here in like thirty minutes."

"What are the chances that Jasper and Emmett didn't see me meeting your brother?"

Bella's hands balled into fists. "They can't listen, but yeah, they probably saw that shit."

He'd deal with the consequences, but no matter what, he wouldn't let anyone make fun of him again. "Are you coming with us?"

At the door, she turned to look at him again. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Looks like I'm not the only one putting walls between us."

"These walls have to remain, Edward," her voice firm, with an edge that said she was trying to convince herself, too. "However flimsy they may be."

"For now." He was positive she heard, but she said nothing as she walked out and let the door close with a soft click. Was it wrong that it gave him some hope?

~oOo~

"Damn it, 3B!" Edward groaned from behind her. Startled, she turned from near the pool to find his eyes glued to her ass. Out of breath, bent over with his hands on his knees, he glowered at her. "You can't bend over like that and expect me not to do something, especially after running three fucking miles."

"To be honest, I thought he would drag at least five miles out of you," she said, shaking her head. "I wasn't expecting you yet." She turned back at what she was doing and avoided bending over by squatting near the table where she set everything up.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking over her shoulder instead of going around. He found any excuse he could in order to close even a hint of space between them. She did her best to ignore the brush his hip and elbowed him in the gut, earning a grumbling laugh. He didn't move; no, Edward stepped closer. It was harder not to react to the feel of his breath on her bare shoulder and the back of her neck. She felt the pull of one of her curls she piled on top of her head.

"Thought we could have breakfast out here," she stated, sidestepping him. His response to her attempt of putting some distance was a deep sigh.

"No swimming today," he stated as he plopped down on one of the lounge chairs.

She shook her head. "Jasper had to put some shit in it and my skin is way too sensitive to it. You're welcome to give it a try before we eat, though."

"I wouldn't mind cooling off," he said, not looking at her. "But probably wouldn't be a good idea by myself."

She nodded and waved toward the outdoor shower. "You can rinse off if you want."

"Never fucking noticed that shit," he said as he rose to his feet. "Be back in however long it takes for me to rub one out."

"Edward!"

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "What? After that tantalizing display of your bikini clad ass!" He walked backward, kept his gaze on her as he rubbed himself. "It's your fault I've got the worst case of blue balls ever." She shook her head, flipping him off. "I'm game, babe."

"At least you no longer have a disease ridden dick."

Edward fucking blushed to the tips of his ears, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for that nauseating observation." She turned away, knowing it was the only way to end that dangerous topic.

He'd been quite for almost a minute as poured them some juice. "Hey, Bella, you dropped something." She looked around. "Under the table."

"What?"

"Can't tell from here, but a little more to the right, 3B," he indicated.

Frustrated, she straightened to look at him. The shower by the side of the building consisted of nothing but a high showerhead and a lower one to clean your feet, only intended for rinsing off after a few laps in the pool.

Not strip down to nothing and wash. Like Edward had done.

"Um, honey, there's no clothes for you out here," she said stupidly. If she was looking at his face, she'd see the smirk on it. Instead, her eyes were following rivulets of water that followed down the light path of hair below his navel. "Maybe you should put your shorts back on."

_How did she not notice that when she woke up in the morning with him?_

Amused by the look her face, Edward decided to take advantage for as long as he could. "Why?" he asked, doing his best to look confused.

"Because that thing is freaking pointing at me," she huffed, flushing from her hairline to her beautiful fucking tits.

He looked down and shrugged. "Personally, it looks like it's pointing North to me." He grinned. "Are you ogling my junk, 3B?"

Bella threw her hands up in the air, frustrated. "How can I not? Look at that thing!"

Edward chuckled, noticing that her gaze was still on to his cock. He stroked himself once, and she stomped her little foot and looked toward the building. "Stop that! My brother will kill you!"

That worked. He was half-mast by the end of her sentence. "Fucking hell," he spat, angry with himself. Why couldn't he rein himself in when it came to her? "Grab me a towel then."

"I am not going anywhere near you right now," she stated, balling up a towel and throwing it as far it would go. He stretched and caught it with the tips of his fingers.

He turned off the water and dried off, his harpy no longer watching him. A quick sniff of his shorts told him he'd have to go commando. There was no way he'd put on those sweat, smelly things. Towel safely secured around his waist, he joined her.

"I wouldn't bite, you know," he said as he brushed a hand over her shoulder where she sat. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, ignoring the tiny flinch. Taking a chair across from her, he grabbed a little of everything.

The silence usually didn't bother him, but he knew she needed some time to gather herself.

"You've seen my junk before," he said, kicking her shin gently. "Don't get your panties up in a bunch."

She popped a grape in her mouth and propped her chin on her elbow, watching him. "I told you I wouldn't lie."

"Yeah."

"I'm attracted to you, but—"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I heard it all before, we can't fu…" Her expression darkened. "I mean be together, blah, blah, blah."

"If you're tired of hearing it, then why keep putting us in this situation. It's hard enough already."

He shrugged with a mouthful of her fucking fluffy scrambled eggs. She looked slightly disgusted, but damn, he was starving. They got off to a late start because of her brother's arrival and the extra mile and a half he added to their run. Even Emmett was hurting; there was no catching up with the abundant energy that was James Dwyer.

He swallowed. "Got nothing else to do but antagonize you. Besides, it's fucking fun."

"What's it going to take for you to back off?"

She looked serious, and if she was willing to give whatever he asked for, he'd do what she asked and tone it down a bit. The question was, what did he want? He wasn't stupid and knew she'd never allow him to fuck her; at least, not while she was ethically bound to help him.

Besides, he already knew once would never be enough. Except his cock would not freaking listen— that thing had a mind of his own. He tried to ignore the strain under his towel and focused on her instead. That was until his eyes dropped to her mouth. Women paid big bucks to achieve the softness and plumpness of that bottom lip, something she had naturally because it was God's gift and great genetics.

A memory trickled through his arousal. Was it real or part of his overactive imagination?

"I think I remembered something?" he asked, rubbing a hand over his face and wiping his mouth with a napkin. He wracked his brain and couldn't get the pieces to fit together.

She looked confused. "What?"

"Something about a deal." Fork in hand, he shoved in another mouthful, nearly moaning at the cheese he tasted. Cheese…sandwiches, the memory cleared up some more. His eyes lifted to meet her wide-eyed look. There was surprise there, a little fear, but she quickly masked it.

"You remembered?" she asked. He gave her a full nod and stared, wanting to know if she'd deny it. "Everything?" The light bulb moment hit him full force in the groin. He remembered, all right.

"A kiss and you get to choose where."

She sat back against the chair, toying with her food. "So, if I give you this kiss, you'll back off?"

He shook his head. "Nice try, 3B. That kiss was already earned, but I'm willing to negotiate the terms of placement and how long."

He saw her attempt to keeping a laugh at bay, but the tiny twitch of her mouth was evident. She placed her elbows on the table, putting on a serious face. The woman had skills. She would make a worthy adversary in a game of poker and that made Edward think of strip poker. The towel was useless in hiding his arousal.

Before she could offer an argument that would no doubt make the rising issue more of a problem, he heard footsteps, coming from the direction of the main building. What he would give to be dressed again?

"Is there a reason I wasn't invited to have breakfast by the water?" James asked, before dropping a kiss on Bella's head.

"You're a lot to handle," Bella teased, making a face at him. "Besides, I was talking to Edward. Mornings after your runs and late afternoons are mine. It's not all about working them to the bone, asshole."

James wiggled his eyebrows. "Speaking about bones…" He sent Edward a glare, but then laughed. "Here's a pair of shorts from your room."

"Thank fuck," Edward said, grabbing them from mid-air. "Excuse me." He left them to dress at the side of the building, but kept them in his sight. Once he was out of hearing range, Bella started on her brother and she wasn't being kind by the look of it.

Whatever had them arguing, he had a feeling it was about him. He'd have to try his best to tone down his lust for Miss-Kiss-Me-Now around James. Besides, he was fond of his face in its current arrangement. Judging by the size of her brother's fist, Edward's nose would likely never be the same again.

He'd already had his nose broken, thank you very much.

When he approached the table again, she heard her ask, "How's Victoria?"

James grinned and shrugged. "Psycho, as usual." She rolled her eyes as she poured more orange juice for Edward. "What can I say, I'm irresistible."

"She made a move on Charlie." She cocked an eyebrow, smirking.

James groaned and turned to Edward. "Help me out here, dude. If a gorgeous red head with big tits comes up to you, whispers in your ear that she'd like to suck your dick, would you say no?"

"I'd have to seriously think about it," Edward answered honestly. Vicky, the last woman he remembered being with a couple of months before, made a few attempts before he finally gave in, despite the reputation she had at the bar he frequented. "Though, the third time is usually the charm," he added, making Bella throw a grape at him.

James laughed and smacked his shoulder. "I like you. Playing hard to get with a woman. I never thought of that. Maybe I should've with Vicky, though. From what the other guys at Max's bar said, I knew she'd be trouble."

Edward stilled, his fork poised in front of his mouth before it dropped with a clank onto the table. His heart raced as his breath left him in a whoosh, his face heating. Bella, who sat across from him, frozen.

He was dead.

"Oh my God," Bella mouthed at a horrified Edward as her brother started to stuff his face. She knew exactly why horror and a little revulsion filled Edward's gaze. After the test came back positive for an STD, she had him sit down and write down everyone he'd been with in the last few months. He didn't remember Vicky's last name but knew her local hangout was Max's, a hole in the wall bar on the outskirts of Seattle.

His mouth was agape, the tips of his ears red. "Tell him," he hissed. He kept James in his peripheral vision, just in case.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. Edward's eyes widened and she could see real fear in his eyes. "You need to tell him," she whispered as she rose from her seat and sat down beside him.

"Tell me what?" James asked her, his gaze bouncing between them. His focus remained on Edward when it was clear he wouldn't get answers from her.

Bella watched as Edward grimaced and swallowed. He picked up his glass and drank. "Edward," she whispered in his ear, "It'll be fine."

"What the fuck is going on?" James asked again, agitation clear in his voice.

"I know Vicky," Edward stated, clearing his suddenly dry throat.

Her brother's eyes narrowed. "How do you _know _Vicky?"

"Vicky, red head, hair down to her ass, tits out to here," Edward said, holding his hands out to demonstrate, then dropped when James growled. Edward swallowed again and felt Bella's hand join his on his thigh. He squeezed her fingers and continued, hoping he was wrong, though it seemed unlikely. "Beauty mark right here," he pointed to just right of his nose with his free hand. James nodded. "Yeah, we've met on a few occasions."

James did his best to remain calm. Though he ended things with Victoria, didn't mean he liked hearing about another one of her fuck buddies. "What are you trying to say?"

"I was last with her a couple of weeks before I got here."

"That can't be right," James growled, standing to his feet. "She was still with me."

"I didn't know that!" Edward reasoned, rising slowly. "I would never do that shit."

"I thought you broke up a month ago," Bella stated, also rising from her chair. She wanted Edward to take responsibility for his actions, but this was too much for him to handle, especially since it was obvious he had no idea.

"It wasn't official until last week," James groaned.

"Unbelievable!" she spat, throwing her hands up in frustration. "She was already acting crazy and you still let her in your bed?"

"She can be very convincing to get you to go anywhere with her," Edward said stupidly, making her scowl.

James nodded in agreement. "I knew she was seeing other guys, it was another reason I called things off, but to have to see the guy face to face and know it."

"Like burning all your shit and putting the moves on Charlie weren't enough," Bella said with a roll of her eyes. James gave her the "I'm a guy" look.

Bella groaned and visibly shuddered. "The question is who got the clap first, you or Edward?" Her eyes widened when she realized that they hadn't gotten to that part yet.

"She gave him the clap?" Bella nodded. James gagged and shuddered, too. "Why the fuck did you have to put that image in my head!"

Edward's stomach churned. "And she only sucked my d—"

That did it, James ran toward the bushes that lined the courtyard and expelled his breakfast.

Edward groaned. "Can you lock me in my room again and hold the key so I don't die when I sleep tonight?"

She placed a hand on his arm and looked up at him. "I won't let anything happen to you." Grabbing a glass of water from the table, she walked over to her brother.

"Damn it, Bells!" James groaned. "Please, tell me you're joking."

"No," she said, shrugging and handing him the water. "Go see Rosalie to get your blood work and meds."

"Get ready to work your ass off, Cullen," James warned him. Bella smacked his stomach, muttering a warning to him as he stalked away.

Edward waited until she joined him again and he asked, "Any chance I can get that kiss before I die?"

"It'll be fine, Edward."

"I can't believe I told him that."

"I feel pretty damn proud of you right now."

Edward looked down, shrugging, as it wasn't something significant. "I had to do it, right? It was my place to do it, not you."

Bella smiled and tugged on his hand to get him to look at her. "You did well, Edward. Let's clean up, it'll probably be a good idea to be around other people when he comes back."

Edward mumbled, "I'm sleeping with one eye open from now on."

* * *

**AN: Sorry for the delay, busy bee right now. See you next week. **


	22. El Rio

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Twenty One—El Rio**

* * *

Three days; that was how long Edward had been learning to do something with his hands that wasn't destructive or didn't involve sex in any way. It was a record for him since he was a resident.

He helped frame out four houses in Hidalgo, along with James, Emmett, and occasionally, Jasper. Two of the homes were for elderly couples who'd lived their whole lives in the tiny pueblo. One was for newlyweds and the other was for a victim of an electrical fire that burned down their home.

The town, that boasted a church, a cemetery, one restaurant/grocery store, was mostly rural. Goats and chickens ran freely around— something Edward found funny, especially when one of guys stepped in shit. It was a constant source of entertainment for him. Fruits and vegetables grew in home gardens that fed their families; any excess they would sell or trade with their neighbors.

Everyone knew everyone, so when outsiders came into Hidalgo, within an hour the whole town knew.

Kids seemed to be safe playing or roughhousing in what Bella called _The Plaza. _It was a large area with a large stone gazebo in the center, and along the perimeter were elaborate benches donated by those who helped build the church and plaza.

It was a scorching day, the sun already overhead when James called it quits. Too hot to work, dangerous as they packed up the roofing materials, it left them with hours still left before night would fall. Two of the four new houses were roofed and ready for stucco, which they would start the following week.

Wiping sweat from his brow, Edward grimaced at the sting of a blister on his palm. Despite the use of gloves, he had quite a few, building a callous. He didn't mind; they almost felt like a trophy of what he'd accomplished in the last few days.

Edward had never lifted a hammer before, much less helped raise the walls that made up a house. It felt good to work, kept him occupied, and gave his hands something to do. Especially since it was getting harder to keep them off Bella. His morning showers weren't enough anymore, and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to resist.

James, who scared the shit out of him at first, turned out to be an okay guy. After Bella's brother got over the fact that his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him with Edward, he was fun to be around. He didn't forgive him that first day or the next, torturing him slightly by making him do the worst fucking tasks when they started working in Hidalgo.

Who the fuck would enjoy cleaning out a porta potty? And one that probably hadn't been used in months. He shuddered at the memory of it.

Bella didn't work with them, since James said she was a klutz and banned her from being on the crew. She did, however, help in other ways. She ran errands, and found a few more people to work with them. There were always some willing to for a little cash or because they are bored. Some of them even donated their time. He had to admit, she had a smooth operation in Mexico.

"Here," she said, interrupting his thoughts as she handed him a bottle of water. "Before you pass out on me." He rolled his eyes, but tried to down the ice cold drink in a few gulps. "Hey! Take it easy. You're going to make yourself sick!"

"Calm down," he groaned, tipping a little water over his head. "I'm fine."

After a moment, he looked at her again. "You guys got a lot done today," she said, shading her eyes with her hand. She watched a group of kids, ranging from five to eight, chase James around the plaza.

There was admiration in her gaze, tenderness, and for some reason, it caused an ache to bloom in Edward's chest. He didn't rub at it, as he had the week before. It was a telltale sign that usually had Bella or Rosalie on his ass, asking what was wrong. He couldn't explain it without sounding like some kind of pussy.

Haloed by the sunlight behind her, Edward couldn't keep his eyes from wandering over her sweet body. It was hot, which was obvious from her cutoff denim shorts and usual tank top, but underneath the snug cotton was a bikini top.

"It's been a long day," he said, falling back on his hands. Propped up, he waited for her to say something.

Since her brother arrived and that morning breakfast by the pool, their interactions had been innocent. She no longer slept in his bed, which sucked because nightmares had plagued him. At least he'd been able to wake before he screamed or cried. It wasn't something he'd want whoever watched him at night to see. When it happened, he usually woke up with a start, breathing heavily, and with every second, whatever his nightmare was about, was forgotten, lost in his wakefulness. He would count his breaths until they slowed and fall back to sleep.

That first night of her brother's arrival, they had an awkward pause at the door to his room. She didn't want to lock him in, but her brother had been an asshole all through dinner. Edward didn't blame James; he'd probably feel the same if the roles were reversed.

After a kiss goodnight on her cheek, and even a hug, she sent him to bed, quietly locking the door behind her as he requested.

The following morning, James helped Edward with breakfast. All the while, the man told him exactly what his day would entail. It was as brutal as he promised, and Edward smelled so bad when he got back from work that day, that he spent ninety minutes in the shower, _after _Bella had hosed him down outside.

It was the second morning that James finally seemed to get over his little grudge. He slapped him on the back, telling Edward his pancakes were better than Bella's. That made his little harpy unhappy, but she forgave her brother when he brought them awesome food for lunch that day.

"Will you come with me today?" she asked, her eyes still on her brother and the kids. When they left the facility that morning, she'd driven in her own truck, which was unusual. She once said that it was safer to ride together, but didn't offer an explanation to why. The new development meant she had plans for him. He wished they were sexual variety, even knowing it wouldn't be.

"Where are we going?" He went for casual, not wanting to show her how much he wanted to be alone with her, no matter how dangerous it was.

"El rio," she said, watching him.

Since he started visiting the towns and its people, he'd learned a handful of words. Rio, meant river. She wasn't demanding him to go, but he knew it was probably a part of his therapy.

At first, he thought that she wasn't going to put him on a couch and get him to talk about his feelings, since she still hadn't done it since he escaped that one night. Yet, as the days passed, he realized, that she didn't need the couch to get him to talk.

It just happened.

"It is damn hot," he said, looking away. His throat was dry as he swallowed, his heart already beating hard. A river was different from a pool with boundaries and depths he could see. In a river, made of rock and unseen underwater holes, there were no guarantees of safety. Not that there was much of them in the pool, besides that they were often watched.

"We don't have to," she said, holding out her hand for him to take. "But I'd like us to spend the afternoon together."

"You did say that mornings and afternoons, I was yours," he reminded her of what she said to James days earlier.

"Sorry about that." She grunted as she helped him to his feet. "But we needed to get used to the schedule since it's different from working at the clinic."

That was true. The clinic schedule had started after their morning pool session, and lasted until the sun set. Working under the sun made it harder to stay out under the baking, dry heat. They were usually at the clinic way before sunset.

"Let's go."

She led the way to the truck and he admired the way she did it. Her walk was about the only thing he could appreciate while her brother was around. Otherwise, he'd get a slap on the back of the head by James if he was caught staring.

"Stop staring at my ass, Cullen," Bella barked, sending him a glare over her shoulder.

"Not going to happen, 3B."

She rolled her eyes and lessened the natural, sexy sway in her walk. That had been the extent of the sexual discussion in the last few days. Edward thought for sure that his desire would diminish due the lull, but no, it made it worse.

"How's your hands?" she asked once they were on the road again minutes later.

He shrugged and explained. "They hurt like fucking hell, but it's sort of the good kind of pain."

She nodded, smiling a bit. "I felt like that when we started our first house about five years ago," she replied. "Had bruises and scrapes all over my body."

"James said you were accident prone," he teased, making her punch his arm and curse.

"Anyway, I didn't even care about it. I woke up sore the next morning but ready to keep going. I was doing something good for these people, you know. It was a good feeling."

"That's exactly how I feel," he said, looking out the window.

"By the end of next month, the house will be ready for them to move in," she said, still with the level way she talked. It was moments and conversations like that, that had Edward on the edge of his fucking seat. It usually meant something was up. "We'll hand over their keys and have a big party."

He'd been right.

"Parties usually mean alcohol, Bella," he hissed, unable to keep the bite from his words. They felt like an accusation on his tongue, knew they sounded like it, too.

"Yes, it does, Edward," she replied, glancing at him briefly. "And you'll still be there." There was no question in her words, just the flat out truth. God, he fucking hated when she talked like that. As if he didn't have a damn choice.

"Why?"

"At home, when you're not under the watchful eye of me or anyone else, you'll be in social situations where alcohol is involved. You need to be able to have it at your fingertips without taking a sip."

"Damn you," he growled. It made perfect sense, but he didn't want to be put in those situations. His parents' usual annual Christmas party came to mind, infuriating him.

"I will never put you in a situation like that, if you're not ready," she stated firmly. "If, and I mean if, I could see you couldn't handle it, we'd leave. Until then, don't worry about it. You've made some awesome progress."

Minutes passed in silence and Edward could see the trees along the side of the road turn more lush.

"Ramon offered me a beer," he said eventually. Roman was one of the roofers, good with a hammer and talked a few hundred miles a minute.

"I know," she said just as softly. "Why did you refuse?"

His head fell back against the headrest, his eyes staring at the colorful ceiling. She'd filled it with pinned photographs and postcards. In many, children surrounded her. In others, with what seemed like reluctant participants. People like him; they had to be the addicts before him.

"Everyone was watching," he answered honestly. "I didn't want to disappoint them…or myself." _You. _He didn't dare say that out loud.

"What do you think would've happened if he'd asked you a little farther away from the rest of us?"

She didn't sound angry at all, but then again, she'd probably gone through something like that with the others before him.

"I would've taken it."

"Thanks for telling me," she replied, pulling right onto an uneven dirt road. He hummed in response, the ache hurting more than before. He knew that, despite no outward appearance of her disappointment, it was there.

A few minutes later, she pulled up to small area with a few tables and even two barbeque fire pits. There wasn't anyone around, which made him even more nervous.

"The water here is cool and calm at this bend," she stated, grabbing a bag. "Here, there's some swim trunks inside." She exited the truck before he could say something dirty, which was probably the point to her quick getaway.

He slipped off his work jeans, groaning at the feel of his feet, free from the boots. From inside the truck, he watched her setting up a blanket near the shore and shimmying out of her shorts. It made getting into his board shorts fucking hard.

Exiting of the truck and dropping the bag on the blanket, he joined her at the shore. From where they stood, the panoramic view of the sun starting to set, painted the sky in various hues.

"You don't have to do this," she said, still watching. She was always watching him.

"I want to try."

She nodded and removed her tank top, leading the way into the water, clad in a deep red bikini. What other choice did he have but to follow? The water was tepid at his ankles before he sunk further in. It wasn't until her head dipped underwater, something that anyone would do naturally, that the panic started to rise. His eyes darted from side to side, swimming to the spot she'd been at, calling for her once. She surfaced within two seconds, but it felt like hours to him.

"Don't fucking do that again," he spat, turning away from her to float.

Though he tried to ignore her, it was futile when they were in the water. And she fucking knew it, pissing him off more. He had to keep an eye on her; it was as instinctual for him to do as breathing.

Bella watched him, his face still etched with his anger. She felt stupid and figured she had completely lost her fucking head. There had been so much on her mind, like worrying about Charlie, that something like a quick dip in the river was just second nature to her. Something she'd done a thousand times, but never with someone with the fear that Edward had.

She hadn't been under for more than two seconds, but it was enough to cause him to panic and become angry with her. For a few minutes, she didn't say a word to him, letting him work through his mood. She knew that he didn't see it necessarily as her fault, even if she felt it was.

She knew better.

"Sorry," he mumbled, his eyes on the scattered clouds above.

"My fault," she replied, swimming closer to him. She lifted her hand to wipe her face, his eyes now on her again.

"Maybe," he said and then shook his head. "I need to get over it."

He bobbed in the water, letting it wash over him completely. She treaded, her legs kicking slightly beneath the surface as he emerged. Shaking his head hard, she pushed him as he splashed her. For a few minutes, they played in the water, their somber mood dissipating, before they floated on the surface, side by side.

It was the most carefree he'd been in water.

"How long have I been here?" he asked as the sky darkened overhead.

"You mean you haven't counted?"

"I lost track during withdrawal."

She sighed but smiled as she mentally calculated. "Thirty-four days."

"Feels like forever," he teased, poking her bare stomach. She slapped his hand away. It took a few moments for him to come to the realization. She was waiting for it. "That means…"

"That tomorrow is your birthday." She wondered how he'd take it, considering he shared his birthday with his late sister.

She watched as a smile widened on his face, his eyebrows wiggling playfully. "I think it's time we negotiate terms for that kiss."

_It hasn't sunken in yet, _she thought. _It will, tomorrow. _

She was prepared for it, but not for the reminder of their deal. The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it. "Do you really want me to kiss you under an obligation?"

_Fuck, did she have to ask that?_

"You know how to suck the fun out of everything," he hissed, swimming toward the shore and walking out of the water. He sat on the blanket, watching her. There was apprehension in his gaze, but he managed to keep himself under control. "Are you backing out of our deal?"

"No," she answered simply. "It was only a question." She saw him battle with himself, as she had hoped. It wasn't fair, but there was only so much she could handle.

She wanted to kiss him, hold him and so much more. It was a line she didn't _want_ to cross, not when he was still so vulnerable, and not when he was still under her care and so fresh into his recovery.

In the last few days, she had already made the decision that James would be his sponsor back home, and Dr. Banner would be his therapist. She'd remain in the background, always watching and if she was honest with herself, waiting and wanting. It was stupid. It could mean trouble and pain that neither could recover from, but she already made her choice.

One day, if he was ever ready, maybe he'd be able to do the same.

Edward watched her slowly float over the water. He wanted to call her on her shit. She promised not to lie to him. Manipulation would count, wouldn't it? Something held him back. Maybe it was the way her face looked, as she thought hard. He smiled because he recognized it was her thinking face. Nose wrinkled slightly, the corner of her lip under her teeth, a small crease between her eyes.

"You can kiss my lips," she said in the negotiating voice she used that morning by the pool before her brother interrupted them.

"I don't want to now," he replied, fucking pissed that she was calling him out on what he felt about her. Didn't she already know? He had no clue, only that one kiss would never be enough.

"That's too bad."

She sounded serious, as if the thought that the kiss wouldn't happen bothered her. Wishful thinking, Edward explained away silently.

"Now I want you to kiss me because you want to," he said slowly, watching her through lust-hazed eyes. She moved through the water with ease, until it was only waist level.

"It's not that easy," she whispered. "You know that."

"I take the deal, _make_ you kiss me and you'll think I'm an asshole. It'll feel empty and wouldn't be real."

"I just know if the situation was reversed, I'd want you to _want_ to kiss me." She shrugged, shaking her head. "Then again, I'm a girl."

She dipped her head back to wet her hair again, his eyes drawn to her chest, to the affect the cold water had on her nipples. "I'd probably feel the same, but then again, I'd get over it."

A small sad smile graced her lips, her eyes on the water instead of on him. "That's what I thought. You're such a guy." She started doing a backstroke, away from the shore, farther from him. It represented exactly what was happening between them as they talked. "I guess I was looking for a way out."

"Why?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"One kiss would make it harder."

Hearing the truth, the reason behind her question that sparked their tension-filled conversation, made the walls he'd built around him reinforce themselves. If she wanted a way out of their deal, to not cross that damn line drawn between them, he'd help fucking widen it.

"Stop trying to bring emotions into this," he said, shrugging and looking away. She'll be fine, he told himself. Angry, but okay. The idea that he couldn't see her when she was in the water, made his hands fist at his sides, but the look of hurt would be worse.

"I think the honesty policy between us should be a fucking two way street," she snapped, passing him all wet and pissed. She was beautiful in her rightful anger.

There was too many emotions between them, had been since the day they met. He knew it and so did she. They often ran high, which was likely the cause to the constant push and pull between them.

The ride back to the facility was tense, and shortly before they arrived, she turned to him and asked, "Do you want a drink?"

Honesty was what she wanted. "Yes."

She nodded and drove on, not another word between them.

~oOo~

Tired and frustrated, Edward stopped by the edge of the pool, James had cut his run short, wanting to leave for Hidalgo early. Bella wasn't there waiting, as usual. Jasper jogged out to meet him, one of his hands in his hair.

"She's sick as a dog inside," he stated, worry evident in his gaze. "Normally, Rosalie would check on her, but she went with Emmett into town already." That explained why it was just James and Edward on the morning run.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked, gratefully taking a bottle of water from Jasper.

"Throwing up and fever," he replied, grimacing.

"Damn," Edward hissed, running into the building. "She probably drank some of that water from the river."

"That's what James thought, but she knows better," Jasper groaned. "Was she in the water longer than you?"

"Yeah," Edward said and stopped just outside Bella's bedroom door. He noticed the keypad beside it, meaning the only way inside was to key in a code. "Do you know the code?" Jasper shook his head and knocked on the door instead.

James answered, looking a little green, too. "I don't think it was the river," he explained, running past them.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Jasper called out before he made his way inside Bella's room.

She groaned from her bed, tiny and arms tightly wound around her stomach, curled into a fetal position. "Food poisoning," she muttered. "You and Jasper are the only ones that didn't eat eggs this morning."

"Didn't you get those fresh yesterday from that little old lady who has chickens?" Edward asked, sitting on the bed beside her.

"Yeah," she hissed. "Must have been bad or something. Rose already called. They're sick, too. That's the only thing you two didn't eat."

Even sick, she worked to find out what happened. It's what she did; took care of everybody. How exhausting, Edward realized. He only half-listened, taking her temperature with the thermometer on the dresser nearby. "That doesn't really explain the high fever, 3B. That is probably from the cold water from the river or if you drank some." She flipped him off, coughing, confirming his suspicions.

At least she was pissed at him for another reason than the day before. When she hadn't greeted him earlier that morning before his run, he thought she was still angry enough about his lying that she didn't want to see him. The guilt that ate him got worse when she didn't join the others for breakfast. He found out from James that she'd eaten earlier.

"Get him out of here, Jasper," she said to him. Jasper sat on the other side, looking a little amused. "I'm supposed to help and take care of him, not the other way around."

Edward rolled his eyes and grabbed her, glaring when their eyes met again. "Too fucking bad."

He helped her take something over the counter to bring the fever down and recommended some gingerale to calm her stomach. He wasn't sure what Rosalie had on hand, and he wasn't about to ask to take a look at their supply. There would be too much temptation for him, though he never done drugs besides some pot in school.

He was too on edge as it was, but even though there was desire for the escape, he didn't need it.

"Ask me again, Bella?" he said after sending Jasper to grab some gingerale and crackers from the kitchen and to check on James.

Her eyes, glazed with fever bored into his. There must have been something in his voice, enough for her to understand what he wanted. "Do you _want _a drink?"

"Yeah, I can't help it." Her brow furrowed, her hand lifting to ruffle his hair. There was no disappointment in her gaze, only understanding.

"Do you _need _a drink, Edward?" she asked after a few seconds of silence.

Under her cool fingers, tips grazing his lashes, his eyes closed. They opened again when her hand skimmed his jaw and it fell limply on the bed, needing to see her face, as he answered, "No."

Her eyes closed after a few seconds, a pretty, little smile on her face. "Happy Birthday, Edward."

* * *

**AN: This was a tough chapter to write. I know this is a very slow burn, but it's necessary, thanks for still sticking around. **


	23. The Point

**Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me**

**Chapter Twenty-Three—The Point**

* * *

"You wanted to see me," Edward said as he walked into the kitchen the following afternoon.

Jasper turned from the stove to face him, nodding. "Yeah, with everyone sick and spread out around the facility, I can't keep an eye on you like I should." His words sounded accusatory, almost as if he was scolding a child.

Edward bristled, but kept from lashing out. "Doesn't sound like much of a problem to me."

"It is, because if something happens to you, everyone would kick my ass since you're my responsibility with everyone sick."

"I shouldn't be anyone's responsibility. I'm responsible for myself."

Laughing, Jasper shook his head. "Damn, wish I recorded that. Bella would get a kick out of it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward grabbed some bowls to help serve. Inez sent some broth that should make the transition to solids for everyone easier.

"What you just said is like the first major step. You know now that you're responsible for your choices. Now you have figure out what those choices are." He grinned, the smile reaching his ice blue eyes. "She's going to be upset that she missed it."

"I'll make sure to mention it to her." Edward shrugged and placed lids on the microwave bowls that Jasper filled.

"Kiss ass," Jasper snickered. Edward wasn't sure when the chip on Jasper's shoulder fell, but things between them were okay. Sure, there were times Jasper said something that made him want to punch the asshole in the gut. He knew it was only because he was looking out for Bella, and sensed that her wellbeing was threatened by him.

"Hey, I'm doing what I have to do. I want back into the media and game room, because I'm fucking bored out of my mind." Edward grabbed a few bottles of water for him and Bella. They were going to watch movies in her room. He laid down the law when he told her she wasn't leaving her bed.

"And here I thought it was because you were a good guy," Jasper said, rolling his eyes at him as he grabbed one of the sandwiches he made.

"Like I'd admit anything to you," Edward hissed. "And in case you don't remember, I'm not a good guy."

"Keep telling yourself you feel nothing for her or anyone else, and that you're the only one important around here. Maybe you'll start to believe it."

Edward was about to tell the asshole that it was none of his business what the fuck he felt when a groan came from down the hall. "Where is everybody?"

"Bella?" Edward growled, shaking his head as Jasper did the same.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "You'd think someone like her would be an excellent patient, but no, she's the worst."

"I told her she had to stay in fucking bed since she still has a damn fever."

The woman in question entered the kitchen, looking at them blearily through wild curls framing her face and a blanket wrapped tightly around her as she tried to tame her hair with a brush.

"Hey, you," she murmured, still combing through her hair. "I thought we should just go to the gym or something. Maybe I can sweat out this fever."

Edward shook his head, stalking toward her. She backed up, eyes widening as he advanced. "Go back to bed," he hissed. "You have a fucking hacking cough and are two degrees from having to be hospitalized. Get your sexy ass back there!"

Bella's eyes widened further as heat rose to her cheeks. No one had talked to her like that in a long time. Over Edward's shoulder she could see the combination of respect, awe and amusement in Jasper's gaze.

"I'm fine," she croaked, coughing several times. Damn, her chest hurt. "I'll have lunch here-" Her words cut off as she screamed. Edward grabbed her around her waist and threw her over his shoulder. His hand held her thighs as securely as he could since she was thrashing.

"Oh my God, put me down," she screeched like the harpy she was, but started coughing more. Her hands, braced on his back, slipped and grazed the top of his ass. "Jasper!"

"Let him help you get better, sugar," he called out. "I'll bring in your lunches."

She smacked the brush against Edward's thigh, making him hiss. "So help me, if you don't put me down, I will hurt you again!"

"Simmer down, 3B," he said, patting her ass.

She squeaked and tried to kick, but she was too weak and gave up with a moan, her body melting against his. "I don't like you very much right now," she grumbled as he turned for her to enter her code in the keypad. "I can walk now."

"And miss the chance to have you in my arms," he crooned, yelping when she slapped his ass hard with her brush. "Kinky, that's like a damn paddle. I think I like it."

She groaned as he placed her gently in the middle of her bed. Her glare did nothing to stop him from fluffing her pillow as she finished combing her hair, putting socks on her feet, and taking her temperature. She huffed through his examination and folded her arms across her chest as he put in a movie.

Jasper came in only long enough to drop off their lunches.

"Stop pouting," he said with a crooked smile when Jasper left. "It only makes me want to bite you." She sucked in her bottom lip, making him laugh.

"Your bedside manner sucks," she grumbled. "Aren't doctors supposed to be nicer?"

"I'm not a doctor," he said, shrugging. She didn't like the finality of his voice. Could she try to get him to talk about it? Should she considering how bad she felt?

No. It would have to wait. _Damn it. _

"Eat," Edward grunted, placing a bowl of broth on her lap before taking a seat beside her on the bed. "Or drink, whatever."

"Please tell me you don't take care of Alice when she gets sick?"

Edward smirked, looking down at Bella. Her face was flushed from her fever, her eyes still glazed from it, too. "No, but I kind of picked up this method from you."

Her mouth fell open.

"Edward 1, Bella 0," Edward said, placing a finger under her chin and closing her mouth.

"If you're scoring—" she stated to say, and then slapped her hand over his lips. He grinned beneath her palm. Her eyes narrowed when she felt the tip of his tongue taste her. "I'm pretty sure I have you beat."

"Not fair," he said, ducking away from her hand. "I was not at my verbal sparring best when I first got here. So we're starting over today."

She shrugged and tried to take a sip of her broth. "My throat hurts too much for this."

"You need something. You're dehydrated enough as it is."

"How are you doing today?"

Edward had waited the entire morning he sat with her for Bella to bring up the fact that it was his birthday. The day he shared with his late sister. It was his turn to shrug.

"It feels like any other birthday. How the fuck do you celebrate it when you share it with your dead sister, you know?" He took a big bite of the roast beef sandwich Jasper made him.

"What did you do last year for your birthday?"

Edward groaned and dropped his head back against the headboard. He was finally in Bella's bed after a month and she was sick and in the mood to talk. Not exactly what he envisioned.

"I know what you're probably thinking," he said, looking away from her. There was no way he'd be able to meet her eye to eye. "The day before and after my birthday, I spent it sober. Couldn't do that shit on a day that we shared like that."

He waited for her to say something about his confession, but she only drank her broth quietly, taking occasional sips of her water.

After a few minutes, he had enough of her silence. "Damn it, say something."

"I'm not sure what to say. It's sweet that you honored her memory that way. Though I can only imagine that the day after you observed your birthdays was not good."

"You can say it, Bella. I got piss ass drunk."

"I wasn't going to say that, Edward. I was going to say that you had to have been emotionally drained after spending three days remembering her."

"It was my choice. Alice tried to stay with me, but she couldn't last year. She couldn't watch me do it again, the year before I was probably drunk for three or four days straight."

Bella didn't say anything more, dutifully taking her next dose of medication when an alarm interrupted their tension filled discussion. Edward sat down with her again and she leaned on his shoulder. The top of her head barely reached his chin. He pressed his lips to her messy hair. "Glad you're feeling better."

"Thanks to you," she whispered. For a while, the movie played as they ate. Jasper had even brought some popcorn. The movie was something that Edward picked out— _Expendables 2,_ since he hadn't seen it. Bella hid her face against his arm at a particularly gruesome kill.

"If you didn't like this kind of movie, why did you say it was okay?"

"Two words, _Jason Statham_."

Edward scowled. "He's fucking short."

"He knows how to kick ass and he's got a sexy accent."

"He hardly has any fucking hair."

"Still looks good."

Edward smirked. "And here I thought you'd like to pull at a guy's hair."

"I'm not talking about my likes and dislikes in the bedroom."

"You protest too much."

"Shut up, Edward."

A few minutes later, he couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Why don't you call me a nickname?"

She wore her confusion clearly on her face. "I called you 'honey' once," she said, her brow furrowing. "Actually, it was more than once, especially through withdrawal. Besides, Edward is your name, not Eddie or Eddikins or something like that."

"My sister called me that," he murmured, after taking their plates away and settling beside her again.

"Eddie?"

"She did it to annoy me."

"Did it?"

Edward did a half-shrug but then shook his head. He remained quiet and knew that she was only doing the same to give him the space he needed. The time he needed to think about his sister. It was something he did every year on their birthday. It was the only time he allowed himself to focus on her and not force himself to forget by chasing the bottom of a bottle of vodka or any kind of alcohol.

The movie had finished before either of them said anything that wasn't related to the action on the screen.

"What other nicknames do you have for me besides, bitch, harpy and 3B?" Bella asked, slipping a little deeper under her blanket. He pulled a sheet higher to cover her and make sure she was comfortable.

"I don't think you want to know," he finally replied.

"Oh, now you have to tell me."

"I have about another thirty or more in my head…all variations of Miss-Something or other."

"I have no doubt in my mind that most of them are dirty."

"Pretty much." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, still watching her closely. She was tired still, but the fever had gone down at least. The flutter of her lashes caused shadows to dance across her still-flushed cheeks. "I think I figured out why you won't kiss me." He noticed the way she tensed slightly, her small foot stilling against his calf.

"Why do you think?"

"Because one will never be enough," he said with the usual arrogance that he thought she actually liked about him. She probably would deny it.

"You make a kiss from you sound like a Pringles chip," she said, laughing. A nervous giggle, he thought.

"Once you pop, you can't stop," he half-chuckled. His hand lifted of its own will, not that he tried to stop himself. A finger slipped around a springy curl, testing the silky texture. Even sick and feverish, she looked good enough to eat.

She slapped his stomach again, but half-heartily. When her hand stayed, he bent enough to see that she had fallen asleep. It wasn't a good idea for him to do the same while in bed with her. James only had food poisoning, which meant he'd be up and around soon. Sleep was elusive for Edward the night before as he watched over Bella and thought about his upcoming birthday.

Edward couldn't get himself to leave the bed, the room, or her. Instead, he lay back with the intention to enjoy a few minutes of Bella wrapped around him. Her small hand was on his abdomen, a fingertip at the waistline of his shorts, her foot, cradled between his calves. His fingers curled around her shoulder.

He only needed to close his eyes for a moment.

Dreams instead of nightmares filled Edward's mind— a first in a long time on that day. For the day before their birthday and the one after, he avoided sleep at all costs. Awake, he allowed his thoughts to linger on Nessie, and was more in control of his memories. Asleep, his mind would remind him of what he lost and what he'd done.

Thankfully, his sister was absent from his dream.

His eyes were tightly closed, lost in the sensations of Bella's soft lips along his jaw. He groaned and searched for her, slipping his hands in her hair. It was fucking silky as it moved through his fingers, almost like water in his hands.

A moan escaped her as he kissed her lips, stroking his tongue along the seam. She gasped and gave him the opportunity to deepen his exploration. She was sweet, a touch of mint and the butter from the popcorn they shared earlier.

Awareness crept in, the feel of her feverish skin beneath his fingers. Reality eclipsed his dream, and though a part of him screamed for him to stop, he simply couldn't. Instead, he delved deeper into the hell he was positive he was meant for. He wasn't sure how much time he had before she realized it was real. He couldn't waste a second of it.

He held her face in his hands, his thumb stroking her cheeks and her jaw as his tongue moved along hers. The foot still between his calves slipped through until their legs were intertwined. A shuddering breath had her pulling back to breath, a gasp tore through her as his hips met hers.

"No," she cried softly, wrenching herself away too far and falling onto the floor. There was nothing funny about the moment, Edward knew it, but he had to do something to alleviate the look of horror off her face. And save himself a bit of humiliation.

"You were kind of taking advantage of me in my sleep," he said, shrugging and running his fingers through his hair unable to meet her eyes again.

"Please go."

He left without another word or look back.

~oOo~

Edward spent four hours in the gym, brutally punishing himself with routines his body wasn't used to. It didn't matter, though; the pain was welcomed. He had excess energy to expel in some way and he certainly couldn't douse his problems with alcohol.

"Hey," her voice called from across the room. His eyes followed her in the mirrors, watching as she went to turn down the stereo.

"I'm not going to fucking apologize."

She nodded, and in the reflection, she finally met his eyes in the mirror. "I thought I was dreaming."

"Same here, at first," he said gruffly, pressing a button on the treadmill to increase the pace.

"I didn't mean for you to leave like that."

"I fucking understood why you looked so damn disgusted with me. I took advantage the opportunity I was presented, and I knew what the hell I was doing."

"I wasn't disgusted with you."

He shook his head, chuckling though it wasn't in any way cheerful or funny. "You looked horrified, Bella, what the hell else could it be?"

"For the last few seconds, I knew it was real."

That made him stop.

Edward hopped off the treadmill, stomping toward her like an angry bull. "Don't you fucking blame yourself for wanting that!" In her personal space, he was surprised when she stood her ground. "Nothing is wrong with wanting it all to be fucking real. We already know we want each other."

She shook her head. "It can't happen, Edward. Not when—"

"Don't fucking say it again. I know already!"

He turned away, tugging again at his hair. Fuck, he wished he hadn't cut it. There was some kind of satisfaction in the action when it was longer.

"It obviously needs to be repeated to remind us _both_."

"I don't fucking get it. You can push me around, yell and punch me. Hell, you can save me—no, you _are_ saving me. So why the fuck can't you love me, too?"

Bella's breath exhaled sharply through her pursed lips. Edward was clearly agitated, and he had every right to be. What she hadn't expected was his question. He had put the barrier of there being nothing between them other than chemistry and attraction, and that it was purely physical. Claimed there were no emotions in his intense looks, constant innuendo laced banter and evident desire. Yet, he stood before her asking her why she couldn't love him.

It would be easy to lie to him, but she promised she wouldn't.

"You know the reason, Edward," she said firmly. "It's wrong. I'd be taking advantage of you in a vulnerable state. Not to mention that you need to focus on your recovery, not on me or us."

She waited for the harsh rebuttal; that there was no "us" and there didn't have to be. That what they felt growing daily between them was purely physical.

It didn't come. Instead, his anger seemed to seep out of him, his shoulders slumping and curling toward his chest as he turned away.

"There is a problem with everything you said."

"What's that?" she asked.

"You do get emotionally involved. It's the reason you've been successful." He turned to face her again, his eyes narrowing. "Isn't it? And I think you're so fucking cautious around me because you fell in love with a patient before. Didn't you?"

"Not when he was under my care," she answered, cringing as Edward retreated further into himself. His eyes shuttered close before he turned away from her. "We knew each other before, dated a little, not too serious, grew apart. Got the call while I was in college that he was in trouble and I helped him get better. It wasn't until over a year after he left my care that we tried again."

"I don't want to hear this shit."

Bella knew he wouldn't, but he needed to hear it so he could understand. "He was injured, tried to hide it from _me. _He thought he could hide it from someone that had by that point, seen all the signs in six different people."

"You broke it off and still helped him, right?"

"It was for the best. I couldn't help him as his girlfriend, because as one, I would cradle him, hold him as he sobbed and cried along with him."

"You did that with me! You still do!" he argued, but she was determined to have her say.

"And I would've gone easier on him. I would've let him kiss me and try to convince me that he was fine. That he was better. He could've succeeded."

"Fuck!" Edward walked away, because he wanted to shake her. "You make it sound like you would've failed just because you loved him."

"I _could _have and I didn't want to take that chance. I won't take that chance now."

"There are thousands, if not millions, of recovering addicts that went through withdrawal and recovering under the care of their loved ones and succeeding."

"And he had that with his father and his sisters. It failed. He went through withdrawal, and the second they let their guard down, he was called his local dealer for what he needed. They tried again, he didn't even make it to day twenty-eight before they were picking him off the fucking floor, so damn messed up that every word was a slur. They called me."

She shook her head and sighed deeply. "For some, being surrounded by loved ones, it works. For others, it's not enough."

"Like me."

"On record you have three stints at a rehabilitation center," she said. "Yet, according to your father, he's seen you go through withdrawal twice before they tried a facility. How many times did you stop on your own, Edward?"

Twice, he thought, but refused to confirm her suspicions. "What the hell does that have to do with us?" he spat angrily.

"Everything. They love you." She ignored the way he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You knew how to work them. You know how to convince them that you're doing great. You told them all the right words. And it's mainly because they were so blinded by their love for you, wanted so desperately to believe what you said, that they didn't see that you were not okay. That you were only waiting until they left you alone long enough to grab a bottle and lose yourself once again."

Memories rose to the surface Edward suddenly, each one as brutal as the one before it. Images of his father whispering to him, cradling him in his arms as Edward sobbed in the midst of withdrawal. Of Alice rubbing Edward's back as he threw up, shook, and bitched at her. And the one time his mother argued with them that it was time to seek more help. That she couldn't take it anymore. He'd been sent to the first facility the next day.

He felt Bella's hands slip over his arms, pulling his fingers from his hair. His body slumped in defeat against her, his forehead dropping to her shoulder. Soaking in her warmth, her comfort, he shuddered in her embrace. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, but it was a long while.

"Give yourself time to heal first," she whispered, her arms holding him as tightly as he held her. It wasn't a promise that she'd wait until he was ready, but it was something he could hold on to, as if was tangible.

~oOo~

"You didn't have to do this," he said, watching as Bella put the finishing touches on her little project.

Her fever was down, but she had the occasional cough. Alec had come in long enough to check her out and said she a mild case of bronchitis, which according to him, she probably hadn't completely gotten rid of the case she had before coming to Mexico.

"You have associated this day with the death of your sister. Your family probably even didn't celebrate it after she died, right?"

He nodded. "It wasn't like I wanted to, anyway."

"They were wrong."

"Whatever you say, 3B."

"Birthdays are meant to be celebrated. You had over a decade of them with your sister, and probably great memories of those birthdays. Just because she was gone, doesn't mean you should have stopped celebrating."

"It was hard to do that when a piece of me was missing."

"Maybe, and I wouldn't expect the first couple without her to be easy. But, Edward, honey, it wasn't fair to treat it like it was all about her being gone. You were still there. That day, in that pool, it could've been easily the both of you that died. Your life should've been celebrated."

"My mom blamed me."

"I find that hard to believe," she said, shaking her head. "You said earlier that she was the one that insisted you go to a rehab facility the first time. She probably did that because she knew they weren't enough to help you."

He turned away, jumping off the stool he sat on to grab something to drink in the fridge. "I'd believe that if she wasn't so fucking relieved when I was taken away."

He heard her sigh. "That can be interpreted in different ways. As an angry son, with years of resentment between him and his mother, he'd see her relief as a sign that she was happy to be rid of him. As an outsider, it may have looked like she was relieved to see her son finally get the help he needed."

"All that shit doesn't explain why the fuck you're making me a cake."

Bella shrugged, knowing that his topic change was intentional. It was for the best, anyway. She wasn't a hundred percent recovered and she was a little drowsy from the medication Alec gave her.

"I want you to have a happy memory on your birthday."

"I have some already," he said, grinning and waggling his eyebrows. "There was this girl one summer."

"Let me guess you were a player in high school"

"It was way before all this shit. It was the summer before my junior year, the backseat of my Camaro with Tracy Whitmore. Lost my virginity to her, she was older, too. She had these pretty little breasts, great legs, but damn, she was dumber than a goldfish."

She threw the frosting covered spatula at him. He laughed, grabbing the offending item that landed on the counter. Just because he decided to concede temporary defeat about their growing relationship, didn't mean he'd stop messing around with her. Plus, he still felt like shit about what happened earlier.

Their eyes met, hers narrowed as she if expected him to throw it back at her. That was a good option, and the one he was about to take. Not without a sample first. With his gaze locked on her, he took a long, slow lick, groaning at the taste.

"Fucking hell, this shit is good," he said, completely forgetting about throwing it back at her. He tried to stick it back in the frosting bowl, but she slapped his hand away.

"Gross, no double-dipping," she hissed, stepping away as he came around the island. He caged her against the counter, her hand hiding the bowl behind her back. He made to grab it, feigning to the right and getting a hold of it. Waggling his eyebrows, he dipped his finger inside and spread a tiny bit at the corner of her mouth.

Her lips pursed, as she tried to lick the chocolate off. He grabbed her face with one hand, gently and closed in on her. As he stopped, a hair's width away from her sexy mouth, she felt her knee graze his balls.

It was a warning.

He kissed the tip of her nose and then stepped back. "You done with this?" he asked, licking his finger and going for more of the fucking awesome frosting.

"Yeah," she replied, grabbing a decorating bag of blue frosting from the counter. "Once you're done, please put it in the sink."

He practically licked the bowl clean, groaning and moaning the whole time. It was probably driving her crazy, he thought. If not, she had the libido of a nun.

"All done," she announced, turning to face him. Her smile was infectious and bright as she produced the cake with a spot on Vanna White impression. He laughed at the crooked lettering, but he felt the sting of tears in his eyes when he read it.

_Happy Birthday, Eddikins _

"Let me grab the candles," she said excitingly. How was he supposed to be an asshole and tell her to fuck off as he usually would have when facing unwanted emotions with her being so happy? He guessed his old habits of lashing out would take more time to break. Edward took some time to pull himself together, grabbing some plates and a plastic pie slicer from a drawer. By the time he was done, Bella was standing by the island, candle lit and still smiling.

How could she be so damn cheerful with all the pain and loss that she had suffered in her past?

She made him sit on a stool as she sang for him, rolling her eyes and nearly pushing him off when he covered his ears.

"Asshole," she grumbled, grabbing the plates. The smile wasn't as big, but it was there in the tiny lift of one corner of lips.

They ate, though Bella not as much, still suffering from a queasy stomach. They cleaned up, ready to check on the others that were all staying in their private quarters. Bella had even given Jasper time off since he hadn't slept in over thirty-six hours.

After a few calls to check on everyone, they moved their party for two to the media room. As they played several games of pool, Edward realized that knowing it was his birthday hurt a little less. Bella had a surprise for him, and handed a box that was from his family back home.

"You've been doing great," she said, shrugging. "I wanted you to have some things from home for the next couple of months. You deserve it."

Edward opened to find his iPod, which he fist-pumped for, even though Bella reminded him she could take it away if he fucked up. There was a few of the latest magazines he subscribed to, though now he regretted that he hadn't renewed his Playboy subscription earlier in the year. Some cookies from his sister, probably bought from his favorite bakery. From his father was a brand new cell phone.

"One call," Bella murmured when he showed her. "Then I have to take it back."

He nodded and searched for something from his mother. When he found nothing, he tried to play off that maybe she'd forgotten. Bella handed him another box. Inside it was his t-shirt blanket that Nessie had worked hard on for his tenth birthday. It was made up of several of his shirts throughout his life, including some of his father's. His mom had helped his sister for months, both secretly working on it whenever he wasn't home. He always thought his mother worked on it through the night to finish it on time for their birthday the following day.

"Thank you," he said. "For letting my family send me stuff."

"You're welcome."

"And thanks for helping me make more good memories to remember on our birthday."

"No problem." She put away their pool sticks and walked over to a wall panel that slid opened to reveal a bunch of electronic equipment. "What do you want to watch?"

As he listened to her rattle off title after title, listing reasons to watch them, he realized it was almost midnight.

"We should've sung for my sister, too."

"I did," she said, waving some Bruce Willis movies. The woman liked her action flicks.

"I didn't."

Nodding, she left the room to return with a slice of cake, one candle and two forks on a plate. As the clock struck twelve, they sang to his sister, who would've been thirty as well.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked, handing him one of the forks.

"About what my life would be like if she was still with us." When she said nothing, only taking a bite of the cake, he continued. "She'd be married to some guy that would never be good enough for her, that probably broke her heart at one point of their relationship and I had scared him shitless at least once. I'd have at least two nephews or nieces, maybe one of each. After deciding that acting was not for her, she would've been a teacher…probably choir. She loved to sing."

Bella smiled, shaking her head. "I can definitely see you kicking his ass for breaking her heart."

"Fucking A, it's part of being a brother."

"Do you see children in your future?"

He thought for a bit, remembering a sea of faces. Countless kids he'd seen in hospital wards or the free clinic near Seattle. The few he encountered in Garza or Hidalgo. Their laughter, their smiles and how they seemed to lift a person's spirit up.

Then he remembered the one he couldn't save, little Kate. He reminded himself, that as an alcoholic, even if he succeeded to stay sober for the rest of his life, he couldn't handle a loss like that again.

"No," he answered.

Edward swore as she collected their plates, he heard her whisper, "I can't have any." It hurt like hell to see the smile disappear from her face, and the way she dismissed it with a wave of her hand. She told him to pick a movie while she dropped the plate in the kitchen.

He wanted to ask her why she couldn't have kids. Something stopped him. Her hurt would be too heavy a burden for him to carry at that moment. Wasn't that kind of the point? He wasn't ready as she constantly reminded him.

Edward only hoped that with time, he would be.


End file.
